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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Missing money

158 replies

tigerlily20 · 18/12/2020 20:37

Recently we needed some building work done at home by a local, reliable tradesmen, I wasn't at home at the time but gave dp the exact amount of the price of the works in cash plus a tip in a sealed envelope with the name of the builder on. He was staying at the property whilst the work was going on, so was able to pass on the envelope. He rang me later in the day to ask how much the work was going to be and I told him and asked why and he said he was counting through the money. I was annoyed as the envelope was sealed and I counted the money more than once but brushed it off and forgot about it. Fast forward weeks later, dp off-handedly said he had taken the tip out of the money for the builder and kept it for his own. I am annoyed but he says he can't see the big deal (I refuse to believe he doesn't know this was wrong), he didn't give the money back to me or tell me at the time or ring me to ask. I am fuming, aibu?

OP posts:
blueshoes · 19/12/2020 01:07

he hasn't worked in over a year and doesn't have any money except for the furlough payout which he wasted on online gambling.

I hope he is good in bed at least.

Weenurse · 19/12/2020 01:12

Send him off to seek his excitement and adventures .
Meanwhile, you will know where your money is.

chipsandgin · 19/12/2020 01:16

*hadn’t seen the ‘thief and cocklodger’ comment above mine btw - clearly a consensus though!

SleepingStandingUp · 19/12/2020 01:21

Has he stolen from you before? Because that's what it is. Theft.

What's your plan to leave him?

Keepingthingsinteresting · 19/12/2020 01:24

At least he’s not “D” H. Set him free OP and enjoy your life with less drama and more trust.

Groovinpeanut · 19/12/2020 01:26

Dear God OP, how much more are you going to take from him?
He's nothing but a thieving, controlling and useless sad, sorry excuse of a man.
Get rid of him, let him go seek his ' exciting' life. You're better of without him, physically, emotionally and financially.

happinessischocolate · 19/12/2020 01:41

It's always the same, if they have money issues and feel they can take other people's money then they'll either have gambling issues or drug issues. Every single time, I've been a single parent for 17 years and so skint at times it's unbelievable, but I've never felt entitled to anyone else's money.

My ex used to take money from my purse every morning to get himself lunch, nothing much just the change £3/£4 every day, I realised when I was having to get more money out of the cashpoint every day to pay for my lunch, so I started leaving my change at work where it was safer than it was at home.

earsup · 19/12/2020 01:43

Great..he skimmed the cash and blew it on line gambling. ..he's got an addiction problem there to nick the money...get rid...move on...is he getting help for gambling ??

BlueThistles · 19/12/2020 01:51

Get rid of his schemey manky thieving bastard Flowers

MadameBlobby · 19/12/2020 01:54

What a prick

alexdgr8 · 19/12/2020 02:12

look up on youtube, dr les carter, he is a psychotherapist, speaks very clearly about narcissist behaviour.

notsureofname · 19/12/2020 03:31

Are you sure that he has paid the tradesman at all ? I would be concerned that he stole all the money and said you would pay later and tradesman knowing you accepted his story, but is still waiting to be paid. Feel very sorry for you and hope you find strength to kick him out.

tigerlily20 · 19/12/2020 07:02

He definitely paid him... I tried to give the builder the money before I left for work but he said it was a bad omen to take it before the job was finished. So he said to leave it on the bookshelf for him, obviously my partner must have seen where I left it and decided to open it, but the builder noticed the envelope had been opened and asked my partner if he could be trusted (lol) I know the money must have been all there or the builder would have rung me, just obviously not the tip. I'm not sure if dp thinks he deserved the tip because he had to clear up their mess, or if he just didn't want to give it to them. He thinks he did the right thing, I argued that it wasn't his decision to make and that he was a hypocrite after all the money he'd spent on gambling that I couldn't be allowed to make my own decision about my money. I'm absolutely furious, if he is low enough to do this and lie what else can he do.

OP posts:
DarkDarkNight · 19/12/2020 07:04

Wow that is unbelievable, I would be fuming. The envelope was sealed so you should be able to expect some level of privacy. He had no right to open it much less take any out.

LakieLady · 19/12/2020 07:09

He's a thieving cunt, I couldn't be doing with that and would have to bin him off.

What next? Pawning your jewellery or selling your stuff?

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/12/2020 07:37

It sounds as though there are a lot of red flags with this guy. Please teach your children his behaviour is wrong by putting boundaries up. Idk if I could forgive this. I’d wonder what else he’d done but covered up. Ultimately the best option would be to get rid both for you and your kids.

Sally2791 · 19/12/2020 07:44

Get rid- he’s a gambling thieving waster. Don’t let him talk you into thinking this is ok.

Coldwinterahead1 · 19/12/2020 07:50

You need to get this money grabbing, controlling chump out if your house pronto.

Coldwinterahead1 · 19/12/2020 07:51

And get the lovely builder back round to change the locks

Audreyseyebrows · 19/12/2020 07:55

Lying, doesn’t work, stealing and gambling. Get out of there op!

Dontknowwhyidoit · 19/12/2020 08:00

Don't try to understand his motivations, don't make excuses. He isn't pulling his weight by the sound of things and he is only taking from you. Why would you want to continue this relationship. Do you really think he will change and no longer be a gambler, will he gradually see your life together as exciting? Can you talk to someone in real life about this to get their honest opinion or imagine a friend told you this. What would you say to them? I think you know you should end it but don't know how to do it or you are just putting it off.

huuuuunnnndderrricks · 19/12/2020 08:08

Jesus , why do women poke up with such scum bag men ? .. get rid of him, he sounds like a right loser . No job or prospects and a gambler !

huuuuunnnndderrricks · 19/12/2020 08:08

I mean by this you deserve so much more .😘

Porridgeoat · 19/12/2020 08:21

How old are kids?

NeilBuchananisBanksy · 19/12/2020 08:21

How much was it op? It's a bloody awful thing to have done.

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