Would this bother you - teacher gift?

[GlummyMcGlummerson]

At my DC's school I have a friend whose child is in year 1 (different classes to my kids). She's told me that there's been a bit of controversy and complaints because one parent is very good friends with the teacher and took the lead in organising a class teacher present. She asked the teacher what she wanted if she got a tenner off each parent (so £150). Teacher picked out a pair of designer shoes. And the friend asked all the parents for a tenner. A couple of parents have complained and the designer shoe plan had to be put to a stop.

I'm torn about how I feel about this. On the one hand I'd usually spend a tenner on my DC's teacher and I always welcome the opportunity for someone else to sort shit like this and why shouldn't the teacher get what she actually wants rather than 10 "best teacher mugs".

On the other hand I can see why it's kinda cheeky.

I teach secondary so rarely get presents from parents but I wouldn't mind a pair of designer shoes if this is the present standard now

I find it a bit bizarre that teachers gifts are no longer from children. I realise that it must be a pain to receive lots of crappy chocolates and mugs etc but they’re meant to be gifts chosen by children - I doubt many kids would have the nous to choose designer shoes/Selfridges vouchers etc.
I think it’s all incredibly tacky and very unfair to those parents who can’t afford a tenner. Fortunately, my DC’s are adults but I would not have been getting involved in any of this silliness if they’d still been at school.

The problem was identifying the value of the present before people had contributed. Very presumptuous indeed.

We usually do class presents, usually vouchers and yes, most parents do contribute £5 or £10, so with a class of 30, it's substantial.

But you do the collection first, then identify what you can buy for that value, not the other way around. Duh!

Only on MN. In the rest of the country it's an apple or maybe a box of after eights.

I think the outcry is mostly misogyny tbh. If it was a male teacher and he asked for whisky or golfclubs he'd be fine.

I don't think its too bad, an independent school and presuming the collection is optional, why not get something actually wanted.

Have any of those who complained actually said why?

Vouchers are a very common gift, but my friend (a teacher) has spent them on gin, underwear, definitely shoes and other 'fripperies' which perhaps parents wouldn't have been happy to give directly.

My attitude is the gift is for the joy of the recipient not the giver and, if that isn't the case why are you really doing it?

@TheClitterati

Oh good God I've completely forgotten to get teacher and TA Christmas gifts!

😂😂

@DimidDavilby

I think the outcry is mostly misogyny tbh. If it was a male teacher and he asked for whisky or golfclubs he'd be fine.

He definitely would not be 😂

@DimidDavilby

I think the outcry is mostly misogyny tbh. If it was a male teacher and he asked for whisky or golfclubs he'd be fine.

God point!

Fucking hell. My kids teachers/TAs aren’t getting anywhere near a tenner each. Instead they have a bag of artistically decorated cookies made by the boys - and yes I fully expect that they are probably not eaten but the boys like making them so they’ll have to grin and bear it

Grabby as fuck.

Our class does a collection every year and we give the teacher and teaching assistant the money so they can get what they really want. Who needs 30 boxes of chocolate, mugs, or flowers?! I think it's way nicer. Obviously everyone gives what they can and we don't ask for any specific amount -- I think that's nicer than the example above.

I dislike teacher gifts . They’re not often genuinely from a child to the teacher they really like/appreciate, they’re just a “tick-list” item for mother’s to sort out.

I just don’t see the point.

Does the TA get a heel or a toe?

Feels all kinds of wrong really.

@HazeyJaneII

A tenner!! There are 10 staff to buy for with ds, I'd be bankrupt!

And this is why i love a class collection - you bung in a tenner and that covers all the teachers, assistants and a bottle of wine and chocs for the office staff.

And they get something decent.

A tenner is standard in our school - i'm genuinely amazed that people think that £10 is too much to ask for. I think i must be very out of touch, it's quite humbling actually.......

When I was a primary school teacher the nicest things I got as gifts were a coaster like a saltire, made by these melting plastic beads things made by the little boy himself. I still use it.

Also, a tiny mirror made out of clay and painted (it's actually lovely) by a little girl whose artistic mum helped her.

And a sparkly Christmas ornament from a little girl who was very ill and sadly died a few years later. She had chosen something she loved herself and she was so excited to give me it.

These sorts of presents mean so much more, as do the cards wioth lovely messages that children have written themselves.

Designer shoes .. I am astonished

I think it's wrong to expect parents to contribute to a pair of designer shoes, she should buy them herself. She's being grabby and greedy.

3 out of 4 of my friendship group have been made redundant in the last 2 weeks, and being asked to donate a tenner, when the prospect of being unable to pay the mortgage in a few weeks, would be most insensitive.

Fine with me.

We were asked to give £10 each and I believe she was being given vouchers. I hope she spends it on something she really wants.

The ‘gift’ is meant to be a ‘thank you’ and a show of appreciation so why wouldn’t you want the teacher to get something they really want.

I'm on the fence.

At my kid's school collections are done each year for the teachers at Christmas, and end of year. Contributions are discretionary, but most parents put in £10. This is then shared between the teacher (s) and TAs.

The problem is if this is a set amount, rather than a suggested donation. Some families contribute more, some less, and some nothing at my school.

@hibbledibble

I'm on the fence.

At my kid's school collections are done each year for the teachers at Christmas, and end of year. Contributions are discretionary, but most parents put in £10. This is then shared between the teacher (s) and TAs.

The problem is if this is a set amount, rather than a suggested donation. Some families contribute more, some less, and some nothing at my school.

We go with a suggested donation of £10, it's never even occurred to me that this would be an issue for some people as it covers all the TA's.

This has made me think about next year though....

Our primary has a really mixed demographic. Some couldn't afford £5 let alone £10 and some probably buy gifts costing much more. But this way of doing it is hugely divisive and embarrassing. Even in a fee paying school, circumstances change. Let people set their own budgets and give the TAs a chance of some love too!

I would never ask parents to contribute x amount - would just ask who wants to contribute and get teacher a voucher. Would be ok to get voucher for her favourite shoe store but not ask parents for a specific amount.

I don’t get the whole collection for teachers things. If a parent wants to give a gift then it’s their choice, there should not be pressure from other parents. I give gifts when I can afford to, that’s my choice but I can honestly say I do not think any other parent in my DC#1 class dose and maybe 2 in my other DCs class.

Designer shoes for £150? Secondhand?

rossclare, you’ve heard of food banks? You do know that some families actually have to use food banks? Heard all the FSM stuff in the media? Period poverty?

How could parents who need to use a food bank be able to give £10 to a teachers gift without noticing it????

I once met a (male ) teacher in a school with quite wealthy parents. He told me that every December he would write up his ‘wish’ list on the board and the children would choose one thing to get him! It included designer ties, belts and wallets, expensive after shave, pens, CDs, and spirits (whiskey was his tipple of choice). Apparently he always got everything off the list!
A new Head arrived one year, when they found out what he did he was given a written warning... he didnt last much longer!