To leave one girls name off the team card?

[GinAtMerlottes]

DD (10) joined a sports team in September. There is 9 of them in the team and two or three who train with them but aren’t in the official team.
The coach is a volunteer and she puts in so so much effort with the girls and is just so lovely. The team in this iteration is new and this is her first year coaching also.

I sent a message to all the other parents to see if they wanted to contribute to a joint gift. Quite a few did so I set up a PayPal pool and set the amount for £10. In the end everyone contributed, and the training kids put in £5 and we got 100 odd quid. Bought some vouchers and am going to give them along with a card and wine tonight.

One set of parents didn’t respond at all to any messages about the present and didn’t mention it to me at training either. No problem at all but it does mean every others kids name is on the card but not theirs. They are very involved with the team and the sport so no doubt they’ve done their own thing or whatever but WIBU to leave this girls name off?

I also arrange the teacher collection at school and don’t set an amount for that and have just written “from class” in the cards regardless of who has actually contributed. But this is a sports team they elect to join so feels a bit different.

Small issue but preoccupying me this morning. I try and be very inclusive etc in everything and doesn’t sit well to leave off one name.

Maybe they missed the email. Easily done. Did you not say something when you saw the parent?

Btw, I actually live it when someone else organises a collection, but then I'm quite lazy and wouldn't have s problem with the amount unless it was something crazy.

But I realise all people are different.

Why would it ruin the girls self esteem!

The coach is hardly going to announce that she was the only one not on the card! The girl won’t even know!

I would have prob sent a follow up text saying last chance to donate and then left it.

Still unsure why the card needed individual names on rather than a message from "the team", tbh.

Shouldn't the kids sign it themselves, I've always seen a group message or individual signatures not someone else writing on all the names.

Fuck sake.
Stick her name in and stop being such a misery

After some consideration, OP, I think you should put:

"From the team, except from girl who's parents wouldn't pay, but especially from DD of GinAtMerlottes's who organised it all".

Then you can be sure you're altruism and 'inclusiveness' is clearly noted.

YABU. Include her name!

£10 per child for an end of 1 term gift for the volunteer coach??
That’s completely ridiculous.

I’d have told you to get to fuck with an eye roll if you’d asked me to contribute and avoided you for the rest of next year too. Thankfully, I don’t know any batshit type parents like you in real life.

@Elfieishere

Your posts are so offensive.
Just because you personally can afford a tenner and the people in your circle can (people do usually move in the same circles) you think that means people who can’t don’t exist or that they don’t work hard?
Plenty of parents in work on UC
Lots of families now living on one income due to covid
Parents to disabled children or caring for elderly relatives relying on carers allowance
Add to that it’s the most expensive time of the year for a lot of families.
If you don’t even know what’s going on in your own country that doesn’t affect you then you leave yourself open to making some profoundly stupid comments on Internet forums.
You sound heartless to say the least.

Imagine Marcus Rashford, who as we know campaigns against childhood poverty, being discouraged from doing the one thing that took him out of his poverty, because some busybody was pissing around deciding what the pecking order of the group should be based on whether or not his mother could afford £10 for a coach’s present.

Who are you to decide whether or not the kid’s name should go on.

Also if they happen to be just plain old tight then it’s better to rise above making g a judgement, rather than making this child feel bad.

I’ve an idea: next year just don’t bother with the gift then it won’t take up any headspace. No one giving up god knows how many hours a week is doing it to get £100 at Christmas

Of course include the kids name. She doesn’t have her own money to put in. Geez it’s the season of goodwill and all that.

for you OP

@TrialOfStyle

After some consideration, OP, I think you should put:

"From the team, except from girl who's parents wouldn't pay, but especially from DD of GinAtMerlottes's who organised it all".

Then you can be sure you're altruism and 'inclusiveness' is clearly noted.

You forgot to add, "so when picking the next team captain remember whose mother organised your present"

@TrialOfStyle

@TrialOfStyle

After some consideration, OP, I think you should put:

"From the team, except from girl who's parents wouldn't pay, but especially from DD of GinAtMerlottes's who organised it all".

Then you can be sure you're altruism and 'inclusiveness' is clearly noted.

This

Don't know why there is a debate about whether people can afford a tenner. They may well be able to afford it but not want to join in. Some people like to chose what to spend their money on and not be shanghaied into joining this bizarre notion that every man and his dog must get a present for Christmas. It's possible the parents just DGAF. If you give a tenner to every teacher, coach, brownie leader, newspaper delivery boy, milkman, dog walker, cleaner, hairdresser etc. it can really add up.

I must admit I get a bit tired of constantly receiving messages telling me someone is running a marathon and wants sponsoring, someone's kid has a raffle at school, there's a collection for someone's birthday at work.... it's endless sometimes. And when money is tight it begins to sting!

Have you asked the girl if she wants to be included?

Otherwise you’re just assuming that because her parents haven’t contributed. That she doesn’t

But I would assume that she doesn’t even know. She might be absolutely devastated to think that she’s being left out. She might not. But ask the child. Because she played no part in this so far

I’m sorry. But your responses are awful.

@ancientgran
No the OP claimed the responsibility by starting the collection and setting a minimum amount
True but to say that the parents couldn't have spoken up, if they didn't agree with the amount is a bit unfair to the OP.

So when you wrote the children's names in the card, did you put your DDs first? And in what order did you list the other children? Order in which their parents paid? Parents credit score? What type of car their parents drive?

Op.....ask them

[quote PeteWicksSexyPirate]@Elfieishere

Your posts are so offensive.
Just because you personally can afford a tenner and the people in your circle can (people do usually move in the same circles) you think that means people who can’t don’t exist or that they don’t work hard?
Plenty of parents in work on UC
Lots of families now living on one income due to covid
Parents to disabled children or caring for elderly relatives relying on carers allowance
Add to that it’s the most expensive time of the year for a lot of families.
If you don’t even know what’s going on in your own country that doesn’t affect you then you leave yourself open to making some profoundly stupid comments on Internet forums.
You sound heartless to say the least.[/quote]
I put it down to a lack of intelligence, rather than trying to be offensive.

In complete seriousness though, whilst I completely disagree with OP's decision, the question shouldn't have been asked to MN - it should have been asked to the EQUAL participants. I'm wondering why you haven't asked them their opinion?

@PlantMam

Presumably the team has a name?

‘Happy Christmas
from the players, parents and staff of Sparkle Motion’

(A list of names with one missing is a bit weird and has the potential to make everyones lives harder going forwards, and it’s entirely possible they’ve written a card from the the family anyway, so being non-specific is the easiest way forward for all. No one is left out, but no one is specifically credited for something they were not involved in)

Perfect.

Honestly OP, you really are digging yourself a pit of despair here.

Write what Plantman suggests, if you think Happy Christmas is too much or might offend someone change it to “Thankyou for being our coach from the players , parents and staff of Sparkle Motion”.

And next year? Let someone else do it, you are using up too much emotional energy, yours and ours.

It's a gift. The gift receiver is not going to be beholden to the people who paid £10, they don't need to know exactly who contributed. It's enough to know that clearly most did.

It's Christmas. Don't be petty.