To stop dating someone over this?

[Cheesecakeladyx]

I have been dating a man for the last two months and we have seen each other around 8 times now. We usually meet up during the weekend as we both work Mon-Fri. He is lovely, kind, caring and we get on great and have lots of things in common. The only downside is that he doesn’t drive which means I’m usually the one who travels down to him. It’s a 3hr trip all round which does cost a fair bit in petrol and toll charges every weekend. I haven’t minded up until now but it has started getting on my nerves slightly, especially since I’ve mentioned a couple of times about him maybe coming down to me which he’s replied with “yeah sure” but in reality hasn’t made any effort to do so. It would take him around 2hrs on the train to travel down so not huge a difference in time compared to a car journey.

In regards to the money side of things, he does pay for the majority of activities that we do together (meals out, drinks in the pub etc - I do always offer to pay btw) so I suppose it does balance it out slightly. I guess I just feel that I’m always the one having to make the effort to drive up and down after I’ve been in work all week and it would be nice if he made that effort to sometimes. What do you guys think? Should I have another talk with him about it or call it quits given that it’s already started winding me up? which I know isn’t healthy in a new relationship.

As not to drip feed - he does suffer with anxiety which could possibly be contributing to him not wanting to come to me. (I'm not sure, just a thought).

Sounds very hard work for a 2 month relationship....

@housemdwaswrong yes, that makes sense!

Date someone closer OP.

date someone that wants to meet you half way - metaphorical speaking. Or have the conversation with him that you'd like him to visit you rather than you always doin the travelling to him

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

Toomanyradishes if I don’t want to date anyone for any of those reasons that’s fine, there is no equalities act when it comes to dating- whatever turns someone off turns them off.

OP I wouldn’t date someone who couldn’t drive someone who doesn’t drink, a vegan etc.

This, that’s not to say my list is the list above.

Not driving as a deal-breaker is a bizarre sentiment. Living in a city both DP and I have got to our late 30s without ever needing to drive. I get the impression a lot of posters are treating it as a form of manliness, which I thought was the preserve of men going through mid-life crises.

The thing is, I don’t know anyone who can’t drive. I’m not in the UK, but I do live in a city.

Learning to drive is a rite of passage - everyone learns, girls and boys, men and women.

Personally, I also walk a lot too, but being able to drive is very much seen as a basic life skill. Obviously if you can’t drive, legally, for medical reasons, that’s different (although again, I don’t know a single person this applies to). It’s not about ‘manliness’ - it’s just basic, entry-level adulting.

I think, the thing is, people who don’t drive, don’t have a car, etc, don’t appreciate how much easier having a car makes so many aspects of life. You don’t miss what you don’t have. Whereas those of us with cars know exactly how much easier it makes life.

@Commonwasher

You could test the water with his attitude to visiting, by saying you’ve had a busy week and want to take it easy on Saturday morning and suggest he makes his way to yours for X time. Perfectly reasonable not to want to do all the traveling and you’ll soon find out if he is up for sharing the journeying.

This!

Not driving as a deal-breaker is a bizarre sentiment. Living in a city both DP and I have got to our late 30s without ever needing to drive

I think you're missing the point. People who have it as a deal breaker are highly unlikely to be those living in a city who never have any cause to drive, who don't drive either are they? If they were, they wouldn't even notice.

@MerchantOfVenom

Not driving as a deal-breaker is a bizarre sentiment. Living in a city both DP and I have got to our late 30s without ever needing to drive. I get the impression a lot of posters are treating it as a form of manliness, which I thought was the preserve of men going through mid-life crises.

The thing is, I don’t know anyone who can’t drive. I’m not in the UK, but I do live in a city.

Learning to drive is a rite of passage - everyone learns, girls and boys, men and women.

Personally, I also walk a lot too, but being able to drive is very much seen as a basic life skill. Obviously if you can’t drive, legally, for medical reasons, that’s different (although again, I don’t know a single person this applies to). It’s not about ‘manliness’ - it’s just basic, entry-level adulting.

I think, the thing is, people who don’t drive, don’t have a car, etc, don’t appreciate how much easier having a car makes so many aspects of life. You don’t miss what you don’t have. Whereas those of us with cars know exactly how much easier it makes life.

But you don't live in the UK, let alone a major city here. I lived in the US for a time and not being allowed to drive was a nightmare. London it's at best a minor hindrance, but even taking quite a few taxis I save a ton of money and help the environment Vs owning a car.

Cars ofteb make life easier and nicer, so do many other things that do net damage to the world, from eating lots of meat to buying fast fashion. While I have often been a bit envious of those who drive, I also see that it's forced a better overall outcome than I might have chosen if I'd had the choice. Maybe 'adulting' is looking at the damage done by.cars to humans and the environment and deciding to opt out.