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AIBU?

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Original poster

To report to social services

168 replies

dreamadream1 · 13/12/2020 14:42

I would say I'm not going to go into detail in case she's on here but I honestly don't care at this point.

My half sisters (13 & 12) and brother (11) live with their Mum.

My dad has always been a part of their lives, it started that the eldest had a disability and she pushed the drs and finally the eldest was disagnosed with dyspraxia.

The middle girl has always loved school, been a social butterfly and had hobbies such as gymnastics.

My brother was a daddies boy when he was younger and my dad used to take him to football etc.

My dad and his wife have rules such as no phones at dinner table, no phones after 8:30pm, have veg with dinner and family time including a dog walk or similar every time they have them for a weekend is how they parent.

Gradually the weekends stopped, my brother is addicted to PlayStation and plays from 3pm to 4-6am (he doesn't go to school because he has "anxiety") so he refuses to go to my dads as they won't allow that.

The eldest hasn't been to school for 4 years and is not home schooled.

Now the middle one who used to love school and was confident is refusing to go and is staying home too.

The eldest has always been a nervous wreck, her mum telling her about plane crashes, boats sink, lifts getting stuck for hours etc therefore she has lots of fears that children just shouldn't have, Dad and stepmum managed to get them minus my brother to Wales with me and DH too where I saw the impact their mum has had on them, my 13 year old sister needed me or stepmum to wash her hair as she's never been taught, she wears a big sanitary towel to be in case she wets herself (in her words she's never wet herself). They are terrified of restaurants or enclosed spaces and have to know all of the exits. We were eating dinner and my dad had to go and eat outside with one of them as they were panicking so much.

She cooks my brother chicken nuggets for breakfast cos it's all he will eat.

My Dad used to have them every other weekend and see them 2 nights a week, now she's moved them 100 miles away to be nearer her family.

My Dad has asked to have them on Boxing Day (as he always has done) and she said they didn't want to come.

Stepmum text middle sister and she replied "well dad never bothered coming to our school plays etc" which are definitely not her words.

My dad has always worked full time but is the most caring, loving, funny Dad, she would tell him about parents evenings and school plays the day before so she knew he wouldn't be able to book the hours off work. He is heartbroken and doesn't know where to go from here.

My concern is that they all have anxiety, she's pushed for an ADHD diagnosis for my brother so he is dosed up on relaxants at all times. My eldest sister is a social recluse and now the middle one has stopped going to school too.

I'm concerned about their welfare (playing video games for 12-14 hours a day). I'm concerned that they are getting no education. I'm concerned about the irrational fears they have pushed on them.

Would I be unfair to report this? I don't want them to end up ruined and not living normal lives.

Any opinions welcome, sorry it's so long! Thank you for reading x

OP posts:
Simplyunacceptable · 13/12/2020 21:03

Your Dad should go through the courts to gain regular access if not full access tbh. She is neglecting and abusing them if everything you have said is true.

Original poster
dreamadream1 · 13/12/2020 21:03

@Cocomarine they would have their hair washes on a Thursday then a Sunday so they just had regular showers/baths at his without hair wash.

He also used to see them for an hour or two in the week not spend the night with them. That's how they missed the hair washing problem.

OP posts:
Wheresmykimchi · 13/12/2020 21:04

@TheTrashBagIsOursCmonTrashBag

Sorry *@Wheresmykimchi* I thought you were implying that I or someone else was baiting the OP which I definitely am not doing. I just really fucking hate when people spout this sort of bullshit about claiming benefits and allowances for disabilities.
No I know. I could have worded that better.
Original poster
dreamadream1 · 13/12/2020 21:05

@YikesMusthaveusername he didn't "leave" me, they split amicably and he's always been a part of my life.

He doesn't have 4 hungry children, I'm nearly 30 for one and two he provides for his other 3.

What was he supposed to do? He was working 12 hour days to keep a roof over their heads and food in their bellies, Christmas presents and birthdays etc because she wanted to be a stay at home mum? How is he wrong here.

Jesus Christ, you really do get some anti men women don't you.

OP posts:
YikesMusthaveusername · 13/12/2020 21:08

How long is he with your 'stepmom' then?
Why are you so convinced he is a great Dad? He has a history of neglecting his children - one at 4 months old, one at 2 years old, one at 1 year old and you at 9 years old. He sounds like the absolute opposite of a brilliant father.

YikesMusthaveusername · 13/12/2020 21:11

Now he's shacked up with his third wife and you're complaining about how neglected his children are by their mother - not by him!

Original poster
dreamadream1 · 13/12/2020 21:11

@YikesMusthaveusername 7 years they have been together. Why are you so rude? Just because a marriage doesn't work out when children are involved doesn't mean one of them is a shit parent?

She kicked him out, he moved back into my Nan and Grandads whilst trying to deal with a broken heart because he was all for her and worked to provide for their family and a nice home, so she could stay at home and be a mum - what she wanted!

You sound like a very bitter person.

OP posts:
YikesMusthaveusername · 13/12/2020 21:12

If your youngest brother is 11, that means you were at least 20 when he got with third wife. How is she a Mom to you - step or otherwise.

