I’m broody at age 47

[Blackcelebration12]

A friend of mine is pregnant with her first at the same age as my me (47) using donor eggs and it’s made me broody & longing for the baby/young kids phase again as mine are older.

It’s bonkers & selfish though right? I do feel too old but also feel like I’d like to do it all again. Maybe that broody feeling never leaves you does it?

In my rational moments, I really don’t want a teenager in my 60s as I don’t think it’s fair on the child. But then I see babies & get the longing.

Aibu to ask if any of you have felt like this? Talk me down- I know it’s perimenopause too & my ovaries giving it a last burst of broodiness.

@LisaLee333

To the posters getting upset at seeing (many) posters saying 'hell no, I would never have a baby past 41/42, so many reasons not to, you'll be in your 60s when they're a teen, so many negatives to it...and so on..' The posters saying these kind of comments have obviously hit a raw nerve, so I suggest you avoid these older mum type threads in future.

People are entitled to their opinions and views, and many people would not choose to have a baby in middle age, and will state the reasons why on threads like this. So if you are going to get upset at people opinions on threads like this, then don't come on the threads.

People can get upset with whatever they like. Who made you mumsnet admin?

@Grenlei

My father was in his 40s when I was born, my mother much younger.

My mum died unexpectedly when I was just out of my teens. My father a few years later.

I think it's exceptionally cruel to say someone shouldn't have children in their 40s (I was my fathers first and only child). Not have MORE children, yes that I agree. But if for whatever reason you are only starting a family in your 40s, if you are relatively fit and healthy then why not!

This is a kind comment x

Do t donor OP. I'm 29 with 4 kids and we run a family business with my husband on top of that. I'm exhausted. Kids are 1and a half, 2 and a half, 3 and a half, 6 and 7 and a half. I do get very broody. But I think if I'm exhausted now how would I be 10 years from now with a baby?

Do t donor is don't do it OP

I wouldn't at 47 😳 I feel too old in my 30s

@Woewoewoejoy

Do t donor OP. I'm 29 with 4 kids and we run a family business with my husband on top of that. I'm exhausted. Kids are 1and a half, 2 and a half, 3 and a half, 6 and 7 and a half. I do get very broody. But I think if I'm exhausted now how would I be 10 years from now with a baby?

Maybe your situation is different though because you have 4 kids. OP, seems tovonly have 1. Not that I'm encouraging OP but 4 kids is a large amount and it would stand to reason that you're tired.

also the last poster seems to have 5 kids?

@Blackcelebration12

The age comments by kids aren’t unwarranted though- my DD gets comments because her Dad is 55- kids ask how old he is etc. Kids can be mean & DD does get upset about it

Yes you’re right. Children always ask this question for some reason. My parents were young when they had me (they’re in their 40s now and I’m in my early 20s). As a child, I remember being surprised at the ages of some of my friends’ parents. Could you foster or work in a nursery?

@Cleverpolly3 Where I live grandparents in their fifties would be the minority

If you’re in your 20s and your parents were in their 20s when they had you, then becoming a grandparent in your 50s isn’t unusual. My grandparents were in their early 50s when I was born.

Op I am 47 too and mega broody

Had my coil out a year ago and nothing other than one
Chemical pg

My heart wants to but my ovaries are too old!

I have 3 kids but new partner

Do all these posters attacking older parents think it’s fair game to start judging younger parents too?

Not everyone’s circumstances are the same- you may not meet your partner until later in life, or be emotionally or financially ready for kids in your 20s. You may want to have a career established that enables you to go part time after maternity leave. Couples may have struggled with infertility for years. There’s pros and cons to having kids earlier or later in life, it’s no one size fits all.

Personally I wasn’t ready for kids in my twenties, but I can understand that other people are. I also understand that posters who have older kids/teenagers now wouldn’t want to go back to the baby/toddler/school run days, I wouldn’t want to be tied to that for decades either.

OP I don’t know what the right thing is for you to do. I don’t think 47 is too old but of course by then the odds of conceiving are low and there’s a greater risk of problems. That said women do have babies at that age.

I can't fathom anyone who says its far too old or ridiculous as I know 3 women in their late 40s who conceived naturally and the kids have no issues. If its still possible then it clearly isnt far too old

The average age where I live at my ante natal was mid 30s to early 40s.

No chance, I genuinely couldn’t imagine anything worse. If by some miracle I was able to get pregnant now I’d terminate. I’m 47 as well.

[quote SleepyGirly]**@Cleverpolly3* Where I live grandparents in their fifties would be the minority*

If you’re in your 20s and your parents were in their 20s when they had you, then becoming a grandparent in your 50s isn’t unusual. My grandparents were in their early 50s when I was born.[/quote]
I am aware of this
I happened to mention in my immediate area this isn’t that common that’s all

Yes I feel like that but no it's not sensible or meaningful in a practical way.

