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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To worry about DS?

231 replies

sazzysazz337 · 17/12/2020 09:39

Ds was 1 last Friday and still no talking.

He doesn’t point to things, he was clapping and waving at around 7/8 months but has stopped. He doesn’t give you objects unless you hold your hand out to him.
He has been cruising since 9/10 months and can now take a few steps on his own. His eye contact is good and he’s always babbling. He will also copy behaviour like making noises with your hand and mouth but it seems once he’s found that he can do something he stops after a while. He’s very curious and is always playing.

I know not pointing etc is a sign of autism and I’m so worried.

OP posts:
mummyoneboy19 · 18/12/2020 14:40

Not all kids play peekaboo, he might not even know he’s meant to take a turn unless you’ve encouraged him?

You’re worrying over nothing, but I get the strong feeling that you didn’t want reassurance on this thread, you wanted people to back you up and tell you there must be something wrong with your child.

The only thing wrong with your child is that you’re allowing your health anxiety to affect him. For the millionth time, you need to address this before it has even more of an impact on him.

I’m bowing out of this thread now, as unfortunately there’s nothing anyone can say that will reassure you, and you need to approach your GP for further support and therapy for your mental health illnesses.

CCSS15 · 18/12/2020 14:41

Babies don't learn everything at once, they learn different skills at different times - if you have a mover then generally they are later to talk. Boys are often slower to talk too. At one there is nothing anyone can do - its a watch and wait scenario but I'm sure your friend knows better. Its almost insulting to those people that do have children with special needs as you seem so keen to label your perfectly normal child

You need to get a grip of your anxiety as it sounds like you already hound your GP about yourself and now you have another outlet - its not fair on your baby who sounds perfectly normal. But you won't listen as loads of other posters have told you this and you only want responses which back up your narrative.

Embracelife · 18/12/2020 14:42

Just wait snd see

bloodywhitecat · 18/12/2020 14:44

Are you playing peek-a-boo with your hands or an object? Are you covering you/him with a muslin and pulling it away or moving in really closely so he can remove it from you?

formerbabe · 18/12/2020 14:44

Sorry I think you are taking the development milestones a little too literally...children are all different. They won't do everything in the 'right' order simply because they're individuals not necessarily because they have special needs.

LittleMissLockdown · 18/12/2020 14:49

@mummyoneboy19

Not all kids play peekaboo, he might not even know he’s meant to take a turn unless you’ve encouraged him?

You’re worrying over nothing, but I get the strong feeling that you didn’t want reassurance on this thread, you wanted people to back you up and tell you there must be something wrong with your child.

The only thing wrong with your child is that you’re allowing your health anxiety to affect him. For the millionth time, you need to address this before it has even more of an impact on him.

I’m bowing out of this thread now, as unfortunately there’s nothing anyone can say that will reassure you, and you need to approach your GP for further support and therapy for your mental health illnesses.

This says it perfectly!
Swimmum1206 · 18/12/2020 14:50

DS is now 14. He was crawling at 5 months, but didn't walk until 15 months. Mainly because he found he could get to where he wanted by crawling, so why bother walking??!! At that age he was pretty noisy in terms of babbling etc, but didn't talk until he was over 2. He developed his language to get what he wanted. Eventually he was referred for Speech Therapy somewhere between 2.6 and 3 years old. He was speaking, but his pronunciation wasn't particularly clear and he was becoming frustrated. He had around 6 sessions which helped a bit. When he started Reception he was referred again for a few sessions.

He's always had fantastic concentration and focus skills. As a toddler, he would happily spend time doing jigsaws, whereas my niece at 2 will look at a jigsaw, throw the pieces everywhere and move onto something else every couple of minutes. On the other hand, her language skills are fantastic and have been since around 15-18 months.

He's now a pretty quiet, hard working 14 year old. One of his teachers once said, he's so quiet, she has to remember he's there!! He still doesn't talk much (what teenager does?!), but is predicted 8s & 9s at GCSE. However, believe me, when he has a point to put across, he definitely makes sure he does! DH asked him once why he was being so quiet and he quite honestly said he had nothing to say!

What I'm trying to say is, it's good to be on the alert for any issues. However, the charts etc that tell you what your child should be doing by a certain age are there for guidance only. All children are different. Some walk early, some talk early and others, like my DS just do things in their own time, either when they have to or when they find it easiest. DS arrived 2 weeks after his due date, but believe me, it was a quick labour. He's always done everything in his own time on his terms!

sillysaussage · 18/12/2020 14:55

Please get help for your anxiety op - that is the real issue, not your DS.

