To worry about DS?

[sazzysazz337]

Ds was 1 last Friday and still no talking.

He doesn’t point to things, he was clapping and waving at around 7/8 months but has stopped. He doesn’t give you objects unless you hold your hand out to him.
He has been cruising since 9/10 months and can now take a few steps on his own. His eye contact is good and he’s always babbling. He will also copy behaviour like making noises with your hand and mouth but it seems once he’s found that he can do something he stops after a while. He’s very curious and is always playing.

I know not pointing etc is a sign of autism and I’m so worried.

I think at this point the only thing that could be of any reassurance is if DS just speaks or tries to interact. He can give kisses and often comes for an open mouth baby kiss, but other than that there’s nothing. He comes for a cuddle but doesn’t really want you to be in “his world” if that makes sense.

He sounds perfect. You usually find they do one of two first (in my experience) so that fact he’s an early Walker might mean he takes his time to talk.

Just keep chatting to him constantly and I bet in six months you won’t be able to shut him up! Keep an eye if you’re worried and perhaps have a word with your GP if you’re still worried in a few months xx

AT A GLANCE: YOUR BABY AT 12 MONTHS

The key milestones for your 12-month-old baby are:

Is fully mobile, whether by crawling, creeping, cruising, shuffling or rolling
Understands simple instructions
Enjoys joint playtime with adults and can switch their attention from adult to toy and vice versa
Understands how to use specific everyday objects, for example brushes hair, drinks from a cup, holds telephone to ear

This is what I got in the email yesterday. He does none of those things and it’s getting me down. I feel so disconnected from him and I’m at the point of anxiety and “fed up-ness” that I just want to go away

I remember coming up to 24 months with Ds and at his check/assessment all they asked was if he could say 2 words together. He looked out the window and said 'daddys car' and that was all they needed to hear! He is 16 now and still is a person of few words!!

@Avocadotoastie

If you're not talking to him, just watching him, how is it you think he will learn to communicate? Or develop an interest in communicating?

He has a taster day in nursery but I don’t want to take him as hell be miles behind the other one year olds regarding communication.

Again, this is back to front. How will he develop if you withhold the stimuli he needs to develop?

I think your own anxiety and how it affects your behaviour is the issue here, not your son. In the nicest way possible, you need support for yourself and to address your own behaviour.

Exactly.

Most mothers I know talked constantly to their children. Not mama mama baby talk but chatting to them about activities, current events, what was out the window -- you have to teach them the human language by using it properly. I hope you are reading to him an hour a day as well.

I talk to him constantly, 80% of the time he ignores me, he’s impossible to read to as he just throws books or ignores everything in it

OP you poor thing, but look on the one hand you're saying he doesn't interact and on the other you're describing his interactions (coming for kisses, laughing at peekaboo, passing objects when you indicate you want them).

Definitely don't look at websites and go down the hole of looking for signs (one website I found listed both no interest in thomas the tank engine and too much interest in thomas the tank engine as autism signs for 2 year olds). Stimming is normal in babies and even young toddlers. Most children, especially young children will display some 'signs of autism' but simply grow out of it.

Proponanol can definitely help with anxiety - it's best taken preemptively as you feel the anxiety rising. I would also definitely try mindfulness and breathing exercises.

When I was in your stage the worst part was just the length of time I was going to have to wait feeling anxious. It seemed to go on forever. In reality the anxiety went through highs and lows so I'd have periods of respite then it would come back again. It is well worth trying to find ways to cope though. I find mindfulness works best if you start when you're not in the grip of intense anxiety. For me it isn't a cure but it had reduced the frequency and intensity of bad anxiety spells.

Look OP, in the kindest way possible... you’re being ridiculous.

Your health anxiety and PND is clouding your judgement here and those are the things that need addressing with the doctor.

Your little boy sounds absolutely normal - mine is exactly the same! He’s focused on moving and walking so he can get around and explore, he doesn’t need to ‘talk’ as I meet all his needs anyway. It sounds like your little boy is the same way. The sounds, the gestures, the laughs and eye contact are all forms of communication that language development builds upon.

Please go to the GP for help with your health anxiety and PND, and have a look into if there’s any baby groups that are running in your area - it’ll help you find new activities to help develop communication and also reassure you your son is perfectly fine!

[quote sazzysazz337]@MattBerrysHair I have had therapy and medication on and off for about 7 years, it’s very sporadic and something always has to trigger it, which is even more annoying as I think I’m fine then all of a sudden there’s something else going on[/quote]

You need to get more help before you transmit all of that anxiety to him. Already your mood seems contingent on his response! That responsibility is not fair to him at all.

@sazzysazz337

He doesn’t look at me half the time if I say where’s mama. I doubt I’m important to him at all, he’ll view me the same as he did at 8 weeks old, I’m there to feed him and remove the poo from his nappy. That’s it.

It is not his responsibility to make you feel valued and validated!!!!

Well he's fully mobile by himself so that's at least 1 thing from the list he does.

