AIBU - Christmas dilemma

[catgirl1976]

Due to COVID DH's self employed work dried up. So he got a job working from home doing customer service for a large telecomms company. Minimum wage and we've lost a lot of income but he's grateful to have a job and be WFH so it's all good. It's not a great company to work for and its a bit sweat shop call centre but its fine .

Until he got his rota for Christmas week. He is working 10am - 7pm Christmas Eve and then 8am to 5pm Christmas day. He has Boxing Day off. We appreciate lots of people have to work Christmas day and there is no option to book this off or swap it.

We have a DS who has just turned 9 and still believes. He is so excited for Christmas and has, like most children, had so much cancelled or postponed this year and has been a trouper.

So...I've decided that rather than try and do Christmas with DH plugged into a computer and taking calls every 5 minutes we will just move the whole thing forward a day. So on Christmas day we will do Christmas Eve stuff - film, hot chocolate, mince pie for Santa etc and then Boxing Day will be Christmas day. Seems sensible as he finishes work at 5pm on Christmas day and is off Boxing day so we can have a "normal" Christmas albeit a day late. We were always planning to be just the three of us due to COVID.

My dilemma is do I tell DS? I think knowing its Christmas but nothing is happening will be horrible for him.

My plan is to not tell him. I honestly think I can pull this off as once he's finished school he won't know what day it is. He doesn't have a watch, I can change the date on devices and its not like he reads the paper. He doesn't really watch TV and I can keep any TV to films and stuff so no "Christmas specials" or merry Christmas messages popping up and if anything comes up on his ipad I'll just tell him it's already Christmas in some countries due to different time zones.

We are not going anywhere so it's just the three of us. Grandparents etc can zoom on "Christmas day" and be in on it. I can buy a "dupe" advent calendar and pretend he forgot a day.

I think I can pull it off but DH thinks I can't and should tell him. I don't like lying to him but we are lying to him about flying reindeer and elves and a big man coming down the chimney with presents so I feel like not telling him the date - which doesn't actually matter really - is not that much of a big deal. Whereas I think knowing its actually Christmas Eve but Santa isn't coming till the following night for some reason will be hard for him.

AIBU - can I pull this off and should I? I know it will be the last year he believes so I want to keep Christmas "intact" and not postponed like every bloody other things has been this year.

I think you should be honest with him. It all seems a bit elaborate for one day.
Just explain his Dad has to work. Can't see what the problem is?

how about christmas day he opens his stocking as normal, has a lovely day with you, and then opens his main presents on Boxing day, just explain that you want to keep the special day for when DH isnt working, I would allow him to open his stocking presents and have a nice relaxing day with you though, I can understand its dissapointing but other shift workers i am guessing doe something similar.

We have 2 Christmas Days, a traditional one with elderly relatives but I felt their wants and needs were taking over from that of the DC so One year at beginning of December I asked DC what their perfect Christmas would be and we do it on Christmas Eve, pjs all day, party food, movies, board games, charades, split their presents over 2 days. So you could try this approach with your son - explain his Dad has to work, help him plan what you'll do on Christmas Day and that you'll have the full on day on Boxing Day. Lots of children have DPs who have to work and make alternate arrangements

Maybe I’m projecting my own disappointment on to him idk.

I think you are.

I think if your family usually had to face this as part of the career choices you’d made - NHS, emergency services etc - or you were a separated/blended family trying to make things work then you’d have figured it out.

But this particularly shitty year, when it’s potentially the last ‘believing’ Christmas, and your DH is in a shitty job you didn’t anticipate- you want to cling to how things were.

But kids are adaptable! Your DS at 9 would probably surprise you if you let him in on the dilemma. What might he want?

Would he choose to write to FC and ask for it all to be delayed by a day so Dad can join in everything like normal?

Would he rather get a stocking and presents when everyone else does on 25th and then do something else to make Boxing Day special?

He's a bit old for this level of deception. He probably wouldn't mind too much if you told him the truth - my DC celebrate on the 25th when we are in the UK and on the 24th when we're in Europe (presents, church, the Christmas meal is all done on the 24th in many countries). They've had to go to ski school on a freezing, foggy day at 9am on a Christmas day before now, and it doesn't seem to bother them in the slightest that they're freezing their arses off up a mountain whilst their mates back home are opening presents.

I'm a big believer in trust. I've never told the DC that FC is real, but I've not said he's not real either, I've had a lot of media training so am adept at moving around questions. At 9 in any case, he will know by now about FC, I guarantee.

I really
Like the idea of him writing to FC and requesting we put it back. That is very good

My husband works very Christmas Eve/ Day. He’s a vicar! Last year he did 12 services out of the 17 churches he looks after. He starts at 9am on Christmas morning. So with our kids we do get up (at stupid o’clock!) open presents from Santa and us, have breakfast DH goes and does the 3 Church services on Christmas morning. Comes back at lunchtime, we have party food style lunch and open rest of presents. Dinner happens at 5pm as DH normally falls asleep by 1pm 🙂.
Why don’t you change who gives presents this year. Some come from Santa and others from you. Do that before your husband starts work, do another batch when he’s on his lunch break and then have Christmas dinner later on?
Last year we didn’t have turkey dinner on Christmas Day. I had been ill, DH working crazy hours so our kids voted for pizza, mozzarella bites, nachos etc which we ate on the floor of the living room watching films. Both the 6 & 10 yr old said it was the “Awesomest Christmas ever!”

