To worry about DS?

[sazzysazz337]

Ds was 1 last Friday and still no talking.

He doesn’t point to things, he was clapping and waving at around 7/8 months but has stopped. He doesn’t give you objects unless you hold your hand out to him.
He has been cruising since 9/10 months and can now take a few steps on his own. His eye contact is good and he’s always babbling. He will also copy behaviour like making noises with your hand and mouth but it seems once he’s found that he can do something he stops after a while. He’s very curious and is always playing.

I know not pointing etc is a sign of autism and I’m so worried.

Hey op, not pointing by 19-20 months may be a thing but not for a one year old. My DS pointed when he was 17 months and he occasionally points at things since he started pointing 5 months ago. He points at the TV if an advert comes on and gets annoyed and switches the tv off and occasionally he will point at an aeroplane in the sky or if he sees a dog or another baby. Only about 10 times within the last 5 months he has ever pointed to request something from me. He still prefers to communicate in other ways although he doesn't use me as a tool. As days go by, I feel his communication is getting better. Today he pointed at his own newborn photo in a picture frame saying "baby baby baby" and pointed at himself meaning the baby is him. His speech isn't that great but my hv said not to worry and they will call me again when he is 2 yrs and 4 months and that they suddenly unravel. I've had stressful times and sleepless nights worrying about this and it does no good to you or your baby. From 12-18 months is probably the worst time for parents who look into the milestones and use google. My Ds has always concentrated on his fine motor skills and gross motor skills and I'm guessing communication hasn't been a priority. My DS from 1 years old to now has handflapped, tip toed, spinned wheels on toys randomly for a few weeks and stopped doing it and occasionally does it sometimes once in a blue moon. He would wave hello and bye and wouldn't do it for months or he would say a new word and would never use it for months where I would think he has regressed and out of nowhere, he would say it in a correct context. I'm not saying I'm off the hook but a lot does change as their understanding of the world grows and how they express themselves. Long story short, your dc sounds very age appropriate and just try to enjoy him and engage with him a lot xx

Honestly OP, he sounds fine. He is communicating by laughing and repeating ‘a’. He’s still quite little and I wouldn’t expect him to be repeating animal sounds back to you.

I have read all your posts, but not the replies. Reading it this way, it does seem to me the root of this is all your own health anxiety being transferred on your little boy.

Absolutely nothing you have written indicates he has any developmental disorders. Children often develop unevenly, focusing on one skill before learning another. They will also appear to forget something, when they learn something new and switch their focus to the new thing.

It is a shame that covid has caused so many mums groups to be cancelled, as being around other kids would help you have perspective.

If I were you, i would get a job and put the toddler in daycare. You are not doing yourself or your DS any favours getting so stressed about him. The childminder or nursery will be able to tell you of he is developing ok, and advise how to support him best. Your MH and health anxiety might improve if you have adults to talk to and something constructive to do.

Meanwhile, instead of googling autism endlessly and trying to diagnose your child, buy a couple of second hand books about child development, start right from infancy so you can track back and learn how the brain develops. Or go on Open University and find a course. If you actually took some time to learn about this stuff you would be both fascinated and reassured.

@sazzysazz337

I’m gonna phone them in the morning definitely because I really am not enjoying any of it if I’m honest. It’s just constant worrying and I guiltily find myself thinking that I wish I could go back to before I was pregnant when everything seemed so easy and stress free.

I am so greatful for these replies as all I am doing is just dreading another mundane silent day of putting blocks in a tray and it isn’t exactly how I thought I’d feel during motherhood

I’m glad you are going to speak to them. Your anxiety sounds through the roof.

Nothing you’ve said about your DS sounds out of place for a 1yo.

Your comment about a mundane silent day jumped out though. Don’t give up talking to him just because he doesn’t seem to reply. Keep chatting. It’s how he’s learning.

Also don’t worry about the Iceland thing. I detest Iceland because their lights hurt my eyes. Loads of people I know say the same. It’s hideously bright in their shops.

@sazzysazz337

I just know there’s something not right. He’s fascinated by opening and closing cupboard doors and used to cruise round furniture carrying one of the stacking rings. Also used to have a thing for playing with spoons. I read a post on here by a Mumsnetter that her son did this too and was DX ASD.

