Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Panicking about my Christmas present piles

230 replies

Paddingtonjuice · 17/12/2020 23:37

Having last minute panic attack about my children’s presents after wrapping tonight. I have got almost everything from my children’s lists. 13 year old has a huge pile because they haven’t asked for any wow present just things like collectible figures he likes and computer games. I may have overcompensated actually because of the lack of wow present.

10 year old has asked for a gaming laptop. I have spent twice as much on them than the 13 year old but their pile looks shit. How can I give 13 year old a huge pile when 10 year old comes downstairs to a small pile? I’ve got a remote control car, a few Nintendo figures and some chocolate to add to the laptop. Could you do this? My mum says no. My Dh says yes as he has a great present.

OP posts:
Calmandmeasured1 · 18/12/2020 08:09

Personally, I would have made sure I spent the same on each child.
I would have brought the DC up knowing this and taught them that sometimes one present can cost the same as, say, ten others.

I would be more worried about your DS13's pile and would be buying something else so that he doesn't feel hard done by. Spending twice as much on one as the other at these ages is just not on.

RedskyAtnight · 18/12/2020 08:10

@dysoncansuckit

A gaming laptop is a pretty big, expensive, exciting gift. I wouldn't be adding to their pile. Personally I'd more worried that 13 year old would be upset at having half the amount spent on them.
Yes, absolutely this. This would be fine for a 2 year old and a 4 year old but 13 and 10 year olds understand how much things cost. This is the thing you should be worrying about - not how big the pile of presents is. Children do notice these things. I assume you're compensating by spending more on the 13 year old at some other time? But you should explain this in advance.
PinGwyn · 18/12/2020 08:22

I really don't understand this logic - kids don't care about monetary value, they appreciate having nice things that they enjoy and knowing that you've gone to the effort to choose for them.

Buying a mountain of shit to balance it out isn't great for anyone.

"Compensating" a child who is getting exactly what they want for Christmas because the other is also getting what they want but happens to cost more... Fucking hell, talk about first world problems! 🤦‍♀️

Yeahnahmum · 18/12/2020 08:24

If they were 3 and 6 i would say : yes get some more small things.

At 10 and 13 they know the value of money. They still BOTH get what they wanted op.

movingonup20 · 18/12/2020 08:27

It's fine. Dd has a fitness watch, cost double her dsis gifts and box is tiny. If they are having what they wanted don't fuss

Yeahnahmum · 18/12/2020 08:28

Next year point it out to them that wanting an expensive gift means only getting the 1 or 2 gifts they wanted. And bro or sis can have 7 gifts as it adds up to the same amount of ££ 😃

topcat2014 · 18/12/2020 08:30

Why have you not spent the same on each child?

rainbowscalling · 18/12/2020 08:34

YANBU to be worried about it and have a wobble.

However I wouldn't buy anything more to change it. I would use it as a education on value for them. They need to learn that not everyone can get the same number of items it one of them has a big money item.

People can be so quick to make sure piles look the same so all kids seem to be treated equal but I'm sure they would understand, especially at that age, if you just explained to them.

As a kid I always asked for 1 expensive thing over lots of little things, still the same now. I never felt hard done by because my brothers had now singular items than me.

Averyyounggrandmaofsix · 18/12/2020 08:42

I'd be giving the older one some cold hard cash to make up for the fact he's had less spent on him.

FurrySlipperBoots · 18/12/2020 08:44

Is there anything your 10yo has outgown that can be sold on, and the money can be put towards a coupe more gifts?

Angel2702 · 18/12/2020 08:46

@IamHyouweegobshite

Op, can I ask why you are spending vastly different amounts on your children? I have three DC, 16, 14 and 11, they all have roughly the same amount spent on them. I wouldn't dream of getting a gift for one that was double the price of the others.
We buy within reason why they want one year one might really want a £30 doll and the other a much more expensive electronic item. It evens out over the years. They don’t care about cost just getting their wish item. I won’t spend an extra £100 on the one that’s asked for a cheap gift for the sake of it.
EllaM777 · 18/12/2020 08:47

Wrapping some of the smaller items together for your oldest to make ‘fewer’ presents sounds like a good idea. Also in our house we don’t have presents separated they are all mixed up around the tree so part of the fun is checking who it is for also it slows the present opening down a bit and gives us time to watch each other open some of them. Yes, a 10 year old is old enough to understand that they have a high value item therefore ‘less’ presents but i totally understand your concern.

ZippedyDooDa · 18/12/2020 08:55

This is a good opportunity for you to explain to your kids value v bulk when it comes to gifts.

RedskyAtnight · 18/12/2020 08:57

They don’t care about cost just getting their wish item.

I assume you have young children? Teens very much understand about cost. A gaming computer is 100s of pounds - this is not a question of £20 or £30 more. I do agree not buying stuff for the sake of it, but the 13 year old will know that he's had significantly less spent on him, and OP should be assuring him that she knows this too and that this will "come out in the wash" or that it's because she bought him significantly more last year. Instead OP is worrying that the child with the expensive present will worry that he doesn't have a huge pile!!

speakout · 18/12/2020 08:58

*IamHyouweegobshite

Op, can I ask why you are spending vastly different amounts on your children? I have three DC, 16, 14 and 11, they all have roughly the same amount spent on them. I wouldn't dream of getting a gift for one that was double the price of the others.*

I so disagree with this.

