AIBU - Christmas dilemma

[catgirl1976]

Due to COVID DH's self employed work dried up. So he got a job working from home doing customer service for a large telecomms company. Minimum wage and we've lost a lot of income but he's grateful to have a job and be WFH so it's all good. It's not a great company to work for and its a bit sweat shop call centre but its fine .

Until he got his rota for Christmas week. He is working 10am - 7pm Christmas Eve and then 8am to 5pm Christmas day. He has Boxing Day off. We appreciate lots of people have to work Christmas day and there is no option to book this off or swap it.

We have a DS who has just turned 9 and still believes. He is so excited for Christmas and has, like most children, had so much cancelled or postponed this year and has been a trouper.

So...I've decided that rather than try and do Christmas with DH plugged into a computer and taking calls every 5 minutes we will just move the whole thing forward a day. So on Christmas day we will do Christmas Eve stuff - film, hot chocolate, mince pie for Santa etc and then Boxing Day will be Christmas day. Seems sensible as he finishes work at 5pm on Christmas day and is off Boxing day so we can have a "normal" Christmas albeit a day late. We were always planning to be just the three of us due to COVID.

My dilemma is do I tell DS? I think knowing its Christmas but nothing is happening will be horrible for him.

My plan is to not tell him. I honestly think I can pull this off as once he's finished school he won't know what day it is. He doesn't have a watch, I can change the date on devices and its not like he reads the paper. He doesn't really watch TV and I can keep any TV to films and stuff so no "Christmas specials" or merry Christmas messages popping up and if anything comes up on his ipad I'll just tell him it's already Christmas in some countries due to different time zones.

We are not going anywhere so it's just the three of us. Grandparents etc can zoom on "Christmas day" and be in on it. I can buy a "dupe" advent calendar and pretend he forgot a day.

I think I can pull it off but DH thinks I can't and should tell him. I don't like lying to him but we are lying to him about flying reindeer and elves and a big man coming down the chimney with presents so I feel like not telling him the date - which doesn't actually matter really - is not that much of a big deal. Whereas I think knowing its actually Christmas Eve but Santa isn't coming till the following night for some reason will be hard for him.

AIBU - can I pull this off and should I? I know it will be the last year he believes so I want to keep Christmas "intact" and not postponed like every bloody other things has been this year.

My DF was in the RAF and then the police. He always worked shifts. Christmas, Birthdays etc were always moveable feasts. I think my parents spun it 'so dad didn't miss out'. Worked for us.

This is it @ArosAdraDrosDolig - once he's finished school he will have no idea what date it is unless he looks at his ipad which I can change or his advent calendar which I can also change. Other than that there is nothing that will tell him the date. So I just don't see how he would find out.

Why not have Santa gifts on the proper night and open them before 8am then have proper Xmas on Boxing Day with Xmas dinner and family gifts?

Why not just do Christmas over 2 days, Santa on Christmas Day and the rest of it on Boxing Day. 9 is old enough to understand people need to work.

I can understand emergency services having to work on Christmas Day. But who the fuck is going to ring a call centre for customer service? They should be off work, it’s disgusting. Name and shame OP, and tbh I’d tell them to get stuffed.

Sorry, I don’t think you should. It’s a sweet idea, but completely impractical.
He could always open a couple of presents then wait for you DH to get home for the rest.

But everyone else including DH thinks IAIBU so I guess I must be and should just tell him.

@Lazypuppy

So OP your son knows everyone else buys him presents apart from his own mum and dad?

Why do some parents give santa all the credit for every present 🤦‍♀️

I have never been able to understand this. My nephew was upset when he got back to school after Christmas and discovered he was the only child in his class whose parents hadn't bought him anything for Christmas.

When I was a child the stockings came from Father Christmas and presents from people who we then had to write thank you letters to. DD's stocking always came from Father Christmas, and presents from people.

I don’t think you are being unreasonable but at the same time he is old enough to know that you will be celebrating the next day. There is no reason why Santa can’t understand that daddy is working and wants you to have the day together. You could receive a letter from Santa explaining. Perhaps a stocking on the actual morning but everything else later.

If he finds out he's going to be extremely confused. Just tell him the truth - he's 9 - he can handle it.

It won't work saying he's missed a day on his advent calendar - that would make Christmas Day a day earlier not a day later. He would need to unknowingly miss a day of his advent calendar to make this work - not the other way round.
You just need to be honest with him, this talk of changing dates on iPads isn't going to work, he's nine, not four.

@DonkeyMcFluff is a company that Virgin Media have outsourced for call centre stuff. I think actual Virgin staff are off but the outsourced agents have to work. They were offered a choice between Christmas day and New Years day but everyone put themselves down for NYD so they just got allocated it and it's just tough sadly :(

@catgirl1976

Ok - you've all convinced me. I'll tell him and explain that Santa does another day for children whose parents have to work and we get to keep Christmas going for longer than everyone else and have a lovely day altogether

DH will be quite smug that MN sided with him :)

That could backfire when he goes back to school and tells friends. I don’t understand why you feel the need to change the day just because DH is working 8-5. Lots of people work Christmas Day. Why can’t he get up, open his presents & spend the day playing with them then have Christmas dinner when dad finishes? I think it’s worse to make him wait a day & that you are doing that for the adults benefit not his.

