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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask something you’d love that you can’t ever have

333 replies

GrinchnotHinch · 14/12/2020 21:26

Is there anything in this world you would love to do or have that just isn’t an achievable goal? You know when people say you can achieve anything if you set your mind to it? Well, the thing you can’t have either way.

Mine would be to adopt a child. I have all the love in my heart to give to adoptive children, I know I could love them just as my own and deal with the challenges unconditionally. Unfortunately I have a mental health diagnosis, two previous (malicious) reports to Social Services and a DP who doesn’t feel the same on the subject. I do have biological children but I will always dream of adopting.

Is there anything for you?

OP posts:
dayslikethese1 · 15/12/2020 02:45

*in the same room

dayslikethese1 · 15/12/2020 02:46

Oh and I wish I'd got a chance to meet my other DGPs, they died before I was born.

pollywollydoodler · 15/12/2020 03:05

A dog
my husband is allergic to them and I'm too disabled now to look after one..

InsanityOf2020 · 15/12/2020 03:27

I jus simply want a home. Yes i rent a house but i dont feel its a home, i can't do the basic stuff like decorate, have the garden with all my flowers and stuff, even some of the furniture is my LL. i hate being inspected with a passion but obvs i let it happen because i have to. I also hate the insecurity of it, i could be evicted on a whim, but i have a roof over my head so i am better off than som, i realise that, but its not my home.

BikeRunSki · 15/12/2020 03:27

Dinner with my dad. He died 27 years ago. I never knew him as an adult.

ElementalFuture · 15/12/2020 03:33

To be happy.
To not be autistic.
To not live on the outside.

SquarePeggyLeggy · 15/12/2020 03:39

My Mum, and so a Grandma for my children too.

readingismycardio · 15/12/2020 04:09

Absolutely perfect skin

BritWifeinUSA · 15/12/2020 04:11

Motherhood

Ritascornershop · 15/12/2020 04:21

I’d like for one of my kids not to have a difficult personality that causes her anxiety and makes her verbally combative with people (when moving on would make her life easier).

I’d also love to have a partner, a kind one, but I know now that it’s not going to happen. If it didn’t happen when I was first divorced at 40 it’s not going to happen now I’m older. I’m invisible to men, they look past me to women 20 years younger (who aren’t interested in men my age).

alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 15/12/2020 05:37

I got one of mine last year, much to my surprise and delight! I wanted a swimming pool, and I got one, it makes me happy every day. I'd also like to be thin and rich, I will never be either but I'm working on thinner. But I feel very lucky with what I've got.

Whatamess582 · 15/12/2020 05:40

To be the female equivalent of David Attenborough

liverpool1981 · 15/12/2020 05:57

Just contentment

GoldfishParade · 15/12/2020 06:08

I would love to feel a sense of deep connection and belonging to one place, the kind people have when they were born, raised, grew up, and still live in an area.

We moved countries from when I was a baby so that's impossible for me now. I can still create my own sense of belonging now as an adult, but it's never going to be the same as that kind of ancestral feeling, when all your people are in this one region, and you have memories that stretch back decades.

PetuniaClark · 15/12/2020 06:17

to be able to drive more than 5k without crippling anxiety & panic attacks

babieslovebooks · 15/12/2020 06:25

I wish I could live a life without social anxiety. I would love to have more friends, be comfortable chatting to people, apply for better jobs, try new things, join clubs - just live a life more true to myself I guess.

I'm nearly 40 now and have struggled with it since my childhood. I used to have hope I could change but not anymore.

PopsicleHustler · 15/12/2020 06:25
  • To not have had the crappy childhood I had.
-Parents that loved me. I have seen contact with them due to them being abusive and alcoholics. -To have contact with my siblings. They are both unfortunately down the wrong path in life, drugs etc and so for that I have zero contact as they re both abusive and one in particular is a psycho and a pathological liar with several isssues. -that people would accept me for what I am. I am a white muslim and happy. However I lost friends and family in the process. I get constantly judged, stared and called names all because I wear a hijab. -that I didn't lose friends when i became Muslim, but hey ho they were not friends in the first place. -that my eldest boy didnt have IBS. He has regular stomach aches all day long -i had so many friends, close friends and best friends but unless I make the effort I never hear from them. -that my best friend of 2 decades didnt choose to go to the pub with her boyfriends mates and came to labour with me instead. When my last child was born in 2018, my husband and I were begging her on the phone to come to hospital. I was 4cm dilated and even just for an hour to be there as I really wanted her there. She said no, she is really tired and going to the party instead. We had spoke throughout the day , meot her informed if what was happening while I was labouring at home and she said she would love to be there..... Since then we havent spoke and I miss her dearly. -that my grandma didnt pass away a week ago. Her, my husband and kids are all i have. -that we had a bigger house, but we are working towards that. -that i had one bloody friend who would ring me up and invite me me over for coffee and ask how i am. -that I had straight teeth at the top front. I am self conscious of my smile. But I have a wonderful husband who tells me I am beautiful everyday and that helps.
YukoandHiro · 15/12/2020 06:29

To be a novelist. I'm a writer by profession so it's not totally ridiculous but I'm my family's main source of income so I don't have the time or space or energy to write fiction - and 99 per cent of published novels earn the writer nothing at all so we can't afford me to spend time on it either.

Maybe in later life...?

YukoandHiro · 15/12/2020 06:30

Oh yeah, and the glossy, manageable hair and to be taller

Eminybob · 15/12/2020 06:41

So many (superficial) things.

Be be able to sing. I LOVE singing but sound like a strangled cat sadly.

Be to slim. I can become slim(ish) but can never sustain it and always end up getting fat again.

To live in a lovely decent size house in the countryside. We just couldn’t afford the mortgage. Even if I go full time once youngest dc is at school we still couldn’t afford to buy the size and area that we want. So we are stuck in a crappy area in a house that is far too small for us.

To properly travel the world. I really wish I’d seen more of the world before having dc.

ShameMacGowan · 15/12/2020 06:44

I would just love to be the sort of mum who springs out of bed on the weekend and actually looks forward to getting everyone up and out for an adventure. A walk in the park, a stroll around a lake. To the woods. I do actually do this stuff but i HATE it. I'd much rather be in my pjs slobbing around, and warm.

I'd also love my dad to have known my kids. He was a terrible dad but for some reason i think he'd have been the best grandad
. The dcs would have adored him. I can literally picture them fighting over wanting to sit on his lap to hear his tales of a mis spent life.

Harrisismyparadise · 15/12/2020 06:48

@MostIneptThatEverStepped

I would like to be able to stay in my house and not have to sell it in 2 years when the mortgage term is up. I can't repay it so have to sell. I've lived here for 23 years and I have no idea where to go.

I also wish I could go back in time and spend time with my parents. So many things I want to ask them and tell them.

Can you not remortgage with different provider? I don’t understand what you mean. You will pay mortgage monthly for 2 more years and then you won’t be able to make the payments?
Cam2020 · 15/12/2020 06:52

Superficial, but to own my own home too. I'm very lucky that I have a lovely rented house and a good landlord but it's not mine. A combination of bad decions and bad luck have priced me out.

malificent7 · 15/12/2020 07:08

To not have to work...not because I have no work ethic but because I really like being on my own.

Ginfordinner · 15/12/2020 07:11

Perfect eyesight and hearing.