Would this bother you - teacher gift?

[GlummyMcGlummerson]

At my DC's school I have a friend whose child is in year 1 (different classes to my kids). She's told me that there's been a bit of controversy and complaints because one parent is very good friends with the teacher and took the lead in organising a class teacher present. She asked the teacher what she wanted if she got a tenner off each parent (so £150). Teacher picked out a pair of designer shoes. And the friend asked all the parents for a tenner. A couple of parents have complained and the designer shoe plan had to be put to a stop.

I'm torn about how I feel about this. On the one hand I'd usually spend a tenner on my DC's teacher and I always welcome the opportunity for someone else to sort shit like this and why shouldn't the teacher get what she actually wants rather than 10 "best teacher mugs".

On the other hand I can see why it's kinda cheeky.

I teach secondary so rarely get presents from parents but I wouldn't mind a pair of designer shoes if this is the present standard now

..I absolutely would not take part in the request.
I have brought teachers a token gift (wine, chocolates ect) if they have been exceptionally helpful to me/DC, to show my thanks.
I have absolutely not brought something just because they are his teacher.
Of course I appreciate the work they do, a card is a nice gesture, something from the child (eg. A drawing in said card)
I worked in healthcare for many years and we weren't allowed to accept gifts from clients families or clients -this makes sense, no favoritism, no pressure, no financial abuse etc.
I am still surprised that giving gifts to teachers is actaully a thing! Ive seen it happening at DC school this week.
I shall not be taking part, and I would absolutely not be bowing to pressure to contribute £10 (which I genuinely wouldn't have to spend on DC teacher, especially this year), but i would feel pretty judged and crappy for not doing it.

It’s the wrong way round. You ask if parents want to do a class gift, then organise the collection, then decide what to get with it. Vouchers are fine, £150 shoes are a bit weird.

But the way the OP describes seems all wrong.

It’s the attitude that’s a bit off, I think. If a collection had been organised and it was a case of “shall we get John Lewis vouchers?”, then it’s actually a really good idea for the friend to chip in with “actually, I know she really loves quirky shoe shop, so would prefer a voucher from there.” It’s a more personal class gift abs everyone’s happy. It’s the premeditation which makes it seem a bit grabby, I think.

So how could you “not realise” that £10 could be a stretch for some families then, rossclair?

I think it's cheeky of the friend and teacher to think everyone should and will give a tenner, that she had her designer shoes picked out! Why not wait to see how much is accumulated and then pick your desired gift? I think £5 would be more appropriate to ask from each parent as it's more reasonable and likely that everyone will contribute. When there is already so many people to buy for, I don't want to be forced in to giving a tenner. From what I've seen on MN a lot of teachers are happy with a handmade Xmas card from the children

I wouldn’t spend a tenner on my kids teachers. No way!

This seems ridiculous. I don't understand the need to give teachers a gift anyway, it puts unnecessary pressure on everyone. Never happened when I was a child, we'd say thanks at the end of term and the teacher got paid for their work, much saner

Throughout all of this people seem to forget it's the thought that counts. The value of the gift just does not matter.
The idea of someone organising a collection and people feeling obliged to contribute really saddens me and annoys me if I'm honest.
Just let people make up their own mind wether to buy a gift or not. Teachers do not hold it against children if they don't turn up with an expensive gift.
This is just another reason why Christmas has lost it's real true meaning.

When I was a nursery teacher I never expected anything but parents often bought small gifts that were a token. I would have been completely embarrassed by a collection gift/voucher- it's very over-the-top for a thank you. I have 3 presents that I will treasure forever - one was a keyring that had my 'catchphrase engraved on it, one was a rubber in the shape of an object I used as a term of endearment for a child and one was a handmade gift made by a child tgat referenced a joke we had with each other. They are the best presents and not one of them cost more than a couple of pounds.

A whip around for vouchers, totally acceptable.