@ArosAdraDrosDolig

My nine year old wouldn’t have a clue what day it was in the holidays. I wouldn’t say anything. Just ‘Christmas day is on Saturday’

My 11 yo would know the date but at 9, they only know it’s Xmas eve because we tell them it is, surely?

I disagree. My DC's school finishes at 3pm on 22nd December. They know full well that Christmas Day is the 25th, and they have enough about them at 5 and 8 to know that 25-22 is 3. They've had a month of opening an advent calendar and seeing the number of pockets left decreasing. They've seen the "12 sleeps to go!" countdowns.

If it was a regular holiday then yes, they wouldn't know the date. But Christmas holidays starting 3 days before Christmas Day? No chance are they forgetting that.

I’d do it , where is the harm. Your just trying to make the best of a bad situation, luckily I’m off over Xmas but usually have to work it my children are 3 and 7 I’d do what your suggesting in your circumstances, good luck

I think telling him is the right thing to do. I think the “Santa does an extra day” idea is perfect. Our DC aren’t young any more but we are in your situation too. DH lost a well paid job he loved and now is on a min wage job where he has to be away for Christmas. We are so grateful he has work, like you, that although it’s a shame we aren’t going to rock the boat. We are moving our Christmas Day early before he goes away.

The more we’ve thought about it and talked about it, the more we like the idea of a relaxed Christmas Day where we can actually watch all the Christmassy TV. If you are honest with him, he can watch all the lovely stuff they put on on Christmas Day.

All the best for your Christmas and let’s hope both of us are in a better situation next year!

If it helps you feel better, my step dad was a chef and always worked Christmas Day. Our presents were delivered Xmas eve as normal, but we only opened our stockings on the day, and basically ate all the crap we wanted. Then we did our Xmas dinner and presents on Boxing Day. It was actually really nice stretching the day out over 2 days rather than it all being over with quickly

Thank you @DreamingofaShiteChristmas - I hope next year is better for you and your DH too. And everyone else! It's been a stinker

If you honestly think you could pull this off, you do not have a very switched on 9yo. It's something you might get away with for a 3yo.

My mum was a nurse before she retired and so we regularly had Christmas Day on Boxing Day. My parents told me that Santa knew that my Mum was working and so he'd drop out pressies of on his way back to the North Pole. I remember those Christmases being very special because my parents made sure that of it. You may well get away with it but I was told the 'truth' and it was still wonderful. Merry Christmas

Not quite the same but we did something similar for DSS on the years when Xmas fell with his mum. We would do a complete Xmas with Xmas Eve a couple of days before Xmas. Full on Xmas meal and presents from Santa and the whole thing, carrots eaten etc. he completely accepted it - we just explained that as we couldn't be together on Xmas day We asked Santa if he could deliver for us early and he was happy to. Also it's great because all the shops are open if you run out. It's been so effective that actually there were times I forgot it wasn't Xmas day! The only difference really is that he also had Xmas with his mum so if you do do this, then I would tell him the truth but come up with something amazing for the two of you to do on Xmas day itself so he isn't missing out. Perhaps an all day Xmas Eve box ( we did this one year too where we had a variety of activities and things planned for the day and opened the box bit by bit) just the two of you and DH when he can get involved but do it throughout the day (so Xmas day but your Xmas Eve) and include some fun stuff for him (we had Star Wars monopoly and a lego set I think - only a small one but stuff that would have been a present type thing to keep him satisfied)

Could that work? I wouldn't lie, it's too tricky to make sure you don't get caught out.

Tell him the truth. 9 is old enough x

You know your son best catgirl. If you think he won't notice go for it, just have a good explanation ready just incase he does find out.
A poster above was surprised 9 year olds still believe, my almost 9 year old does and I can't see her not believing next year either! Her older sister was suspicious at 6 and I told her the truth at 8. They are all different.
Good luck whatever you decide.

We’ve done this before, when I had to work on Christmas Day. It wasn’t during Covid times of course, so without all the emotional stuff of trying to protect our children from yet more disappointment. But just to say what we did in ‘normal’ times, which was that we did tell the children that we were going to have Christmas Eve on Christmas Day and Christmas Day on Boxing Day. I explained that in other countries Santa comes on Christmas Eve (Austria, Finland...maybe Spain? Not sure now, I did check at the time!) and that Santa is pretty clued up on even very last minute changes like if we went to Granny’s house or if someone had to go into hospital and celebrate Christmas a week later even.

On Christmas Day we did lots of nice things, films, watching the queens speech, watched a carol service, had their favourite meal for lunch and laughed at the idea that everyone else in the country was stressing about turkey etc. Opened one present. Skyped or phoned family to wish everyone else a happy Christmas. Are chocolate.

Then our Christmas Day was all about tons of food and presents and not having to worry about all the family phone calls and so on.

Personally I’d be so anxious about them accidentally finding out that it would spoil it a bit for me (and therefore them), so I’d just be honest. My kids loved the idea of our own special Christmas in the end.

I think it's actually very very sweet of you but I think he'll probably find out so I'd just break it to him gently. If anything I bet you'll both have a lovely day together and can plan to make it even more special for Dad the next day.
Maybe get up for a special breakfast feast together on Xmas day morning?