AIBU - Christmas dilemma

[catgirl1976]

Due to COVID DH's self employed work dried up. So he got a job working from home doing customer service for a large telecomms company. Minimum wage and we've lost a lot of income but he's grateful to have a job and be WFH so it's all good. It's not a great company to work for and its a bit sweat shop call centre but its fine .

Until he got his rota for Christmas week. He is working 10am - 7pm Christmas Eve and then 8am to 5pm Christmas day. He has Boxing Day off. We appreciate lots of people have to work Christmas day and there is no option to book this off or swap it.

We have a DS who has just turned 9 and still believes. He is so excited for Christmas and has, like most children, had so much cancelled or postponed this year and has been a trouper.

So...I've decided that rather than try and do Christmas with DH plugged into a computer and taking calls every 5 minutes we will just move the whole thing forward a day. So on Christmas day we will do Christmas Eve stuff - film, hot chocolate, mince pie for Santa etc and then Boxing Day will be Christmas day. Seems sensible as he finishes work at 5pm on Christmas day and is off Boxing day so we can have a "normal" Christmas albeit a day late. We were always planning to be just the three of us due to COVID.

My dilemma is do I tell DS? I think knowing its Christmas but nothing is happening will be horrible for him.

My plan is to not tell him. I honestly think I can pull this off as once he's finished school he won't know what day it is. He doesn't have a watch, I can change the date on devices and its not like he reads the paper. He doesn't really watch TV and I can keep any TV to films and stuff so no "Christmas specials" or merry Christmas messages popping up and if anything comes up on his ipad I'll just tell him it's already Christmas in some countries due to different time zones.

We are not going anywhere so it's just the three of us. Grandparents etc can zoom on "Christmas day" and be in on it. I can buy a "dupe" advent calendar and pretend he forgot a day.

I think I can pull it off but DH thinks I can't and should tell him. I don't like lying to him but we are lying to him about flying reindeer and elves and a big man coming down the chimney with presents so I feel like not telling him the date - which doesn't actually matter really - is not that much of a big deal. Whereas I think knowing its actually Christmas Eve but Santa isn't coming till the following night for some reason will be hard for him.

AIBU - can I pull this off and should I? I know it will be the last year he believes so I want to keep Christmas "intact" and not postponed like every bloody other things has been this year.

Did you tell him OP? At 9 he can start to understand.

I worked every Christmas day for 15 years, so right through my daughters childhood. (my choice as we had a big family get together on boxing day every year)
We had Christmas Stocking opening before I went to work at 6-30 am
and then when I returned my DH had everything under way for Christmas Dinner. After dinner we had all the other gifts. She knew this was the way things had to be so. I never lied to her, I would have felt a fraud.

If Santa normally delivers the stocking, why not have him still deliver the stocking on Xmas morning as usual, but have the conversation with your son that tree gifts will be done the day after with Dad.

Or have Santa deliver all the gifts if that's what he normally does on Christmas Day with a special letter where Santa says his Dads wish for Xmas was that he could be part of Christmas Day without work and Santa asks your son to be a really big boy and wait until the next day to open his gifts. There could be a differently wrapped gift especially from Santa as a reward for waiting.

Good luck, let us know what you decide!

I will update but I’ve not told him yet. Planning to do it on the weekend when we are not all frazzled from school and work.

Your husbands company should be ashamed of themselves, I know that many people do have to work on Christmas Day, police officers, nurses, fire fighters, doctors, social services, but customer services???

Customer services have been operating years on Xmas. Phone companies sky TV etc etc not everyone celebrates Christmas.

@Lavanderrose

Your husbands company should be ashamed of themselves, I know that many people do have to work on Christmas Day, police officers, nurses, fire fighters, doctors, social services, but customer services???

If you have a power cut on Christmas Day, or your broadband goes down or your phone doesn't work, I imagine you'll expect to be able to call someone about it?

I'm working 10 til 4. Our plan is full on 3 course Xmas meal moved to Xmas eve. Xmas morning as per usual. Kids play with dad on the switch while I work. Board games and quality time after work. Xmas day food will be leftover meats, bread, party food

I'm working boxing day too so no other option here and I just want to keep Xmas day as much as possible for our dc.

@catgirl1976

He will be up pre eight but I don’t want a half baked Christmas with DH working. I’m definitely moving the whole thing so we have Christmas Day on Boxing Day. The dilemma was just whether to tell DS it had moved. And to do so seems to be the consensus.

I think DH is right that if we tell him now and then keep mentioning “our Christmas is Saturday remember” he will have normalised it in no time and be fine and not even notice he’s “missing out” on the 25th. Plus as other problem have said he and I can still have a special day whilst his dad works then do Christmas Eve when he clicks off at seven and then have a family Christmas Day on the 26th and if DS feels he’s getting an extra day of celebrations he might even be happy.

Maybe I’m projecting my own disappointment on to him idk.

Yeah I think you are. He'll pick up on how you feel about it - but if you're happy and easy going about it he should be too. Make some nice plans together for what to do on the 25th - drive to the beach for a walk together or something like that?