IMNOTSHOUTING · 18/12/2020 15:02

I wouldn't voice any concerns to nursery (apart from normal baby quirks that might be useful for them to know e.g. he only sleeps if he has/hasn't got a blanket over, needs to be reminded to drink, is scared of XZZ noises). Once he's been at nursery a while by all means ask how they think he's doing in terms of social communication.

lyralalala · 18/12/2020 15:09

@sazzysazz337

Because my mother seems entitled to have more involvement in my sons life than anything else. She knows I need help and guidance with certain things but she dwells on that to use it as an excuse to takeover then call me a waste of space etc. My mum is another thread believe me.
This, and your anxiety, is what you need to voice concerns and get support with.

Not your DS. He’s fine.

You’re not fine. Do you have a partner?

Tempusfudgeit · 18/12/2020 15:15

He is fine. You're not. Will you make him like you?

TheNoodlesIncident · 18/12/2020 15:18

Babies are all different and develop in different ways. You're saying your baby has impairments and delays but he hasn't actually reached the stage where he could be said to be delayed and/or impaired, he's simply too young to judge! Your son isn't behind as he hasn't got to the point where you could say he should have passed this now. It's normal for babies to feel they are part of their mother and she is part of them, they don't always realise you are discrete beings at this age.

You could ask for your baby to be assessed, with there being autism in his family it's not an impossibility. Chances are though that you will be advised to "wait and see", children need to be a bit older so that they've had the chance to grow out of a stage of development (whether they have or haven't) before it can concluded that there is a delay. I can understand why you are concerned but you are looking too hard and I don't think your mum is being particularly helpful to you. She should be offering reassurance and support and I don't think she is.

Your best bet is really to relax a bit and try to enjoy seeing your child exploring the world. Things that open and shut, lights that go on and off - babies love operating things like this, they are learning cause and effect and that they can have an impact on the world. They find it amazing that they, a little person, can actually make the world go bright and dark! This builds on their sense of self amongst other things, and is great for their overall development. You can say "light" when DS pushes the switch on, and "dark" when he pushes it off. He learns that language has meaning, and if you keep it simple to a few words at a time, he may pick it up sooner. But he might not, because his brain is working on another aspect. That's OK too.

Mittens030869 · 18/12/2020 15:37

You need to get a grip of your anxiety as it sounds like you already hound your GP about yourself and now you have another outlet - its not fair on your baby who sounds perfectly normal. But you won't listen as loads of other posters have told you this and you only want responses which back up your narrative.

^This is true, I’m afraid. You need to access help and support with your anxiety. Otherwise your child will be impacted negatively by it.

sazzysazz337 · 18/12/2020 15:43

I don’t want to back up my narrative at all. I just don’t know what to do, I feel like I need teaching how to play with him as he is still very much a “newborn blob” when it comes to communication. He doesn’t like to play with me and stuff. I should’ve mentioned this in my post sorry

OP posts:
sazzysazz337 · 18/12/2020 15:54

If we used to say to him “where’s your little dog” he would go and get it, he doesn’t now but I’m thinking that’s because it’s been upstairs for a week.

OP posts:
bloodywhitecat · 18/12/2020 15:56

But he's 1! He is at the stage of solitary play. You said yourself if you go to another room he follows so he clearly doesn't want to be left alone, he is just developmentally at the stage of solitary play which is exactly where he should be.

Parten's stages of play

MattBerrysHair · 18/12/2020 15:57

@sazzysazz337

It’s not so much the talking. It’s the inability to wave bye bye or even do peekaboo, 8 months of doing peekaboo every day and he’s never once attempted it
Maybe he just doesn't bloody want to! He's not a performing monkey, he's a person.

I'm going to be blunt here because nothing is getting through to you. He is not there to provide you with emotional validation, a sense of self-worth, conversation to keep you from being bored, or anything else. He will get there in his own good time and unless you want to look back on his childhood with deep regret, having missed most of it because you were too busy obsessing about what he wasn't yet doing, then I suggest you actually take on board what everyone on this thread is telling you. Accept your dc for who he is right now and get help for your MH. You are sabotaging your own happiness, don't sabotage his as well.

InTheDrunkTank · 18/12/2020 16:15

Soime of these comments are just being harsh. OP doesn't want to use her son for entertainment or to boost her ego, she's geniinely suffering from an anxiety over his development and it's affecting her ability to enjoy parenthood and probanly life in general.

OP most one year olds don't play interactively. At that age mine wouldn't play with me as such. If I picked up a toy they wanted they'd come grab it off me or would just ignore me. They'd like to be near me but wouldn't really play with me as much as next to me. If DH got home from work they'd come crawling/cruising/walking over. If I said 'daddy's home' they'd look at the door but they wouldn't follow directions usually.

