Page 10 | Argh! Present from DM! AIBU?

EarringsandLipstick · 15/12/2020 21:32

it's that message on the box to parents that it "teaches" their child and I personally think that's the wrong sort of message to send out.

Almost all parents can work this out for themselves FGS. They know instinctively that their child needs interaction with them, and they to do in natural, everyday engagement. It doesn't need to be over-thought or planned out, and these toys won't hinder it.

Of course some parents don't do this but electronic toys are the least of the worries there.

I know it's PFB but honestly, take a look at yourself & your attitude. Ridiculous.

Paintedmaypole · 15/12/2020 21:36

I think YABVU. The toy is for your child, not for you and he will probably like it. You sound very much on your high horse with all the references to disrespect and you also sound over serious. Lighten up, how important is this? I do find the slip up with the name a bit odd. Without knowing your Mum's usual personality it's hard to know whether there was any malice in it or if it was a simple error. I think I might mention that she got his name wrong on the package, but not until you have calmed down and got a bit of perspective.As for the gifts, just say thank you.

HerMammy · 15/12/2020 21:38

Anyone else imagine OPs DS at school in his hand woven clothing and his abacus because his mummy knows best, whilst the other kids have their switch and minecraft hoodies??
You’ve read the box, you aren’t about to allow him to become a robot toy addict!!
Honestly OP chill out he’s ONE!!!!

Ideasplease322 · 15/12/2020 21:45

I bought this as a gimmicky present. My god daughter played with it a bit.

I seriously doubt her mum (who doesn’t even have a child development qualification!) believed it would teach her to talk. I certainly didn’t. it’s just a cute/tacky child’s toy. You don’t like it and that is absolutely fine. But I really think you need to relax.

I am sure your mum knows you will talk to your child. I am sure she has common sense and knows you will not rely on a teddy to teach your child to speak.

I think there are very parents out there who believe toys for tiny tiny children have any educational value. Most people do have common sense

Original poster

KangaRooMama · 15/12/2020 21:45

@HerMammy hand woven clothes? He'll be lucky, I can barely sew a button on.

OP posts:

whatkatydid2013 · 15/12/2020 21:45

:) - well seems like you already decided pages back you aren’t going to let it rile you too much. Hope you have a lovely Christmas and that you find a way to resolve the underlying tensions with your mum and her issues with your OH. Family are hard sometimes even if they are decent overall and have good intentions. I always think it must be infuriating if you don’t even think they mean well.

pictish · 15/12/2020 21:48

“it's that message on the box to parents that it "teaches" their child and I personally think that's the wrong sort of message to send out. And as a PP stated, those sorts of toys can mean that the parent is talking/interacting less.“

Oh that’s why you don’t like the “noisy, tacky plastic toys”...because they send out the wrong message to thick parents who will be misled into believing that a toy will teach their children how to speak.
Right you are then.

Lightsontbut · 15/12/2020 21:50

I know this will make you crosser - but I don’t think studying child development is the same as being a medical doctor. You may counter that you have a phd in child development but I still don’t think it qualifies to you to say a toy is tacky. It sounds more like a personal opinion - or cherry picking research.

This is a really good point. I think the OP is struggling to accept that calling toys like this 'tacky' is judgemental and will be considered by many to be offensive and snobby. Parents don't buy these toys to educate their children and so the point that they are not educational like the box claims is a bit of a red herring. People also don't buy nutella as hazelnuts are so healthy. Most of us can see the ridiculous marketing for what it is but we might still buy these things.

OP I don't understand your point that electronic toys might make a parent interact less. We are talking about your child here. Are you worried that it might make you interact with your child less?

amisupposedtoeat · 15/12/2020 22:30

@HopeYourHighHorseBucks

Only you know if the address label was a dig at you, it sounds deliberate from what you have said.

I had both toys for my DD. They did my bloody head in but she loved them. She has all the wooden and educational toys but nothing beats a singing, dancing robot that copies your voice.

It copies your voice?! Brilliant, off to get one.

Also she's a bit of a snob.
Think some of that may have rubbed off on your toys

Hadalifeonce · 15/12/2020 22:30

DH, used to remove batteries from any noisy toys. We asked people several times not to buy noisy annoying toys, but they ignored us. DC still got the toys but they were silent. Interestingly, when relatives started their own children, they didn't want noisy toys for them. Remove the batteries, or put the toy away if you don't want it, try not to rise to your DM bait.

dysoncansuckit · 15/12/2020 22:46

There's a mum at my dc's school who puts on her kids party invitations that gifts are only to be purchased at Oxfam or no gift at all. Every year this kid gets a chicken or a goat.

BloggersBlog · 15/12/2020 23:45

@saraclara

I've been writing my daughter's name with her maiden name/my surname for three decades. She's been married for a year. Many many times I've written her name as her maiden name and not her married name. Not remotely deliberately, it's just what my brain is used to. And I'm pretty sure I'm not alone in that. So are being VU to assume malice on that.

But that isnt the case here

this situation is completely different

The parcel was addressed to DS name, my maiden name

She has written the grandchild's name with her daughter's maiden name - so a forename and surname that have never been used together.

Smallgoon · 16/12/2020 01:20

Don't understand why everyone is defending the DM. Leaving the toy purchase aside, the name it was addressed to was deliberately intended to be malicious. If she truly cared about her grandchild, she wouldn't behave in this way and intentionally create a divide. She intended to get a reaction, and she got one, not mention the fact that it's very immature.

Your DM sounds quite manipulative, and if she's pulling stunts like this now, God know what she'll be like when your DS is of speaking age.

