Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Missing money

158 replies

tigerlily20 · 18/12/2020 20:37

Recently we needed some building work done at home by a local, reliable tradesmen, I wasn't at home at the time but gave dp the exact amount of the price of the works in cash plus a tip in a sealed envelope with the name of the builder on. He was staying at the property whilst the work was going on, so was able to pass on the envelope. He rang me later in the day to ask how much the work was going to be and I told him and asked why and he said he was counting through the money. I was annoyed as the envelope was sealed and I counted the money more than once but brushed it off and forgot about it. Fast forward weeks later, dp off-handedly said he had taken the tip out of the money for the builder and kept it for his own. I am annoyed but he says he can't see the big deal (I refuse to believe he doesn't know this was wrong), he didn't give the money back to me or tell me at the time or ring me to ask. I am fuming, aibu?

OP posts:
WilsonMilson · 19/12/2020 13:37

Awful. I’d never trust him again. He basically stole the money. That would make me rethink a future with him.

chipsandgin · 19/12/2020 13:38

@MotherExtraordinaire OP has said in subsequent posts that it’s her house and her money, she also supports him financially (which is baffling as by all accounts he’s a lazy, workshy, gambling, friendless waste of space cocklodger.. clearly a prince amongst men!)

Good to hear though OP that you’ve asked him to leave & good luck Flowers

ChocolateCherrybomb · 19/12/2020 13:41

How did he get furlough money if he hasn't worked since before Covid arrived here?

SchrodingersImmigrant · 19/12/2020 13:47

Is he acting as a sahp?
So he thinks that taking care of the house and kids means he can do this? It's disgraceful to just take it!

Figgygal · 19/12/2020 13:47

Cheeky thieving bastard
Sounds like there’s a lot of money related issues going on
Don’t blame you for having had enough

tigerlily20 · 19/12/2020 14:04

Not sure if it was furlough as such but it was for self-employed and dependant on how much tax had been paid in the previous year?

OP posts:
tigerlily20 · 19/12/2020 14:05

Not even a sahp, he hasn't got the patience/doesn't wake up to cope with the children all day, they stay with a relative.

OP posts:
SchrodingersImmigrant · 19/12/2020 14:10

@tigerlily20

Not even a sahp, he hasn't got the patience/doesn't wake up to cope with the children all day, they stay with a relative.
You might want this one. He might be less hassle👀 www.lastnightoffreedom.co.uk/hen-night-shop/products/harry-the-hunk/
RhiWrites · 19/12/2020 14:18

he has some money in his account that he hasn't spent

Good, he can give you the money he stole from that.

And don’t kid yourself that he thought the builder didn’t deserve the money, he saw an opportunity to steal it and he did.

oakleaffy · 19/12/2020 14:28

My goodness op, that is appalling.
Your builder must have been good for you to have tipped him and then his tip is STOLEN??!
What a light fingered disrespectful thief yr dH is!

naturalyoghurtmuncher · 19/12/2020 14:46

That's shocking . You should get the money back off him and give it to the builder or get your dp to give it to the builder himself.

Tistheseason17 · 19/12/2020 14:54

I have no sympathy for him. He is not working, not helping at home, keeping his furlough money and stealing from you - is this a role model for your children?

Kick him out and change the locks. He made himself homeless - not you.

And, btw - he is still gambling - you just don't know about it.

LuckyNumberThirteen · 19/12/2020 15:24

Can you take the money back from his account?

Mydogmylife · 19/12/2020 15:28

@Viviennemary

I wish people would stop 'tipping' tradesmen. It's embarrassing.
No it's not
WitchDancer · 19/12/2020 15:34

@tigerlily20

Not sure if it was furlough as such but it was for self-employed and dependant on how much tax had been paid in the previous year?
That sounds like the self employment grant. So far 3 of these have been available, the last one about a month ago. If he qualified for one (and his work hasn't picked up) then he will have qualified for all three.
Cherrysoup · 19/12/2020 15:40

I’m not sure of the point of your DP and you sound like you’ve got the ‘ick’. He’s not contributing to the family? I’d be getting rid. You’d probably get more were he not living with you!

mummmy2017 · 19/12/2020 15:45

Have you seen how much profit he made last year in his business?
He has been paid 80% /4 Every 3 months.
So say £10,000 profit. Average over 3 years... That's £8,000 in 4 chunks of £2000.
We are due the last £2000 in Feb

BlueThistles · 19/12/2020 15:45

Seriously... what is the point of this guy OP.. why are you allowing him to bleed you dry ..gives nothing to you emotionally.. give fuck all to the kids.. steals from you ... he suddenly has nowhere to go.. well in all seriousness that's not your problem.. and if you're buying this crap then he will NEVER have anywhere to go.. why would he when you just let him stay ... He's laughing all the way to his comfy home.... I'm really shocked that anyone could be this...... naive Shock

JustAGirlFromHoe · 19/12/2020 15:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Starseeking · 19/12/2020 16:00

Pack his things, put them out of the house and change the locks OP. What is the actual point of him, apart from bleeding you dry, both financially and emotionally???

He sounds like a complete waste of space.

Starseeking · 19/12/2020 16:01

I always tip tradesmen who do a good job too OP, you are not alone in doing so.

RandomUsernameHere · 19/12/2020 16:12

YANBU. It's bizarre that he mentioned it though. Presumably he doesn't see it as theft otherwise he wouldn't have said anything and would have got away with it.

lynxca16 · 19/12/2020 16:15

Your are being too kind and being used
I'm putting this as politely as I can -

'Women are not a rehabilitation center for badly raised men
It is not your job to fix him, change him, parent or raise him.
You want a partner not a project.'

It is his problem re: no family or friends thing, he is using the usual emotional blackmail to make you feel sorry for him - he created the issue/problem and he and only he can solve it.
Life is too short to waste time - you and your children deserve better than this.

pinkyredrose · 19/12/2020 18:19

Has he left yet? If he's got money he can stay in a b n b . Change the locks!

BlueThistles · 19/12/2020 18:26

Good Tradesmen are priceless.. I always tip and appreciate them.. always Flowers

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.