CCSS15 · 18/12/2020 16:20

@sazzysazz337

I don’t want to back up my narrative at all. I just don’t know what to do, I feel like I need teaching how to play with him as he is still very much a “newborn blob” when it comes to communication. He doesn’t like to play with me and stuff. I should’ve mentioned this in my post sorry
Sorry, I was a bit harsh in the style of what I wrote previously

What you put here really resonated with me as I felt like that when I had my first. Not sure if they are going ahead but are there baby sensory / toddler sense classes where you are? It did wonders for me with teaching me how to play with my first one, how to create 'sensory experiences' and to check against others development as well as checking normal responses to activities. I took the second one to a term after lockdown1 so I know some are still going

sazzysazz337 · 18/12/2020 16:42

I don’t enjoy being a parent. All I have done is worry. I’ve tried baby toddler groups but he gets bored and crawls away to play with a shoe or a door

OP posts:
InTheDrunkTank · 18/12/2020 16:47

@sazzysazz337

I don’t enjoy being a parent. All I have done is worry. I’ve tried baby toddler groups but he gets bored and crawls away to play with a shoe or a door
Both of mine always did this. In fact DS was obsessed with a screw in the door of one playgroup we went to. There was also a mini bouncy castle there and he would freak the hell out when they turned the pump on to the extent he was terrified of bouncy castles for 2 years afterwards.
formerbabe · 18/12/2020 16:47

Babies don't 'play properly" at one or even two really. They move things round, hold them, drop them etc. Your baby sounds like every other one year old I've known.

Please get yourself some help.

InTheDrunkTank · 18/12/2020 16:47

(He's totally fine now and as normal as any other 8 year old boy).

AmaryllisNightAndDay · 18/12/2020 16:48

I feel like I need teaching how to play with him as he is still very much a “newborn blob” when it comes to communication.

Now that's a very valuable insight. He is not old enough to communicate in the ways you want to communicate and you need to learn to how to communicate on his level.

But I struggle to play with him as he gives nothing back, if I show him pictures in a book he takes the book to throw it, if I try to build stuff he just pulls the blocks and uses them himself.

He's a year old. Being read to is dull for a one year old. Looking at pictures doesn't mean anything. Instead try singing to him or nursery rhymes. And not many at a time. And put one or two physical movements in that he can copy or you can move his hands for him (but only one or two and nothing complicated.) Pick him up and dance round the floor with him.

One of our family games for a baby sitting in the high chair was "How big are you? So big!" Say it in a singsong voice and when you say "so big!" raise his arms or raise your own arms for baby to copy (do whichever one works best) And smile of course. I can't remember what age we start but it's that kind of simple thing.

Get yourself one of those "baby play" books that show roughly age appropriate games. Try them out. Keep doing the ones he enjoys - he wont enjoy all of them. Those games all develop motor and communcation skills. As for doing the same thing all the time, yes of course. He's practicing.

He doesn’t know I’m his mum, I’m just there.

That defines Mum - just there Smile

I am doing is just dreading another mundane silent day of putting blocks in a tray and it isn’t exactly how I thought I’d feel during motherhood

You're bored. There aren't all that many fun things to do with a one year old and you have to do the same ones over and over. I would be bored out of my skull doing that all day too, luckily DS went to nursery where the two year olds think it's the biggest fun ever for a baby to throw a toy out of the pram and the two year olds get it and the baby throws it again, endlessly. Don't project you being fed up into into something being wrong with him.

My HV told me to carry on talking to him when he’s playing but I am struggling. It literally is talking to myself because he doesn’t even look up when I say anything. So we’re just sat in silence until he makes a noise.

Now is a good time for you to practice descriptive commenting. Just give a running commentary on what he's doing in a cheerful friendly voice. "Now you've got a spoon. It's the big spoon. You are waving it. You are looking at it. You put the bowl in your mouth. You have got another spoon - that's two spoons. Now you're banging them and what a noise! That is fun. Now you have let the spoons go - crash!". This skill will come in very handy later on, when you want to encourage him to do new things and build bonds.

She knows I need help and guidance with certain things but she dwells on that to use it as an excuse to takeover then call me a waste of space etc.

Ah. Then you'll need to deal with your mother and the damage she has done to you and is still doing to you. Drugs wont fix that. Therapy?

He can’t even put shapes in a shape sorter toy.

I just googled and shape sorter age is 18 months-2 years. According to another site you can let your baby play with one from 1 year but you would need to help and the baby probably wouldn't be able to do it.

I’m not angry at him for not being able to talk, I’m just worried.

But all your emotions turn to worry. You only have one emotion and that's not healthy.

Would I be best off voicing the concerns to the nursery or waiting and seeing

Nah, if you do send him to nursery say nothing to them. They'll tell you if there's a concern early on.

Look after yourself Flowers

InTheDrunkTank · 18/12/2020 16:50

I don't know when proper imaginary play started but it definitely hadn't by 1. They preferred to bang things together and shake rattles etc. I know by the time they were about 18 months they were obsessed with kitchens and pretending to cook but no way by 12 months.

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