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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave one girls name off the team card?

533 replies

GinAtMerlottes · 16/12/2020 14:33

DD (10) joined a sports team in September. There is 9 of them in the team and two or three who train with them but aren’t in the official team.
The coach is a volunteer and she puts in so so much effort with the girls and is just so lovely. The team in this iteration is new and this is her first year coaching also.

I sent a message to all the other parents to see if they wanted to contribute to a joint gift. Quite a few did so I set up a PayPal pool and set the amount for £10. In the end everyone contributed, and the training kids put in £5 and we got 100 odd quid. Bought some vouchers and am going to give them along with a card and wine tonight.

One set of parents didn’t respond at all to any messages about the present and didn’t mention it to me at training either. No problem at all but it does mean every others kids name is on the card but not theirs. They are very involved with the team and the sport so no doubt they’ve done their own thing or whatever but WIBU to leave this girls name off?

I also arrange the teacher collection at school and don’t set an amount for that and have just written “from class” in the cards regardless of who has actually contributed. But this is a sports team they elect to join so feels a bit different.

Small issue but preoccupying me this morning. I try and be very inclusive etc in everything and doesn’t sit well to leave off one name.

OP posts:
Elfieishere · 16/12/2020 17:26

So do people genuinely not teach their kids that if they work hard and get a decent paying job that they will be able to afford nice things Hmm
It’s a general statement, not related to covid.

Wheresmykimchi · 16/12/2020 17:27

@Elfieishere

So do people genuinely not teach their kids that if they work hard and get a decent paying job that they will be able to afford nice things Hmm It’s a general statement, not related to covid.
No , we teach our kids not to be a dick. HTH.
Divebar · 16/12/2020 17:27

@Lsquiggles

It’s ok - you can avoid them... as will most sensible people

Eileithyiaa · 16/12/2020 17:27

I can't decide who's the biggest arsehole, the OP for intentionally leaving a ten year old off a card because her parents may be hard up, or elfwhatever up thread banging on that "hard work = more money" and "it's only a tenner".

I can't believe people like this exist, wonder if you air such cunty views openly or only when hiding behind a keyboard?

Elfieishere · 16/12/2020 17:27

@Wheresmykimchi are you sure ? Because if they take after you...

strugglingtomakesenseofitall · 16/12/2020 17:27

Why did you set an amount of £10? That's asking for a lot, a contribution of any amount would have been more inclusive. I'd be so embarrassed as a teacher or coach to receive such an expensive gift.

Wheresmykimchi · 16/12/2020 17:28

[quote Elfieishere]@Wheresmykimchi are you sure ? Because if they take after you...[/quote]
🤣🤣🤣 please quote me to any posts where I'm being a dick? I'd love to see them.

PinkFondantFancy · 16/12/2020 17:28

Wow this thread is bizarro. Obviously write the child's name on, then move on and find something worth agonising over. I'm actually very jealous of people that have so little going on that this could possibly be something to preoccupy them.

Also I don't have words for the "work hard and have nice things". Wow.

Wheresmykimchi · 16/12/2020 17:29

@Eileithyiaa

I can't decide who's the biggest arsehole, the OP for intentionally leaving a ten year old off a card because her parents may be hard up, or elfwhatever up thread banging on that "hard work = more money" and "it's only a tenner".

I can't believe people like this exist, wonder if you air such cunty views openly or only when hiding behind a keyboard?

They'd never say it to these people's faces. Just whisper behind doors at what terrible parents they are.
cantdothisnow1 · 16/12/2020 17:29

@Elfieishere

So do people genuinely not teach their kids that if they work hard and get a decent paying job that they will be able to afford nice things Hmm It’s a general statement, not related to covid.
Of course they do, but decent parents ALSO teach their children not to judge others who have less than themselves and those who cannot afford nice things.

You are either goady or stupid if you can't work out that even without covid there are people who can't afford things and it has nothing to do with an unwillingness to work hard.

Elfieishere · 16/12/2020 17:29

@Eileithyiaa

I can't decide who's the biggest arsehole, the OP for intentionally leaving a ten year old off a card because her parents may be hard up, or elfwhatever up thread banging on that "hard work = more money" and "it's only a tenner".

I can't believe people like this exist, wonder if you air such cunty views openly or only when hiding behind a keyboard?

