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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To worry about DS?

231 replies

sazzysazz337 · 17/12/2020 09:39

Ds was 1 last Friday and still no talking.

He doesn’t point to things, he was clapping and waving at around 7/8 months but has stopped. He doesn’t give you objects unless you hold your hand out to him.
He has been cruising since 9/10 months and can now take a few steps on his own. His eye contact is good and he’s always babbling. He will also copy behaviour like making noises with your hand and mouth but it seems once he’s found that he can do something he stops after a while. He’s very curious and is always playing.

I know not pointing etc is a sign of autism and I’m so worried.

OP posts:
Original poster
sazzysazz337 · 18/12/2020 19:39

I voiced my concerns with his dad. His dad seems to think he is just independent. He can work out how to do things on his own without our help, such as pull his sippy cup lid down.

His dad held his juice up to get him to walk to it and he pointed at it.
For fuck sake I sound insane.

OP posts:
AmyandPhilipfan · 18/12/2020 19:42

I understand you’re very anxious but it’s your issues with anxiety that are jumping out at me, not any problems with your lovely baby.

All of what you have said about your son sounds so normal at his age. When my daughter was younger I would read the information about what level of speech was average at what age but then look at the babies I knew in real life - I don’t think any of them said anything before 16 months. My daughter said a few words at 13 months for about a week then stopped. Seemed to lose them all until about 18 months. That can be seen as a red flag for autism. I could have really worried about that. But she started talking again and at three and a half speaks in long sentences.

I know you’re worried that he laughs when you say ‘where’s Mama?’ but he probably thinks you’re being funny! You’re right there in front of him! Try leaving the room and having your partner ask him where you are. Can he come and find you?

I do think you should speak to someone, but more about how you’re feeling rather than about your son. It really could be that in your heightened state of anxiety you’re finding reasons to worry about him that you might not if you felt a bit calmer.

Original poster
sazzysazz337 · 18/12/2020 19:45

I know you’re worried that he laughs when you say ‘where’s Mama?’ but he probably thinks you’re being funny! You’re right there in front of him!

I have never ever thought of that

OP posts:
MattBerrysHair · 18/12/2020 20:06

@sazzysazz337

That’s the thing I don’t know what he enjoys. Anything you do he laughs and giggles. He’s also started spitting food out and re-eating it. That’s the best thing ever he thinks
Your baby is happy and contented and is delighted with everything you do! Are you able to take pleasure in the fact that he is so happy?
Original poster
sazzysazz337 · 18/12/2020 20:51

He is very happy. It makes me feel good

OP posts:
MattBerrysHair · 18/12/2020 21:03

@sazzysazz337

He is very happy. It makes me feel good
That's great, hold on to that feeling and bring it to mind as aften as you can.

It's going to take a while for any NHS counselling to start, so while you're waiting there are things you can do to lessen your distress. When your brain starts whirring with worries about his development take a moment to step back and observe your thoughts. Ask yourself 'is this helpful or is it taking my focus away from the good stuff that's happening right now?' Don't chastise yourself for your anxious thoughts, it's a well-established pattern and will take practise to break, just gently ask yourself 'is this helpful' when you notice your thoughts going there.

Original poster
sazzysazz337 · 18/12/2020 21:57

My partner has been trying to rationalise with me today that the autism thing is nonsense and if HV had any concerns she’d have picked them up at his 9 month check as they’d be present then. He showed me his book tonight which made me smile, and kisses the pictures.

OP posts:
santasmincepie · 18/12/2020 22:17

My DS is nearly 15 months.
He still isn't walking
He can only say one word and it is not at all clear.
He does not point or wave.
He hand flaps when he's excited.
If I ask him to bring me a ball he just stares at me
His favourite thing to do is drop balls down the back of the TV unit

Am I worried? Not really.

When he was 12 months, he was exactly the same as your DS (but with worse gross motor skills).
Since 12 months, he has learnt to clap, say all gone, cruise the furniture, put shapes in a sorter (with help), hold a phone to my ear , use a crayon and play peekaboo with his bath towel. Today he was chasing DP around the house. He would never have done that at 12 months.

They honestly change so much at this age. It feels like DS is doing something new every couple of weeks. He will get there in his own time.

Birdsofafeather17 · 18/12/2020 23:07

Hi Onepoint, I think that a speech and language therapy referral would be worth looking into especially as you mention him holding your hand to show you what he wants. He might just need a little extra help to get him back on track. Speak to your gp or HV.

Original poster
sazzysazz337 · 18/12/2020 23:56

DS doesn’t use my hand to show what he wants? I’m so confused or was that to another poster x

OP posts:
Birdsofafeather17 · 19/12/2020 00:11

I'm sorry sazzy that was for another poster. But for you I will say that your son sounds very sweet and happy. He is his own person and will develop at his own pace. Ignore your mum all children are different. Try to just do all the things the PPs have said. Also when he has his 16 month check with the HV mention any concerns then if you are still concerned at that point.

isawthatt · 19/12/2020 00:42

I know it’s difficult but honestly seems like a normal 1 year old. You’ve said he’s done a lot today, pointing, kissing his book etc. I do think you’re expecting too much from him. This stage can be boring, he isn’t really a person yet and that’s okay. I think you should talk to him more, not just about baby things but as you’re going about your day tell him what you’re doing. Also, as your DP says, maybe he is just independent and would find it silly to point at things he knows he can get.

