Page 3 | Manager of ceos wife... losing the will to live

BloggersBlog · 15/12/2020 23:24

I think you should buy him a little gift to smooth things over when you first meet face to face.

A bottle of ketchup should do it. To put with that mahoosive chip on his shoulder

Original poster

1sttimeonhere · 15/12/2020 23:29

@BloggersBlog

That made me laugh because I am feeling shit!

I really want to ask him why he doesn't value my contribution. Is there something that I am doing that is upsetting him or not meeting his expectation?

I want to tell him that after every interaction with him I leave feeling deflated.

Do I sound like I have just returned from
Maternity leave and have no confidence?

OP posts:

Original poster

1sttimeonhere · 15/12/2020 23:33

Sorry I meant to make this a more general comment

I really want to ask him why he doesn't value my contribution. Is there something that I am doing that is upsetting him or not meeting his expectation?

I want to tell him that after every interaction with him I leave feeling deflated. I feel like I can't make suggestions because he has got such firm opinions on even really small points.

Do I sound like I have just returned from
Maternity leave and have no confidence? I can't really mention the CEO's wife bit... he would only deny it anyway. I think I can say that I am a major shareholder and I worry he isn't treating people with dignity at work. That is a concern to me.

OP posts:

BloggersBlog · 15/12/2020 23:36

I think at this stage asking him that would both make you look a little needy, and bolster his ego if that was his plan to make you feel like that.

I would mirror him - keep it VERY professional, no small talk and by your work make it clear you know exactly what you are doing.

StatisticalSense · 15/12/2020 23:38

Sorry but it's not reasonable to expect a non family member to manage the wife of the CEO so if your work cannot be placed directly under your husband you need to leave it to somebody else. Being an investor in the company makes it even worse. You need to either move into a big picture role at the top of the company or be a properly silent investor not this half way house.

Needhelpwithaquestion · 15/12/2020 23:40

Really frustrating but sounds like his not just that way with you. I think it’s quite a female trait to blame ourselves but you have to quickly understand that his behaviour is not acceptable

Theyouttheresayin · 15/12/2020 23:41

I’d be pissed off if my CEO chucked his/her husband/ wife on me to to babysit and drag around ... that’s nepotism plain and simple.
You’re not in the job for your skills and experience, you quite literally got it because you’re shagging the boss.
Most decent size companies have rules around this.
Did you interview, on your merits/ experience against other candidates ( without anyone knowing you were married to the boss?) ans get offered the post? No, you didn’t.
Your manager must be absolutely steaming at this arrangement, totally fucked off. I’m sure he’s a reasonable person, no-one is going to trust your opinion of him giving the circs.
My advice would be for you to go off and apply for a job outside your husbands company, ASAP.

MiddlesexGirl · 15/12/2020 23:46

Good grief. Why so much sticking the boot in? OP has explained several times why she is doing the job. Sounds to me like she could walk out of the job tomorrow and not be that bothered. She's doing them (and her company!) a favour by filling this role. The sooner arse guy realises it the better.

timeisnotaline · 15/12/2020 23:48

I’d be pissed off if my CEO chucked his/her husband/ wife on me to to babysit and drag around ... that’s nepotism plain and simple.
Bullshit.

Theyouttheresayin · 15/12/2020 23:48

‘ Sounds to me like she could walk out of the job tomorrow and not be that bothered. ’

Which is exactly what she should do.
She wanted an answer as to why her manager by be arsey with her and the answer is right there staring her in the face.

Original poster

1sttimeonhere · 15/12/2020 23:50

@MiddlesexGirl

Thanks 😊

OP posts:

Janegrey333 · 15/12/2020 23:52

@1sttimeonhere

I am the wife of the ceo in a reasonable size company. After maternity leave I decided not to go back to work. My husband asked if I would help in the roll out of a small project in my area of expertise. not that I was super senior but I know enough to be really helpful.

My manager hates me.... he won't make any small talk with me at all, literally if I ask how his weekend was he comes back with a work question. He is late to meetings with me. Today he belittled me in front of a supplier.

I'm not a threat to him, he is definitely more qualified than me but his experience is different. He seems reasonably well respected- although I doubt people would tell me. Suppliers don't really like him because he can be rude. My husband has a reasonable relationship with him but some frustrations too.

I feel really upset and can't really do my job because he is so horrible.

I feel really upset and can't really do my job because he is so horrible.

Oh really? Whining is so unprofessional, don’t you know?

Theyouttheresayin · 15/12/2020 23:53

nepotism
/ˈnɛpətɪz(ə)m/

noun
the practice among those with power or influence of favouring relatives or friends, especially by giving them jobs.

