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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - Christmas dilemma

360 replies

catgirl1976 · 13/12/2020 18:49

Due to COVID DH's self employed work dried up. So he got a job working from home doing customer service for a large telecomms company. Minimum wage and we've lost a lot of income but he's grateful to have a job and be WFH so it's all good. It's not a great company to work for and its a bit sweat shop call centre but its fine .

Until he got his rota for Christmas week. He is working 10am - 7pm Christmas Eve and then 8am to 5pm Christmas day. He has Boxing Day off. We appreciate lots of people have to work Christmas day and there is no option to book this off or swap it.

We have a DS who has just turned 9 and still believes. He is so excited for Christmas and has, like most children, had so much cancelled or postponed this year and has been a trouper.

So...I've decided that rather than try and do Christmas with DH plugged into a computer and taking calls every 5 minutes we will just move the whole thing forward a day. So on Christmas day we will do Christmas Eve stuff - film, hot chocolate, mince pie for Santa etc and then Boxing Day will be Christmas day. Seems sensible as he finishes work at 5pm on Christmas day and is off Boxing day so we can have a "normal" Christmas albeit a day late. We were always planning to be just the three of us due to COVID.

My dilemma is do I tell DS? I think knowing its Christmas but nothing is happening will be horrible for him.

My plan is to not tell him. I honestly think I can pull this off as once he's finished school he won't know what day it is. He doesn't have a watch, I can change the date on devices and its not like he reads the paper. He doesn't really watch TV and I can keep any TV to films and stuff so no "Christmas specials" or merry Christmas messages popping up and if anything comes up on his ipad I'll just tell him it's already Christmas in some countries due to different time zones.

We are not going anywhere so it's just the three of us. Grandparents etc can zoom on "Christmas day" and be in on it. I can buy a "dupe" advent calendar and pretend he forgot a day.

I think I can pull it off but DH thinks I can't and should tell him. I don't like lying to him but we are lying to him about flying reindeer and elves and a big man coming down the chimney with presents so I feel like not telling him the date - which doesn't actually matter really - is not that much of a big deal. Whereas I think knowing its actually Christmas Eve but Santa isn't coming till the following night for some reason will be hard for him.

AIBU - can I pull this off and should I? I know it will be the last year he believes so I want to keep Christmas "intact" and not postponed like every bloody other things has been this year.

OP posts:
Toddlerteaplease · 13/12/2020 21:22

Tell him the truth. Dad has to work. Nothing can be done about it. It's life, But you'll have Christmas another day

Lelophants · 13/12/2020 21:22

@TatianaBis

He’s only working 8 to 5 OP.

You have stockings and presents with special Christmas breakfast before 8. Then dad goes to work while you and he chill out play with his presents and watch TV, then Christmas dinner at 5pm.

DH is a medic my kids are used to dad working at Christmas in the past.

This!
AndThenTheDayBecomesTheNight · 13/12/2020 21:22

I do think you're not giving him enough credit, yes. You and your dh seem to think you can talk him into believing what you'd like him to, as if he were a much younger child. You also said that he knows you want him to 'believe' - why?

Also - what you call a 'normal' Christmas seems to involve nobody having to work - parents at work is entirely normal for many families and this year you are joining them. I'm wondering if your feelings about your dh's change in job/income etc are driving this - you'd like to have one day without the difficult reality. I do understand that, but you'll all be best served in the long run, I think, if you model working with and around that reality.

diddl · 13/12/2020 21:25

@TatianaBis

He’s only working 8 to 5 OP.

You have stockings and presents with special Christmas breakfast before 8. Then dad goes to work while you and he chill out play with his presents and watch TV, then Christmas dinner at 5pm.

DH is a medic my kids are used to dad working at Christmas in the past.

Yes.

It's looking like a lot of fuss about nothing.

His dad is going to be there for enough of the day to do some presents early, the rest in the evening, AND have a Christmas meal at 6ish if you wish!

