AIBU - Christmas dilemma

[catgirl1976]

Due to COVID DH's self employed work dried up. So he got a job working from home doing customer service for a large telecomms company. Minimum wage and we've lost a lot of income but he's grateful to have a job and be WFH so it's all good. It's not a great company to work for and its a bit sweat shop call centre but its fine .

Until he got his rota for Christmas week. He is working 10am - 7pm Christmas Eve and then 8am to 5pm Christmas day. He has Boxing Day off. We appreciate lots of people have to work Christmas day and there is no option to book this off or swap it.

We have a DS who has just turned 9 and still believes. He is so excited for Christmas and has, like most children, had so much cancelled or postponed this year and has been a trouper.

So...I've decided that rather than try and do Christmas with DH plugged into a computer and taking calls every 5 minutes we will just move the whole thing forward a day. So on Christmas day we will do Christmas Eve stuff - film, hot chocolate, mince pie for Santa etc and then Boxing Day will be Christmas day. Seems sensible as he finishes work at 5pm on Christmas day and is off Boxing day so we can have a "normal" Christmas albeit a day late. We were always planning to be just the three of us due to COVID.

My dilemma is do I tell DS? I think knowing its Christmas but nothing is happening will be horrible for him.

My plan is to not tell him. I honestly think I can pull this off as once he's finished school he won't know what day it is. He doesn't have a watch, I can change the date on devices and its not like he reads the paper. He doesn't really watch TV and I can keep any TV to films and stuff so no "Christmas specials" or merry Christmas messages popping up and if anything comes up on his ipad I'll just tell him it's already Christmas in some countries due to different time zones.

We are not going anywhere so it's just the three of us. Grandparents etc can zoom on "Christmas day" and be in on it. I can buy a "dupe" advent calendar and pretend he forgot a day.

I think I can pull it off but DH thinks I can't and should tell him. I don't like lying to him but we are lying to him about flying reindeer and elves and a big man coming down the chimney with presents so I feel like not telling him the date - which doesn't actually matter really - is not that much of a big deal. Whereas I think knowing its actually Christmas Eve but Santa isn't coming till the following night for some reason will be hard for him.

AIBU - can I pull this off and should I? I know it will be the last year he believes so I want to keep Christmas "intact" and not postponed like every bloody other things has been this year.

Frequently DH has had to work on Christmas Day, and the DCs understand that Santa has to deliver gifts a bit early as he wants to support those who are keeping the country going

What time will be up for presents?

Could he do some with you before his Dad works & the rest at 5pm?

Some nice but easy food & Christmas meal Boxing Day?

Wow so many negative people here. I think it’s a great way to keep the magic alive. My eldest is nine and definitely still believes, not even questioning it. If I was in your situation I would do the same thing. You can absolutely pull it off! Children that believe in the magic don’t question how it works... it just does because it’s Santa! Good luck- hope you have a lovely belated Xmas!!

A "Sweat shop call centre"?

It's a job working from home, it could be much worse

I'd just tell him , he'll find out .
He's 9 not 9 months just explain why he may not understand. Maybe you can soften it and tell him will get a present on the day but the rest will be the day after .

I wouldn't lie to him. Explain you're celebrating Christmas Day on Boxing Day because of his Dad's work. However if you want to keep the magic of Santa alive, I would do the stocking on Christmas Day. If your DS is anything like my two, he'll be up early so your DH will be able to watch him open it before he goes to work .

Thank you to everyone who has been lovely on this thread. I’ll have a proper think. I know he’s nine and I know there’s a good chance he will find out. It’s just been such a shit year I wanted Christmas at least to be nice. And yes I know it still will be and he will understand but I just thought If I could make it so it was “normal” it would be nicer.

Having managed a number of WFH call centre contracts during the pandemic, they are absolutely expecting a very large proportion of people rota'd on to not sign in.

How often has DH had internet outages? Does the company he works for supply your internet? Is it feasible that he's taken his equipment to WFH elsewhere over the festive period and their is a problem?

In the nicest possible way, minimum wage call centre agents are simply a number on a spreadsheet. Your DH will not be thanked nor rewarded for his loyalty. Providing his job isn't already hanging by a thread, there is nothing they can do if he experienced technical issues mid way through Xmas Eve and can't get back online. They have planned for this to be the case with many people. Some are planning up to 80% of rota'd staff not logging on.

And no do not lie to your son, it's life and your son needs to realise that a lot of people work Christmas Day, Firefighter, Police, NHS etc, and I cannot see many people tbh ringing any company on Xmas day regardless.

Aren't you overthinking this?
DS opens his presents early on the 25th. Have Xmas Dinner ready for when DH clocks off at 5pm.

He’s only been there three months and thinks they’d sack him if he didn’t rock up (I did suggest internet issues but we really can’t afford for him to lose this job)

You're lovely 🎅🏼 he's a lucky boy to have such a loving Mum

However, I think it's a big risk missing something, then him realising & feeling either upset or duped.

