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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was DD overreacting?

370 replies

christmascaroller · 16/12/2020 10:40

Last night we (DH, DD15 and I) were watching something with Fairytale of New York in, and DH said "isn't it ridiculous that they can't say f*ggot anymore". DD told him that it was a slur (which I don't disagree with btw) and that he shouldn't say it even in this context. He said that it was perfectly fine for him to say as he wasn't being homophobic. My AIBU is this: when he said that it was fine to say, DD said "just admit that you're a bigotted twat instead of wasting your breath"!! I told DD that this was unacceptable but she stormed out and hasn't spoken to us since.

YABU: her reaction was perfectly justified
YANBU: she shouldn't be using language like that over a word

OP posts:
SchadenfreudePersonified · 16/12/2020 14:56

cis heterosexual people

I find the term "cis" very offensive (and redundant). But many people insist on using it, despite the fact that many other people find it offensive, demeaning and dismissive.

TerribleLizard · 16/12/2020 15:00

Slut is similar. It have previously meant a woman who was lax in her cleanliness/housekeeping, whereas now it reads as a purely sexual insult. You can use it with the intention of saying someone has a messy house, but people will hear the sexual insult. So if you are writing those words for a character, and you didn’t want the sexual meaning to be there, you would find another word.

liveitwell · 16/12/2020 15:02

I'd be proud of her. Good on her for standing up for what she believes in.

Your husband was in the wrong. And clearly is a bigoted twat so she wasn't wrong there.

StCharlotte · 16/12/2020 15:04

@pizzaandcats

I have obviously been making the words to this song up as I go on as I have just had to Google the use of the word slut in the song! I had no idea Confused I thought it was "old southern drunk" hahahaha
Bless your innocent heart Xmas Grin
slashlover · 16/12/2020 15:07

how did we survive without their wisdom

By making being gay illegal (until 1967), by being in uproar about a gay kiss in Eastenders (1989), by the PM calling them "bum boys" etc.

brightertimes123 · 16/12/2020 15:08

Yep we have this from DD (14)
I refer to her as 'professionally offended' 🙄
It's exhausting

NewYearNewPlumbing · 16/12/2020 15:09

Contemporary music would be very quiet if all the language used about women was removed.

Yet young people seem to lap it up and regurgitate it with not a second thought.

The song is 'in character'. Gritty realism.It hardly glorifies the sort of person who would say the word (a drunk in a drunk tank).

Intelligence and objectivity is useful, alongside feelz.

berrygirlie · 16/12/2020 15:09

Tackling your own prejudices sure is exhausting.

Imworthit · 16/12/2020 15:10

I would calmly ask her why she thinks it's not OK to say faggot but OK to say twat? Listen to her answer and if she doesn't put two and two together explain that both are derogatory and she either needs to accept swearing in general or hold to her beliefs to avoid hate speach.

Diva66 · 16/12/2020 15:14

Better start censoring Eminem, Dead Kennedys, Dire Straits and a billion rap artists, who have all used the word f@got in their lyrics!

Your daughter was rude, she should have been willing to discuss it rather than behaving like an intolerant twat herself.

Imworthit · 16/12/2020 15:15

My mum was completely anti swearing but used twat with abandon. Didn't believe my dad telling her what it meant. She only believed it when eventually us kids told her she was basically running around calling people a cunt. The look on her face 🤣😂🤣

Bronzino · 16/12/2020 15:17

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Imworthit · 16/12/2020 15:19

@SchadenfreudePersonified

cis heterosexual people

I find the term "cis" very offensive (and redundant). But many people insist on using it, despite the fact that many other people find it offensive, demeaning and dismissive.

Totally agree.... Its so creepy
Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 16/12/2020 15:20

Strange that the OP hasn't come back 🤔

Snackasaurus · 16/12/2020 15:21

@liveitwell

I'd be proud of her. Good on her for standing up for what she believes in.

Your husband was in the wrong. And clearly is a bigoted twat so she wasn't wrong there.

No, she was rude.
ClaireP20 · 16/12/2020 15:22

@hobbyiscodefordogging

Isn't it strange that "faggot" has had to be dubbed out of that song but the misogynistic slur "slut" is ok to stay in? 🤔
Good point!

People are so offended aren't they? I haven to say OP, that you should say to her 'who'd you think you are, talking to yor dad like that?!? Get down here NOW and apologise'. Followed by a chat about being more tolerant. Young people are so bloody woke these days..

ClaireP20 · 16/12/2020 15:24

@liveitwell

I'd be proud of her. Good on her for standing up for what she believes in.

Your husband was in the wrong. And clearly is a bigoted twat so she wasn't wrong there.

You are a horrible person saying something so nasty about the OPs husband. Shame on you. Vile.

Just that.

CrotchBurn · 16/12/2020 15:24

I cant believe kids now speak to their parents like that without consequences. Seriously? No way would I have ever dared.

Its ugly

onlythepianoplayer · 16/12/2020 15:27

She was totally over reacting.

Do people get that it was a slur when the song was written....that that's actually the point? It's one person insulting another, fgs.

TatianaBis · 16/12/2020 15:27

@TerribleLizard

I’m saying that if the Pogues were trying to tell a story about someone who was being homophobic, then they would have kept it in.

As my son would say: “Wat?” I would say cobblers. It was taken out because the word is offensive irrespective of what the story was supposed to be. But it’s by no means clear that the story wasn’t about someone being homophobic. Your claim fails either way.

The word hasn’t been changed since the song was written, anyway.

Somersetlevel · 16/12/2020 15:28

So it's ok to be against a homophobic slur (I support her. It doesn't matter on the context, faggot is a homophobic insult) but to respond to it with a misogynistic slur is ok?

I'd be having a word about the meaning of the word twat and why it is misogynistic.

Imworthit · 16/12/2020 15:30

Also the pogues song is epic but it's riddled with slurs, domestic abuse, drugs,hatered. Censoring it is rediculous, get rid of it (I don't think this should happen) or don't listen but the entire song is about a really truly traumatic Christmas and for some people it really helps them.

berrygirlie · 16/12/2020 15:31

Do people get that it was a slur when the song was written....that that's actually the point? It's one person insulting another, fgs.

Aye still not an excuse to actively want to use the slur itself. In fact even that proves the point that what the OP's DH wants to do is a bad thing, using homosexuality as an insult (because that IS what it is, no matter how much he tries to downplay it)

CorianderQueen · 16/12/2020 15:32

@WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo

I got a Facebook ban for discussing ' faggots ' in a slow cooker group........as in the fresh ones bought from the butcher's. Not those brains nasties. Some idiot must have reported me.

Either ways it wasn't a homophobic slur when the song was released and isn't really used as one in the UK. So your DD needs to do some fact finding when she gets down off her high horse and apologise to her dad for calling him a twat.

You weren't reported, FB has algorithms which check for certain words and delete the posts.
mintkoala · 16/12/2020 15:34

Love the idea that ' we' made homosexuality illegal until 67. None of us is that old!

OK so am I getting that you shouldn't even quote any insult, in any context, (unless it is one that has been used against you?) Because that seems fairly reasonable as a rule for living, but not for judging creative work.