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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Panicking about my Christmas present piles

230 replies

Paddingtonjuice · 17/12/2020 23:37

Having last minute panic attack about my children’s presents after wrapping tonight. I have got almost everything from my children’s lists. 13 year old has a huge pile because they haven’t asked for any wow present just things like collectible figures he likes and computer games. I may have overcompensated actually because of the lack of wow present.

10 year old has asked for a gaming laptop. I have spent twice as much on them than the 13 year old but their pile looks shit. How can I give 13 year old a huge pile when 10 year old comes downstairs to a small pile? I’ve got a remote control car, a few Nintendo figures and some chocolate to add to the laptop. Could you do this? My mum says no. My Dh says yes as he has a great present.

OP posts:

theemmadilemma · 18/12/2020 16:18

It's a lesson to be learnt. You ask for one big thing, you get one big thing and that alone. You ask for lots of little bits, you get that.

They're both lucky to be getting what they've asked for.

I learnt that lesson younger than your son, it did not hurt me. It did change my Christmas lists.

HitthatroadJack · 18/12/2020 16:25

When you reach the stage when one wants a phone, the other a ride-on little tike, it can get tricky to navigate the size/cost differences!

You manage depending on their age. As long as the 10 year old understand the cost.

I would be more wary that the 13 year feels a bit left out. At similar-ish age, I would spend similar-ish amounts.

Crankley · 18/12/2020 16:26

I'm intrigued as to why you're more concerned about your 10 year old having less presents than you are about having spent half on your 13 year old.

caperplips · 18/12/2020 16:27

@HitthatroadJack I get that, especially when there is a sizeable age gap. Then it doesn't make sense to spend the 'extra' on a toddler.

But at 10 and 13 they are close enough in age for it to be a factor. I too would be worried about the 13 year old feeling less favoured

ShrikeAttack · 18/12/2020 16:34

But does the 13 year-old want a gaming-laptop? I'd presume they already had one or aren't interested. The only problem would arise if the 13 year-old wanted one and hasn't got one.

I don't see a problem, if children are treated as equally important, that one occasionally gets materially more than the other.

PinGwyn · 18/12/2020 16:41

@ShrikeAttack I agree, if children are treated equally in other aspects of their lives and there's no obvious favouritism - i.e. no one is losing out so the other can have - seeing a bigger pile or cash monetary value shouldn't be an issue.

Maybe a fleeting surge of jealousy but nothing that would impact on them. I'd like to think my kids are secure enough with our parenting that they can look beyond material possessions to guide their feelings!

ShrikeAttack · 18/12/2020 16:42

The example I used earlier of children's hobbies, one of my children rides and has a horse on livery, the other sails, has a sailing dinghy and is a member of the sailing club. The horse costs us much more than the boat and sailing club. They're both extremely happy and grateful that we support their hobbies as much as we do. The DC that sails travels more with his hobby than the other. He competes, the other is just happy to ride and be with their horse. In terms of time, the sailing DC gets more, in terms of money, it's the other way round. It's equitable in terms of how we view their interests.

Children are different, and 'equality' is very hard to quantify in hard-cash terms.

MeanMum2 · 18/12/2020 17:06

These threads always make me laugh as they're just so divorced from my spending at Christmas!

Thankfully DC have not asked for such crazy expensive gifts (not a brag, give them time!) I'm not sure I could spend £700+ on them even though we could technically afford it.

This crazy spending on relatively small children doesn't sit right with me. Am I the only one? Possibly going by most responses.

Crankley · 18/12/2020 17:13

Those who don't gather their child/rens presents together. My sister and I were children in the late 1940s/50s and we would place pillowcases at the bottom of our beds on Christmas Eve. When we woke on Christmas morning we would wiggle down until our
feet could feel all the lumpy presents. We would both then drag our pillowcases into our parents' room at an ungodly hour, and proceeded to create mayhem with wrapping paper flying over our heads. I'm in my 70s now but can still remember the excitement of that moment and wouldn't have changed it for the world.

user89 · 18/12/2020 17:22

@HollyandIvyandallthingsYule

Yes, definitely a standard tradition.

It might be in some households but it’s definitely not standard in every household across the UK.

It's not something I've come across - everyone I know mixes everything under the tree, which is how it always was when I was growing up.

I suspect social media has played a part....

nokidshere · 18/12/2020 17:33

Mine have always got what they asked for (within reason of course). They are happy because they have got what was on their list and have never questioned the cost or any disparity in parcel sizes. They only remember that they got what they asked for, so I think you are way overthinking it.

My two are now 19 & 22. The youngest has 2 presents (cost £185) under the tree and the oldest has 5 ( cost £160) They will be happy I got them what they asked for because that's the way it's always been. There's just no point buying 'top ups' for the adults benefit, it's a waste of money.

