AIBU in laws spell dd's name wrong - she's 5!!

[Sandiepatterson]

My daughter has a very traditional name that can be spelt two ways, let's say Beatrice and not Beatrix. We also shorten it, let's say Bebe and not BB. (Those are not her names)
AIBU to think that my husband's family should know the correct spelling by now? She is 5 now. AIBU to (gently) remind them of the correct spelling?
We have the usual round of Christmas cards and it gets me every time! Her birthday cards are wrong too....

My sister has a name that starts with a sh sound but is spelt with a “Ch”. Our grandmother got it wrong consistently when we were kids, she’d also knock an e off the end sometimes. Think “Charlotte” becoming “Sharlott” or Charmaine becoming “Sharmain”. It was a bit of a family joke but I don’t think anyone was ever seriously upset by it.

5 years is nothing. Dd1 is 13 and pil still get her name wrong. Imagine she is Anna and they call her Annie.

DH is 42 and his GM gets two of the letters in his name the wrong way round.

My DD is 22 and several close relatives still spell her name incorrectly but we've given up pointing it out. I don't think it's intended to be offensive and as it is a name with several possible spellings it is something she's been used to from an early age.
The only times I have every made a fuss about it are when her Reception teacher got it wrong on all her work books and when her dance teacher misspelt her name an exam entry so the certificate was wrong.

I get 2 of my children’s names “wrong”. One is known to everyone by his full name, but having called him it, I find it hard to say , think Billy and Bill. The youngest has an uncommon name, with a common diminutive. I spell the diminutive as it is spelt in the full name. She uses the version that is a name in its own right, think Milli/ Milly. another child has a name that can be spelt with an additional letter. I quite like the variations, I think it sends a message to children that you can play with your identity, be whoever you want to be.
I have one of those names used to pour scorn on working class, older women. I’ve never much liked it, but don’t think it deserves to be a meme. But maybe I have been protected by mostly being called a slightly odd diminutive so don’t think of myself as Eg Sharon, but as Harry.
Most mistakes are just mistakes, not attempts to wound or to be disrespectful.

I feel bad now BC I went to great effort to hand make all our Christmas cards to all our friends and family this year, ages cutting and sticking and getting our son involved, but I spelled my next door neighbor "Joe" DH pointed out Joe is the male spelling and her name is "Jo".
She must hate me now. Come to think of it, I actually sent a card to a female friend using her maiden name!

Who'd have thought sending cards could make you so many enemies.

Seriously people? Seriously???

You think people are doing this to upset you? Are you so bloody wrapped up in yourselves?

I've got something called prosopagnosia, sometimes called faceblindness. I don't recognise anyone, even my kids.

However I also don't remember names, not sure if it's tied in, but when they did loads of tests on me it came back ... yep big black hole where names are.

My dear dear DIL has a name that can be spent two ways, ' ollie or ' olly. If I don't check my address book I get it wrong every fucking time. Not coz I don't love her, or don't give a fuck about her. I genuinely can't remember.

I also know 3 Myas, each pronounced differently and there is no way I can't remember which one is called what version. I'm not selfish or thoughtless .... my brain just doesn't work like that.

And some people are dyslexic for fuck sake. Getting this precious about a name. Seriously?

I have one of those names used to pour scorn on working class, older women. I’ve never much liked it, but don’t think it deserves to be a meme.
If it's Karen I completely agree it's a shocking sexist meme and really insensitive to real life Karens.

@Mindymomo

We have family member Chloe, but we just laugh at the various spellings our family give, Cloe, Chole, Cheo, Cleo and even Coe.

My son is Alex, my late dead Dad always called him Alec.

My dad always did the same

@TartanLassie

Seriously people? Seriously

You think people are doing this to upset you? Are you so bloody wrapped up in yourselves

You sound very angry. If you have a disability, it's understandable that you might not be able to spell people's names correctly, but generally, it's courteous to to try. Not everybody is in the same position as you.