Smallgoon · 16/12/2020 01:21

@Paintedmaypole

I think YABVU. The toy is for your child, not for you and he will probably like it. You sound very much on your high horse with all the references to disrespect and you also sound over serious. Lighten up, how important is this? I do find the slip up with the name a bit odd. Without knowing your Mum's usual personality it's hard to know whether there was any malice in it or if it was a simple error. I think I might mention that she got his name wrong on the package, but not until you have calmed down and got a bit of perspective.As for the gifts, just say thank you.

Oh give over, ffs.

Ideasplease322 · 16/12/2020 08:17

@dysoncansuckit

There's a mum at my dc's school who puts on her kids party invitations that gifts are only to be purchased at Oxfam or no gift at all. Every year this kid gets a chicken or a goat.

Poor kid. Hopefully they get lots of toys from family and friends.

The child must be so upset Shen they see other kids birthday parties.

Parents are of course entitled to their own beliefs and values, but surely at some point you have to think about your child happiness.

Before op gets cross I know her one year old doesn’t care about the talking teddy. But you can take these things too far. Vmi really dislike virtue signalling through children

Mix56 · 16/12/2020 08:58

I had this PA name thing from my mother till the day she died, she never called me my correct (maiden) name, should have been easy it was the same as hers!
She called me my partner's name as she was anti my status.
I ignored it. Never once mentioned it, she must have seethed.
She didn't like me.
Put the toy on fb . As "new unwanted gift."
grey rock her.

Applepieco · 16/12/2020 17:43

Honestly? You’re completely over reacting. You don’t get to choose what people gift you, or your family, despite your ‘extensive Amazon wish list’. How about a smile, thank you so much & take it to the charity shop? Souring relationships with your family, will only have a detrimental affect on one person - your Son.

urkidding · 16/12/2020 17:50

I think you shouldn't get upset or play her manipulative games. Just write a thank you note to her for your child with the correct name, and ask her to use it next time. That's the important bit. When you speak to her, tell her about the toys 'he' likes. But that's something that is unimportant, and make sure she knows you love her and expect her to love all your family. Let's remember the important things in our lives. (I was the same 'fusspot' by the way, but as my mother gets older, I remember what is important.)

ChelleMum85 · 16/12/2020 17:56

@KangaRooMama

I need some advice as I don’t know how to respond to this and don’t know if I’m overreacting. There is kinda two parts to it.

I got home this afternoon to a amazon parcel delivery from my DM. The parcel was addressed to DS name, my maiden name. This has upset me as this has never been, nor ever will be his name. I feel that this is blatant show of disrespect to me and DH and our marriage. I also feel that this disrespect is solely kept for us as DM would NEVER send a parcel addressed to DNephew, DSIL maiden name as that isn’t their name.

Additionally it actually said on the box what the contents of it was - the puppy toy in the picture. I have overtly said it that I do not like noisy, tacky, plastic toys like this on more than one occasion, but this is just ignored. Last Christmas DS was only about 7 weeks old and DM bought him the robot pictured. I cannot stand it and it hasn’t been played with in a year. This year I was determined to avoid this situation and made DS a fairly extensive Amazon wish list with various things at a range of prices for family to pick from. But again this has been ignored by DM.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind people choosing something not from the list for DS, but feel that to choose a gift that is the exact kind of thing I have said I don’t like/want to be very disrespectful. This was on top of the disrespect I’d felt from the address label. So felt like a bit of a double whammy.

For clarity, if you have any of the toys pictured, and your kids enjoy them, that’s great, this is just my own personal choice.

These toys stimulate cognitive development for your child, especially the noise and lights. It doesn't matter if you like it, it's for your child to play with.

Do you only allowed stuffed toys? Toys which make no noise and lights? FisherPrice are hardly cheap or tacky.

I think you need to reevaluate what's important in life and readjust. If they were extremely cheap toys from a cheap shop, I could understand slightly, but they aren't.

Be polite, be grateful, nod and smile- Say thank you. Ask yourself if your Son would enjoy the toy?

I have a rocky past with my own Mother, in fact it's pretty bad. I wouldn't connect it to my children's relationship with her or a slip of the name. I don't use my children as weapons.

LilyLongJohn · 16/12/2020 17:56

I think I'd go the opposite way ... thank her, over thank her, super thank her for the wonderful present, ds actually said he wanted that and you were going to buy it for him but now you don't have to.. keep fussing over how wonderful it is. Re the name, tell her it's fortuitous that she used your maiden name as you've been discussing this with your dh and you've both decided to change the family name to your maiden name, so it's actually a stroke of luck she used that one.

Kill her with kindness, use it as a bit of sport.

Empressofthemundane · 16/12/2020 18:03

When our kids were little, my husband and I were very attractived by wooden toys. Our daughters on the other hand loved bright, cheery plastic. We got over it and let them have the things they wanted. It wasn’t about us.

BloggersBlog · 16/12/2020 18:05

@Mix56

I had this PA name thing from my mother till the day she died, she never called me my correct (maiden) name, should have been easy it was the same as hers! She called me my partner's name as she was anti my status. I ignored it. Never once mentioned it, she must have seethed. She didn't like me. Put the toy on fb . As "new unwanted gift." grey rock her.

What - she got her own name wrong?! What was your status that she didnt like?

helpIhateclothesshopping · 16/12/2020 18:11

It could have been a whole lot worse, at least she didn't get him a Santa shaped candle as my husband's grandmother gave his younger brother and sister when they were about 5, we had to swap it for some slightly more age appropriate plastic tat they actually wanted.

helpIhateclothesshopping · 16/12/2020 18:15

Maybe she needed to put your maiden name so it matched her credit card name, I used to get a lot of my deliveries to my parents and put both my and their surname in case I had to collect it from the post office, it was easier if the names matched.

Kithulu · 16/12/2020 18:26

I was like this with my PFB too. I just wanted natural toys, but DPs didn't get it at all.
The toys are fine though, let him enjoy them.