It is not about the cash it is about a meaningful and enjoyable gift for the child.
I remember one year when my kids were younger, we gave my DS a PS3- expensive at the time, maybe £250 or so - it was what he really wanted.My DD wanted a hamster, so we bought the animal, cage, accessories- total cost maybe £50- it was what she really wanted.

Both my kids were over the moon. Both equally delighted. Both super happy with their gift. One gift cost five time the other, but brought equal enjoyment.

And over the years it tends to even out.
As a teenager my DD was a keen dancer, taking up to 15 classes a week, needing new pointe shoes every 6 weeks or so- a huge expense.
My DS didn't get an equal amount of money spent on him.
But then he left school and wanted a gap year in New Zealand- again we contributed a chunk of cash for that, while my DD didn't get anything.
And yet again my DD- a university student- has her first car, we are making payments until she graduates ( with a guaranteed job) in 6 months- my son isn;t getting equivalent.

And so it goes on.

Overall everything irons out.

H1974 · 18/12/2020 09:13

I have a 10 and 7 year old. I have bought everything they have asked for. My 7 year olds pile is more bulky than my 10 year olds but they have the exact same amount of presents to open.

My eldest understands the size of presents and knows his brothers pile is likely to be more bulked out than his own. He will be totally fine with that, he will be just happy with his own presents.

If it does bother you, perhaps you could pop the games in a bigger box and wrap the box.

Iremembertheelderlykoreanlady · 18/12/2020 09:13

OP I totally get where you are coming from.

This year DD has had more spent on her than normal but the pile is going to be small.

I would love to buy some more stuff to bulk it out but I'm totally out of money now.

If I were you I would do a combination of

  1. Wrapping small gifts in large boxes
  2. Buy and wrap up some things he will need soon anyway - pants, socks, clothes, toothbrush etc
HalfTermHalfTerm · 18/12/2020 09:14

@Highfalutinlootin

I think the UK tradition of separating each person's gifts into a separate "pile" is ridiculous and takes away from the joy of giving gifts to others. We have always mixed all the presents together and opened them one at a time so you don't see or focus on how many each person got, and you take time to enjoy watching others unwrap what you got them. Separate piles seems so self-centered.
Surely if you open the presents one at a time (which is what we do, I’m not knocking it!) it’s still obvious when one person has fewer presents than everyone else? Unless I’m misunderstanding completely Confused

We sort everyone’s presents in to piles, but only to make life easier when there’s lots of people/presents all in one small space. I’ve never felt like it’s taken away any of the joy of my gift giving...

RedskyAtnight · 18/12/2020 09:16

Overall everything irons out.

This might be the case, but sometimes it needs spelling out to DC that they are getting this year because xyz. I suspect it depends on your children's personalities as well. And possibly who is considered the favoured one. My parents spent way more on my younger brother than they did on me when we were children. They never justified it, and it still hurts. But it mostly hurts because he was favoured in other ways.

I think the fact that the OP has spent £100s more on one child, and yet that's still the child she is concerned about, might (obviously I don't know the whole picture) that this child is favoured overall.

user1471462428 · 18/12/2020 09:16

I’ve just had this conversation with my 7 year old that her present is tiny but expensive to me (£80) and her brother is cheaper but bigger (£40). You just need to have a conversation about it!! She understood perfectly and she’s far younger.

Angel2702 · 18/12/2020 09:22

@RedskyAtnight

They don’t care about cost just getting their wish item.

I assume you have young children? Teens very much understand about cost. A gaming computer is 100s of pounds - this is not a question of £20 or £30 more. I do agree not buying stuff for the sake of it, but the 13 year old will know that he's had significantly less spent on him, and OP should be assuring him that she knows this too and that this will "come out in the wash" or that it's because she bought him significantly more last year. Instead OP is worrying that the child with the expensive present will worry that he doesn't have a huge pile!!

Nope I have teens as well, last year they had gaming keyboards etc and their sister had a much cheaper doll. All happy. This year she has a chrome book and they have a PlayStation game that’s half the price. They know some years they have more and others less but they get what they’ve asked for and money evens out over the years.
thebabessavedme · 18/12/2020 09:26

In my house if you counted up piles/money spent and then moaned, even though you got what you asked for the whole bloody lot would have been taken away, its a spoilt, grabby attitude and wont serve you well in the world.

Sally872 · 18/12/2020 09:29

My 10 year old has a much smaller pile than 5 year. I have explained although his pile is bigger her presents are more expensive. She is getting the phone she wants and knows that is a generous gift plus some surprises.

If the 10 year old gets a gaming laptop and complains then there are bigger issues. Alao 13 year old is likely very aware how much the gaming laptop costs so adding more would be unfair to older child.

LadyGAgain · 18/12/2020 09:32

YABU
Teach your kids about value. So they understand the difference in pile size.

Looneytune253 · 18/12/2020 09:39

They're old enough to explain that too. My dd just laughs at me cos I warn her every year that her pile looks much smaller. Her sis is much younger tho so toys tend to be cheaper and bigger than the teenage expensive gadgets.