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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - Christmas dilemma

360 replies

catgirl1976 · 13/12/2020 18:49

Due to COVID DH's self employed work dried up. So he got a job working from home doing customer service for a large telecomms company. Minimum wage and we've lost a lot of income but he's grateful to have a job and be WFH so it's all good. It's not a great company to work for and its a bit sweat shop call centre but its fine .

Until he got his rota for Christmas week. He is working 10am - 7pm Christmas Eve and then 8am to 5pm Christmas day. He has Boxing Day off. We appreciate lots of people have to work Christmas day and there is no option to book this off or swap it.

We have a DS who has just turned 9 and still believes. He is so excited for Christmas and has, like most children, had so much cancelled or postponed this year and has been a trouper.

So...I've decided that rather than try and do Christmas with DH plugged into a computer and taking calls every 5 minutes we will just move the whole thing forward a day. So on Christmas day we will do Christmas Eve stuff - film, hot chocolate, mince pie for Santa etc and then Boxing Day will be Christmas day. Seems sensible as he finishes work at 5pm on Christmas day and is off Boxing day so we can have a "normal" Christmas albeit a day late. We were always planning to be just the three of us due to COVID.

My dilemma is do I tell DS? I think knowing its Christmas but nothing is happening will be horrible for him.

My plan is to not tell him. I honestly think I can pull this off as once he's finished school he won't know what day it is. He doesn't have a watch, I can change the date on devices and its not like he reads the paper. He doesn't really watch TV and I can keep any TV to films and stuff so no "Christmas specials" or merry Christmas messages popping up and if anything comes up on his ipad I'll just tell him it's already Christmas in some countries due to different time zones.

We are not going anywhere so it's just the three of us. Grandparents etc can zoom on "Christmas day" and be in on it. I can buy a "dupe" advent calendar and pretend he forgot a day.

I think I can pull it off but DH thinks I can't and should tell him. I don't like lying to him but we are lying to him about flying reindeer and elves and a big man coming down the chimney with presents so I feel like not telling him the date - which doesn't actually matter really - is not that much of a big deal. Whereas I think knowing its actually Christmas Eve but Santa isn't coming till the following night for some reason will be hard for him.

AIBU - can I pull this off and should I? I know it will be the last year he believes so I want to keep Christmas "intact" and not postponed like every bloody other things has been this year.

OP posts:
CheshireDing · 13/12/2020 19:55

I have a 9 year old who still believes. I would be giving your idea a go personally OP.

We don’t have a tv so that part is easy sorted. I would definitely be giving it a good go 😬

Diversion · 13/12/2020 19:56

Explain to him, suggest you get up early to open presents and have a nice breakfast before DH starts work. Plan some nice things to do, watch some films, challenge him at a game or two on his iPad ask him to help you prepare Christmas dinner and have your festive meal when DH finishes work. On Boxing day you can all spend time together and eat leftovers, got for a walk or whatever you want to do.

turkeymince · 13/12/2020 19:57

I'd be honest with him, personally. If you tell him, it's a lovely message. He gets to see how much your family unit is valued and that you make adjustments to accommodate each other in the most lovely way. (Also, it preserves the trust between you, if/when he finds out.)

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 13/12/2020 19:58

Pre school age yes but at 9 it’s highly unlikely he still believes and will be aware of days and dates.

Mrsjayy · 13/12/2020 19:59

My dh had to work lots of Christmas days when our dds were growing up its fine to move things around but its OK to have Christmas with dad working yes its a pain inthe arse but don't lie to him that's just silly.

LuckyLuckyWoman · 13/12/2020 20:00

Can you not do presents in the evening? They come from FC as normal, but you are not opening then till Dad finishes work?

Have nice plans for the day time, and then a buffet tea so DH can join in and present opening.

Then boxing day you can spend the day together, playing with the presents etc.

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 13/12/2020 20:00

I think I'd do it. To be honest without work I totally lose track of what day it is around christmas. And if he asks you can just tell him

MargotMoon · 13/12/2020 20:01

I think you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself by not telling him. Giving him a feasible reason for doing a Boxing Day Xmas will be easier on all of you

LH1987 · 13/12/2020 20:02

Could he just have his Santa gifts on Christmas Day, he will be up before 8am I am sure and have family Christmas on Boxing Day?

ellentree · 13/12/2020 20:03

I'd tell him. My husband often has to work Christmas Day so, on those years, we write to Father Christmas and let him know and he delivers on the date we ask him too. My children think that this is what he does for lots of families - those who are working/those who get two visits because of separated parents/hospital stays etc. they have always been very accepting. I always give (or save) one exciting presents form Christmas Day itself that's time consuming (normally big lego set) and we eat good food!

cliffdiver · 13/12/2020 20:04

@DonkeyMcFluff

I can understand emergency services having to work on Christmas Day. But who the fuck is going to ring a call centre for customer service? They should be off work, it’s disgusting. Name and shame OP, and tbh I’d tell them to get stuffed.
Hmm

You do realise there's counties outside of the UK who may be calling call centres?