YikesMusthaveusername · 13/12/2020 21:13

She had three babies under 2!

YikesMusthaveusername · 13/12/2020 21:14

I'm not bitter, you just sound like the golden child. Talking about your stepmom and no mention of your own mother.

Wheresmykimchi · 13/12/2020 21:16

@YikesMusthaveusername

If your youngest brother is 11, that means you were at least 20 when he got with third wife. How is she a Mom to you - step or otherwise.
You are nit picking now. She is her stepmother.
MeringueCloud · 13/12/2020 21:16

Yes 80scolourful if a child is electively home educated and the authorities suspect that a child is not being lawfully educated they can intervene.

Cocomarine · 13/12/2020 21:16

Most of MN really isn’t anti-men, @dreamadream1
Many of us are married to men, many of us have sons. We love and respect men.

The thing is, right now your Dad getting his shit together to parent his kids is likely to provide a far better outcome for them, than you calling SS. Who are over stretched, and these kids aren’t in physical danger.

So that’s why the focus here is on your dad. It’s not a competition as to who is letting the kids down more - their mum or their dad. But their dad is still letting them down, and there’s no point in any of us telling you that she needs to step up, as she’s not your mum. This is your dad, and you need to get the blinkers off - currently (and for some time, by the sounds of it) he has decided he can walk away from his kids’ obviously complex problems and heartbreaking situations.

YikesMusthaveusername · 13/12/2020 21:17

Well if that's the case, then her sibling's mother is also her stepmom! Lol.
It's too much for my brain to take tonight.

slipperywhensparticus · 13/12/2020 21:18

You would be mistaken to think that this wouldn't be on social services radar already

Twigaletta · 13/12/2020 21:18

@HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime

You can report them but if they are fed, clothed and not at physical harm they aren't overly likely to do anything, school will be on it if they aren't attending regularly unless they've been deregistered. However ultimately it's up to your dad to take mum to court and get full residency if he feels they are being neglected and she is damaging their emotional and mental wellbeing.
It's actually called emotional abuse and more children become looked after because of it than physical abuse these days.

This is emotional abuse that needs reporting.

YikesMusthaveusername · 13/12/2020 21:19

Ye, and who is going to look after them Twigaletta? Their father?

Wheresmykimchi · 13/12/2020 21:24

@YikesMusthaveusername

Well if that's the case, then her sibling's mother is also her stepmom! Lol. It's too much for my brain to take tonight.
I don't believe you don't get this.

Your stepmother is the person married to your parent.

Her siblings mother would be her ex stepmother.

Graphista · 13/12/2020 21:27

I'm not going to respond any more other than to say I have reported this thread for a variety of reasons. I may or may not be right on all those reasons but some of the ops comments are I feel perpetuating some really disturbing myths and inaccuracies regarding children with disabilities and benefits claimants.

I didn't want to be thought of as having been "run off the thread" but i see little point in further engagement for the reasons which I have reported.

Original poster
dreamadream1 · 13/12/2020 21:28

@YikesMusthaveusername are you okay? How am I the golden child? And what has my own mother got to do with this? She isn't with my Dad, she's not the children's mums. My dads wife is my stepmother. It's not hard to work out.

OP posts:
Original poster
dreamadream1 · 13/12/2020 21:29

@Graphista report a thread that I am trying to get advice on regarding the welfare of my young siblings? Well done. Hats off to you. What a star.

OP posts:
Twigaletta · 13/12/2020 21:30

@YikesMusthaveusername

Ye, and who is going to look after them Twigaletta? Their father?
1) Their father 2) kinship carers e.g. grandparents, aunties, uncles, cousins, family friends, friend's parents etc (OP says mum moved to be near family) 3) foster carers

They won't be out on the streets and childrens services will try and find the best solution for them. That might be living with their mum but with a support/social worker to reduce the harm she's causing her DC. Help her see the damage she's doing to them. Or they might remove the DC from her care.

But goodness knows she is causing her DC harm and there needs to be an intervention.

Original poster
dreamadream1 · 13/12/2020 21:32

@Cocomarine my dad constantly reaches out to her via telephone call and texts asking her to come to an agreement.

He's kept record of all texts, they are all saved. Proving that she is negligent in letting my Dad be a part of their lives now that they are older. She does not encourage the children to go to their Dad on the weekends that they had originally agreed to, she lets them stay at home with no rules and play PlayStation instead. Is my dad meant to go and force them into his car?

I agree with everyone that he needs to get the ball rolling with court however like I said, having strokes this year and a bartering to his mental health, he is lacking in faith and is quite literally at the end of his tether with trying to be amicable with their Mum.

OP posts:
Original poster
dreamadream1 · 13/12/2020 21:35

Also @Graphista my cousin has 2 disabled children. I can see how hard it is. I'm very close to her.

What I'm trying to say is apart from the eldests dyspraxia, the anxiety is caused by her and I will never believe that my brother has ADHD. Everyone was shocked when they found out he was on relaxants.

OP posts:
ChristmasCookies · 13/12/2020 21:37

Yes, contact social services

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