Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - Christmas dilemma

360 replies

catgirl1976 · 13/12/2020 18:49

Due to COVID DH's self employed work dried up. So he got a job working from home doing customer service for a large telecomms company. Minimum wage and we've lost a lot of income but he's grateful to have a job and be WFH so it's all good. It's not a great company to work for and its a bit sweat shop call centre but its fine .

Until he got his rota for Christmas week. He is working 10am - 7pm Christmas Eve and then 8am to 5pm Christmas day. He has Boxing Day off. We appreciate lots of people have to work Christmas day and there is no option to book this off or swap it.

We have a DS who has just turned 9 and still believes. He is so excited for Christmas and has, like most children, had so much cancelled or postponed this year and has been a trouper.

So...I've decided that rather than try and do Christmas with DH plugged into a computer and taking calls every 5 minutes we will just move the whole thing forward a day. So on Christmas day we will do Christmas Eve stuff - film, hot chocolate, mince pie for Santa etc and then Boxing Day will be Christmas day. Seems sensible as he finishes work at 5pm on Christmas day and is off Boxing day so we can have a "normal" Christmas albeit a day late. We were always planning to be just the three of us due to COVID.

My dilemma is do I tell DS? I think knowing its Christmas but nothing is happening will be horrible for him.

My plan is to not tell him. I honestly think I can pull this off as once he's finished school he won't know what day it is. He doesn't have a watch, I can change the date on devices and its not like he reads the paper. He doesn't really watch TV and I can keep any TV to films and stuff so no "Christmas specials" or merry Christmas messages popping up and if anything comes up on his ipad I'll just tell him it's already Christmas in some countries due to different time zones.

We are not going anywhere so it's just the three of us. Grandparents etc can zoom on "Christmas day" and be in on it. I can buy a "dupe" advent calendar and pretend he forgot a day.

I think I can pull it off but DH thinks I can't and should tell him. I don't like lying to him but we are lying to him about flying reindeer and elves and a big man coming down the chimney with presents so I feel like not telling him the date - which doesn't actually matter really - is not that much of a big deal. Whereas I think knowing its actually Christmas Eve but Santa isn't coming till the following night for some reason will be hard for him.

AIBU - can I pull this off and should I? I know it will be the last year he believes so I want to keep Christmas "intact" and not postponed like every bloody other things has been this year.

OP posts:
ThatsMySantaHisBeardIsSoFluffy · 14/12/2020 19:52

I find it quite unbelievable that a 9 year old wouldn't know what the date is.

You're not unreasonable to move it, you are unreasonable to not just tell your DS why you're doing it.

Elle8344 · 14/12/2020 19:56

He's bound to find out which may upset him. You could say that Santa is going to be a bit late because his deliveries are taking longer due to covid. Make a fuss of him on Christmas day so he doesn't feel left out then he'll have all his pressies the following day. Hope this helps x

Geordieoldgirl · 14/12/2020 20:14

I think I might be writing to Santa and tell him the problem. Santa could then write back saying that because of this year’s special circumstances, he will make a special trip to your house on Boxing Day and you should have your special celebrations then

roxanne119 · 14/12/2020 20:16

It’s the run up to it I think your have problems with it’s Christmas Eve I mean are you doing a blanket tv ban stopping they neighbours speaking to you no shopping or postman or just randoms that might let it slip that it’s actually Christmas Eve . Don’t think lying good idea really 🤭

sunflo76 · 14/12/2020 20:25

Definitely no he will find out and never trust you again
Tell him the true he’s not a baby I don’t believe he still
believes in Santa he’s doing for you and to get extra
presents.
The children at school will have told him
Loads of children’s parents work on christmas day it’s
not that unusual.
You must tell him the truth

saraclara · 14/12/2020 20:26

Apart from anything else, lying for three days (minimum) sounds really stressful to me. Never mind being morally dodgy and not at all respectful of your child.

PurpleMustang · 14/12/2020 20:36

Yep think he is too old for you to try this one. Maybe ask others where parents work on Christmas day how they manage it and get an idea from that. At 9 he should be old enough to understand and not have a paddy over it. Plus his Dad will be around although working, so will be able to catch some time with him during the day. And yep, i think they need to know the truth about Santa before they hit sex ed in Yr 6!!

Ihaveaskedyouthrice · 14/12/2020 20:46

I haven't read all the replies so apologies if I'm repeating what others have said but I really can't see how you'd get away with it. My 3 and 5-year old are counting down to Christmas day. They know what date it is today, what date Christmas Eve is, what date Christmas Day is. They ask Alexa every day how many sleeps and I couldn't imagine how I would convince them it was the next day not to mind a 9 year old. is all scenes unnecessarily convoluted when you could just tell him the truth. Why not just say about Santa doing a second round on the 26th.

Ddot · 14/12/2020 20:54

Are you really contemplating this, he is 9. Maybe I'm wrong but at 9 I think he will know what day it is.

Nonamesavail · 14/12/2020 20:56

Just tell him.