Make sure your children understand that from an early age and it will save time, money and angst.

SleepingStandingUp · 18/12/2020 18:01

@nokidshere there's a difference between a £25 gap and more like £400. Quick Google says the gaming laptops are £700+ and ops brought some other things , and she's spent half that on other DS.

ThankyouPeter · 18/12/2020 18:10

I have to agree that the best solution is to just not do piles and mix them all up under the tree. It's more fun for them too.

nokidshere · 18/12/2020 18:11

@nokidshere there's a difference between a £25 gap and more like £400. Quick Google says the gaming laptops are £700+ and ops brought some other things , and she's spent half that on other DS.

I get that but it doesn't matter what it costs as long as they feel that they have got what they asked for.

If the other child has got what he wanted from his list the cost is immaterial

Noidontwantmootard · 18/12/2020 18:14

This is why I hate Christmas . I never won tops trumps on spend limits for gifts. Can afford it btw just don’t want to. You need to sit the 13 year old down and have a talk about money, I am not joking. If they sulk at piles () lol 😂 that is on you to explain the cost of things.

SleepingStandingUp · 18/12/2020 18:27

@Noidontwantmootard

) lol 😂 that is on you to explain the cost of things.

What is she going to tell the 13 yo? You didn't get as much spent on you as your brother cos you didn't ask for it so tough?

SleepingStandingUp · 18/12/2020 18:29

I get that but it doesn't matter what it costs as long as they feel that they have got what they asked for. I think at that age they're old enough to wonder why they didn't just ask for the cash and then they'd have had the same amount spent on them.
Each to their own but I wouldn't spend 700 on one unless o could afford to do so for both in which case the kid who got £400 spent on them would have a donation to their savings account / piggy bank

RedskyAtnight · 18/12/2020 19:19

Each to their own but I wouldn't spend 700 on one unless o could afford to do so for both

Exactly. I think it's fair enough not to actually spend the money if the other child doesn't have anything they particularly want, but the money should be mentally put aside so they can have it for something at a later date. And this should be explained.
Though this is a particularly OTT example, because even the 13 year old is getting way more spent on them than most children!

ThanksItHasPockets · 18/12/2020 20:03

A gaming laptop is a very generous gift (and I genuinely say that without judgement) but if I thought for a moment that my child’s reaction to such a generous gift would be anything less than absolute gratitude then it would go straight back to the shop. I cannot believe that pp are suggesting that you pad out his pile with bulky gifts to improve the ‘optics’ of Christmas morning.

Also, heed the advice of a pp to get it all set up this weekend. Do not rely on being able to download anything on the 25th.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 18/12/2020 20:24

I’d worry more about the oldest figuring out he’s had far less spent on him than his sibling than the younger one being cross over the size of piles. They should have both had equal spent.

thebabessavedme · 18/12/2020 23:21

It so depends on how you are bought up, Me and one of my dbs were born early 60s, there was no money and to top it all off we are both christmas babies - as we got older dps would take us out in the summer to chose a toy, one year db chose a go-cart, i chose plastercine i know dps felt 'off' because of the price points, but that was what I wanted!

My youngest db has had the benefit of basically being an only child, I never ever begrudge what is spent on him, he is a lovely bloke and I love him.

Original poster

Paddingtonjuice · 19/12/2020 00:08

Thanks all for your (mostly) helpful advice. I’ve given my head a wobble, realised I’m being silly and found a huge box to wrap lap top up in. I flap every year about their presents and they always love everything. I don’t spoil them throughout the year so love getting them nice things at Christmas.

For those concerned about 13 year old, he definitely won’t be put out. He is not a materialistic child. He’s very into his quirky hobbies and doesn’t look at the price of things. Normally I pick and choose from their Christmas lists but because I worked this overtime and it’s been such a shite year, I got him pretty much all of it. I am looking forward to seeing his face on Christmas morning because he is not expecting it at all. He had a more expensive main present last year. I don’t think it matters as long as you get them something they want and love. I also got the lap top on sale so have definitely not spent £700 on it.

OP posts:

HollyandIvyandallthingsYule · 19/12/2020 01:01

It sounds perfect, and both your boys will be very happy! Have a lovely Christmas.🎄🎄🎄

Nicolastuffedone · 19/12/2020 04:43

Could the laptop be between them?

Lovemusic33 · 19/12/2020 07:38

Im sure they will both be made up with what you have got them, my older dc isn't materialistic either, I keep asking her if she wants things like new trainers or a designer hoodie (because that's what most teens seem to want) bit she says 'no' as she's happy with her old cheep trainers and her primark hoodie, unlike her sister who has decided she wants Nike trainers 🤣. Mine really don't care how much i spend on their sibling as long as they get something to open that they like or have asked for.

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