Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Panicking about my Christmas present piles

230 replies

Paddingtonjuice · 17/12/2020 23:37

Having last minute panic attack about my children’s presents after wrapping tonight. I have got almost everything from my children’s lists. 13 year old has a huge pile because they haven’t asked for any wow present just things like collectible figures he likes and computer games. I may have overcompensated actually because of the lack of wow present.

10 year old has asked for a gaming laptop. I have spent twice as much on them than the 13 year old but their pile looks shit. How can I give 13 year old a huge pile when 10 year old comes downstairs to a small pile? I’ve got a remote control car, a few Nintendo figures and some chocolate to add to the laptop. Could you do this? My mum says no. My Dh says yes as he has a great present.

OP posts:
Spied · 18/12/2020 09:43

I'd probably buy things the ten-year old will need this coming year anyway and wrap them for Christmas. New school bag, water bottle, files/pens.

UndertheCedartree · 18/12/2020 09:49

I wouldn't worry OP at that age they can understand that some things are more expensive. They'll just be happy with what they've got.

My youngest has a keyboard for Christmas - what with the stand, stool and music books her present looks massive compared to her DB's who has a couple of Pokemon card boxes. They both actually cost the same but his is much much smaller!

FlyingByTheSeatof · 18/12/2020 09:50

Funnily enough I've had to tell my DD 13 that I'll be wrapping more than one present together into less packages to even out the fact that DS has less items because yes they do seem to notice these things even if they're polite and pretend they don't.

ArtichokeAardvark · 18/12/2020 10:06

I'm clearly the weird one here, but why on earth do you all separate your children's presents into visible piles?!? Mix theirs in with everyone else's under the tree, then there's no visible difference!

BooFuckingHoo2 · 18/12/2020 10:11

I'm clearly the weird one here, but why on earth do you all separate your children's presents into visible piles?!? Mix theirs in with everyone else's under the tree, then there's no visible difference!

This!! I hate the whole “piles” thing and children rushing into attack piles of presents. It’s much, much nicer to have a mix of presents under the tree and them to be handed out to be opened. It also largely gets rid of the comparison issue.

edwinbear · 18/12/2020 10:15

I’m in a similar position OP. 11 yr old DS wants a gaming monitor which was £250. His 9 yr old sister hasn’t asked for anything over £40 so she has more, smaller presents to unwrap. I’ve explained to DS that if he asks for an expensive present, he will have fewer things to unwrap. He completely understands this but doesn’t care, because he really, really wants this gaming monitor. They just need a heads up.

HollyandIvyandallthingsYule · 18/12/2020 10:52

Yes, definitely a standard tradition.

It might be in some households but it’s definitely not standard in every household across the UK.

JohnMiddleNameRedactedSwanson · 18/12/2020 11:00

I absolutely hate the idea of pile politics and would do absolutely everything I could to undo it with both DC, tbh. I thought of Dudley Dursley too.

What you do need to do is charge the gaming laptop this weekend, switch it on and download any updates so that it will plug and play on Friday. This applies to anyone who’s bought their child technology, inc consoles, phones, tablets etc. Downloads are always very slow on Christmas Day due to huge demand and you will have a very frustrated child otherwise.

tsmainsqueeze · 18/12/2020 11:02

You will always get snide comments on a thread like this , pay no attention.
Most of the population are aware how hard life is for some at the moment

don't let someone make you feel guilty for wanting your children to be happy on christmas day.

Dee1975 · 18/12/2020 11:04

I would use the next week prepping them that some presents cost more than others so don’t be disappointed if you ‘see less’ overall. The value could still be high ...

H1974 · 18/12/2020 11:20

We have individual piles of presents for the little ones, there is nothing wrong with that, not sure why anyone would be so bothered about it to be honest! Pop your presents under the tree, pop them in piles, do what makes you and your family happy.

I like the individual piles of presents, the kids love seeing their individual pile of presents, why would I change that? The presents under our tree are the giving presents for family, the little ones hand these out to family members. They love it.

Whichever way you choose to celebrate and display your presents, hope everyone has a Merry Christmas

Nowaynothappening · 18/12/2020 11:22

When I was a child I used to love having piles and piles of gifts but actually, most of them were shit. My Mum used to just buy absolute tat to make it look like we had loads, most of it ended up in the bin a few days later.

The 10 year old has had a lot more spent on them and at that age they can understand that.

pudcat · 18/12/2020 11:33

Here's an idea. If your children moan about lack of presents or lack of money spent on them, then take the presents away for being ungrateful

ShrikeAttack · 18/12/2020 11:45

I'm not sure about the idea of spending exactly the same on each child, I think intent is more important. My children have different hobbies, one is much more expensive than the other, but we support the hobbies equally in terms of time, opportunities, necessary equipment etc. I don't think the child with the cheaper hobby feels as though they are losing out. They see that we are equally committed to each of them in terms of support.

The same with presents, we get them what they want, some years one might want something very expensive, other years the other.

The only issue with equality comes when one child is obviously favoured to the detriment of the other.

SleepingStandingUp · 18/12/2020 11:48

It's already unfair you've spent twice as much on d10 and now you want to buy him more stuff. Yabu.

