Argh! Present from DM! AIBU?

[KangaRooMama]

I need some advice as I don’t know how to respond to this and don’t know if I’m overreacting. There is kinda two parts to it.

I got home this afternoon to a amazon parcel delivery from my DM. The parcel was addressed to DS name, my maiden name. This has upset me as this has never been, nor ever will be his name. I feel that this is blatant show of disrespect to me and DH and our marriage. I also feel that this disrespect is solely kept for us as DM would NEVER send a parcel addressed to DNephew, DSIL maiden name as that isn’t their name.

Additionally it actually said on the box what the contents of it was - the puppy toy in the picture. I have overtly said it that I do not like noisy, tacky, plastic toys like this on more than one occasion, but this is just ignored. Last Christmas DS was only about 7 weeks old and DM bought him the robot pictured. I cannot stand it and it hasn’t been played with in a year. This year I was determined to avoid this situation and made DS a fairly extensive Amazon wish list with various things at a range of prices for family to pick from. But again this has been ignored by DM.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind people choosing something not from the list for DS, but feel that to choose a gift that is the exact kind of thing I have said I don’t like/want to be very disrespectful. This was on top of the disrespect I’d felt from the address label. So felt like a bit of a double whammy.

For clarity, if you have any of the toys pictured, and your kids enjoy them, that’s great, this is just my own personal choice.

Get over it it’s a toy

Sorry you didn’t get the scandi wooden toys you want to show off but kids like plastic shit and as for your mother move on or go NC

Donate them to a local foodbank. I'm sure some child would be very happy to receive them.

Unreasonable and super sensitive on both issues.

You are right to be annoyed in respect of addressing your son with your maiden name but to be honest that issue is completely overshadowed by your quite frankly snobby attitude to the presents. Children LOVE "plastic noisy tacky" toys like that. I can only imagine what was on your Amazon gift list - I feel
Sorry for you son already

If you are seriously against an educational toy you are going to struggle when your child goes to school and gets a whole pile of twat for their birthday parties!! Trust me you build resilience.

Then name thing was rude.
You need to chill about the toys, just remove the batteries or put sticky tape over the bit where the noise comes out to make it quieter.
My guys got all sorts I would ever have bought them myself, but I picked my battles. Batteries would be removed overnight for mine.

I couldn’t get too wound up about the surname issue. However, since there is a back story I am sure this is more galling. As for the gift, I had very definite opinions about certain toys so do understand your perspective. What I did if that occurred was to thank the person and then donate it to a charity/hospital etc and then at least I knew someone would get pleasure from it. At this time of year there are lots of charities collecting presents for children who are not able to receive gifts and whilst you don’t like it, lots of children would. I’m sure your little one will have plenty to open so one gift won’t be missed.

I understand OP. My childrens surname is hyphenated. My surname, their dads surname. Children got card from MIL and she had spelt my surname incorrectly. Absolutely a dig at me as my eldest requested to just be know as DS my surname. They don't see their dad. She also always buys clothes for birthdays and Christmas as I once said children want toys, not clothes. Her choice absolutely, but why ask me what things he is into when you ignore my suggestions and buy clothes they invariably dislike. I'm so glad she's not in my life.

DS will love the present, might not be your choice but hey ho. As per previous comments on another thread I hate gift lists.

Also re the name, it is odd and there is obviously a back story. I’m not married to my OH we have 2 children together. I have kept my name and the children are double barrelled. I get annoyed when it is assumed that the children only have his name. Winds me up a treat. But I can’t be bothered to raise it as an issue really. It makes no difference to anyone’s life, the children are so young they have no clue. I will correct it as it happens. But it’s not a massive issue at all. Bizarrely my OHs uncle sent us a Christmas card this year to mr and mrs xxxxxx. Whereas last year they sent is to mr xxxx and ms jelly runner. Not quite sure when they thought the wedding was! ( or why they assumes I had taken his name) Anyway my point is don’t let the name stuff bother you, even with a back story it is potentially your mum being petty. Your child’s name is what you and oh call him. Forget the rest of us

Im pretty sure your child will love their noisy plastic toy. It's a rare child that doesn't. Even the 'middle class' ones!

As for the name, unless there is something you aren't telling us, you sound like a snob, a snob with imperfect written English to boot, which is bloody ironic really.

Get over yourself and worry about more important things.

I too had dreams of wooden toys and pastel
tones. Alas, the singing BeatBelle robot and her kin have taken over my living room for the rest of forever because kids absolutely love noisy plastic crap and it’s more important that they’re happy (and quiet-ish) than looking like a Pinterest Hun Mum.