Why not still do a normal Christmas Eve? DH is finishing early enough to still watch a film etc.

Then surely he will be up early enough on Christmas Morning to see Santa has been & open a few presents etc. Guide him towards the ones you can play together or whatever. Have snarky Christmas food & something easy you all like for dinner, more presents in the evening & Christmas Dinner etc on Boxing Day. - 2 day Christmas, what's not to like?

Ignore all the crap about him being to old to believe, he's not! & he's certainly not to old to enjoy choosing to believe in the magic!

Hope you have a lovely time!! & that DH finds a better company/less soul destroying job in the New Year.

Awh bless you I understand why you want to do it but honestly if I was you I’d tell him and the Santa does an extra day sounds perfect.

You could let him have his presents and explain that the meal etc is the day after so his dad can join in.

@catgirl1976

He won't be watching any TV so I'm not worried about that.

If he does find out my plan is to explain why we moved it and that Father Christmas does another run for people like Doctors and Nurses and Firemen who have to work Christmas day so we wrote to him, explained his daddy had to work Christmas day too this year and got him put on that list.

Firemen ? 🙄 Think my sister and every female firefighter out there would love to know there still only "Firemen" eh?

Just sit down and chat with him and explain. Tell him you can trust him to be grown up about it now he’s nine, and that you’re doing it to support Daddy who is sad he has to work but has to do it anyway. A nine year old should be emotionally mature enough to deal with it. Talk about all the other children whose parents are working on Christmas Day and the sorts of jobs they do, and that this is how they celebrate their Christmases too. Make sure to plan to spend plenty of time together with him yourself on Christmas Day, maybe preparing things nicely for the next day, choosing how to set the table etc. Treat him like a small adult and I’ll bet he’ll respond brilliantly.

@catgirl1976

Thank you to everyone who has been lovely on this thread. I’ll have a proper think. I know he’s nine and I know there’s a good chance he will find out. It’s just been such a shit year I wanted Christmas at least to be nice. And yes I know it still will be and he will understand but I just thought If I could make it so it was “normal” it would be nicer.

I do really think if you still make Xmas day your special Xmas eve and plan stuff all day it will still work. It doesn't have to be stuff that is expensive - do a whole house treasure hunt, special lunch is a brilliant idea, trip to the park and have every bit of equipment all to yourself, flask of hot choc and marshmallows, do some sort of crafts and play bird games and maybe do a puzzle or something - basically keep him occupied. It has been a hard year and you are right to try and keep it special for him; but just include as much fun and magic on your fake Xmas eve as possible

Op I feel so sorry for you and you sound like a lovely mum trying to do the best i also has a ds who is 8 1/2 and I'd definitely not fool him but it sounds like your already going against that idea :)

I'm absolutely aghast that a customer service call centre has someone working on Xmas day this is obscene! Who is actually going to be calling somewhere about their virgin on Xmas bloody day! I would imagine your dh will be pretty quiet anyway and be able to enjoy a nice day with you both.

X

As a parent of a 9 yr old believe me they will know..they are so not stupid! They count down in school etc..I woul djust be straight and say daddy has to work my darling its very important, Dont mess with your child like that OP its ridiculous.Your child is 9 not 3...

Why would you want to go to such lengths to deceive your son?
Yes Christmas is special for kids but he’s not a baby. By 9am on Christmas Day my kids will have been up for hours. Just get up early and open some presents, save the rest for when his dad finishes work and have dinner and enjoy the rest of your day then.

@catgirl1976

Ok - you've all convinced me. I'll tell him and explain that Santa does another day for children whose parents have to work and we get to keep Christmas going for longer than everyone else and have a lovely day altogether

DH will be quite smug that MN sided with him :)

I think that sounds like a great idea, OP. Maybe you can do a sort of mini christmas on actualy christmas day, so he isn't missing out?

We usually put the clocks forward a couple of hours at New Year's and do a fake countdown so that the kids think they've stayed up to see in the New Year but aren't miserable grumps the next day, but I don't know that I could sustain that for a whole day when the rest of the country will be merrying each other.

Don,t lie. Be honest lets face it a lot of people have parents working christmas day.

I like your thinking but think it would work better as doing xmas day spread over the 2 days.

Gifts on the 25th morn then an easy day with films and snacks etc. Xmas dinner and any other traditions on boxing day?

Works well for us when I work xmas day.

YANBU for having your Christmas on Boxing day. YABU for wanting to convince your son that it's the 25th.

Why not just tell him that this year Father Christmas is doing his rounds over several day because of the time it takes him to wash his hands after ever visit. So he's coming to yours on 25th/26th.

The 25th can still be lovely. Early morning stocking and presents . Lunch together and a day of movies and playing. Christmas Dinner at 6 pm when you'll all be happy because you have a whole day tomorrow to enjoy without interuptions.

At 9 he might enjoy helping you get dinner ready for his Dad finishing work.