Namechange2020lalala · 13/12/2020 21:26

Bit weird, just have presents with him and Christmas lunch. Boxing day can be a family day.

Witchend · 13/12/2020 21:27

At 9 he'll work it out and potentially you'll cause far more distress. What if he works it out on Christmas morning, and is devastated that Santa forgot him?

I'd tell him that you're going to do Christmas day a day later and shall you ask Santa to drop the presents a day late? He could drop one in the say itself.
When we were away for Christmas, Santa always dropped the presents the morning after we got back. Children never flinched at the idea, and just accepted it as normal.

HollyandIvyandallthingsYule · 13/12/2020 21:28

@AndThenTheDayBecomesTheNight

I do think you're not giving him enough credit, yes. You and your dh seem to think you can talk him into believing what you'd like him to, as if he were a much younger child. You also said that he knows you want him to 'believe' - why?

Also - what you call a 'normal' Christmas seems to involve nobody having to work - parents at work is entirely normal for many families and this year you are joining them. I'm wondering if your feelings about your dh's change in job/income etc are driving this - you'd like to have one day without the difficult reality. I do understand that, but you'll all be best served in the long run, I think, if you model working with and around that reality.

This.

You don’t make life better by pretending*...you make it better by facing up to reality and making the best of it. Especially when it’s not even actually such a terrible thing you’re having to go through.

*I’m aware of the irony of that statement in relation to matters of Christmas magic/Santa. Nevertheless, it stands.

@catgirl1976🎄🎄🎄 it’ll be ok! I think you’re trying to make Christmas feel normal for yourself. I don’t think you need to - I think you could embrace this and make the day lovely in lots of little ways, and then do your proper celebration on the 25th. But why not just let your son open his presents on the day?

LEELULUMPKIN · 13/12/2020 21:30

My late DM used to work every Christmas (in A&E) when I was much younger than your DC.

It didn't take the magic away from me, I understood that it was an important job and tbh I was too busy playing with my stuff to be to be bothered what my parents were doing.

No need for all that shenaninagins.

MistletoeandMoccasins · 13/12/2020 21:31

Go for it OP!
I have moved DS's birthday twice before.
Your family will have to be in on it, mind and you may have to avoid terrestrial TV. Nine is old but you know your son.

santasmincepie · 13/12/2020 21:40

All the posters saying that plenty of people's children put up with this and accept it, I have no doubt that it's true. However I imagine that in most cases the children have grown up with this being the norm, rather than happening for the first time at 9.

OP there is a letter online somewhere from Santa where children of emergency workers etc can request a different delivery date. Maybe you could use that?

JamesMoriarty · 13/12/2020 21:41

Definitely tell him. There's no way my 8 year old would fall for that, he'd be counting down the days after finishing school.

donquixotedelamancha · 13/12/2020 21:47

My DD is 6 and she'd never fall for this. Pretty sure my almost 5YO wouldn't either. They would wreak terrible vengeance if I tried a stunt like this.

What does your partner do that your expect him to be taking calls all day on Xmas day?

It's very obvious that he works for a phone sex line and I think we should all leave OP alone about it.

GreyHare · 13/12/2020 21:54

Please don't lie to your child whilst trying to continue the lie about Father Christmas, he is 9 and most probably doesn't believe but the fact you are still lying to him just confuses it all.

My Dad worked Christmas Day, he was a farmer, so we got up did stockings and presents with him and then he went off did everything, we played with our gifts, helped with dinner, getting table laid etc for him coming home, had dinner then enjoyed the evening together as a family, you son will just get on with it if you tell Dad has to work but this is what we are going do and then you make it fun, at least he is still in the house.

Doublebubblebubble · 13/12/2020 21:57

Id tell your DS christmas is going to be slightly different this year and that its going to be a day later. So technically he'll have 2 Christmases. Let him open a present or two on real christmas day too.

