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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to expect relative to sleep on the sofa for a night

345 replies

Helpneededbyanoutsider · 17/12/2020 23:22

Hi, just want outsiders opinions. Obviously xmas is coming up and me and my bf, sister and her bf and mum and dad are meeting up as the 3 bubbles that are allowed.
We are meeting up at our parents house which is a 3 bed terrace house. 2 doubles, one single. I still live at home (I’m the youngest) and live in the second double (upgraded from the shoe box room when my sister moved out earlier this year), our parents in the other.
My sister hasn’t seen us a lot this year because of covid so we’re all excited to see her and her bf.

She has now made a fuss about not coming over because of not having her old room and the double bed in it (which i brought) to sleep on during her two night (max) stay. They live an hour and a half away -60 miles one way.

Is it to much to ask to bring their double air mattress and sleep downstairs for a night or two? Or just take the sofas.
How do other people solve issues of houses being too small to fit bfs/gfs/ extended family over?
I believe this is a bit of embarrassment as well- her bf has never been to our little house and grew up in a big house with his own en-suite and everything. She and her boyfriend are both uni educated as are his family- we aren’t.
I think she feels ashamed by her humble beginnings...

OP posts:
UniversalAunt · 18/12/2020 07:34

‘tis the season to be churlish...

As a seasonal gesture of goodwill, let your sister have her ‘one-time’ room for one night. But swap your double bed out, or at least the mattress, into the single room, & the single bed into ‘her’ room. Make you & bf comfy on the Argos inflatable double downstairs. ;-)

Were your guest GreatAuntAda & GreatUncleMatthew, then offering them your comfy bed as honoured guests would be a far easier accommodation to make, & you & your bf could arrange a single blow-up mattress alongside the single bed. Sorted. But your sister’s stropfest has muddled matters.

nannybeach · 18/12/2020 07:37

How is this 3 families meeting up!!

MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously · 18/12/2020 07:50

I wouldn't give up my room either - I wouldn't want some strange bloke sleeping shagging in my bed. Gross!
I would offer to do as a pp suggested and put all her old stuff in the loft skip so she could fit a double airbed in there.
I certainly wouldn't indulge this idea that when she visits,she is more important than the person who actually lives there! Your bf is a guest too and has more right to sleep in the bed he helped purchase than your sister's bf, who is already getting his own way over Christmas.

I would talk to my sister though about her relationship. It's not right that her bf is expecting her to spend Christmas with his family when they won't even make food that she can eat. Why is he allowing that to happen? He ought to be looking after her better than that. I'd also discourage my parents from just calmly accepting second place - once those patterns are set, they are hard to undo. Your sister may be behaving a bit bratty but I think that may be driven by a bf who seems to like all his own way and doesn't prioritise her. She might need some support.

Hopeisnotastrategy · 18/12/2020 07:53

You all seem to be going to a lot of trouble in order to achieve a wrong thing. She should not be seeing so many people then coming on to see you this year. Everyone staying over and breathing in the same air in what sounds like a fairly small house for a protracted period is just crazy at the moment.

Going forward this will be a long term issue that you could all club together to address. You bought your bed, so that's yours, no argument. There are some very innovative solutions out there, ( I'm a big fan of wallbeds myself), but also some very good singles that convert to doubles. However, once children start appearing it will no longer be feasible for you all to stay together, so think about that too. As others have said, is there a nearby hotel, b&b or hotel?

Just not this year.

LenaBlack · 18/12/2020 07:55

What I can't stand is people who offer their guests what is clearly an uncomfortable option and then get offended when they say they'd actually rather stay at home in comfort.

This!!!!

Personally I would clear out the box room and put a double in there. You will have a proper guest room.

You don't sound like adults but children arguing...you don't sound like you really care if she comes. She is either a guest and you make an effort for guests if you want them to come or she isn't a guest and is entitled to ask about her former room..

hansgrueber · 18/12/2020 07:56

Once she left home it ceased being her room. Does she expect to keep it forever?

Higgeldypiggeldy35 · 18/12/2020 07:57

Do you both live with your boyfriends? Or is it that she doesn't get to see him often?

Boulshired · 18/12/2020 08:05

I can see why your sister got crossed wires, the comments on the excitement to see her after a year, the wanting to welcome her boyfriend that she was expecting a room suitable. I hate staying in other peoples homes so I can imagine your sister selling the visit one way to her boyfriend to then have to tell him actually you need to sleep in the living room. She is wrong if she tries to demand her own way but you are wrong if you do not accept that she or her boyfriend would find the arrangement uncomfortable and with the travelling would rather stay at home. The bubbling is just ridiculous from both of you.