Agree with the PP about how producing offspring is the most selfish thing anyone can do. Especially with the imminent upcoming decades of climate refugees, food shortages, water shortages, unprecedented catastrophic hellscape. For the kid obsessed types, there are thousands of unwanted kids in the foster care system already, and childcare jobs. Do something that’s actually beneficial to our dying planet without adding more consumers.

My dad was in his 50s when we were born, I have no idea what you mean by suggesting it’s ‘unfair on the child’. I prefer existing to not.....and enjoyed a very happy childhood with loving and dedicated parents. Everyone should be so lucky.

MN is full, however, of women who presumably have an underlying medical condition (including obesity) who are exhausted and in pain in their 30s. It’s not normal to be so unfit and so debilitated, but these people tend to be very vocal. I often wonder how they imagine people who work in ICU, who are doing 12.5 hours shifts on our feet with 50% nights, are managing in our forties and fifties when they’re so physically infirm by the age of 35.

I've just turned 40. I have a 13 year-old and a 10 year-old with my ex-husband and now a six-month old baby with my fiancé (his first-and last!) I definitely don't want any more, 40 was the oldest we had decided we would ttc. My OH turns 45 soon.

My parents had me, and my younger brother, in their 40s. They're now in their 90s and fit as fiddles!

I'm 48 with 9 month old twins. If someone is in their 40s and fit and childless, I'd say go for it. If you're in your 40s and already have kids in your 20s, I probably wouldn't recommend going through it all again in your 40s.

And a ridiculous comment earlier about being mistaken for a grandparent. In my social group, most people are late 30s/early 40s having kids, since they've focused on education and career before kids. All of them have looked after themselves and are not worn out from years of child rearing in their 20s/early 30s, so look young, fit and active.

I was so proud to have older parents as a kid. I loved that even in the 1970s, my mum was a career girl, and that's why she had children later.

@user1471604848. My Mum also had a great career and had me later than the norm in the 1970’s. Unfortunately, poor health first struck her when I was a toddler and she died when I was in my 20’s. I absolutely don’t think having children later is a bad idea, but most people won’t have your idyllic experience, tbh. Yours is the best case scenario; mine was one of the less fortunate ones- I expect most people with older parents fall somewhere in between.

It probably isn't ideal to have a child at 47/48 for all the reasons laid out on this thread. But life doesn't always work out the way you want it to and sometimes you just have to cross your fingers and go for it.

I am a procrastinator and if I had taken the leap earlier I probably wouldn't be 52 with a 3 year old (and an 11 year old). So I would probably say to anyone who is late 30s/early 40s and wondering whether to have another child or a first child, just do it, don't sit around for years and then end up doing it anyway but much later than you could have.

I would say though that the baby and toddler years at least don't have to be as exhausting later in life as everyone seems to make out. I can honestly say it hasn't been that bad and I am not in any way fit or otherwise unusual. In fact, due to huge work pressure during Covid I have got even less fit from sitting on my arse at a desk all day (though I hope the pressure will drop next year, as getting fit would certainly help, not least to cope with the terrifying prospect of being in my 60s with a teenager!)

Anyway, good luck OP, whatever you decide, and good luck to your friend too!

@evenBetter

Agree with the PP about how producing offspring is the most selfish thing anyone can do. Especially with the imminent upcoming decades of climate refugees, food shortages, water shortages, unprecedented catastrophic hellscape. For the kid obsessed types, there are thousands of unwanted kids in the foster care system already, and childcare jobs. Do something that’s actually beneficial to our dying planet without adding more consumers.

This is unscientific doomerism. Go mix a drink and read the IPCC AR5 report to get a sense of what actually might happen. It’s not gonna be a disaster movie (I know that might disappoint you)

No way.
There is a reason women go through menopause.... reproduction at that age is just unnatural.

All your friends will have adult (to be) kids and youll be the only one with a baby. And imagine being in a mumsgroup with 20/30yos... 😅
Plus no help from parents disruption of normal life. The strain on your body whilst being pregnant. The sleepless nights. The chances of a baby with mental/physical issues. Uh the list is endless.

Plus the : awww is that your grandchild?
For the rest of your life.. and that pp before that is 48 with twins is kidding herself that that doesnt happen and that they all look glowing and young. 😆😆
Jlo is the only one pulling that off. And she has millions to spend on her face/body 😂

My friend adopted two boys when she was 44, it was her second marriage & she had a hysterectomy when she was 35. Both boys have sen, one severely, her husband announced when she was 47 that he had never loved her & left her. She said she wishes she had never adopted them, her first children are grown up & she sees her friends who are free now to do what they want, one of her boys never sleeps, she is always shattered.

@FTMF30 I have 2 kids 8 & 13 so I am really lucky. I probably should have had another 6 years ago tbh but didn’t have this bonkers broody nonsense then as I was in the thick of parenting 2 young kids. To be honest, I still feel in the thick of parenting 🤣 I do think it’s my ovaries having a last ditch throw of the dice! My DP is 55 so we are both too old really