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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To worry about DS?

231 replies

sazzysazz337 · 17/12/2020 09:39

Ds was 1 last Friday and still no talking.

He doesn’t point to things, he was clapping and waving at around 7/8 months but has stopped. He doesn’t give you objects unless you hold your hand out to him.
He has been cruising since 9/10 months and can now take a few steps on his own. His eye contact is good and he’s always babbling. He will also copy behaviour like making noises with your hand and mouth but it seems once he’s found that he can do something he stops after a while. He’s very curious and is always playing.

I know not pointing etc is a sign of autism and I’m so worried.

OP posts:

DivGirl · 18/12/2020 13:28

My DS barely said a word until he was nearly 2, and then at his 2 year check managed an 11 word sentence (I only know because the HV counted). He also didn’t really bother walking until his first birthday when he walked from one end of a room to the other unaided and on a ferry in the middle of a rough sea.

Close to zero one year olds talk in any way that makes sense. Walking by one, talking by two.

I hope you get help for your anxiety. Your son sounds perfectly fine.

Original poster

sazzysazz337 · 18/12/2020 13:30

@DivGirl hahaha the rough sea bit is so funny 😅 how did he manage to do that? Hahahaha

OP posts:

DivGirl · 18/12/2020 13:32

[quote sazzysazz337]@DivGirl hahaha the rough sea bit is so funny 😅 how did he manage to do that? Hahahaha[/quote]
I think his life calling will be to work on boats. He’s much steadier than me!

Original poster

sazzysazz337 · 18/12/2020 13:43

I spoke to my friend regarding my concerns and she has told me to get him tested and call a SENCO to help with speech so I’m thinking it isn’t just me who has noticed DS.

OP posts:

altiara · 18/12/2020 13:54

@sazzysazz337

I was told you should ‘model conversation’ between 2 people otherwise your child doesn’t know they’re supposed to respond!
I mean they probably work it out if you respond to them making a noise, but why should they respond to your question if they haven’t learnt this is the usual thing to do.

My 2 were both late talkers. My MIL ex health visitor said (over 10 yrs ago so might be different now), they should have 6 words at about 18 months. Mine didn’t, had their hearing checked age 2 and that showed they had glue ear.
It’s really hard with your first child, my HV kept asking if I thought DD was responding to me, but I was with her 24/7 and could tell what she wanted most of the time so she didn’t really have to communicate with me very hard.

I do think nursery is a good idea. There’s no way a 1 yr old can be behind, some might talk, some might walk, some do nothing, some might do everything! But nursery staff will have seen hundreds of babies and easily see if your child needs some gentle encouragement in an area.

DD used to sit up straight like she was the queen of babies, the other babies would roll around and bring her toys! Thought she’d never walk or talk but she was my first so I was worried about when to start worrying!

Best of luck, hope you can get your anxiety under control.

mummyoneboy19 · 18/12/2020 13:57

OP nobody is going to diagnose him with anything at 1, as it’s too young to tell.

With all due respect, your friend is talking out of her arse.

You need to seek real support for your health anxiety and PND, as it’s those issues that are stopping you from enjoying your son and his childhood.

Original poster

sazzysazz337 · 18/12/2020 14:00

he’s been sat in silence for an hour now. this is not right at all and i can’t shake it off

OP posts:

LittleMissLockdown · 18/12/2020 14:02

@sazzysazz337

I spoke to my friend regarding my concerns and she has told me to get him tested and call a SENCO to help with speech so I’m thinking it isn’t just me who has noticed DS.

Your friend is either talking utter rubbish or showing concern because you've embellished his development either that or she feels that telling you to get advice is what you want to hear.

My DS is exactly the same age as yours almost to the day and sounds almost identical development wise aka he is normal!

mynameiscalypso · 18/12/2020 14:04

@sazzysazz337

he’s been sat in silence for an hour now. this is not right at all and i can’t shake it off

It is totally normal! Apart from crying when I wiped some snot away from his nose, DS hasn't made noise for a while. He's in the corner of the room playing with Duplo blocks (by which I mean taking them out the box and putting them back in again). I'm quiet. DH is quiet. He's just quiet. Sadly he makes up for his lack of speech in his love for noisy toys. All of it is totally normal!