Actually I said work hard = nice things.

Nice things don’t have to equal lots of £.

Potaoesgivemeheartburn · 16/12/2020 17:30

@Derbee

The coach will KNOW she’s an arse. There is always at least one mother like this in any group. Coaches/teachers etc know their type
That’s what I was thinking Derbee
DolphinsAndNemesis · 16/12/2020 17:30

Ugh. How mean-spirited. I expect the coach either won't notice that one child's name is missing or will assume it was your oversight. So the pointed exclusion of one child will have no effect whatsoever. And I very much hope that child never learns of it.

Wheresmykimchi · 16/12/2020 17:31

@Elfieishere

What on earth are you talking about now? Should this child's mother have donated ten nice things thennConfused or bought the food shop with nice things Confused

liverbird10 · 16/12/2020 17:31

It seems petty and childish to single out one kid like that. Harsh, IMO.

Wheresmykimchi · 16/12/2020 17:32

@DolphinsAndNemesis

Ugh. How mean-spirited. I expect the coach either won't notice that one child's name is missing or will assume it was your oversight. So the pointed exclusion of one child will have no effect whatsoever. And I very much hope that child never learns of it.
Don't be daft. It will reach the mother to work harder for next time as I'm sure theyl be falling over themselves to join in after how OP treated them this time.
Frieswithanythin · 16/12/2020 17:34

This makes me so sad, because some pretentious women (always one at every school) trying to gain her brownie points, so she and her daughter stands out. 10 quid can be a lot of money at this time of year.

PeteWicksSexyPirate · 16/12/2020 17:35

If “nice things don’t equal lots of £” why did you say unthread that donating £1 is pointless as you won’t be able to get anything decent?

Wheresmykimchi · 16/12/2020 17:35

@Frieswithanythin

This makes me so sad, because some pretentious women (always one at every school) trying to gain her brownie points, so she and her daughter stands out. 10 quid can be a lot of money at this time of year.
100 pound for a coach's Christmas present is obscene.
Eileithyiaa · 16/12/2020 17:35

@Elfieishere

To leave one girls name off the team card?
Beautiful3 · 16/12/2020 17:36

My mum is a jehovahs wittness and she isnt allowed to celebrate christmas, she would be annoyed if her daughter was included on a Christmas gift. I would perhaps ring them to ask if they want to be included, if you hear nothing then leave her off.

WorraLiberty · 16/12/2020 17:36

@Elfieishere

So do people genuinely not teach their kids that if they work hard and get a decent paying job that they will be able to afford nice things Hmm It’s a general statement, not related to covid.
You didn't mention a decent paying job.

You said Work hard and you will be able to afford nice things

Some of the hardest working people around are in low paid jobs and thank goodness for them too.

Carers
Nurses
TAs
Cleaners
Refuse collectors

The list is endless to people who don't have tiny minds.

Eileithyiaa · 16/12/2020 17:36

So people who don't earn decent money don't work hard enough no?

Elfieishere · 16/12/2020 17:37

@PeteWicksSexyPirate

If “nice things don’t equal lots of £” why did you say unthread that donating £1 is pointless as you won’t be able to get anything decent?
There’s a difference between lots of £ and £1 Confused
Beautifulbonnie · 16/12/2020 17:39

Ha. I reckon they are both the same person

I also believe that neither are for real. There cannot be such nasty people in this world.

I liked the idea of

Signed from @GinAtMerlottes mother. Who would ONLY write the name of those who contributed. Because the one child whose parent couldn’t afford nice things. Because she didn’t work hard enough. But aren’t I fucking fabulous doing all this. Aren’t I wonderful! I mean I did the work. I sent a text. A TEXT!!!!!!! I told people they COULDNT contribute £1. Because I’m amazing and I know how you can’t have nice things for no money! I left the one child out though. I mean she didn’t want to be involved. I didn’t ask her or her parents. But I KNEW. I knew! Because the one time I asked. She didn’t reply. I didn’t ask her or her child again. I mean it’s not near Xmas. Nor have we recently had a pandemic which a lot of people have lost their homes. Their jobs. So she didn’t have any excuse really. I know she might not of been able to afford it. But she should go without food surely.

Have a lovely Xmas coach! This will make you feel dead good about yourself I bet eh?