SleepingStandingUp · 18/12/2020 11:51

The same with presents, we get them what they want, some years one might want something very expensive, other years the other. But what if the one child is always the one getting lots spent on them? The expensive hobby, a new bike, a new computer, a new phone over subsequent years. At the least I'd be trying to even it out with cash/savings. Not to the penny but just roughly

CattyP89 · 18/12/2020 11:53

I think he will be too happy abs excited with the laptop to notice but as suggested wrap your other suns presents in bundles that way they won’t notice.

ShrikeAttack · 18/12/2020 11:58

They get new phones, bikes, laptops etc as needed Sleeping, I can assure you that neither feels hard done by!

And whilst one hobby is more expensive, they're both fairly investement-heavy hobbies. It's not a case of one doing cross-stitch and the other's flying light aircraft!

SleepingStandingUp · 18/12/2020 12:12

@ShrikeAttack

They get new phones, bikes, laptops etc as needed Sleeping, I can assure you that neither feels hard done by!

And whilst one hobby is more expensive, they're both fairly investement-heavy hobbies. It's not a case of one doing cross-stitch and the other's flying light aircraft!

Sorry I wasn't aiming it specifically as you. And yes I probably picked stuff that some families can provide as hoc.

I think with hobbies it's different , you can't make one like a more expensive hobby so as long as you can afford both it doesn't matter.

But I still think that if you're consistently spending twice as much on PRESENTS on one child , you being a generic you, that that's unfair.

DS is 5, babies are 1 so that's different as they've got all his cast offs but once they're old enough to know that toys have costs I'd expect to at least put a rough difference in totals in their bank

Ski4130 · 18/12/2020 12:18

The 10 year old has asked for an expensive present, he/she is old enough to equate that to a smaller pile of presents than if he'd asked for less expensive presents.

I could understand your angst if they were 2/3, but if they've asked for a gaming pc, then they're clearly of a maturity level where they can understand the expense vs present amount equation.

BooFuckingHoo2 · 18/12/2020 12:31

We have individual piles of presents for the little ones, there is nothing wrong with that, not sure why anyone would be so bothered about it to be honest

I’m not “bothered” about it, I’m just pointing out that in circumstances like the OPs “piles” can draw attention to perceived inequality and for me, Christmas shouldn’t be about that. I personally don’t like the idea of children running at a pile of presents and just focusing on ripping them open ASAP - agree with the PP who referenced Dudley Dursley!

Much nicer IMO to have a mix of presents under the tree that everyone gets involved in handing out and opening together. I think it teaches children that it’s also nice to give to others instead of just focusing on how big their pile is and how many gifts they’ve got for me me me.

H1974 · 18/12/2020 12:45

@BooFuckingHoo2

We have individual piles of presents for the little ones, there is nothing wrong with that, not sure why anyone would be so bothered about it to be honest

I’m not “bothered” about it, I’m just pointing out that in circumstances like the OPs “piles” can draw attention to perceived inequality and for me, Christmas shouldn’t be about that. I personally don’t like the idea of children running at a pile of presents and just focusing on ripping them open ASAP - agree with the PP who referenced Dudley Dursley!

Much nicer IMO to have a mix of presents under the tree that everyone gets involved in handing out and opening together. I think it teaches children that it’s also nice to give to others instead of just focusing on how big their pile is and how many gifts they’ve got for me me me.

We have piles for the children and they certainly don't go charging towards them to rip open as many as they can as soon as they can. I have brought mine up to appreciate what they have got. Mine take it turns watching each other open their presents and they are definitely not all me, me, me.

I do love the idea of gifts under the tree, gifting to others and passing them around and opening them together. Which is a tradition we have always done. They are the family member ones, they arrive and pop their presents with ours under the tree and the kids hand them out and we open them altogether. So I suppose we get the best of both worlds.

MaskingForIt · 18/12/2020 12:49

one of my children might be upset when they come downstairs on Christmas morning and asking Aibu

YABU. If a 10 year old is very upset about receiving all of the Christmas presents they asked for, then they need a short sharp lesson in gratitude.

NoParticularPattern · 18/12/2020 12:54

If your 10yo is grown up enough to “need” a proper gaming laptop (as opposed to just any old laptop....) then surely to god they are grown up enough to work out that they’re the one getting the best deal here? Since it is going to be plain to see that you’ve spent double on the 10yo in comparison to the 13yo.

Jinglepaws · 18/12/2020 13:43

I think 10 is old enough to have the talk about the cost of things and how, if you have an expensive gift, it will mean fewer or even no other gifts.

Mine are age 18, 16 and 11. The eldest tends to have software, games or subscriptions that need to be downloaded. The middle one has tiny, but expensive, items relating to his hobby and the youngest never asks for much, likes surprises and therefore has more parcels to open. So we have one almost non-existent pile, one small pile of tiny presents and a bigger pile of all sorts of shapes and sizes.

There have been occasions where one of them has had a one off expensive gift, that has been a combination of all their gifts from wider family, as well as ourselves and they have been fully aware that it would mean no other gifts. There’s never been any disappointment or jealousy, as they know that’s the case beforehand and are so desperate for that one present that their excitement and delight in receiving it is enough.

In my experience, once they have that dream gift, their focus is entirely on that and they don’t notice what anyone else is doing. If you let him start setting up his laptop as soon as he opens it, he won’t be bothered what his sibling is doing/getting.

We don’t buy additional gifts, even if they’re something that will get used, as they really don’t want or need them, all they want is that one main present. The only additional thing they get is a book each ‘from Father Christmas’ every year. It used to be an annual each, but that was getting difficult with the older two growing out of them.

Swipe left for the next trending thread