Panicking about my Christmas present piles

[Paddingtonjuice]

Having last minute panic attack about my children’s presents after wrapping tonight. I have got almost everything from my children’s lists. 13 year old has a huge pile because they haven’t asked for any wow present just things like collectible figures he likes and computer games. I may have overcompensated actually because of the lack of wow present.

10 year old has asked for a gaming laptop. I have spent twice as much on them than the 13 year old but their pile looks shit. How can I give 13 year old a huge pile when 10 year old comes downstairs to a small pile? I’ve got a remote control car, a few Nintendo figures and some chocolate to add to the laptop. Could you do this? My mum says no. My Dh says yes as he has a great present.

@IamHyouweegobshite does it really matter?

If they have a gift they love them kids don't (or atleast shouldn't) be concerned about the value. My Mum used to stress about that and I never understood it - we had so much random fillwe stuff to even it out and half the time we were bored opening it because we just wanted the few bits. I'm not talking tat items either as that isn't their style (I was the kid who got everything l and my parents did not do cheap!)

It's pointless really.

There's a £600 difference between mine this year and neither will care because I've chosen things that they want or are relevant to them.

I feel a bit sorry for the 13 year old. If the 10 Yr old is disappointed with his gifts once he's opened them then you need to have a stern word with him about being grateful - not panic buy him even more presents in advance, or make it look like his brother has fewer presents so he's not jealous.

He's got a gaming laptop while his brother has tut. Get some perspective OP

Excuse the typos, clearly to bleary eyed for MN this morning 😂

I personally think it does matter. I try to treat my children equally, they usually have a bigger, more expensive gift and then smaller gifts. I've spent roughly between £150-200 on each of mine. They understand I cannot afford big, expensive items, and I'm not going into debt for Christmas.

Christ I hate this ‘wow’ present idea. let your youngest accept that they have had a really expensive gift and thats that (I mean, at ten a specialised laptop is a LOT of money compared to say an amazon fire tablet) and next year make a sensible budget for them to have the same amount.

If they're old enough to have a gaming laptop then they're old enough to know they cost a fortune and they're extremely lucky to have it

For gods sake, perhaps this is a good time to teach your kids that if they ask for expensive presents then they get a smaller number.

It would be a ridiculous message to send to the 10 year old if you start buying them more because their pile is smaller, and would most likely piss the 13 year old off who may look at the value of the presents rather than the number

@crochetmonkey74 love that idea! Ours are now old enough where its difficult to find anything for them that isn’t a million quid but wish we’d thought of that a few years back.

Assuming you roughly balance cost across the year its ok for the 13 year old to get something a bit less this time. We’re doing that with phones. Daughter is getting a phone for christmas from us and nana&grandad combined, but DS is getting clothes/video game stuff which is much less expensive. He’ll likely get a phone next year as he can manage with what he has more easily, and it helps avoid a huge spend by us in one go.

I’d also be wary of bulking up too much in case the 13 year old gets miffed, as the cost difference should be obvious to both of them

YABU for spending double on one child.

OP, I feel the same despite spending a fortune, my 16 year old has a tiny pile because she’s getting a ipad (very much needed for school work), she has 5 other token gifts but nothing that exciting. Dd2 has a few more than dd1 but I’ve not spent much on her at all, no big token gift because she hasn’t really asked for anything, I ordered her a extra present yesterday but now feel as if I should order something for her sister.

We mix all presents up under the tree so we don’t have a issue with comparing pile sizes but the pile under the tree gets smaller each year despite it getting more expensive.

I think we all have a little panic the week before Christmas but I’m sure our dc will be perfectly happy with what we have got them.

You can’t protect your children from feelings of disappointment or jealousy, you just have to teach them to be grateful and thankful. Some kids aren’t having hundreds of pounds spent on them for Xmas this year or any year soon.

I wrap a few items together when I have this problem.

I don't think it'll be an issue, once the laptop is opened your son will be busy with that.

@SonjaMorgan

YABU for spending double on one child.

Why? What’s the point of spending the same on the other child when they don’t want/need a big price item?

I have spent £400 on dd1 as she needed a ipad, I have spent £150 on her sister because she doesn’t want/need anything big, she has a couple lego sets a slime making kit and some books.

I never spend the same on them and they never notice/care.

I think the UK tradition of separating each person's gifts into a separate "pile" is ridiculous and takes away from the joy of giving gifts to others
I don't think this is a UK tradition is it? Not in my experience anyway but then we've always had just 1 or 2 presents anyway. Never a whole load of them.

We have always mixed all the presents together and opened them one at a time
Same. With everything under the tree whenever it was bought and wrapped and usually some things still under the tree at the end of Christmas day for people we weren't seeing till Boxing Day.

You could get a dressing gown? Quite bulky when wrapped or a nice squishy blanket to wrap up in whilst gaming

So...you want to spend lots more money on your 10 year old so they don't feel bad despite the fact they're getting a laptop?

Does it not matter to you how your 13 year old might feel when (because presumably they're capable of basic maths) they realise that their sibling got the same number of presents as they did AND one of them was a laptop? I'd be wondering what I'd done wrong that the other child was so clearly the favourite one!

Don't worry about it. This happened to me around your DC age. Once I noticed my special present, all was exciting and who cared about buffer gifts. Only Christmas I remember.

I think the UK tradition of separating each person's gifts into a separate "pile"

Is this a UK tradition? I lived there for 15 years and I have never heard of this

@Crustmasiscoming

I think the UK tradition of separating each person's gifts into a separate "pile"

Is this a UK tradition? I lived there for 15 years and I have never heard of this

Yes, definitely a standard tradition.

Do people who are criticising her find hair-shirts itchy?

I think the separate pile of presents is done so when the kids come downstairs and see there pile of presents they have the ‘wow’ factor. When small we always had a pile or a sack of presents and the excitement of coming down stairs and seeing a pile/sack of presents was huge, as we got older the presents were just put under the tree (when we no longer believed) and this is what I now do with my teen dc’s. I have nothing against piles of gifts, people do things differently.

My kids never compare what was spent on each of them, there’s never any jealousy, dd1 has told me not to buy her much because she doesn’t need anything (the iPad is a surprise), she understands money and feels it’s wasteful to buy things when they are not needed, she understands that her sister will have more to open, her sister has ASD and needs things that keep her busy especially with more lockdowns on the cards.

@User43210

Don't worry about it. This happened to me around your DC age. Once I noticed my special present, all was exciting and who cared about buffer gifts. Only Christmas I remember.

This. You could go out and buy a blanket, dressing gown, bean bag etc to bulk up the pile, but what’s the point? Your son is going to be thrilled with the laptop and everything else will just be window dressing. If these were little children who don’t understand value you might have a point, but they’re plenty old enough to get bigger cost usually means smaller presents.

Don't buy stuff just for the sake of it.
If you are worried about numbers, stick DS1s in gift bags/boxes.
If it's size, wrap it in a box.

OP I would feel as you do because however excited they are, there wil be a point when the older one is still opening and opening presents and the younger one is watching him. Get him a couple of things he needs anyway: new PJs or gloves, Adidas washbag with shower gel and body spray (or Lynx if you are not allergic ), but not as many as older DS and explain that his big present is worth the same as ten of teen brother's presents. He'll understand.

I understand your dilemma as we've had the same issue some years. As with yours, my kids are able to appreciate the difference in value and are grateful for what they're given but you don't want the difference in number to look too unbalanced. I'd probably get two or three cheap but useful things like toiletry sets (my kids love these even though they're a bit naff), books, a new water bottle or whatever.