It's a shit idea. He's 9 not 3.

He will know Christmas is on a Friday.

Do it. When he is older he won't remember if it was the 25th or 26th but will remember who was there. I have done this when I had to work in the past but my dc were younger. I dont think its too hard to pull off. He will never know. Good luck.

You are clearly lovely and have nothing but good intentions but your plan makes me very uneasy for reasons I can’t quite put my finger on. It wouldn’t end on Boxing Day; you’d have to lose or find another day after the 25th to re-join the rest of us on the Gregorian calendar.

You seem confident that you can do this but that doesn’t mean that you should. I’m sorry that you’ve had a tough year and I understand that this feels like a way of taking back some control but I think it’s a bad idea.

If you really want to keep FC going, do the letter thing or ask him to drop off a present on the night of the 23rd while he’s on his way to give presents to children in Denmark or wherever. I’d be inclined to designate one gift from you and DH this year and give it to him on the 25th, though.

Why can't you just do a Christmas breakfast, open the Santa presents and maybe half of the other presents and then have a fun lunch during your DH's work break, but save the rest of the presents and Christmas lunch for the next day?

PS to the PP who have ten and eleven year olds who still believe, please have a gentle conversation before they transfer to secondary school.

just tell him Santa has left him until Boxing day so he can have Christmas day with his dad. tell him you have written to Santa to agree it, just like he does for children who have two homes at Christmas and children with parents who have to work.

My father was in the Navy and was generally at least 6 on/3 off, when I was young (sometimes even 9 on).

We used to have repeat Christmases/birthdays, if they didn't coincide with his leave. I remember a couple of particularly good years when we celebrated ALL of our birthdays and Christmas at once, including a Christmas tree in April.

Kids are resilient. Take what you can, when you can.

I'm with ClaryFairchild

Tell him the truth.

Can you stretch presents out to cover Christmas Day and Boxing Day? Or buy and wrap some extra little bits to space out if budget allows.

Have a party food and delicious nibbles buffet for Christmas lunch/grazing if your DS would enjoy that. Let him choose some favourite foods
Save doing a roast for Boxing Day.

If you see each other at breakfast, lunch and from 5pm it's really not such a long day especially if you can pad the morning and afternoon out with some festive films, games and TV and stay at the table for a bit/clear up while DH returns to his workstation.
Playing with new Christmas toys and phoning/videocalling relatives fills in a bit of time. If the weather's good any chance of a walk just you and DS? I don't suppose it's possible to meet friends in the local park in a socially distanced manner? It's likely more people are staying at home in small bubbles this year than travelling out of the area to visit relatives/ hosting full houses. Someone might appreciate the escape 😂
We always squeeze in a walk in the park or countryside, weather permitting.

Your DH is WFH so no commute to add on at least.

You could do an activity together in the lead up exploring how different countries/ cultures celebrate Christmas on different days 🙂

I would do it. and if he twigs just say FC had to isolate for a day when he came into the UK so it was a day late.

Sorry, that wasn't very clear - he was often on tour for at least six months at a time.

Meant to add you could see if there's a children's service or short carol service at any of the local churches if your DS enjoys singing!

Sorry OP I missed your update about the iPad/films/TV/bubbles. I was trying to come up with some ideas to fill in the time and feel Christmassy

I'm not completely averse to fibbing/lying to kids about some things, but this wouldn't be one of them.

Your explanation about Father Christmas doing a special run on Boxing Day for key workers' children is enough.

No need for dual advent calendars, lying relatives, fixing the clocks etc etc - just crazy.

He'll never trust you again if/when he twigs.

I feel like you are missing the obvious... you have the same amount of time, you just need to reorder everything to fit....

Do your normal Christmas Eve stuff in the evening when DH is off work. Do Christmas Morning on Christmas morning before your DH logs in, the you and DS do some fun stuff during the day together, then you can either do the big dinner late after your DH is done with work and then spend the evening together or have the big dinner on Boxing Day and have something else fun planned for dinner on Christmas Day evening.

Your DS, will be fine with this. Millions of kids celebrate holidays a little wonky and are fine. Hit the milestones and it will still be special and fun for all of you.

I have usually worked at Christmas. My children open presents in my absence and send cute excited messages informing a very surprised me what loot they got.😁 We have the meal whenever we are next all home.

My son is nearly 8 and still believes. Why not keep the fun/secret going, if it's possible?
We've all been keeping this secret from our children for years.
OP knows her son best!
Though I think there's probably a simpler way by saying Santa is delivering over two days.

My mum was a nurse. She often workers shift work over Christmas, so would work Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. On the years she worked Christmas Day, Santa would come early while we were at Christmas Eve mass (early mass for children) and we would open Santa presents that night and do gifts from each other when mum came home from work. My parents would say they talked to Santa to arrange it. So you could say you arranged it with Santa if he still believes to have it the day after. Another possibility!

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.popsugar.com/family/Santa-Alternative-Delivery-Dates-Note-Working-Parents-45614461/amp

This is the letter I was thinking of. Try and create something like this?