I've done this with my DS's birthday and Christmas.To be fair he doesn't have much sense of day/date due to ASD and his DS was a toddler last time I did it. He/they never knew the difference. When he was 10 I asked him about it - would he like me to tell him if I wanted to do it or just carry on as normal. He said he'd rather I didn't tell him. Obviously this may change as he gets older.

Ah - I totally get where you're coming from but PPs are right, it's going to be such hard work to make it happen! Does he not speak to his friends on whatsapp or games?

I agree with the suggestion that you tell him there is a delayed Xmas day for keyworkers etc and that FC is really happy to come to some houses a day later as that spreads his workload a bit. Tell him now so he can countdown properly to the 26th. Maybe have a 'christmas eve present' from you if he can't wait - but all the subterfuge for a 9 year old just sounds impossible to pull off! Hope you all have a lpvely day!

You mentioned earlier that you think he might already know Father Christmas isn't real, so making up an elaborate story might confuse him even more.

My 7yo knows exactly what day it is, even before she looks at her advent calendar, and has been counting sleeps for the past week. Even if you think you managed to pull this off it's likely he'd suspect and may just feel he has to play along with you.

I wouldn't make a big deal of it. I'd do all the present opening on Christmas day (let's face it, kids just want to open their presents asap). Maybe keep a couple secret to open on Boxing day, have Xmas dinner then too, and Dad can spend time playing with him then.

I like the idea of taking treats to Dad throughout the day. I wonder how busy a telecomms company will be on Christmas day anyway? Finger's crossed not too busy 😉

So glad you mentioned the "moving forward" thing. For a few years I've heard people say they're moving something "forward" when it's actually days later. I thought I was going mad. 🤣

@CantTrampoline

So glad you mentioned the "moving forward" thing. For a few years I've heard people say they're moving something "forward" when it's actually days later. I thought I was going mad. 🤣

That was to CrunchyMum (I've not got the hang of MN yet!)

Just be honest. My mother was a nurse so we spent almost every Christmas like this - celebrating everything or two early or late. And we lived to tell the tale.

A family man working on Christmas Day doing the best he can to keep you all afloat is something to be proud of, not something to lie about.

@Lavanderrose

Your husbands company should be ashamed of themselves, I know that many people do have to work on Christmas Day, police officers, nurses, fire fighters, doctors, social services, but customer services???

It could be technical support. It’s a telephone company. My first job was with a phone company. We had to be available 24/7 because hospitals, police stations, fire stations etc used our phone lines.

1. Don’t lie to people
2. If you do lie to people pick a lie you can pull off
3. Don’t lie to people

This is the kind of thing gives people trust issues.

Just tell him. If you are planning to let him have any screen time the date is on the iPad/Kindle for a start!
My DS is 8 and has SEN and no way could I fool him.

@EnPoinsettia

1. Don’t lie to people

1. If you do lie to people pick a lie you can pull off
2. Don’t lie to people

This is the kind of thing gives people trust issues.

Hahahaha don't lie about Christmas.

We are talking about not lying about an imaginary fat man coming down the chimney having parked a sleigh on the roof driven by flying reindeers, one of which has a flashing headlight nose.

This is of course all in aid of celebrating the birth of a baby who had a virgin conception and all in aid of saving mankind.

What's another lie going to do here?!

(Not picking a fight here, but it made me laugh).

@footprintsinthesnow. That’ll come under the “pick a lie you can pull off” section.

Santa and Jesus both have pretty high complicity uptake with the outside world. So less chance being rumbled

The lie that 26 is 25 and a whole extra day appeared before Christmas. Not so much
complicity there.

Nine years olds can usually count to 25 and beyond.

BTW Parents only need to meet 30% of their children’s emotional needs to create a secure attachment style

Attachment style influences relationships for life. Takes massive amounts of work to change it/

And being told the truth and being able to trust people is a big part of what underlies attachment style.

So a big, elaborate and implausible lie (that isn’t part of a wider social convention) at an age when a child is starting to be able to discern more for themselves about how trustworthy people are? Yeah, big deal.

But never mind, it’s funny to cause childhood trauma. Fucking hilarious.

Don't lie to your son. My dad worked every xmas day for mist of my childhood. Get up on xmas morning, bacon sarnies (or veggie equivalent), open presents. Husband heads to work. You and son do something nice together (go for a walk, watch a film). Spend the afternoon together cooking xmas dinner, setting table everything etc. Sit down as a family for evening xmas dinner. Snuggle on the sofa, play games in the evening.

I have just had a Christmas miracle!!!

DH's company have treated him quite badly recently - prevented form taking statutory leave, change to terms of conditions imposed without consultation, unlawful deductions from wages -whole other thread.

Anyway we wrote a grievance (I work in HR so it was quite strongly worded with reference to relevant legisaltation) and asked for this to be resolved by his wages being put right and being allowed to take his leave - they came back and asked him what days he wanted and he is now off Christmas Eve and Christmas Day!

I literally am crying and I can't believe it.

I am SO happy

I just want to say a big thank you to all the people who routinely work Christmas day and to everyone who had lovely helpful suggestions. Whatever your circumstances and whatever you Christmas looks like I hope you all have a lovely one filled with joy and 2021 is a much better year for everyone.

That's amazing. Enjoy!

Aww thats great news

Hooray!