Honestly though, toddlers have no bloody taste

@KangaRooMama if it came with a gift packing slip you can return them for an amazon gift card. The original gifted doesn’t get told and they never know.
I do it every year for my mother’s present and buy something I’d actually like.
If your mother ever notices, just tell her it broke.

OP you are not answering anyone who has asked if one toy that makes noises will delay his speech? Will it? If not, what’s the harm in him having it? I mean there’s no harm anyway but that’s just my opinion. Surely you want something to entertain your child while you tidy up or have a cuppa? Having a handful of things that have flashing lights or talk and sing to you child won’t do him any harm... at all, not one little bit.

Aww theses toys are cute 🥰. My niece is 3 and last year I bought her a twerking llama which she loved, my sister and her husband not so much 😂 This year I’ve bought her a dancing flamingo 🦩 😂 told my sister in advance as I’ve had to post things this year but she just laughed and said that niece still plays with the llama and it’s one of her favourite toys. The whole point of little kids that are not yours are to give them the noisiest toys to drive parents nuts!! 😂

I think the issue is the wrong name, not the type or material of the toy. Even though he has one of such toy, it won't affect his language development. You can still talk to him and play games. The chances are, he will not use the language side of it. The name thing, however, would annoy he she is being quite bitchy about the fact she doesn't like his dad. She needs to respect your DH and respect the fact he is her DGC's father.

I wanted to vote that YDBU.

The name thing is a bit of an odd one. Could it have been a mistake?

The comments you made about your mum being a snob could have been truly valid until you made, what I think are snobbish comments about those toys. Fantastic that you’ve been educated within that field but sometimes children (a lot of them) just like to play with them (amongst all types of other things!). I suspect there’s only a small percentage of parents who THINK they actually teach their children to speak! It was a snobbish comment and I know there are many children who’d adore those, especially at this time of year.

I’d also be thankful your mum even bought your son a gift but if you think it’s so awful, send it back, donate it or just get over it I’m afraid.

The present isn't for you, it's for your DS, who will probably love it.

Unfortunately, plastic, colourful, noisy, flashy toys tend to be the most popular with young children!

You could just assume that she wants to buy her GC an age appropriate toy that they’ll love playing with and she mucked up your name because she was rushing.

You might be happier if you do.

I can understand re the name issue especially with what you have said OP but the toy itself wouldn’t bother me. I would just be grateful that a gift was purchased for my child from a family member.

I think the label was definitely a passive aggressive move on your DM's part, but in regards to the toys, although noisey and highly irritating, they are age appropriate and educational.
I learnt very quickly with my first that what I like/dislike doesn't matter. I hate pink always have, refused to have anything pink for my DD, yet by the time she was 2 she loved anything and everything pink and now she is 6 she has a bright pink bedroom. I did the same with the tacky overpriced toys off magazine covers and now they are literally everywhere in my house.
I would let him see the toy if he likes it, oh well he is happy and if he doesn't donate it.
Back to the label, you can either talk to her about it or look at the label, take a deep breath, remove it, put it in the bin and move on saving your energy for other battles.

Wow. Your DM could be mine - and it caused years of no contact

The name thing was with me. Eventually, I told her if she couldn’t accept my married name, I’d not have any contact with her until she accepted my marriage to my DH (I’m married nearly 30 years now)

The toy thing happened with my sister. Her DH had some irrational hatred for a particular purple dragon. He forbade anyone from buying items with this character. So what did my mother do? But everything with this character on it, for every single thing, for all occasions or for gifts just because - for over a year, finally my BIL flipped out and he’s still no contact with her 21 years later.

Make a stand now. Return the gifts Make it an issue about the name. Don’t accept anything from her when she’s disrespecting you, your DH, your marriage and your decisions

We have Beatbo, have had it 4 years, my 6 and 4 year old will not let me get rid of it - I keep trying.

Its a fab toy, yes it sings the colours and numbers etc but the thing they like the best is they make up songs and he sings them back. Loads of developmental skills covered there.

They also like to have a good boogie to him.

Its really not the evil developmental hinderance you seem to think it is. Both of mine are doing pretty well at school so I am not too worried I have done them a disservice.

My MIL has been awful to me and similarly, it has made me prickle when she makes mistakes.
It’s early days but you have to accept the crappy gifts with a smile and grace. Give it to your son, take a picture and palm it off (unless he loves it) he’ll get plenty of lovely things I’m sure so it’s no big deal.
The name thing is just call her out on it, “mum you do know that’s obviously not DS surname, are you feeling well?” of it bothered me that much. Now I don’t even react, we hardly see them. Fine by me.

Yabu. They're very nice popular gifts for a child of his age and If he has the opportunity to, I'm sure he'll enjoy them.