To leave one girls name off the team card?

[GinAtMerlottes]

DD (10) joined a sports team in September. There is 9 of them in the team and two or three who train with them but aren’t in the official team.
The coach is a volunteer and she puts in so so much effort with the girls and is just so lovely. The team in this iteration is new and this is her first year coaching also.

I sent a message to all the other parents to see if they wanted to contribute to a joint gift. Quite a few did so I set up a PayPal pool and set the amount for £10. In the end everyone contributed, and the training kids put in £5 and we got 100 odd quid. Bought some vouchers and am going to give them along with a card and wine tonight.

One set of parents didn’t respond at all to any messages about the present and didn’t mention it to me at training either. No problem at all but it does mean every others kids name is on the card but not theirs. They are very involved with the team and the sport so no doubt they’ve done their own thing or whatever but WIBU to leave this girls name off?

I also arrange the teacher collection at school and don’t set an amount for that and have just written “from class” in the cards regardless of who has actually contributed. But this is a sports team they elect to join so feels a bit different.

Small issue but preoccupying me this morning. I try and be very inclusive etc in everything and doesn’t sit well to leave off one name.

And I agree that £10 is too much to be asking

You should get one of the children to hand it over with the others around and not your child

I wonder what OP was like as a child - the queen bee or class bully?

efes - both, probably. Hope her own daughter doesn't take after her and cause embarrassment for the left off kid.

@mutantelfoftraal ❤️

To follow on from below.

In previous years, when we have been more short of money, I would have always politely replied something like.....

Thank you, but we have already bought something ourselves. Or dc wanted to choose something themselves. Or, I am happy to put £5 in if that’s ok?

I have never felt any shame in doing that. Often we have just bought something for £1 (Eg a chocolate orange) as a small gesture of our thanks, and something for dc to hand over with a nice card or home made picture. There was never any problem with this and I wouldn’t have expected dc to be put on a group card.

Too many virtue signallers on here tonight!

Is name calling really necessary?

when DS was involved in organised sport we were never asked to chip in more than £2 for the coach - which was more than enough for a decent present. Wine/chocolates etc.

@Namechangeforthis111

To follow on from below.

In previous years, when we have been more short of money, I would have always politely replied something like.....

Thank you, but we have already bought something ourselves. Or dc wanted to choose something themselves. Or, I am happy to put £5 in if that’s ok?

I have never felt any shame in doing that. Often we have just bought something for £1 (Eg a chocolate orange) as a small gesture of our thanks, and something for dc to hand over with a nice card or home made picture. There was never any problem with this and I wouldn’t have expected dc to be put on a group card.

Too many virtue signallers on here tonight!

You might feel comfortable to do that - there's a number of reasons for that that might not apply to the parent in this situation.

God, poor teachers and coaches. It must be painful sometimes having to refrain from telling certain parents, “Get a fucking job and stop making a cunt of yourself”.

As far as I see it you have two choices.

Sign the card "from the team" and everyone is happy.

Sign the card individually except for the one girl, potentially causing massive fall out.

Which route is easiest?

Apparently thinking it's shit to do option b rather than option A shows that you lack 'kindness and Christmas spirit' but also

@Beautifulbonnie

I actually have to agree. That both *@GinAtMerlottes and the @Elfieishere* madwoman. Both must be so incredibly insecure. It’s so sad to live your life worrying about how others view you. (Though OP. The woman who didn’t give the very specific £10. Obviously Doesn’t give a shit about what you think about her!).

I hope you’re both able to move on and not really give a shit. Become more team spirited. Don’t take away from either you or your child in your life

It’s to your own detriment. I think whomever pointed that out made a very very very keen eyes on that. 100% that’s what’s going on.

Oh god. Give over.

The funniest part of all of that is that you couldn’t be further from the truth.

I would put 'from (assistant coaches name and any other adult non parent that gave money) and all the team'.

The funniest part of all of that is that you couldn’t be further from the truth.

So you are only pretending to be goady self serving muppets?

You’re right. It is hilarious.

Well done. You had us all fooled.

I wouldn't exclude a child, the poor mite would probably be mortified if she caught sight of the card with everyone but her name on it. The parents could be skint and so just ignored the message, because what else would they say, no I'm not giving? I'm skint? Any reply would have been embarrassing/awkward.

I'd write all the kids names. It might stick in your craw and yes, maybe the parents are tight and don't want to give. But the alternative of them being too skint and embarrassed and shaming the wee lass because of it, that would be cruel.

@SheldonesqueIsUnwell

The funniest part of all of that is that you couldn’t be further from the truth.

So you are only pretending to be goady self serving muppets?

You’re right. It is hilarious.

Well done. You had us all fooled.

That I care what others think about me 😂

Have you emailed the parent personally to double check if they wanted in? You could even put 'no worries if you don't want in, do you have any objections to me still including 'ellies' name in the card?

Aw bless.🤣

@Elfieishere that's a good job really Elfie.

@TramaDollface

Fuck sake.
Stick her name in and stop being such a misery

Exactly. MN never ceases to amaze me

@ rossclare do you also exclude a single child who has no choice as to whether she can contribute or not?

Also there’s something really bizarre about OP individually signing the children’s names on behalf of them. ‘The team’ or pass the card around to kids to sign so they are actually involved it much nicer.

Just sticking my two cents in as a teacher.

I would much rather , every day of the week and twice on a Sunday , every single child putting in 2p and a 'shitty' box of chocolates than this ridiculous performance and even one child or parent made to feel bad .

I think I would rather have a ‘shitty box of chocolates’ than a gift bought with contributions that some can ill afford or that some have been told to contribute a specified amount to.