Countries who don't celebrate Christmas Day?

Most of DH's clients are in the Middle East, therefore those in a CS role within the companies may be required to work on Christmas Day.

BigBaublesGalore · 13/12/2020 20:05

@catgirl1976

I'm going to get another advent calendar the same and tell him he must have missed a day.
Would he fall for that? What I would do is open it for him so he doesn't clock the date. My ds 7 would know if he opened the same day twice
MotorwayDiva · 13/12/2020 20:05

Use covid, and say that due to social distancing it is being split over three days. You've been allocated boxing day.

oblada · 13/12/2020 20:07

I'd be very surprised if a 9yr old could be deceived like this. My 9yrs old is fully aware of what day things are and will be counting down days once school is finished anyway. She doesn't believe in Santa so that's not an issue but she is still excited.
Whilst I have no issue with the whole FC thing, this whole scheme is on another level in terms of lies so personally I wouldn't be comfortable with it at all.
I would simply explain the home situation, he is more than old enough to understand in my view.

Camomila · 13/12/2020 20:08

I'd tell him, he's 9 he can count a week in his head. He'll know its the 18th when he finishes school, he'll be able to count 7 days to Christmas even without being reminded by tv/radio etc.

I'd tell him Father Christmas does an extra delivery for children whose parents are working that day.

Europilgrim · 13/12/2020 20:08

9? Definitely tell him! He will probably work it out anyway and then that will make it all a lot worse.

oblada · 13/12/2020 20:09

Also - my company provides HR services to small/medium businesses and someone will definitely be on call on the 25th... things still happen on that day that our clients need help with, the world doesn't stop turning because it's Xmas..
And we're wholly UK based.

TitsInAbsentia · 13/12/2020 20:09

It's lovely that you are still trying to make it special for DS but definitely think honesty is best (plus you'll stress yourself trying to pretend something is going on that it's not etc). It's a good time to explain to DS that quite a lot of important people have to work on Christmas day (worse case scenario your DH might end up having to work again next Christmas day so be careful how you frame it).

My Dad worked every Christmas morning until I was about 15, my DH has to work over Christmas, so maybe I am a bit more accepting than some but we just make the most of what time we do have.

On the up side your DH doesn't have a commute so Christmas day can kick off a 5.01pm!

lunar1 · 13/12/2020 20:09

My 9 year old would think he was losing his mind if I tried to do this to him. He would go back and tell me what was in his advent calendar every day, he would know I was lying to him.

Europilgrim · 13/12/2020 20:09

I don't know what you do exactly but we have small presents only in stockings so why not tell him that FC will be coming as usual but you are going to open the main presents and celebrate the day after so that you can do it altogether.

Piwlyfbicsly · 13/12/2020 20:10

You sound like a very loving mum and I understand your feelings. But at 9 you really start to teach your child that life doesn't always turn the way you want it to be. Be frank and honest with your son. Tell him what you told us. Daddy got a new job and he really needs to work but we are together and that's what matters. Make more fun stuff on boxing day.

DasPepe · 13/12/2020 20:12

To be honest it sounds like you’re gaslighting your own child for convenience.
It seems for the best but the next time there is a reason why you have to tell him that the truth is best, just check yourself, since you’re not leading by example.
There are lots of ways you can explain the situation to him. Maybe lead him to suggest moving Christmas himself?

reginaphalangeeee · 13/12/2020 20:15

I agree with most people that I think he's too old to make this work. It also seems a bit mean to deceive him like that - I'm not saying you are mean though, I know that's not your intention. But you're sort of messing with his head a bit by telling him he's missed a day on his calendar and changing dates on devices and then you'll need to change dates back afterwards too. I don't see how the advent calendar would work anyway? Wouldn't he actually have to miss a day but then carry on as if he hasn't?

If he was younger it would be a good plan. I think you might just be better explaining to him the reason and then you can still have a nice Christmas Day with him watching movies or whatever is you want to do and get him excited for presents the next day. Maybe let him open 1 present after dinner on Christmas Day too.

BashfulClam · 13/12/2020 20:16

You won’t get another advent calendar now, they come off the shelves on 1st December as no one buys them after that date.

My dad worked shifts and very often worked On Christmas Day, if he was working 8-4 we would get up early and open presents before he left at 7. We’d then just have a lazy day and Christmas dinner at 5 when he got home. Then have a nicer family day at another point.

Medra · 13/12/2020 20:19

My husband often has to work at Christmas. If he was on a day shift, we’d open presents before he went to work, then have our Christmas meal at dinner time rather than as a late lunch.
Last year we moved our Christmas meal to Christmas Eve, but we still have presents on the 25th.

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