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AIBU?

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Original poster

Panicking about my Christmas present piles

230 replies

Paddingtonjuice · 17/12/2020 23:37

Having last minute panic attack about my children’s presents after wrapping tonight. I have got almost everything from my children’s lists. 13 year old has a huge pile because they haven’t asked for any wow present just things like collectible figures he likes and computer games. I may have overcompensated actually because of the lack of wow present.

10 year old has asked for a gaming laptop. I have spent twice as much on them than the 13 year old but their pile looks shit. How can I give 13 year old a huge pile when 10 year old comes downstairs to a small pile? I’ve got a remote control car, a few Nintendo figures and some chocolate to add to the laptop. Could you do this? My mum says no. My Dh says yes as he has a great present.

OP posts:
GoldfishParade · 18/12/2020 14:47

Seems like I'm in a massive minority but I just think a proper gaming laptop is so excessive for a 10 year old

Sceptre86 · 18/12/2020 15:19

Yabu 10year old is not too young to understand that laptops are expensive and so he will get less presents. Think of it on the flip side, what if the younger sibling gets upset that the older one has the same number of packages to open but they are more expensive?

InTheDrunkTank · 18/12/2020 15:26

My eight year old would very well understand that a gaming laptop is expensive and would be worth hundreds of toy figures. It seems incredibly wasteful to buy pointless bulky items just so the pile is the same physical size. Then you'd also need to buy pointless expensive items to make sure the 13 year old isn't hard done by.

Annoy · 18/12/2020 15:31

@GoldfishParade

Seems like I'm in a massive minority but I just think a proper gaming laptop is so excessive for a 10 year old
I was thinking the same thing!... What a ridiculous present for a 10yr old!
HitthatroadJack · 18/12/2020 15:32

@liverpool1981

Omg are you serious?????there are people losing their homes not being able to pay rent or a mortgage and you are worried about a pile of stuff that will be fit for a charity shop this time next year
shhh....

go away

Annoy · 18/12/2020 15:33

@BooFuckingHoo2

I'm clearly the weird one here, but why on earth do you all separate your children's presents into visible piles?!? Mix theirs in with everyone else's under the tree, then there's no visible difference!

This!! I hate the whole “piles” thing and children rushing into attack piles of presents. It’s much, much nicer to have a mix of presents under the tree and them to be handed out to be opened. It also largely gets rid of the comparison issue.

We do this too... much more fun 😀
HitthatroadJack · 18/12/2020 15:35

@GoldfishParade

Seems like I'm in a massive minority but I just think a proper gaming laptop is so excessive for a 10 year old
I don't even know what a gaming laptop is Grin

If it's just a laptop, why not. You can buy cheaper ones, and with the amount of homeschooling we all had to do, having a machine each is really not that luxurious.

If you can afford it, there's nothing extravagant in kitting your kids properly. It sounds ridiculous not to when you have the money frankly!

Anyway, once they are old enough not to believe in Santa, they'll be fine knowing they have slightly less presents because they cost a fortune.
Just explain when he opens it

Whatisthisfuckery · 18/12/2020 15:39

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

HitthatroadJack · 18/12/2020 15:40

@Highfalutinlootin

I think the UK tradition of separating each person's gifts into a separate "pile" is ridiculous and takes away from the joy of giving gifts to others. We have always mixed all the presents together and opened them one at a time so you don't see or focus on how many each person got, and you take time to enjoy watching others unwrap what you got them. Separate piles seems so self-centered.
Hmm

It's not a "UK tradition" for a start
it happens in many places, and when you are used to it, there's nothing wrong with it.

Some parents don't wrap presents but display them all ready
others wrap presents
who cares?

You sound terribly judgemental for someone who thinks they do it "right". Grin
How is placing presents in a different way making any difference in the joy of giving? You are clearly doing something wrong...

HitthatroadJack · 18/12/2020 15:42

Whatisthisfuckery
you are a nasty and unpleasant person who should be ashamed of themselves.

The OP is trying to be a good parent, be fair and is asking for opinion - it's a perfectly reasonable question. You don't like it, move on and take your bitterness elsewhere, instead of being so rude and jealous.

Bubbinsmakesthree · 18/12/2020 15:45

I think part of it depends on how you open gifts. We try to make it a nice shared activity rather than everyone just ripping into their own gifts. So it’s one at a time, everyone takes an interest in what each other receives (in theory...DCs would love to just tear through a present pile of their own with no regard for anyone else!).

If you do this, I’d be tempted to wrap a few more low-value things for your 10 year old so he can participate more equally (otherwise he’ll just be sat around waiting to get his hands on the main present, or having opened it and being desperate to start using it).