I have this issue... I have a fairly common name but one where missing out a letter completely changed the sound (ie Sarah to Sara). My uncle consistently got my name wrong for 18 years until my dad phoned him and told him he was a daft bugger and if he couldn’t remember, to look at the track listing on his Fleetwood Mac Greatest Hits record! Fair play to him, he laughed and he’s got it right ever since

@Flvq

My (now ex - I’m divorced) SIL did this.

Spelled DD’s name wrong on every single card she ever sent her.

Dd was 13 when SIL had son and she ranted at his 1st birthday that people couldn’t spell his name and it wasn’t hard and how rude and horrible not to know how to spell a child’s name. And she had spelled it correctly on the invites.

She really went off on one.

It was just the nicest thing to stand there smiling and go “I know exactly how you feel. You have spelled DDs name incorrectly every single time despite me spelling it on every card I ever sent you “.

@flvq what did your SIL say in response?!

My neighbour spells both my daughter's names wrong. We use a shortened version for both and she spells them both wrong every time. It's like she thinks we have got them wrong and she is hoping we will take the hint. It's quite funny now as my kids are old enough to read and spell so always know when they drop off the cards who it is from.

She one argued with my XH about what day our eldest daughter was born which ended with him saying "I was there for the actual physical birth, I do know what day it was!".

My neighbours are lovely though and have always been kind to us so we tend to ignore the mispelling / correcting us on our children's birthdates.

Yanbu My son's name gets misspelt, but not by people close enough that it would bother me.

I think direct family, ie, grandparents and aunties and uncles of the baby should make a point to remember, it is, after all, a name someone lovingly picked out for their squidgy little one, they need to get it right.

My sister is 32 and some members of the family still add an extra E to the end of her name. She's decided not to let it bother her.

Nothing. She just flushed beetroot and mumbled.

I’d not made an issue of it at all, nor would I have. Until she was giving out about it being done to her son and how rude it was and if they couldn’t be bothered to spell his name right she didn’t want them in his life etc etc

A young family member has a name I hadn't come across before. Going by the pronunciation I thought I was spelling it correctly. This year I decided to send him a personalised Christmas card. For some reason I checked the spelling. Yes, I have been spelling it wrong and no one has corrected me. I feel bad about the mistake and I'm grateful that offence hasn't been taken as none was meant.

Getting this precious about a name. Seriously?

It really isn't precious to expect a close relative to get your name right. I seriously doubt many dyslexic adults are unable to write the names of their close family. Plus of course, the OP has given no indication that her in-laws have dyslexia, never mind a presumably pretty unusual condition like prosopagnosia. If someone in my close family pointed out I'd been spelling their name wrong, I'd be embarrassed and make very sure to get it right in future by actually checking each time.

My parents get DD's surname wrong (E/European surname and the gender is used incorrectly). So do a few friends. It feels somehow petty or ungrateful to correct them, so I leave it.

On the other hand we have in our daily lives three Catherines (+ spelling variations), a Caro, Karen, Karan and Catriona, and we manage.

My glorious paternal grandmother spelled my name wrong until the day she died. I was 23. I couldn't have cared less. She was an awesome grandmother and I still miss her 20+ years on. You need to unclench. HTH.

Definitely not being unreasonable - they're being lazy and rude.

Is it some passive aggressive thing because they don't like the name? i.e. they thing their version is nicer?

There are 4 of us and we play Christmas card bingo to see if any of the cards have all four names spelt correctly.

They are far outweighed by the number that have all four names spelt incorrectly

@JustLikeStitch

At the end of the day, it really doesn’t matter. It’s not disrespectful, it’s not malice, it’s not them trying to get on your nerves. As long as they are calling her by the correct name, the spelling really doesn’t matter.

I agree with this. My inlaws put an ie at the end of my dds name even though it ends in e. Its not something I'd lose sleep or get annoyed over.

think*

My in laws did this until my daughter corrected them herself. They’ve never ‘accidentally’ got it wrong since.

This kind of thing doesn't bother me, you just have to ignore other peoples blips. I have just received two Christmas cards from family members, both had my Sisters name on them,our names have a similar sounding end of name, but my Sister died a few months ago. !