RedskyAtnight · 18/12/2020 08:06

On the basis that your "bubble" (remember that everyone your sister is seeing also counts as part of her bubble) sounds like it's about 6 households and therefore not a good idea anyway (not to mention illegal - which means you and your parents are also breaking the law), and your sister doesn't want to see her bf's family anyway, surely the best thing to do is for her to spend Christmas at yours in the single room and for her bf to spend the time with his family? Yes, that's not ideal for them, but lots of people are having to make hard choices this year.

AlternativePerspective · 18/12/2020 08:10

How is this 3 families meeting up!! it’s households not families.

The OP and her parents are one household.

The OP’s boyfriend is another household.

The sister and her boyfriend are a 3rd household assuming they live together. If they don’t live together then they’re individual households and that takes the total to four.

The BF’s family are another household...

God only knows how many more are in this (not) three household bubble.

RomaineCalm · 18/12/2020 08:10

In that case, sorry to bring this up OP but you are all going to be breaking covid rules. You can form a 3-household bubble, but the people in that bubble aren't mixing with other bubbles in the 5-day Christmas 'covid rule break'.

I agree with this. Too many households mixing and, if I read it right, Grandma also staying over at BF's parents while he is at yours. If your DS is part of the three household bubble at yours she can't also see her BF's family.

I would rethink your plans tbh. I know everyone wants to see each other but there seems to be more than three households interacting here - regardless of bubbles and what is technically allowed.

DailyPotion · 18/12/2020 08:12

If your boyfriend doesn't live with you, you've got 4 household there? Plus whoever else various people plan to see.

That aside, I wouldn't put the "outsider" on the sofa. Either one of the residents takes the sofa or boyfriend has the floor in the box room/shares single bed for one night with DSis.

LenaBlack · 18/12/2020 08:16

Clear up the box room (not used stuff to the loft, etc). Get a double bed or just a mattress- if money is an issue get it second hand (gumtree etc). Pintrest is great for inspiration.

Aibu to expect relative to sleep on the sofa for a night
RedskyAtnight · 18/12/2020 08:19

The box room suggestions rather depend on the size of the smallest room.
In houses I've lived in, the box room would scarcely fit a single bed, never mind a double bed!!

LubaLuca · 18/12/2020 08:25

I wouldn't doss down in a living room, so I wouldn't have made arrangements to stop over somewhere where that was the only feasible option. Add into the mix a complicated Venn diagram of households mixing, it's a definite no.

Wheresmykimchi · 18/12/2020 08:25

I think if your sister was on your own she'd be being precious here but I think given that the boyfriend is coming she isn't.

Toss a coin with your sister .

tiredqueen · 18/12/2020 08:27

My ILs have plenty of money and a large house. They have the worlds most uncomfortable and smallest beds. We take the air bed when we go round!

Absolutely nothing wrong with an air bed regardless of the size of the house or the wealth of the occupants

Brefugee · 18/12/2020 08:29

are all you "give her her old room/bed" folk missing that she has a) moved out and b) OP bought the bed.

Suck it up for 2 days. If it were the parents visiting or an older relative I'd say give up the bed, but a sibling? jog on.

movingonup20 · 18/12/2020 08:29

Is there a cheap hotel nearby? We pay for some of our DD's to stay at the travelodge across the road if they come all at once

Boulshired · 18/12/2020 08:30

It’s that moment at the end of the night when the hosts do not want to be rude by leaving first and the guests cannot leave as there is no where else to go. So everyone sits there trying to figure out the appropriate time. Followed by the morning listening for the stairs so you can jump up and make yourselves presentable or the hosts waiting for movement so that they can get up. This being the boyfriend’s first visit to the house as well.

NoGoodPunsLeft · 18/12/2020 08:33

Am I the only one who noticed that the sister has space to host (2 bed flat plus sofa bed) but presumably would prefer to go home to be looked after?!

movingonup20 · 18/12/2020 08:35

Technically sister cannot come anyway. You are only allowed one Christmas bubble - she can't see bf family then hers on subsequent days. This is probably your best get out clause but should come from your parents not you

UndertheCedartree · 18/12/2020 08:38

We use hotels.

UndertheCedartree · 18/12/2020 08:49

@Helpneededbyanoutsider - my then boyfriend and I used to share a single bed when we were young - he is 6ft 3

Calmandmeasured1 · 18/12/2020 08:50

@winterberries77

The boyfriend will have to take you all as he finds you. Nothing to be ashamed of being poor. Insist on the air bed.
The OP hasn't said they are poor. More humble beginnings of living in a little house, rather than living in a big house with an en suite, doesn't necessarily equate to being poor.