To leave one girls name off the team card?

[GinAtMerlottes]

DD (10) joined a sports team in September. There is 9 of them in the team and two or three who train with them but aren’t in the official team.
The coach is a volunteer and she puts in so so much effort with the girls and is just so lovely. The team in this iteration is new and this is her first year coaching also.

I sent a message to all the other parents to see if they wanted to contribute to a joint gift. Quite a few did so I set up a PayPal pool and set the amount for £10. In the end everyone contributed, and the training kids put in £5 and we got 100 odd quid. Bought some vouchers and am going to give them along with a card and wine tonight.

One set of parents didn’t respond at all to any messages about the present and didn’t mention it to me at training either. No problem at all but it does mean every others kids name is on the card but not theirs. They are very involved with the team and the sport so no doubt they’ve done their own thing or whatever but WIBU to leave this girls name off?

I also arrange the teacher collection at school and don’t set an amount for that and have just written “from class” in the cards regardless of who has actually contributed. But this is a sports team they elect to join so feels a bit different.

Small issue but preoccupying me this morning. I try and be very inclusive etc in everything and doesn’t sit well to leave off one name.

[quote Wheresmykimchi]@Elfieishere

Good for you.[/quote]
Thanks 👍🏻

I'm surprised by the overwhelming response on this thread. In my head, if you contribute, you go on the card, if you don't, you don't. That just seems logical to me, not cruel just factual... If I hadn't paid towards a gift I wouldn't expect to be included either.

That said I would probably write 'from the team and parents' and also £10 is a crazy amount to be asked to continue to a coach present.

I hate people who take it upon themselves to basically extort other people. If you wanted the coach to have a £100 gift why didn't you just stump it up yourself. A tenner is not trying to make things inclusive.

I have 3 children, I remember picking up my youngest from nursery the day after my OH had been made redundant to be accosted for a £10 from a parent organising gifts, to then go to school and be asked for £20 (£20!!!) from the class rep. I felt like shit.

What a mean spirited thread. Sigh.

Wow. Why don’t you go the whole hog and accost them in the car park, put a string of fairy lights around their neck to identify them and announce to all and sundry that ‘the gift is from all the team.... apart from THESE PEOPLE’
You have no idea why they didn’t contribute. Maybe they couldn’t afford it, maybe it’s a cultural thing, maybe they are juggling so many plates and this one dropped and they simply forgot? But the classy thing to do as it was just them would have been to say it was from the whole team, season of goodwill and all that?
Not good form at all.

Why would you include someone whose parent can't even be arsed to reply to your email?

If 30% of parents hadn’t contributed then I can maybe see where you are coming from... but no way would I deliberately exclude just 1 child/family, for all the reasons above.

I actually have to agree. That both @GinAtMerlottes and the @Elfieishere madwoman. Both must be so incredibly insecure. It’s so sad to live your life worrying about how others view you. (Though OP. The woman who didn’t give the very specific £10. Obviously Doesn’t give a shit about what you think about her!).

I hope you’re both able to move on and not really give a shit. Become more team spirited. Don’t take away from either you or your child in your life

It’s to your own detriment. I think whomever pointed that out made a very very very keen eyes on that. 100% that’s what’s going on.

Why would you include someone whose parent can't even be arsed to reply to your email?

Because that is not the 10 year olds fault

Same way we give food parcels to families where the parents have spent all their money on drugs. You can't punish the child for the acts of their parents.

@underneaththeash what should she reply saying sorry I can’t afford it. It’s horrible putting someone in that position. When they will already be feeling the pressure . Again it’s not the kids fault the parents didn’t reply and give their financial situation to some random .

In adult world, eg office collection, I would agree no contribution no mention but this is a kid.

We’re all going through a shitstorm of a year, and you’ve admitted you know nothing of this child and her family circumstances.

You really should have put her name on and not left her out. If I was the coach I’d think you’re a dick.

@underneaththeash

Why would you include someone whose parent can't even be arsed to reply to your email?

Again that's a big assumption you're making there.

I am also surprised from the response. I think if they didn’t pay they won’t expect to be on the card - and to be honest I doubt the coach will notice. I always contribute to class or team gifts but do an extra present if I want to recognise someone further.

Why would you include someone whose parent can't even be arsed to reply to your email?

Because they may not have read the email?
It could have gone in their spam folder ...
Perhaps it arrived when they had something really important to deal with so they immediately forgot about it.
Perhaps they were embarrassed to say they could not afford to pay £10 just before Christmas

These are all things that have happened to me.

Because they aren't their parent

This is such a pathetic spiteful thing to do. I had no idea people actually thought like this/ did stuff like this in real life. I'm shocked tbh.

I try and be very inclusive etc in everything and doesn’t sit well to leave off one name.

Evidence suggests otherwise ...

Why would you even consider leaving a 10yrs old name off, because of the action of her parent !!

@MiriamMargo

Why would you even consider leaving a 10yrs old name off, because of the action of her parent !!

Because OP is spiteful? I wonder what OP was like as a child - the queen bee or class bully?

If nobody contributed there would be no present problem solved. You are the problem expecting people to contribute £10.

Actually I said work hard = nice things.

I work hard. I clean up people who have soiled themselves, clean it up off the walls and floor and deal with people who have thrown it at me. I spoon feed people, deal with beds that have been wet and soiled.

What nice things do I get for my hard work please?

@Frieswithanythin

This makes me so sad, because some pretentious women (always one at every school) trying to gain her brownie points, so she and her daughter stands out. 10 quid can be a lot of money at this time of year.

This makes me laugh!

I’m not saying that this is OP, but I can think of quite a few who fit the bill from this description over the years!

I’ve been clobbered for two £10’s this Christmas already from said person above towards present for primary teacher and after school coach.

We’re not bad financially this year so it was easier to say yes, but inside I do find this amount obscene. A decent present to express thanks to someone can be easily bought with £20-30 and most people can afford a couple of pounds.

@mutantelfoftraal

Actually I said work hard = nice things.

I work hard. I clean up people who have soiled themselves, clean it up off the walls and floor and deal with people who have thrown it at me. I spoon feed people, deal with beds that have been wet and soiled.

What nice things do I get for my hard work please?

Why didn't you mention it to the parents when you saw them ?!??!

Maybe they've changed email address or just forgotten. It's hardly at the top of their agenda unlike you who is collecting. It's your job to chase it up. They might not have a PayPal account.

Just ask them if they got your correspondence and if they want to contribute

@NiceGerbil

Because they aren't their parent

This is such a pathetic spiteful thing to do. I had no idea people actually thought like this/ did stuff like this in real life. I'm shocked tbh.

You can't have read many threads on here before. Or anywhere else on the internet, just to avoid singling MN out.

I'm reflecting on how the thread is basically a parade of posters saying how nasty and spiteful OP is and finding other ways to speculate on how nasty a person she is, while bemoaning the lack of kindness and Christmas spirit on display. Hmm.

OP you know the answer. Don't be so bloody spiteful. Poor child.