This is 100% DS. He loves all of these things because they are all mind blowing to a one year old. Your DS is still so young. I have seen massive changes from about 14 months in terms of engagement particularly with me. It sounds like your DS has a very strong attachment to you because he's comfortable enough to do his own thing without a constant need for reassurance. That's brilliant!

He sounds absolutely normal. Your expectations of a 1 year old are very high.
DD: Could say a few words by 1, walked just after her first birthday.
DS: Didn't say anything till his 2nd birthday, when he decided to talk in little sentences. Never crawled, just kind of shuffled around on his bum, couldn't figure out how to pull himself to standing until 15 months. Walked at 19 months.

Both behaved in very much the same way, and had similar on-target skills and abilities by 3. Your DS sounds like he is developing normally.

[quote sazzysazz337]@IMNOTSHOUTING it’s absolutely shit isn’t it. Like I know tomorrow is another day of basically talking to myself, I can’t stand it and I don’t see an end to it very soon![/quote]
You have a happy contented baby who is developing as babies do. The real problem here is that you are unhappy with your current situation. You're expectations of motherhood and your ds seem not to marry up with reality which is the source of your distress. It's normal to feel bored as a SAHM, I know lots of people who experienced the same, myself included. However, wishing your child was different to alleviate your own boredom and dissatisfaction with life means that all the good things that you have right now are going unnoticed and unappreciated. Lockdown is a really tough time for parents with babies because of the isolation so it's totally understandable that you're struggling, but you need to recognise that those feelings are nothing to do with how your baby is developing.

Hes only 1 ....I say this with kindness but do you need help with your anxiety?
My boy walked around 11 months but did not speak until he was over 2 ! Hes 6 now and very articulate.
Please try not to worry and enjoy your baby

I've never known a baby who has spoken before 1.

Finally got an appointment with my GP.
My HV told me to carry on talking to him when he’s playing but I am struggling. It literally is talking to myself because he doesn’t even look up when I say anything. So we’re just sat in silence until he makes a noise. It’s not even babbling really it’s just loud shouting “uhhhh” “aaaaahhh” noises. He says “geeeee” some times but that’s the most wordy sounding thing. The rest is shouting haha

This is talking for a 12 month old

shouting “uhhhh” “aaaaahhh” noises. He says “geeeee” some times but that’s the most wordy sounding thing. The rest is shouting haha

Get down on floor to his level

Try peekaboo

This is a great book if there is a problem and if there isnt . Has lots of ideas for play

www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1843106930/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_fabc_Emi3FbX4ZEQ4J?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

I’m currently on the floor with him. He has a leapfrog 100 words book, but he has no interest in the word parts just a flashing star on the front. Tried peekaboo, he finds it funny but will never do it. I’ve even did it with his hands over his eyes but he doesn’t do anything himself. Do nurseries accept children who are like this? I’m worried if I take him on Monday he’ll be too behind to start.

It’s hard talking to a baby who doesn’t talk back. Just commentate on what he is doing ‘you’ve put the brick in the basket!’ etc. It gets easier.

As for not knowing you’re his mum/not responding - he is likely so well attached that he doesn’t see you as anything other than an extension of him. Where you are, he is. Where he is, you are. It’s quite lovely really.

OP I can absolutely guarantee you that if you take him to nursery he won't at all flag up to them as being developmentally behind. This is absolutely your anxiety. Especially since it's your first and you're naturally anxious your expectations are completely out. DS is repeating some sounds, most one year olds won't repeat back exact sounds or animal noises on demand. Most one year olds aren't interested in learning words from a book, they'll be naturally attracted to the flashing light.

I don't think any level of reassurance is going to help though, once an anxiety has taken hold it's so difficult to calm yourself down and suddenly you're seeing more and more signs everywhere. When I was anxious about DS he suddenly started hand flapping (must have been about one). To me at the time that was nothing short of a definitive diagnosis that he was highly austisic and would never be able to talk. Two months later he had 30 words. (By then I was anxious about something other than speach though!).

