Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - Christmas dilemma

360 replies

catgirl1976 · 13/12/2020 18:49

Due to COVID DH's self employed work dried up. So he got a job working from home doing customer service for a large telecomms company. Minimum wage and we've lost a lot of income but he's grateful to have a job and be WFH so it's all good. It's not a great company to work for and its a bit sweat shop call centre but its fine .

Until he got his rota for Christmas week. He is working 10am - 7pm Christmas Eve and then 8am to 5pm Christmas day. He has Boxing Day off. We appreciate lots of people have to work Christmas day and there is no option to book this off or swap it.

We have a DS who has just turned 9 and still believes. He is so excited for Christmas and has, like most children, had so much cancelled or postponed this year and has been a trouper.

So...I've decided that rather than try and do Christmas with DH plugged into a computer and taking calls every 5 minutes we will just move the whole thing forward a day. So on Christmas day we will do Christmas Eve stuff - film, hot chocolate, mince pie for Santa etc and then Boxing Day will be Christmas day. Seems sensible as he finishes work at 5pm on Christmas day and is off Boxing day so we can have a "normal" Christmas albeit a day late. We were always planning to be just the three of us due to COVID.

My dilemma is do I tell DS? I think knowing its Christmas but nothing is happening will be horrible for him.

My plan is to not tell him. I honestly think I can pull this off as once he's finished school he won't know what day it is. He doesn't have a watch, I can change the date on devices and its not like he reads the paper. He doesn't really watch TV and I can keep any TV to films and stuff so no "Christmas specials" or merry Christmas messages popping up and if anything comes up on his ipad I'll just tell him it's already Christmas in some countries due to different time zones.

We are not going anywhere so it's just the three of us. Grandparents etc can zoom on "Christmas day" and be in on it. I can buy a "dupe" advent calendar and pretend he forgot a day.

I think I can pull it off but DH thinks I can't and should tell him. I don't like lying to him but we are lying to him about flying reindeer and elves and a big man coming down the chimney with presents so I feel like not telling him the date - which doesn't actually matter really - is not that much of a big deal. Whereas I think knowing its actually Christmas Eve but Santa isn't coming till the following night for some reason will be hard for him.

AIBU - can I pull this off and should I? I know it will be the last year he believes so I want to keep Christmas "intact" and not postponed like every bloody other things has been this year.

OP posts:
Original poster
catgirl1976 · 14/12/2020 08:57

Ah that's amazing @santasmincepie - thank you . Thanks

OP posts:
VienneseWhirligig · 14/12/2020 10:46

Personally I would just explain that Dad has to work and you will stagger things throughout the day. DH worked Christmas Day every year from when DS was about 9, nobody was allowed to take annual leave over Christmas. He would either be on a nightshift finishing at 6am so asleep for the morning then back in work for 6pm, or working 6am to 6pm. We worked around it, went to my mums during the day as usual and either had an early dinner so he could eat it before work or gave it him to take with him, or plated up his food for when he got back, and did presents then. It did make Christmas more organised and less go with the flow, but DS still got to enjoy the day and it became normal for him.

unchienandalusia · 14/12/2020 11:03

Op why don't you do Christmas Day on Christmas Day and work around your DHs hours? Stockings in the morning. Presents in his lunch break and Christmas meal in the evening? Spend the day cuddles up watching Christmas movies? My DF worked every other Christmas. We worked around it. Build a little resilience in your child.

Beautiful3 · 14/12/2020 11:19

He is 9! You're being unreasonable to actively lie to him. I would tell him about dad working xmas day, so xmas dinner and pressies will be opened on boxing day. Perhaps allow him to open one present on christmas day itself?

Shona52 · 14/12/2020 17:49

Why don't you write a letter to Santa with your DS explaining your situation and then have a letter back from Santa saying he will move it. Day for you

That or have the presents delivered Christmas Day and say to your DS your going to wait an extra day do you can do it as a family.

Lozzat85 · 14/12/2020 17:53

If he really does still believe then just tell him you have had a special talk to Santa and because his dad is working Christmas Day Santa has said he will come a day later?

I work for NHS and have always celebrated Xmas day on a day I am off - dinner, gifts everything just earlier or later than the 25th. It’s still a lovely day but I haven’t had to explain it to children. Good luck! X

pleasehelpwi3 · 14/12/2020 17:55

Sorry if it’s been said already- but will your husband really be getting many calls that day anyway? Or does he have to stay plugged in?

Mikki69 · 14/12/2020 17:56

Christmas gaslighting! Seems a bit extreme with no watching TV or anything that might have the correct date on it, a different advent calendar and tell him "HE'S missed a day". All seems a bit convoluted and complex to be honest.

FelicisNox · 14/12/2020 17:57

I'm sorry but no. This is a ridiculous idea. At the very least give him a choice. He's 9, not a complete moron.

The liklihood of him finding out is high and as either you or DH will very likely have to work Christmas at some point in the future you all need to get a handle on this now.

Until 5yrs ago I worked Xmas and NYE every year (frontline) to some degree or another for 20yrs. That's life and your DS needs to understand that now.

It's one thing to lie about flying Reindeer but moving 2 whole days rather than deal with one of the realities of life is just ridiculous.

H007 · 14/12/2020 18:10

I think you are underestimating you 9 year old. My 3 year old knows when the big man is coming and how my sleeps she has. I think you just have to suck it up and work around your DH. Do all the magic stuff Christmas Eve and all wake up early Christmas Day and do the magical pressies and “he’s been” stuff before DH goes to work. You can always do your big Christmas meal on Boxing Day.

dogsarethebestpeople · 14/12/2020 18:22

You're a lovely mum to go to these lengths. You know your boy. If you can make it work then go for it! Let us know what you decide!