Teachers pay sucks and it is nice to club together to give them vouchers to spend on something they really want - especially at the end of a difficult term for many teachers (COVID!).
Our school (independent, so smaller class size) was a suggested £35 contribution per child for two class teachers and a small gifts for the head and admin staff. Some chose to do their own personal gifts, but most did participate, contributing the full amount (or more!).

It is very difficult to buy a gifts individually for under £15, chocolates/booze is becoming more sensitive these days due to allergies/religion/pregnancy/general life choices.
Why not let her choose what she wants? However, I do agree, a voucher would have been a better approach here!

£35 per child ? Seriously?????

Im not a teacher, I’m a social worker so no long tradition of gifts for us 😂 but if I was offered something pricey there’s no way I feel I could accept it. I’d have to declare it anyway but I think teacher gifts over a few quid are really missing the point. Surely it should be a personal card or little trinket from the child.

I’ve received three gifts in my career, all from children. One, from a teenager, was a box of bubble baths with the most lovely card attached which I’ve kept to this day. One was a little light up Tardis which I was given when I stopped working with a family, that the children had chosen for me. I was really touched as it shows they got to know me well. The other was a dead fish that the child had caught himself in the river that morning 😂 to be fair, it was delicious, if a little interesting to transport home. He was so, so proud of it too 😊

I was a teacher and when I was working I did not want gifts from parents. I was paid to do my job and I thought gifts were not necessary or wanted. Essentially gifts compromise the impartiality that teachers must have in relation to their pupils. I did like getting cards from the kids especially ones they made themselves. I didn't want anything else.

I think it’s the designer shoes part which make this story strange. I used to teach at an affluent school and pretty much every year got £150/£200+ in vouchers. I did buy designer perfume or expensive skincare with them but is that different because it’s in my own time?

I would hate to think anyone was pressured into giving money (or any gift, really) and I would always ask for card if they really forced my hand when asked what I would like but if it’s given freely and willingly, presumably it’s fine to buy what the teacher would really like? Strange one!

@Girlmama

Maybe it's different in an independent but I've worked in maintained schools and academy's and actually if a teacher receives a gift with a monetary value exceeding £20 it should be declared as it COULD be seen as a bribe for favouritism. This rarely happens but a gift of £150 would seriously raise eyebrows

Why? It’s only £10 per child so well below your £20 limit for disclosure. Or would they presume the whole class was bribing the teacher in one go?

@Amira19

Gosh I just bought 5 boxes of sweets/chocolates. Im from the north east so maybe a region thing but we don't do class collection and the gifts are a token gesture.

I do think the sentiment is right, but I would be worried that the teacher would get 30 boxes of chocolates!

I really doubt the teacher asked for shoes. I expect her friend thought that’s what she would like. You can’t buy many designer shoes for £150 anyway.
Private school parents often say £10, but that’s normally split with the TA too. It’s very different in state schools.

Grabby and vulgar

Far better the teacher gets something they actually want rather than 15 boxes of chocolates or bottles of cheap wine 😊

Essentially gifts compromise the impartiality that teachers must have in relation to their pupils
Really?! I'm about to mark a set of coursework. One of the students in the class gave me a card and a wrapped gift today. Are you seriously suggesting that rather than using the mark scheme fairly and accurately, I'll reward the gift giving student more highly than those who didn't give a gift???

When mine was at primary school I used to get a bottle of wine at xmas thinking they could always regift or cook with and the end of year a £5 Costa voucher with some cheap chocolates which always went down so well! I would not be happy to be told to give £10 to put towards shoes and I actually think that’s really weird of her to ask for it!!

It’s rude to ASK for a gift and assume people will give the specified amount. Taking a collection would be fine, some will offer £1 and some can afford more. A tenner per child is excessive imo.

Deinitely better to give a voucher for the shop where the shoes could be bought!

My Mum used to send me to school with a Christmas card and a pack of those Tesco own brand £1 after eights 😂