AIBU in laws spell dd's name wrong - she's 5!!

[Sandiepatterson]

My daughter has a very traditional name that can be spelt two ways, let's say Beatrice and not Beatrix. We also shorten it, let's say Bebe and not BB. (Those are not her names)
AIBU to think that my husband's family should know the correct spelling by now? She is 5 now. AIBU to (gently) remind them of the correct spelling?
We have the usual round of Christmas cards and it gets me every time! Her birthday cards are wrong too....

My family members do this with my other half. Spell his first and surname wrong despite the fact we’ve been together for 8 years. I’ve gave up correcting them. I know it’s not intentionally but it’s just inconsiderate to repeatedly do it.

DS has one of the top 10 most common boys names. We and PIL are English living in Wales, but we spell the diminutive of his name in a welsh looking way. It’s phonetic, it makes sense and... we live in wales. We sign his name using it, I use it in the plethora of weekly texts to MIL. I even had a conversation about how we spell it that way and why.

PIL insist on using one of the ‘English’ Diminutives, every time, and it drives me insane. It also means that he gets cards from PIL’s friends using it too.

I believe they’re either doing it on purpose, but my PIL have form for being arseholes.

Similarly, DP refuses to bother learning peoples proper names. I’ve learnt to always double check what new people are called, because he calls his neighbour olive, so I did too, for three years, until she told me her name was Jean. His second cousin visited from Australia, a ten year old boy called Elias, who DP and PIL continuously called Elijah, because they can’t be arsed.

I am 43 and my the vast majority of my extended family can’t spell my name correctly. I don’t let it bother me much anymore but when I was a child, it definitely did. It’s like the can’t be bothered!

Two of my Aunts have done this my entire life. Like my name is Becky, one spells it Beckie, the other Becci. I don’t really mind, I’m quite fond of it now!

*not my actual name

DS2 is now 22 and my (ex) MIL still spells his name wrong every time 😂 She spells DD name wrong too - only puts an 'a' instead of an 'i' but DD is now 20!!

Do these people spell everyday words wrong? Surely you can memorise /learn the spelling of a loved one?

Same there with my MIL, she was told countless times, for my dgD, it's not a particularly unusual name, there are several spellings, it caused problems, because she gives cheques on Birthday, cuases problems cashing them, she still does it, I think shes just trying to be "funny"

@Santaisironingwrappingpaper

Do these people spell everyday words wrong? Surely you can memorise /learn the spelling of a loved one?

We had 3 spellings of Chardonnay in 1 class

If you are going to call your child after white wine at least go and shop lift a bottle on the way to the registry office.

I have three Elouise’s and 2 Ellie’s in my family. Every one of them is spelled differently! I try and get it right and end up scrolling through Facebook photos to try and work it out and they all refer to them as “El”! So that’s now what I call them and how I address cards. I suspect their mums are as frustrated with me as the OP is with her family

I am 43, my DAD, that's right, my dad spells my name wrong. There are 2 ways to spell it and he uses the one where a letter is 'missing'. He also adds a letter to my brothers name (which makes no sense). If he was at school now he would definitely have been picked up as being dyslexic. We have always made a joke out of it and not taken it to heart. He is/was a chef so always made me amazing birthday cakes with the wrong spelling on it!

I just cannot remember certain things. One of those things is which cousin /friend uses which version of names like Lorraine/loraine, tracy/Tracey Clare/Claire etc. It's not that I don't love them, I just cannot remember.

I have now written it down (& made a note that this IS the correct spelling 🤣) but I'm sure I've spelt them all incorrectly over the years.

People saying 'it's not that hard to remember/you'd remember if you cared' are wrong.

I have a name that could end with an e or an a - think Clare or Clara, different names right? they even sound different.

People still call me by the wrong one. TBH I now don't bother unless it's on an official document - what does give me the rage is when my name is shortened. There are very few people who use the shortened version, and my late dad was the main one, plus a couple of old (as in their 70's and 80's) family members. I love it from them but no one else - one colleague not only took to shortening it but introducing me to people as the shortened version. I did have to tell her, it gave me the rage.

Having said that- I do have to stop and think about spellings - I have a cousin called Stephen and a good friend called Steven, so I do understand how easy it is to get it wrong.

My in laws are the same. It’s very frustrating.

My FIL always used to get my name wrong. Not maliciously. Just couldn’t seem to consistently get it right. Became a bit of a family joke and now he is dead I miss it.

@Santaisironingwrappingpaper

Do these people spell everyday words wrong? Surely you can memorise /learn the spelling of a loved one?

For me, it's not that simple. Something I think is part of my same problem, but I'm not sure... is when I was in primary school there was a set of twins. They were easy to tell apart but I could never remember which one was Bill & which one was Ben (obviously not their names 🤣🤣).

Mind you, I seem to be losing my memory entirely, so maybe this was just the start of it?!

An ex of mine had a mother who always spelt her husband’s name wrong, and they would have been married for about 38 years at the time!

I am 53 and all my aunts and uncles still use the wrong spelling of my name!

I have an Olly (NOT Ollie) and it drives me totally mad that close friends and family who received several cards and numerous text messages from us, continue to spell it with the ‘ie’. Height of rudeness!

my grandmother wanted my name spelled like her mother. I got the name but with a different spelling and she never ever accepted it - always went for her mums one.

YABU unless you know they’re doing it on purpose to upset you. Nobody in our extended family seems to be able to spell my brother’s name (he’s mid-thirties). We know they all love him, they just can’t spell this particular name for some reason!

I’ve just received a card from a family member where my name was spelt with an i when it should be a y.
I noticed it but can’t say it bothered me in the least. Is it really so important in the scheme of things OP?

Don't worry about it. Not much in the great scheme of things. I was Ms Crosstalk forever and was always sent cards as Ms Crosstalk's husband's name Incorrect first name incorrect husband's name. Just ignore.

OP - you are not alone. My DD is 20, and they still can't get her name right. (probably PA revenge for not naming her Xenobia as FIL wished. True story)

My ex Mil has pronounced and spelt my nephews name wrong for the last 20 years, we've all given up correcting her, it's a relatively unusual name but a traditional one and spelt perfectly correctly. It's just somehow got stuck in her brain wrong.

Start spelling their names wrong??