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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is it reasonable to expect a Christmas dinner?

307 replies

BuckleBuckaroo · 17/12/2020 13:20

Is it reasonable to invite yourself over for christmas, not telling the person what day you intend to visit until a week before the day (will be the 23rd) and then expect more than a cup of tea, mincepies, biscuits, crisps and dip - basically expecting a christmas roast dinner (most likely 3 course). And feel put out and say you are been made to feel unwelcome if you dont get it?

OP posts:

ComtesseDeSpair · 17/12/2020 16:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Beautiful3 · 17/12/2020 17:00

Can you cook them a normal dinner, so just what ever you guys will be eating? I wouldnt cook xmas dinner before Christmas.

Whatthebloodyell · 17/12/2020 17:04

I dunno. If my in laws were driving over to see us at Christmas I would make
More effort than mince pies and nibbles. And if we hadn’t bothered to suggest a date ourselves then I wouldn’t be surprised if they just ended up ‘Inviting themselves’. It’s Christmas , lots of us end up eating or cooking more than one big meal if we can’t see everyone on the day itself.

If they hadn’t invited themselves over what would have happened with regards to seeing them?

PimlicoJo · 17/12/2020 17:11

Your MIL and FIL who are high risk are coming to see you, just before Xmas, at lunchtime, and you won't give them lunch?

As others have said, it doesn't have to be a roast, there are lots of nice things you could do that would take minimal preparation.

I'm glad I don't live like this, or treat family like this.

SleepingStandingUp · 17/12/2020 17:15

If they hadn’t invited themselves over what would have happened with regards to seeing them?
Op on here bragging how she'd avoided having to see DH's odious family for Xmas

woodhill · 17/12/2020 17:18

Do some hot lunch but not a 3 course meal.

Spaghetti bolognaise or a casserole?

lottiegarbanzo · 17/12/2020 17:21

If they're coming for lunch, I'd make a nice lunch e.g. quiche and salad, or soup and bread. Something fruity or Christmassy for pudding.

Ginfordinner · 17/12/2020 17:27

What time of day are they coming? if lunchtime I wouldn't want mince pies for lunch, but neither would I expect the works. I would want something savoury like a sandwich though. Does your husband want to see his parents?

Nottherealslimshady · 17/12/2020 17:31

It'd be a chippy here. But demanding anything would get you nothing.

Hahaha88 · 17/12/2020 17:36

Tbf I'd be well unimpressed if I was visiting family at lunch time and I was told you can have Mince pies and biscuits!

Twisique · 17/12/2020 18:02

If I liked them I would do a ham in the slow cooker with leeks in white sauce, sprouts and mash. If I didn't it would be quiche...

Hobbesmanc · 17/12/2020 18:04

@PimlicoJo

Your MIL and FIL who are high risk are coming to see you, just before Xmas, at lunchtime, and you won't give them lunch?

As others have said, it doesn't have to be a roast, there are lots of nice things you could do that would take minimal preparation.

I'm glad I don't live like this, or treat family like this.

This!

TBH there's been so little chances to host that I would be delighted to entertain. They are you husbands family. And telling them that they can expect mince pies for the only time they have with their child is just a bit mean. Even if you don't like them at least be hospitable. Its not like you'll be knee deep in baking thousands of cheese straws for the Xmas Eve drinks party!

Be nice

Hobbesmanc · 17/12/2020 18:06

@Twisique

If I liked them I would do a ham in the slow cooker with leeks in white sauce, sprouts and mash. If I didn't it would be quiche...

Or Nigellas in Coke - love the leeks too with maybe mini jacket spuds or cauliflower cheese

CatholicKidston · 17/12/2020 18:07

@Twisique

If I liked them I would do a ham in the slow cooker with leeks in white sauce, sprouts and mash. If I didn't it would be quiche...

And what would it take for you to only serve someone mince pies at mealtimes

PearlescentIridescent · 17/12/2020 18:09

I think YANBU with the caveat that I would want to know why they wanted a Christmas dinner on the 23rd. Obviously most people do not want eat a Christmas dinner 2 days before the big day where they are presumably having the same?

