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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - Christmas dilemma

360 replies

catgirl1976 · 13/12/2020 18:49

Due to COVID DH's self employed work dried up. So he got a job working from home doing customer service for a large telecomms company. Minimum wage and we've lost a lot of income but he's grateful to have a job and be WFH so it's all good. It's not a great company to work for and its a bit sweat shop call centre but its fine .

Until he got his rota for Christmas week. He is working 10am - 7pm Christmas Eve and then 8am to 5pm Christmas day. He has Boxing Day off. We appreciate lots of people have to work Christmas day and there is no option to book this off or swap it.

We have a DS who has just turned 9 and still believes. He is so excited for Christmas and has, like most children, had so much cancelled or postponed this year and has been a trouper.

So...I've decided that rather than try and do Christmas with DH plugged into a computer and taking calls every 5 minutes we will just move the whole thing forward a day. So on Christmas day we will do Christmas Eve stuff - film, hot chocolate, mince pie for Santa etc and then Boxing Day will be Christmas day. Seems sensible as he finishes work at 5pm on Christmas day and is off Boxing day so we can have a "normal" Christmas albeit a day late. We were always planning to be just the three of us due to COVID.

My dilemma is do I tell DS? I think knowing its Christmas but nothing is happening will be horrible for him.

My plan is to not tell him. I honestly think I can pull this off as once he's finished school he won't know what day it is. He doesn't have a watch, I can change the date on devices and its not like he reads the paper. He doesn't really watch TV and I can keep any TV to films and stuff so no "Christmas specials" or merry Christmas messages popping up and if anything comes up on his ipad I'll just tell him it's already Christmas in some countries due to different time zones.

We are not going anywhere so it's just the three of us. Grandparents etc can zoom on "Christmas day" and be in on it. I can buy a "dupe" advent calendar and pretend he forgot a day.

I think I can pull it off but DH thinks I can't and should tell him. I don't like lying to him but we are lying to him about flying reindeer and elves and a big man coming down the chimney with presents so I feel like not telling him the date - which doesn't actually matter really - is not that much of a big deal. Whereas I think knowing its actually Christmas Eve but Santa isn't coming till the following night for some reason will be hard for him.

AIBU - can I pull this off and should I? I know it will be the last year he believes so I want to keep Christmas "intact" and not postponed like every bloody other things has been this year.

OP posts:
MarcelineMissouri · 13/12/2020 19:03

As a pp said does he not have an advent calendar?
I have a 9 year old and I wouldn’t bother trying to cover it up. Our Christmas is a day later because daddy is working. We’ll have some special treats on the real Christmas Day and then again a day later. My ds would think all his Christmas’ had come at once!

If you’re that bothered about Father Christmas then does your ds get up early enough to still get his stocking on the real Christmas Day before your dh goes to work? I’d probably do that.

I think you are over thinking this to be honest.

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 13/12/2020 19:04

Looks like DH is right on this one. He is a pretty sensible and stoical so I guess he'll understand. I just feel like it will take the shine off knowing it's not really Christmas day (and the 25th will feel rubbish)

Maybe once I've told him and he knows Christmas is on Saturday he won't even give it another thought though

OP posts:
HopeAndDriftWood · 13/12/2020 19:04

If he plays any online games on the iPad, he may be blocked if he changes the iPad date and then connects. It’s often seen as trying to cheat your way past time delays etc, so it used to get you kicked off things like Fortnight. No idea if it still does...

My instinct is that he’s 9, and he’s old enough to know the truth. I’d just explain to him, and maybe have a Christmassy activity to do with him just the two of you before you celebrate on Boxing Day. Make a gingerbread man house or something?

CountFosco · 13/12/2020 19:04

I think at 9 he is too old to deceive and it would be better to say you're celebrating a day late. A younger (preschool) child then I'd say yes but a 9 year old should be able to cope with the truth about why you've moved the celebration.

HenDogismylife · 13/12/2020 19:04

I think it would be nicer if you used the Father Christmas doing another day for those who families have to work in the first place rather than trying to hide it from him. When I was little my mum worked nights and one Christmas I was told that Santa had waited until she was home and safely in bed to deliver our presents, it made it feel special like Santa actually did know what was going on.

TW2013 · 13/12/2020 19:05

What of the day in terms of Santa will be affected by dh working? For us Father Christmas only brings the stockings and they are opened by about 7. He is wfh so I would go for Christmas eve mince pies and then stocking - ideally with something to occupy him during the day and then big presents/ nice meal either in the evening or on boxing day. Spread the celebration out over three days. I reckon he will find out. He is 9, not 4.

Sparklfairy · 13/12/2020 19:05

Just write a note from Santa saying because of Covid things are going to take longer than usual, and he can't get to everybody in time so he'll get to him a day late. Enclose a little gift to say sorry, he'll be happy with that.