In my experience most babies look at you blankly if you ask them to do something when they're trying to do something different. Opening and closing draws, pulling things out and putting them back and carting a toy around whilst just walking around are all completely normal and healthy things for a baby to do.

Does he not drink from a cup yet?

My DD3 is just over 12 months, she doesn't literally know how to use a telephone as I don't give it to her but she'll hold her hand to her ear and "speak" or a random object, he could be doing this instead. She's currently sitting in a box that she's emptied and has been sitting next to it opening and closing it for a while.

Kisses and cuddles are really good signs.

He sounds like he's developing well and doesn't have an issue, I hope you can get help with your anxiety.

(When I say cup I took the article to mean open plastic cup, sippy cup, cup with straw etc)

I expressed concerns when he was 6 months old, as I’d tried baby led weaning and even now when it comes to toast etc if I give him fingers of toast or crumpet or fruit he rams it all in til he’s gagging. So I have to basically rip it up tiny. I’ve been worried since the day he was born. I blame a lot of this on my mum, she has narcissistic traits and seems to get some form of kick out of watching me distressed, I told her the whole theory of late Walker early talker and vice versa, and she has said I was talking by 12 months properly, I then said I was late walking and she has said no I was 14 months old and DS is delayed compared to me. So that has not helped

He uses his own cup but has never put anything to his ear and “spoke to it”

@ProfessorInkling

You don’t seem to have found any responses reassuring, I hope you can access the help you need. The problem is not your DS. Good luck.

Exactly. But poor DS is going to be a wreck if his mother's mental health continues to be contingent upon his measuring up to abstract behavioral timelines.

The ramming food in is completely normal too - it’s how they learn to take bites and control how much they can actually fit into their mouths. So long as you’re on hand to help if they need it then there should be no need for tearing his food into tiny pieces - in all honesty that’s just preventing him from learning this new skill.

@mummyoneboy19 I didn’t know this! Thank you, so bigger squares is okay? My mums been ripping his toast off since he was 6 months and putting little pieces directly in his mouth and I told her to stop that too but of course no listening

He sounds just lovely, OP! A dear little boy with his baby kisses. I won't tell you not to worry because that won't stop you, but I will say I honestly don't think you have any reason to be worried.

Instead of 'testing' him with questions like "Where's Mama?" I suggest you just chatter non-stop about what you're doing and offer a running commentary on what he's doing, as well. If you bathe him in a sea of talk, he will talk too.

It must be scary knowing there are non verbal children on DH's side of the family, but unless they are his full brothers, they are not particularly closely related to your DS. Even if they are his DF's brothers, remember your DS has half his genetic input from you!

My ds is 17 months he is not really saying anything, he just starting to try and say a few words. He babbles all day. He definitely ignores when he is busy doing something. My daughter was a very early talker so it has been in the back of my mind that he is quite slow but everyone has said that boys can sometimes take a bit longer with their speech.

Is fully mobile, whether by crawling, creeping, cruising, shuffling or rolling - you said yourself he's cruising ✔️
Understands simple instructions - you said he can give you a ball when you hold out your hand. So..that's a ✔️ Does he do things like come towards you if you say "come to mum" or

Enjoys joint playtime with adults and can switch their attention from adult to toy and vice versa - you've said he can do this. Just sometimes is engrossed.

Understands how to use specific everyday objects, for example brushes hair, drinks from a cup, holds telephone to ear - presumably he knows how to do things like hold a spoon, use his tooth brush (eg puts it to/in his mouth), knows how to drink from a cup/bottle, knows to out his arm through a sleeve etc ✔️

I cut my little boys toast into four squares, crust and all, and he eats it like that! We still have some trouble sometimes with ramming too much in but the only way they learn not to do something is if they do it, iyswim!

Honestly, nothing you’ve wrote about your son seems anything other than completely normal :)

[quote sazzysazz337]@mummyoneboy19 I didn’t know this! Thank you, so bigger squares is okay? My mums been ripping his toast off since he was 6 months and putting little pieces directly in his mouth and I told her to stop that too but of course no listening[/quote]

Why is your mother around so much? Sounds as if she is contributing to your anxiety. It's your child not hers.

No if I say come to mummy he ignores me. If I get up to go into another room he follows me. He can drink from his own cup and put his arms through sleeves etc but as for putting stuff to his ear he has no clue. If I give him his toy phone he just throws it, if I give him his comb and play brushing hair he bites it

Because my mother seems entitled to have more involvement in my sons life than anything else. She knows I need help and guidance with certain things but she dwells on that to use it as an excuse to takeover then call me a waste of space etc. My mum is another thread believe me.

@sazzysazz337

I think at this point the only thing that could be of any reassurance is if DS just speaks or tries to interact. He can give kisses and often comes for an open mouth baby kiss, but other than that there’s nothing. He comes for a cuddle but doesn’t really want you to be in “his world” if that makes sense.

Can he teach my DS how to give kisses?! DS has no interest at all!