With that in mind I would be checking they are okay and that they either have family coming or can cook or have a decent prepared meal ordered. If they didn't then yes I'd be cooking an early dinner just for them and not eating myself so as not to spoil the one on the 25th.

Of course the short notice is bad but it's either done out of rudeness or entitlement or embarrassment and shame right?

The insistence that they would be disappinted does make me think that it's more they are being rude and entitled. But again, if you/DP would or could already know that they likely wouldn't be having any help with dinner and perhaps not be capable of cooking perhaps they misunderstood the invitation and expressed their hurt without thinking.

It really depends massively on the context and to be fair you may have posted several updates making all of my points irrelevant.

Lollypop701 · 17/12/2020 18:21

Would you do this to your parents or friends if they arranged visit at lunch time? If so I’m surprised anyone visits tbh. You obviously don’t like them... either let husband deal with food, M&S do meal deals for £12 which sometimes includes full chicken.or uninvite them. Don’t let them come to a cup of tea and a mince pie, because your own poor behaviour just makes YOU rude. What does your dh say about this?

Leaannb · 17/12/2020 18:25

@SleepingStandingUp

If they hadn’t invited themselves over what would have happened with regards to seeing them? Op on here bragging how she'd avoided having to see DH's odious family for Xmas

Or they would have seen them when her dh planned with them to see them instead of being given a date and expectations. I wouldn't be cooking for them either. Chicken salad sandwiches and crisps would be about it and that would be iffy because they would need to pick up the crisps

Peachy66 · 17/12/2020 18:36

You say your MIL would be horrified to have KFC and say she wasn't hungry.
That's a Win, Win in my book and problem solved. Ah Ah Ah.

CheltenhamLady · 17/12/2020 19:11

What exactly does 'invited themselves' mean? How far away do they live?

If we wanted to visit one of our sons we would say is it convenient to visit on x day? If yes, what time?

We wouldn't necessarily expect lunch as we live reasonably close, but I know they would offer/have something nice prepared, as we do when they come here.

I would be horrified if my DIL acted the way you are acting unless there is a back story?

ancientgran · 17/12/2020 19:16

I think YANBU with the caveat that I would want to know why they wanted a Christmas dinner on the 23rd. Obviously most people do not want eat a Christmas dinner 2 days before the big day where they are presumably having the same? Reading the OP it doesn't sound like they asked for a Christmas dinner, it sounds like on being told they could have a mince pie and a biscuit they responded that they were expecting a roast dinner. They might not have even thought of it before but were a bit taken aback at the offer of a mince pie. I'm just basing that on how I'd feel, my son and DIL are a 3 hrs drive away so if I was going to see them in Christmas week I'd be a bit taken aback if the response was, "You can have a mince pie and a biscuit." To be honest I'd prefer nothing and I'd stop and have a meal on the way. It just feels like a bit of a slap in the face.

Ultimatecougar · 17/12/2020 19:20

All those saying she's being inhospitable or alternatively saying her DH should cook are missing that it's an ordinary working day. Yes he's at home, but he's working. If it's anything like my office he only gets half an hour for lunch if he's lucky, and wfh doesn't change that.

waitrosequeue · 17/12/2020 19:31

Tell them you're in Tier 3 and piss off

Lineofconcepcion · 17/12/2020 19:35

Actually you sound really horrible op.

LovePoppy · 17/12/2020 19:49

@Lineofconcepcion

Actually you sound really horrible op.

Because she doesn’t want to make a meal she was voluntold to make?

dancinfeet · 17/12/2020 20:09

No way would I do a roast on the 23rd. Visitors at lunchtime would get sandwiches and a mince pie, evening meal would be ordinary like cottage pie or spaghetti bolognese. Christmas eve we have chinese takeaway. Christmas dinner is for Christmas day - with leftovers on boxing day.

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