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 13/12/2020 19:05

He plays Roblox and Minecraft on the ipad - didn't realise this could get him blocked. I guess honesty looks like the best policy.

OP posts:
Ginfordinner · 13/12/2020 19:06

A nine year old who never watches TV? That's pretty unusual. Do you not normally watch any TV at all on Christmas day?

Foobydoo · 13/12/2020 19:07

My dd is almost 9, strongly believes in santa the elves but there is no way she wouldn't know the date. She always knows what the date is, what day Christmas will fall on each year and how many sleeps left.
Why dont you just have two Christmases?
You could half the presents with the ones from Santa coming Christmas eve and the rest under the tree on boxing day morning.

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 13/12/2020 19:09

No -we wouldn't watch TV on Christmas day. Maybe a film or something but it would be streamed not live. DH and I would later when he's asleep but we never watch TV in the day and he doesn't watch any TV. We are not Mormons he just prefers his ipad.

OP posts:
youvegottenminuteslynn · 13/12/2020 19:09

@HenDogismylife

I think it would be nicer if you used the Father Christmas doing another day for those who families have to work in the first place rather than trying to hide it from him. When I was little my mum worked nights and one Christmas I was told that Santa had waited until she was home and safely in bed to deliver our presents, it made it feel special like Santa actually did know what was going on.
This, it's a really nice explanation. Don't make this some elaborate scheme OP, you are making it a bigger deal than it needs to be! Santa wanted to make sure that we could all have a special day together, so we are having ours when daddy is home all day - isn't that exciting, everybody else will have to tidy everything up and go back to normal but we get a whole day of fun etc.
Original poster
catgirl1976 · 13/12/2020 19:09

We've always done all the presents come from Santa which doesn't help

OP posts:
Original poster
catgirl1976 · 13/12/2020 19:09

Except the ones from family like GPs obviously

OP posts:
ineedaholidaynow · 13/12/2020 19:10

He's 9, surely too old to deceive. Can't he just have a stocking in the morning and then wait for your DH to finish work. You could have Christmas tea, or ask whether he would prefer the whole big Christmas meal on Boxing Day.

Why wouldn't he watch tv?

Lazypuppy · 13/12/2020 19:10

Just do stocking from santa on xmas morning, then do family christmas on boxing day with presents from family

LilyE1234 · 13/12/2020 19:10

As someone who grew up with at least one of my parents working on Christmas Day every year, it was no less special. We’d just have to open presents before mum/dad went to work and then usually had dinner much later when they were home. We would have our ‘big’ Christmas with grandparents and cousins another day but I don’t think that’s happening for anyone this year!

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 13/12/2020 19:11

Ok - you've all convinced me. I'll tell him and explain that Santa does another day for children whose parents have to work and we get to keep Christmas going for longer than everyone else and have a lovely day altogether

DH will be quite smug that MN sided with him :)

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 13/12/2020 19:11

Speak with your son, I’d suggest we open the stocking on Xmas day and the rest of presents on Boxing Day- even though they all arrived on Xmas day

Lazypuppy · 13/12/2020 19:11

So OP your son knows everyone else buys him presents apart from his own mum and dad?

Why do some parents give santa all the credit for every present 🤦‍♀️

RainingBatsAndFrogs · 13/12/2020 19:12

You are a big deal of ‘Christmas Day in Catgirl House’

Make sure you do have a lovely day on the 25th, a Christmas Eve event and the kick of Christmas Day as normal. Put up extra decs or make stuff, cook something special for the big day, etc.

Tell him Christmas is about all of you together and exchanging presents so you do it when you can all do it together!

jerometheturnipking · 13/12/2020 19:13

He's 9. There is no way he won't know. This is the one time of year that children are religiously checking what date it is.

Just explain to him. Open Santa presents when DH finishes work on Christmas Day and do the rest of the festivities on Boxing Day.

MadamShazam · 13/12/2020 19:14

Ffs, just tell him the truth and get on with it. I don't know why you are making such a fuss? Both me and DP work for the NHS so one of us is usually working Christmas Day, but you know what? We just get on with it. Its shit but thats life. YABU

HollowTalk · 13/12/2020 19:15

You're mad, tbh. Your husband is working from home. Your son knows that essential workers have to work. Why not make it special for him by preparing all sorts of treats for his dad throughout the day? Why not have a big meal the minute your husband stops work on Christmas Day? You are infantilising your son.

ArosAdraDrosDolig · 13/12/2020 19:16

My nine year old wouldn’t have a clue what day it was in the holidays. I wouldn’t say anything. Just ‘Christmas day is on Saturday’

My 11 yo would know the date but at 9, they only know it’s Xmas eve because we tell them it is, surely?