redferrari · 18/12/2020 14:10

Hi op, my son was a late talker (but made up for it by talking nonstop from 3+), he is my only one and while discussing this with a friend we concluded that I often gave him too much time and attention and doing things for him and he never needed to ask or "seek" attention. My friend has two kids close in age and both kept babbling to get attention. So when we used to go on play dates I ignored him a bit and he then stared babbling more or trying to point to drink or snack if he needed one. I would try and leave his stuff a bit higher on a table and see if he points or communicates with you to get it. Definitely keep reading and talking to him about everything around you as boring as that advice is when he finally started talking I realized that he used the same sort of words I used and he was actually listening! It's hard not to worry especially as it's hard to meet same age babies in covid times. But at 1, I remember different babies used to do different things. I would keep an eye for the next checkup ofcourse have a chat with your HV. Good luck op.

mummyoneboy19 · 18/12/2020 14:14

What were YOUR expectations for him at 1, OP?

Original poster

sazzysazz337 · 18/12/2020 14:15

He can’t even put shapes in a shape sorter toy. That’s another reason I’m concerned. It’s absolutely draining me this completely. I still view him at the same level as he was when he was a 4 month old and I’m worrying that he needs intervention but we can’t access it.

OP posts:

Original poster

sazzysazz337 · 18/12/2020 14:16

I thought he’d at least be able to communicate. To maybe try saying mama or at least bring me a toy he likes without me holding my hand out. I’m not sure about walking I always assumed he’d walk earlier because he was crawling early and pulling him up on furniture at 7 months.

OP posts:

bloodywhitecat · 18/12/2020 14:16

It doesn't matter how many times it is said, you ignore it anyway but THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOUR BABY. Everything you say about him is just like many, many one year olds I have worked with. I hope the medication works because you are missing out on precious time with him by catastrophizing about something that is completely normal.

Embracelife · 18/12/2020 14:18

Of course nursery will take him
He is baby
Some will be doing more some less
if there are issues they will tell you and make referrals.
Ask the hv to observe him and she may want to refer on for assessment or she may well say wait six months
He is very young yet
It is best to get him to nursery and get their feedback after a couple months.
There is plenty time to get referrals.
Try not to obsess over every small thing.
This wont change anything.

mummyoneboy19 · 18/12/2020 14:18

From what you’ve stated OP your son is actually further ahead than mine is at the same time.

I, nor the HV are at all concerned with his development, as he focused on movement over language.

The issue is your own mental health, and you need to seek proper support and therapy for it.

Sorry to be blunt, and sorry to be posting such a lot, but all you’re going to achieve from this level of anxiety is future mental health problems in your own child from your behaviour.

redferrari · 18/12/2020 14:19

I wouldn't expect a 1 year old to be shape sorting op. I think most kids of that age either just throw the shapes around or just put them in their mouth. It's something we sit with them and do a few times and then occasionally they might just get it right. It's just a colourful toy that they are exploring.

mummyoneboy19 · 18/12/2020 14:20

But HE IS COMMUNICATING!!!

He brings you toys when you ask for them! He smiles at you! He laughs! He makes eye contact! He’s exploring sounds!

HE IS COMMUNICATING IN AN AGE APPROPRIATE WAY.

mynameiscalypso · 18/12/2020 14:21

@bloodywhitecat

This. Your poor DS. Is he going to have this his whole life? Sometimes he will meet your expectations, sometimes he won't. Because he's a unique individual and you need to learn to accept that.

Embracelife · 18/12/2020 14:22

You are expecting too much of him

##To maybe try saying mama or at least bring me a toy he likes without me holding my hand out.

Give him some time.
Stop trying to make him do stuff he not ready for
If by two years no "mama" then referral
But get him to nursery they will for sure observe and let you know after few months if needs assessment

Original poster

sazzysazz337 · 18/12/2020 14:22

I’m not angry at him for not being able to talk, I’m just worried.

OP posts:

jessstan1 · 18/12/2020 14:23

@Mischance

He sounds fine! Just enjoy each stage; they all develop at different speeds and in different ways.

That!

You'll be back in a few months telling us won't stop talking and is in to everything.

Embracelife · 18/12/2020 14:24

So ask hv to observe him
Or wait til he been in nursery a couple months for their professional observation

Worrying will not change how he is
Love him for his uniqueness
He does not know he is not meeting your ecpectations

Original poster

sazzysazz337 · 18/12/2020 14:29

Would I be best off voicing the concerns to the nursery or waiting and seeing

OP posts:

Original poster

sazzysazz337 · 18/12/2020 14:30

It’s not so much the talking. It’s the inability to wave bye bye or even do peekaboo, 8 months of doing peekaboo every day and he’s never once attempted it

OP posts:

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