For anyone saying that it is not nepotism - it is the LITERAL
Definition of nepotism, and I think a lot of people who had interviewed, been hired and worked for their position in a company would resent the bosses wife being parachuted in because it ‘made sense’ or there was no-one else better. If you don’t try to hire someone the proper way then how would you know whether or not the wife has actually deserved the role.

Janegrey333 · 15/12/2020 23:54

@1sttimeonhere

Sorry I meant to make this a more general comment

I really want to ask him why he doesn't value my contribution. Is there something that I am doing that is upsetting him or not meeting his expectation?

I want to tell him that after every interaction with him I leave feeling deflated. I feel like I can't make suggestions because he has got such firm opinions on even really small points.

Do I sound like I have just returned from
Maternity leave and have no confidence? I can't really mention the CEO's wife bit... he would only deny it anyway. I think I can say that I am a major shareholder and I worry he isn't treating people with dignity at work. That is a concern to me.

Do I sound like I have just returned from Maternity leave and have no confidence?

You can sound like anything you like on an anonymous forum. Bear that in mind.

Janegrey333 · 15/12/2020 23:55

I’m a sceptic... But in a similar case, I would say it most certainly IS nepotism.

sandybeaches74 · 15/12/2020 23:57

Call him out on it. The only way to deal with him is directly.

Ask him open questions and then let him talk. I'm a fan of the awkward, direct question and then silence. Don't fill it, let him talk.

I've noticed you're late for my meetings consistently - why is that?

I feel that we are struggling to connect so that we can work together to achieve our goals - why do you think that is?

Don't let him get away with it!!!

Original poster

1sttimeonhere · 15/12/2020 23:57

So people don't think I should ask him why?
Maybe I am doing something else to piss the guy off?

To make it clear I am not a paid employee and I don't think he can argue the point I am qualified.

I am here to do a one off implementation project with a go live of 4th jan (phase 1) and 1st March (phase 2). I am also pregnant and will go back to my previous role after this baby.

So he and I know that I am not here long term.

OP posts:

Stonecrop · 15/12/2020 23:59

I can’t see how it’s nepotism when this is the OP’s own company which she owns 50% of why shouldn’t she work there?

Hopeisnotastrategy · 16/12/2020 00:02

OP, in the nicest possible way, stop letting other people write the story of your life. Stop apologising for existing, stop doing things professionally to help your husband out and stop putting up with this idiot's nonsense.

Come on! You can do this!

Original poster

1sttimeonhere · 16/12/2020 00:04

@Theyouttheresayin

They did try and hire someone and didnt get a single appropriate application in their price range. People in my industry don't like being contractors and we are not big enough to get a perm headcount to do the role.

I am working for free.... although I also own half the company (not because of my marriage... because I earned the money myself)

OP posts:

StatisticalSense · 16/12/2020 00:09

@Stonecrop
It's not that she shouldn't work there in general but that she shouldn't expect anyone (other than possibly her husband) to oversee her work and if this particular work cannot be separated out in a way that makes it possible for that to be the case it isn't appropriate for her to being doing it.

Original poster

1sttimeonhere · 16/12/2020 00:16

@StatisticalSense

That would be awkward to take my project out of the wider set of related projects and have me reporting to the ceo but the others reporting to this guy? I don't think he asked for that. He was just getting frustrated there were no candidates when my husband said my wife has 6 months spare.....

OP posts:

Original poster

1sttimeonhere · 16/12/2020 00:19

@Janegrey333

I haven't said anything to him... yet.

OP posts:

Notthe9oclocknewsathon · 16/12/2020 00:30

[quote 1sttimeonhere]@CallmeAngelGabriel

I was in the phone to my brother and he said I shouldn't be calling myself the CEO's wife because I am actually the main investor.

The capital that actually set the company up was 50% mine (not by marriage actually from selling a flat I owned by myself) and that is documented legally, which this guy definitely knows as part of his role. [/quote]
He is threatened and you are being way too submissive. It was daft to set up a structure where you reported to him in my view. You are more senior, you own the company.
Regardless, he is being an arse, call him on it where needed.

WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants · 16/12/2020 01:17

@1sttimeonhere

A lot of people seem to struggle with comprehension, don't feel you have to keep defending yourself!

Don't ASK him what his problem is, TELL him what your problem is.

He's NOT your manager. He might be managing the roll out (for now anyway), but he's not managing you. Call him out on his lateness, his rudeness & being rude to the supplier.

You do appear to be lacking confidence, maternity leave can do that to you), but fake it until you find it again & get this plank told!