Courgetteandbeans · 14/12/2020 20:57

I think if would be awful for him to find out about Father Christmas that way (although he probably has worked out just hadn't told you) . Why not do the gifts from Father Christmas on the proper day and gifts from family on Boxing day when you can all celebrate together. That way there's no need to lie, no need to put yourself through all that stress and he'll get two days off opening presents.

Franacropan1 · 14/12/2020 21:07

My partner often works all over Christmas, even night shifts sometimes. When my Daughter was young we just moved Christmas Day to before or after.We still do, but these days we end up having two Christmas meals - one on our “moved” day at home and one that I cook and take round to her grandmas's on the actual day.

Peace43 · 14/12/2020 21:10

Mine wouldn’t have a clue what day was Xmas day!

BBCdramaaddict · 14/12/2020 21:49

If you really think you can pull It off, do it!
I was working Christmas Day last year so we told the kids Christmas Eve was Christmas Day. My two were 4 and 6 so a little younger but it went well. They even went to DH family for the real Christmas Day whilst I was at work and everyone kept the secret. Even their two cousins 9 and 11 bless them.

Jillypots · 14/12/2020 23:39

I like the idea of telling him that Father Christmas does a second run for people who have to work on Christmas Day. That way you can be truthful about the dates (only if he asks) but still keep the magic of Christmas. So sorry your DH has to work on Christmas Day. Hugs to you.

Helpneededbyanoutsider · 14/12/2020 23:44

@birdseedpie

He will find out one way or the other and then how will you explain that Father Xmas came a day late?
He won’t know it’s a day late. That’s why she’s saying about the dupe advent, grandparents calling and being in on it etc.
starfishmummy · 14/12/2020 23:57

Hes 9. He'll know and you will have ruined christmas.
On thebotherbhabd get him up to open his presnts before Dad is at work; then he'll spend the day playing with them to his hearts content.

Have christmas dinner at 5.30 or so.

NoSleepforAYear · 15/12/2020 00:07

Apologies, I haven't read all of the thread. I've done this. I work in a restaurant at a holiday camp and worked Xmas Day 3 years in a row. The last year that I worked it DD was 4.5, I only just got away with it. She's 9 now and no way would I manage it. I'd be honest, maybe do pressies early?

MadameBoulaye · 15/12/2020 00:48

The idea is ridiculous. He’s not a toddler, he’s 9. You can surely still make Xmas Day special. No tv, no radio? Does he communicate online with friends? The whole idea of your deception will be hurtful to him when he finds out. It’s not the same as letting him believe in Santa as this is contrived by you.

Whatamess582 · 15/12/2020 05:37

Just tell him. Fgs my 6yr old could understand the reasons why. Father Christmas comes Christmas Eve and he had present to ply with on Christmas Day and then the rest of the presents on Boxing Day and you have the meal etc with his father.

Minxmumma · 15/12/2020 06:10

Can you not just explain to him like you have suggested that like other key workers his dad has to work so Santa will be doing his extra special late run for their children.

If he is 9 he should understand this and you haven't lied massively.

ILikeStrongTea · 15/12/2020 06:33

We did this when the DC were very small as they didn’t know any different. There is no way we could get away with this now. Plenty of people work Christmas Day, just tell him the truth and have a lovely day together and then do it properly the next day.

linsey2581 · 15/12/2020 07:42

He’s 9 he’s not stupid! If your husband is working Christmas Day next year are you going to move it again????

AMidsummerNight · 15/12/2020 14:39

It seems like a lot of deceit OP! And a lot of effort. Like a pp said, the lies would have to start on Christmas eve and continue to boxing day - then maybe even beyond that? Is he old enough to know that New years day comes exactly a week after Christmas day? Would he be aware that nye and nyd had come too soon?

If it were me I would keep to the actual days. You'll still be able to do nice things on Christmas eve and there's no reason you can't get up early and have your son open presents on Christmas morning before your DH starts work, or even on his first morning break? During the day your son can play with his toys, watch films, go out for a walk/park with you, basically enjoy Christmas day as its happening,...then as for Christmas dinner, why not have it ready on the table for 5pm for as soon as DH finishes? I know its a bit later than xmas dinner would normally be, but 5pm isn't that late in the grand scheme of things and you've then got the whole evening left to play games/watch films etc...as least you've still done Christmas on Christmas day and not had to orchestrate an elaborate lie.

I know it won't be the same...but no ones Christmas is really going to be the same this year. And personally, if I was working on Christmas day I would prefer to still honour the day and have the dinner when I finished. Your husband will surely have breaks throughout the day where you can be together/he can help a bit with prep? Him working from home makes this easier. Also a lot of prep can be done the night before, so its not like you'll have to do absolutely everything by yourself on the day. This is the way I would be going anyway...

Paulambrown65 · 15/12/2020 16:14

Just let him open his presents on Christmas day and explain that you are having all the normal celebrations on boxing day as daddy has to work. He'll be too engrossed with his presents to care. It will work out fine as many parents work on christmas day. Merry Christmas to you!