@sazzysazz337

I’m currently on the floor with him. He has a leapfrog 100 words book, but he has no interest in the word parts just a flashing star on the front. Tried peekaboo, he finds it funny but will never do it. I’ve even did it with his hands over his eyes but he doesn’t do anything himself. Do nurseries accept children who are like this? I’m worried if I take him on Monday he’ll be too behind to start.

Please listen to everyone who says he sounds totally normal - nursery won't blink an eye other than be impressed that he's an early walker. I really think that nursery will help you realise that your DS is not behind at all and I think some of your expectations are unrealistic. We have a 100 word book too and DS mainly reads it so he can find the ball on the second page because he loves balls. I wouldn't expect him to be interested in numbers or words for several years! I also leave DS to play alone sometimes and reserve a lot of my chatting down when I'm doing jobs, over mealtimes and reading books to him. At the moment, he's throwing a piece of wooden puzzle around while I sing along to Christmas carols - music and singing is just as good as talking! Babies this age are very dull and they really don't give much back but you're doing all the right things.

Also the thing that stood out for me was that he finds peekaboo funny - that's great! He's happy! He's having fun! That's the most important thing in the world in my opinion.

OP, not all communication is 'talking' you say that he babbles, passes you things when you ask for them, has good eye contact, laughs and giggles. That's a whole lot of communication and I'm not sure what else you expect from a one year old? Just play alongside him, following his lead. If he picks up a farm animal, you could make a symbolic noise (moo/baa etc) but don't put any pressure on him to copy or repeat. I understand that you are worried, but he's still so little, just keep talking to him and playing alongside him.

He only passes me things if I hold out my hand. He’s flapped his arms twice today. DS doesn’t even know what “ball” is

@sazzysazz337

He only passes me things if I hold out my hand. He’s flapped his arms twice today. DS doesn’t even know what “ball” is

OP that's communication though. He sees you holding out your hand and is able to interpret that as you wanting him to pass you something. Hand flapping is totally normal at one. DS did it constantly.

@sazzysazz337

He only passes me things if I hold out my hand. He’s flapped his arms twice today. DS doesn’t even know what “ball” is

It doesn't matter that your DS doesn't know what a ball is - I think my DS only knows because we watch a lot of football on TV so he's seen it there! Your DS probably has lots of stuff that he does which mine doesn't. All babies are different!

My GP has prescribed me some propranolol, he’ll do anything not to see me I don’t blame him to be fair last time I went to the doctors for this was 2018 and I was demanding an MRI scan as I thought I had a brain tumour. (I didn’t it was dry eye)

I think that’s where my concern mainly lies, he doesn’t actually seem to do anything. Also I went deep into Peter rabbits hole last night and found some American videos of autism in babies at 1. One of the babies with ASD used to do this weird moving notion with one hand, I turned my head before and caught DS doing it. I think they called it stimming. I hope this medication works as this is horrific and I genuinely think I’ve come to terms with the fact he won’t talk.

Hi OP, you sound like you're really struggling. I went through this stage too of being convinced my son was autistic (he isn't) - pretty sure it was linked to my anxiety. A couple of things that might help you.

1. A lot of autistic behaviour is also completely normal behaviour for children at certain developmental stages, it's just that children with autism can get 'stuck' on those behaviours for a very long time. For example, my son used to head bang, which can be a sign of autism but can also be a phase that 2 years olds go through and then grow out of as it was for him. So just because you see certain behaviours it doesn't always mean anything.

1. I found this book on language development very interesting and helpful, it may give you some more ideas on how to interact with your son www.betterworldbooks.com/product/detail/Small-Talk-9780230766433?shipto=GB&curcode=GBP&gclid=Cj0KCQiAw_H-BRD-ARIsALQE_2M5ixinHXbNKIm43Qpnbeg3vhO3-r2dz41GP9f5fMNDC93oKhXjEUYaAt9jEALw_wcB

Finally, please send him to nursery. A good nursery will deal with children at all kinds of developmental stages and they won't judge how 'advanced' a one year old is. I think time at nursery will be a big help to you both.

You don’t seem to have found any responses reassuring, I hope you can access the help you need. The problem is not your DS. Good luck.