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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - Christmas dilemma

360 replies

catgirl1976 · 13/12/2020 18:49

Due to COVID DH's self employed work dried up. So he got a job working from home doing customer service for a large telecomms company. Minimum wage and we've lost a lot of income but he's grateful to have a job and be WFH so it's all good. It's not a great company to work for and its a bit sweat shop call centre but its fine .

Until he got his rota for Christmas week. He is working 10am - 7pm Christmas Eve and then 8am to 5pm Christmas day. He has Boxing Day off. We appreciate lots of people have to work Christmas day and there is no option to book this off or swap it.

We have a DS who has just turned 9 and still believes. He is so excited for Christmas and has, like most children, had so much cancelled or postponed this year and has been a trouper.

So...I've decided that rather than try and do Christmas with DH plugged into a computer and taking calls every 5 minutes we will just move the whole thing forward a day. So on Christmas day we will do Christmas Eve stuff - film, hot chocolate, mince pie for Santa etc and then Boxing Day will be Christmas day. Seems sensible as he finishes work at 5pm on Christmas day and is off Boxing day so we can have a "normal" Christmas albeit a day late. We were always planning to be just the three of us due to COVID.

My dilemma is do I tell DS? I think knowing its Christmas but nothing is happening will be horrible for him.

My plan is to not tell him. I honestly think I can pull this off as once he's finished school he won't know what day it is. He doesn't have a watch, I can change the date on devices and its not like he reads the paper. He doesn't really watch TV and I can keep any TV to films and stuff so no "Christmas specials" or merry Christmas messages popping up and if anything comes up on his ipad I'll just tell him it's already Christmas in some countries due to different time zones.

We are not going anywhere so it's just the three of us. Grandparents etc can zoom on "Christmas day" and be in on it. I can buy a "dupe" advent calendar and pretend he forgot a day.

I think I can pull it off but DH thinks I can't and should tell him. I don't like lying to him but we are lying to him about flying reindeer and elves and a big man coming down the chimney with presents so I feel like not telling him the date - which doesn't actually matter really - is not that much of a big deal. Whereas I think knowing its actually Christmas Eve but Santa isn't coming till the following night for some reason will be hard for him.

AIBU - can I pull this off and should I? I know it will be the last year he believes so I want to keep Christmas "intact" and not postponed like every bloody other things has been this year.

OP posts:
MarahCarey · 13/12/2020 19:39

Presumably he goes online? In which case he'll see the date. Or he'll see people talking about it online. Or he'll see a news website. Or he'll see Google's Christmas logo. Or he'll see out of his window people celebrating on the wrong day... it's a minefield!

He's 9! I don't have a 9 year old, but... Surely this isn't how you treat a 9 year old??

WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants · 13/12/2020 19:39

Snacky not snarky. Bloody phone!

Viviennemary · 13/12/2020 19:39

I think that's a bonkers idea tbh. Just make the best of things and keep to the right days. And make the day you have all together extra special.

ZanyPam · 13/12/2020 19:40

Erm, no do not do this. It's weird.

Goodmorninglights · 13/12/2020 19:41

I think it’s a wonderful idea, inspired in fact. Our children definitely still believed at that age and I’m sure I could have pulled this off. I think it’s the perfect way to keep the magic alive and give all of you the best Christmas possible, not just your son. Ignore all those saying you shouldn’t lie, what does the actual date matter, isn’t it the case that we celebrate on a different day anyway? Make it work for your family, you sound like such a thoughtful mum.

OrangeBlossomsinthesun · 13/12/2020 19:41

I think he's too old for this, under 5 maybe. Just tell him.

movingonup20 · 13/12/2020 19:42

Just be honest and say his dad has to work on Christmas Day, have dinner at 6pm. He gets to play with his new things and eat chocolate, make canapés that your dh can eat at his desk at lunchtime. Presents can be opened before 8am. He's of an age he can understand mums and dads have to work

saraclara · 13/12/2020 19:44

Don't lie to him. If he finds out (and I'm sure he will) you'll have ruined Christmas 100 times worse than by telling him you're having it on Boxing Day. And why would he ever trust you again?

But seriously, it would have to be an extraordinarily dim 9 year old not to twig. Give him some credit.

We had 'alternative' Christmas Day for various reasons three times. It was every bit as good as it would have been on the actual day. One year it was a whole week early! My kids were a bit older than yours the first time, but not a lot.

jerometheturnipking · 13/12/2020 19:44

what does the actual date matter, isn’t it the case that we celebrate on a different day anyway?

That is exactly what the people who are saying "don't lie" are saying. The date is unimportant, the OP should explain that to her DS - "Isn't it wonderful that Santa is taking everyone's safety seriously and spreading the deliveries out over two nights this year! And how lucky for us that he's doing ours on Christmas night so Daddy can enjoy all the fun with us and not be working!".