But if it’s just about the ‘size of the pile’ then no, I wouldn’t pad it out.

katalex · 18/12/2020 15:48

I think that he is old enough to understand that, if you spend a lot of money on one big present then he will get fewer presents than his sibilings. You shouldn't have to make it up with extra presents. My 13 yr old DS isn't getting any presents from us this year because he had a much more expensive present for his birthday. This was explained to him very clearly and he agreed to it.

I agree with Sceptre86 that it would be very unfair to spend more on him than his siblings because he made a decision to have just one expensive present.

Cocolapew · 18/12/2020 15:55

I can't believe people will spend so much more on one child compared to another Confused. If there was a difference in my DDs presents, because one didn't ask for anything expensive, they got the difference in cash.
They are adults now and I still spend the same amount.

Whatisthisfuckery · 18/12/2020 15:55

HitthatroadJack

Whatisthisfuckery
you are a nasty and unpleasant person who should be ashamed of themselves.

The OP is trying to be a good parent, be fair and is asking for opinion - it's a perfectly reasonable question. You don't like it, move on and take your bitterness elsewhere, instead of being so rude and jealous.

Lol, I should be ashamed of myself because I think it’s both ridiculous and insulting that someone is having histrionics because a gaming laptop doesn’t look big enough for their child’s christmas present.

Yes, I’m feeling terrible shame now. Thank you poster for pointing out my wrong headedness.

ShrikeAttack · 18/12/2020 15:57

For those who don't know, a gaming laptop has much more processing power, larger screen, more cores on the graphic card and cpu. They need to handle extremely high rendering speeds for graphics and the macine needs to know whats happening in your game-world in real-time. Compared to a bog-standard laptop for browsing and school-work they're an entirely different beast!

(Not a gamer or the mother of a gamer btw!).

HitthatroadJack · 18/12/2020 15:57

Whatisthisfuckery

if you were not that obsessed about the cost of things and your jealousy, you would understand.

You don't have to, but insulting others is not on. It's a flipping laptop, if that brings you in a rage, you need to get out more.

HitthatroadJack · 18/12/2020 15:58

thank you ShrikeAttack

Plussizejumpsuit · 18/12/2020 16:00

You're not having a panic attack about this. You're concerned about it. Don't say stupid things like this when some people experience panic attacks and they are dibilitating. I know it's just a phrase but ist irritating and disrespectful. Like when people like things clean and say they're a bit ocd.

Elfieishere · 18/12/2020 16:03

@liverpool1981

Omg are you serious?????there are people losing their homes not being able to pay rent or a mortgage and you are worried about a pile of stuff that will be fit for a charity shop this time next year
Pull the other one. The OP is allowed to treat her kids without the doom and gloom.
ShrikeAttack · 18/12/2020 16:05

I think it's slightly different for adult children @Cocolapew, they'd probably appreciate a bit of cash (depending on age, I'm thinking early 20s). Younger children, one of mine asked for something that cost £700 this year, we were quite happy to get it as it's something they'll use a great deal, the other has asked for some specific clothes and some smaller items. I'll get them both what they've asked for plus their stockings and the odd other thing I think they'll like.

I won't be beefing up the other one's presents to the tune of £300 in the interests of 'fairness', I'd just be buying stuff for the sake of it.

(For the record, the child with the more expensive present this year is the one with the least expensive hooby).

PinGwyn · 18/12/2020 16:07

@HitthatroadJack gaming laptops are not "cheap" on the slightest nor are they set up for doing homework!

A basic run of the mill model will set you back £700+ not to mention the costs of to keep it up to date for playing newer games on - sometimes these are more expensive than the computer itself and need done periodically so there is A LOT of value.

It's not something I would buy for a 10yo BUT I do agree that it's OP's money and it's not really relevant to what the she asked in the first place.

GreenLeafTurnip · 18/12/2020 16:08

They sound painful.

sunnyday1976 · 18/12/2020 16:08

I have a DS who's Christmas list consists only of items for a very small scale of model railway!! Their pile is always tiny compared to DDs Grin

Beautifulbonnie · 18/12/2020 16:17

My kids are much younger and my daughter wanted an expensive doll

So that’s all she’s getting. I explained that if she wanted that then she had to understand that would be her only gift.

Could you do that?

caperplips · 18/12/2020 16:18

I don't know how I would handle this to be honest. I have one child so it has never arisen for us.
Does your older dc already have a gaming laptop?
Was your younger dc chancing their arm asking for such an expensive present?
I don't think I could have allowed such an unequal spending on gifts unless perhaps older dc had a very expensive item the previous year and the younger one had token presents?

It does seem like an advanced present for a 10 year old.

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