Wilkie1956mog · 14/12/2020 18:26

You are being ridiculous to come up with such a complicated scheme to mislead your son. Don't do it! Can't you just tell him the truth, and say that you are celebrating Christmas on Boxing Day so that Daddy doesn't get left out. I actually can hardly believe that he still believes in Santa and Elves etc at age 9! :-)

Wilkie1956mog · 14/12/2020 18:35

Meant to say also - if he really does still believe in Santa, tell him you have had a word with Santa (somehow) and he has agreed to come a day later just for DS.

sijjy · 14/12/2020 18:39

My 8yr old ds would be able to figure this out. I think honesty is the best policy. Let him have his presents Xmas day. But explain that you will be having the big dinner and stuff on Boxing Day.

Jeeperscreepers69 · 14/12/2020 18:42

How silly. Hes 9. He will no when xmas is. Hes not a baby. Look out the window and see kids on bikes and tv will say xmas day

PortalooSunset · 14/12/2020 18:43

We moved ds2's birthday by a day so it was a non-work/nursery day when he was 3,but I've put YABU because I think at 9 yours is old enough to realise, no matter how much you think you've got it covered.
You could use the line that Santa took twice as long to deliver due to having to stop and wash his hands after every delivery this year maybe..

Bakingcupcake · 14/12/2020 18:45

Absolutely ridiculous lies! Unless your 9 yr old is an absolute idiot then this is a crap idea...i understand your want to keep the believing in xmas dream alive but christ just tell him your going to celebrate a day late...rather than get all your family in on it wishing him happy xmas on the wrong sodding day...you sound a bit mental

Amiable · 14/12/2020 18:59

Tell him. But explain that as his dad is working on Xmas day you've asked Santa if he would mind coming a day later so you can all enjoy it together.

When my kids were little and I was with their dad, we would alternate Xmas in UK and in Germany.

If we were in Germany for Xmas, rather than lugging everything with us, we "arranged" with Santa to have a second Xmas back in UK on 1st Jan. kids loved that Santa made a special trip just for them!

user1492450936 · 14/12/2020 19:03

Mine were younger than that when they got measles - delayed everything by a week. Got away with it because they were confined to base.

PortalooSunset · 14/12/2020 19:08

It didn't occur to me when I was writing my earlier post, but as I've worked 4 out of the last 5 Christmas Days my smallest was actually younger than your dc. We just said mummy has to work because people are still sick at Christmas (though you could say still need help?) and did family stuff either side of my shift. Pressies were opened way before my 8am start due to kids being up before dawn Grin

Genzymoo · 14/12/2020 19:34

I say this in a non-judgmental way - I totally get wanting to sugarcoat this sh*tshow of a year for a 9 year old - but I couldn’t do that level of deception with our children (we struggle with the whole Santa thing, and we really didn’t want to endorse the myth to our DCs but it becomes too difficult to explain to nursery/school/friends’ parents that we do not promote Santa, so we have had to go along with it).

But your DS is 9. If he finds out (which you say is unlikely, but certainly a possibility), it becomes very difficult to explain. When he understands the lengths that you went to in order to deceive him, I think the issue of his trust in you becomes a very significant one - ultimately he could feel like you have lied and, as a result, he has missed Christmas. I appreciate that, for all important ways, Christmas for him will be Boxing Day, but if he woke up the day after his 10th birthday and found out that this Had been the day before and he missed it, he’d probably feel pretty deflated, regardless of the fact that he was still getting a cake and presents. Add in the fact that you knew the day before had been his birthday, and purposefully deceived him causing him to miss it, I think you could be asking for trouble.

Make it an adventure. An unusual Christmas to end an unusual year - perhaps do the Santa stocking before your husband starts work on Christmas Day, but keep the rest of the presents until the day after. Do a ‘picnic’ buffet lunch, spend time playing new games or riding bikes, allow him to stay up late so he can have an extra special celebration when DH finishes work and then do the ‘real but not real’ Christmas on Boxing Day. Sell it as ‘two different Christmases for the price of one’

LilMidge01 · 14/12/2020 19:41

@catgirl1976

He won't be watching any TV so I'm not worried about that.

If he does find out my plan is to explain why we moved it and that Father Christmas does another run for people like Doctors and Nurses and Firemen who have to work Christmas day so we wrote to him, explained his daddy had to work Christmas day too this year and got him put on that list.

I think you are a wonderful mum for trying to make this special for him and going to these lengths.

However, if he finds out that you were purposely deceiving it will ruin the magic.

I prefer saying this idea from the get-go. But maybe make it a bit magical...like you get a text on your phone read it and then exclaim loudly 'Oh good! I was starting to think the elves hadnt got my message. but great news, they've just confirmed that they're adding us to the 'second run' this year because daddy has to work. Phew. Santa will be coming the next day to doa special run for us'. Then ask him if that's ok and if you can reply to Santa's elves that its all ok...

or something like that

Celestine70 · 14/12/2020 19:46

Your O H should just call in sick Xmas day.

MarahCarey · 14/12/2020 19:50

I'm confused OP because earlier in the thread you said that you know deep down that your DS (9) doesn't really believe in Santa but he's still buying into it all, possibly to please you. And now you're suggesting that he writes a letter to Santa requesting a change of date?!?!!SadConfusedConfused

Mrsjayy · 14/12/2020 19:52

Today 19:46Celestine70

Your O H should just call in sick Xmas day

Yes he should definitely do that won't look suspicious at allHmm