It has nothing to do with believing in Santa, and everything to do with taking her son for a 9 year old who wouldn't know what day it is. In December, as a believer in Santa, who is presumably at school where the date is written on the board every day, and who will have been seeing the number on the advent calendar door every morning for the past two weeks.

PurplePanda7 · 13/12/2020 19:46

Don’t deceive him. Just get up earlier on Christmas Day and open presents and eat a “Christmas breakfast” together before your DH starts work. Explain to your DS that you’ll have a 2 day Christmas celebration, so Christmas Day and Boxing Day.

saraclara · 13/12/2020 19:46

Actually, worse. You might make him look a fool if one of his friends contacts him and talks about it being Christmas Day or Boxing Day. Your boy would argue it and say the friend is wrong...and then...well it would be absolutely awful. He'd be teased and bullied at school when they go back.

PLEASE don't do this.

Floralnomad · 13/12/2020 19:47

He’s 9 and I think you are being utterly ridiculous , just do the day on the normal day and then have another lovely day on Boxing Day .

CabinClose · 13/12/2020 19:47

There is absolutely no way my 9 year old would fall for this. Even my 4 year old wouldn’t believe you about the advent calendar. I can see why you would want to do it, but 9 is too old to get away with it.

Caterinaballerina · 13/12/2020 19:47

I just wanted to add, it’s so nice to see you aren’t moaning about DH working and are just busying yourself making a plan for an alternative Christmas Day. I wish you a brilliant day no matter which day your DS thinks it is!

PurplePanda7 · 13/12/2020 19:48

By the way, no school aged child will fall for the “Father Christmas is delivering on Boxing Day this year” or not remember the date (they have an advent calendar and write the date in their school books).

WinterGarden633 · 13/12/2020 19:48

I think it’s so lovely that you’re willing to put all this effort in, OP. I really do- it’s very kind hearted, but I think it’s probably better to just tell him.
It will be much less stressful for you, less upset if he finds out and doesn’t take the deception well and as someone in the emergency services I can vouch for Father Christmas understanding that some families celebrate at different times ;) He’s very good at making sure nobody is forgotten- he has a list and checks it twice after all!

Nunoftheother · 13/12/2020 19:49

I suspect that at 9 he'll be very aware of how many days (or "sleeps") there are between school breaking up and Christmas Day.

saraclara · 13/12/2020 19:50

He plays Roblox and Minecraft on the ipad

Does he interact with other players? Because if he does, you'll get away with this for about five minutes before someone blows your cover and makes him look a fool.

Woohoowoowoo · 13/12/2020 19:51

I think you're clutching at straws here OP. My kids are younger and I would just tell them the truth in thay situation. Although in my family there has always been working around Christmas.

MiddlesexGirl · 13/12/2020 19:51

No way I'd have the half-cut Christmas Day that some PP are suggesting.

I'd do something like ...
Santa's stuff on Xmas Day morning followed by nice brunch which you can take into DH while he works. Add party poppers etc for more festivity. Then get DS involved in preparations for your alternative Christmas Day which will be taking place on Boxing Day. Perhaps wrap some presents, prep some good, hang up some more decs. Plus time playing with Santa's stuff and watching a Xmas film.

Then do all your usual Xmas traditions bar the Santa stuff on Boxing Day.

MiddlesexGirl · 13/12/2020 19:52

*food

ArosAdraDrosDolig · 13/12/2020 19:52

jerometheturnipking that’s a fair point. We’re in Wales where the schools are now closed so they’ll have 2 weeks before Xmas day

WishingHopingThinkingPraying · 13/12/2020 19:53

Give him a bit of credit. You're doing him no favour really by lying to him. What is the problem with celebrating it a day late? He's lucky to have a lovely family and lovely Christmas celebration to look forward to. Focus on that with him. And teach him a bit if flexibility.

rosegoldwatcher · 13/12/2020 19:54

Haven't read all of the thread, someone else may have already suggested this...

Don't try to deceive him - that will not make for a relaxed Christmas for you.

I would...
Have two Christmas Days - one for you and your son and another on Boxing day for the three of you.
Father Christmas can deliver as normal on Christmas Eve, your DS can open half of his presents and save the rest to open with you and his dad on 'Christmas Day the Sequel.'
Have a more casual meal on the 25th (his favourite; pizzas, sausages?) and your planned Christmas lunch all together on Boxing Day.

gamerchick · 13/12/2020 19:54

He'll be counting the days man, there's no way you could pull this off without some massive deception and lies.

Just do both C day and boxing day. It'll be fine.

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