Original poster
sazzysazz337 · 19/12/2020 01:06

DS has always been very determined. And now I sit and rationalise if his cups on the side and he is on the floor, there is no way he will point to it and wait for me to get it, he will just go and get it, he does hold things to us sometimes too which DP says he is showing us things.

OP posts:
isawthatt · 19/12/2020 01:10

I’m glad you’re being able to rationalise a bit more now, it’s good you’ve spoke to your DP as you sound much more positive. It definitely sounds like he’s showing you things. I honestly don’t think you have anything to worry about OP

Embracelife · 19/12/2020 10:41

he will just go and get it,

Of course he will

When he is a bit older like two - not now he is a baby -- you can put things put of reaCh so he has to point sign cry to communicate his want

Why would he point if it is within his ability to go get it?

00100001 · 19/12/2020 10:57

@sazzysazz337

DS has always been very determined. And now I sit and rationalise if his cups on the side and he is on the floor, there is no way he will point to it and wait for me to get it, he will just go and get it, he does hold things to us sometimes too which DP says he is showing us things.
That's just what babies do.

You should be pleased he tries to do things for himself and knows to ask for help.

He really really doesn't sound like he has any flags for ASD.

You have a perfectly happy,content and normal baby from what you've described

PerveenMistry · 19/12/2020 12:23

@sazzysazz337

I have today but not much. At what age do they “start including you in their world” by bringing items etc cos DS won’t do that unless I sit with my hand out.

I’m tired, I don’t want to be a parent to him now. I just want to go away so the worry stops.

Why are you making him responsible for your feelings?? He's a baby; it's not his job to reassure and validate you. Get some professional help for your anxiety before you turn him into a wreck.

His development and his life are not all about you.

Original poster
sazzysazz337 · 19/12/2020 13:32

I have never made him responsible for my feelings. I never once said he should validate me.
I only said I don’t want to be a parent as I’m constantly worried

OP posts:
InTheDrunkTank · 19/12/2020 13:38

@sazzysazz337

Ignore that commentor they don't get anxiety. Every parent worries about their child so in that respect we all make our children resonsible for our feelings. The issue with having anxiety is that your intuition about what's an issue and what isn't is all out, so you worry about minor variations which aren't worth a second thought.

PerveenMistry · 19/12/2020 14:03

@sazzysazz337

I have never made him responsible for my feelings. I never once said he should validate me. I only said I don’t want to be a parent as I’m constantly worried

Yes, you keep complaining that he doesn't know you or look at you. Read all your posts again.

Gratifying your emotional needs and assuaging your anxiety is not his job in life. Get a grip before you develop an unhealthy co-dependent relationship with the poor kid.

InTheDrunkTank · 19/12/2020 14:10

@PerveenMistry

You're not helping because you dont understand anxiety. OP is worried about her child. Absolutely all of us would worry about our children. Imagine you had a non-verbal four year old, or a one year old who couldn't roll over, or a two year old who didn't recognise you. Would you be worried? Lose sleep about it? Yes you would. Would it help if someone told you to stop worrying? No.
The difference with someone who is suffering from anxiety is that the the level of worry and anxiety they experience is disproportionate to what's actually going on. We'd all worry and panic if we had a feeling something was up with our kid, with OP her judgement is skewed by her anxiety so she has that feeling when there's no need to.

PerveenMistry · 19/12/2020 14:13

[quote InTheDrunkTank]@PerveenMistry

You're not helping because you dont understand anxiety. OP is worried about her child. Absolutely all of us would worry about our children. Imagine you had a non-verbal four year old, or a one year old who couldn't roll over, or a two year old who didn't recognise you. Would you be worried? Lose sleep about it? Yes you would. Would it help if someone told you to stop worrying? No.
The difference with someone who is suffering from anxiety is that the the level of worry and anxiety they experience is disproportionate to what's actually going on. We'd all worry and panic if we had a feeling something was up with our kid, with OP her judgement is skewed by her anxiety so she has that feeling when there's no need to.[/quote]

I'm not questioning that she has an anxiety disorder; I'm saying that the urgently needs to seek treatment before it adversely affects her child.

ParlezVousWronglais · 19/12/2020 14:15

I have health anxiety anyway

You don’t say!

He probably won’t have autism but he will have anxiety at this rate if he grows up under the shadow of you thinking there’s something wrong with him all the time.

Original poster
sazzysazz337 · 19/12/2020 17:04

DS has began to wave, albeit with his middle finger stuck in the air, he does it laughing cos he knows everyone else is in hysterics 😂

OP posts:
00100001 · 19/12/2020 18:57

Funny lad 😂

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