As other posters have said he'll either find out or work it out for himself. Theres no need to lie. Good luck

fiorentina · 13/12/2020 22:04

I think honesty is the best policy, tell him know the plans. Surely he can open stocking presents before his dad starts work, maybe more during his lunch break. By all means have a big lunch the day after. My 9 year old would definitely know how many days until Xmas day. Happy Christmas!

Cakles2010 · 13/12/2020 22:05

@GreyHare

Please don't lie to your child whilst trying to continue the lie about Father Christmas, he is 9 and most probably doesn't believe but the fact you are still lying to him just confuses it all.

My Dad worked Christmas Day, he was a farmer, so we got up did stockings and presents with him and then he went off did everything, we played with our gifts, helped with dinner, getting table laid etc for him coming home, had dinner then enjoyed the evening together as a family, you son will just get on with it if you tell Dad has to work but this is what we are going do and then you make it fun, at least he is still in the house.

How do you know her son doesn't really believe but she's saying he does Confused what an odd thing to say...I know quite a few children that do believe and are 10/11. My mum had to tell me my first Xmas of senior school for fear I'd be embarrassed! It's not unheard of to still believe in Santa at that age
Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 13/12/2020 22:07

There is NO WAY on earth any of my 3 would have fallen for that.

Up early and stocking (SANTA), DH goes off to work

You and he have a lovely lazy kind of day, watch movies, go out for a walk somewhere lovely, snack - a Boxing Day chill kind of day

Xmas dinner when DH comes in, Bob Cratchett style in terms of making merry when you can, presents, stay up late and have Xmas.

WhoseThatGirl · 13/12/2020 22:08

I love how people can not fathom that children differ in their awareness of these things. Just like there are plenty of adults who have to check the date every time they write it.
My Dd is 9 and she wouldn’t have a clue if I did this. She’s dyslexic so when she was diagnosed they tested her IQ and she’s extremely intelligent, just a bit oblivious.

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 13/12/2020 22:09

DS is 10 and Year 6 and he completely believes, though I know this will be the last year.

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 13/12/2020 22:10

I just think it would be really stressful

JamesMoriarty · 13/12/2020 22:12

@WhoseThatGirl

I love how people can not fathom that children differ in their awareness of these things. Just like there are plenty of adults who have to check the date every time they write it. My Dd is 9 and she wouldn’t have a clue if I did this. She’s dyslexic so when she was diagnosed they tested her IQ and she’s extremely intelligent, just a bit oblivious.
I see what you're saying, I'm dyslexic myself, but my area finish school on the 22nd and my DS would definitely know.
fairydust11 · 13/12/2020 22:14

Don’t lie to him, he’s 9 years old and will work it out. Plus don’t buy another advent calendar if you can find one that is, I know you mean well, but it seems too deceitful in my opinion. Although your husband is working, at least he’s still in the house - you could have 2 Christmas days! The official one & then an extra special one on boxing day when your husband is off too, or something like that? I think that’s what I would do if I had this dilemma anyway.

Newkitchen123 · 13/12/2020 22:20

A nine year old is old enough to understand that people have to work.
Get up extra early and open presents. Let him play with his presents all day. Have Christmas Dinner at 5pm. Or have it on boxing day.

saraclara · 13/12/2020 22:21

Not only are you living a lie to him for several days, you're asking other people to lie too.

C'mon, surely you know thta asking other people to lie for your own selfish reasons is REALLY out of order?

Not only will your DS feel betrayed by you when he finds out, he will feel betrayed by his GPs and aunts and uncles. He won't trust any of you again.

This alternative Christmas is NOT a bit deal. There are many many children whose parents have to work on Christmas Day. Do you think all their parents are going through this rigmarole and expecting others to lie for them? Of course they're not.

It bothers me a bit that you seem to find lying so natural and reasonable. If I knew you in real life I honestly wouldn't trust you.

CherryPieface · 13/12/2020 22:32

I think it’s a great idea OP - go for it.