To report to social services

[dreamadream1]

I would say I'm not going to go into detail in case she's on here but I honestly don't care at this point.

My half sisters (13 & 12) and brother (11) live with their Mum.

My dad has always been a part of their lives, it started that the eldest had a disability and she pushed the drs and finally the eldest was disagnosed with dyspraxia.

The middle girl has always loved school, been a social butterfly and had hobbies such as gymnastics.

My brother was a daddies boy when he was younger and my dad used to take him to football etc.

My dad and his wife have rules such as no phones at dinner table, no phones after 8:30pm, have veg with dinner and family time including a dog walk or similar every time they have them for a weekend is how they parent.

Gradually the weekends stopped, my brother is addicted to PlayStation and plays from 3pm to 4-6am (he doesn't go to school because he has "anxiety") so he refuses to go to my dads as they won't allow that.

The eldest hasn't been to school for 4 years and is not home schooled.

Now the middle one who used to love school and was confident is refusing to go and is staying home too.

The eldest has always been a nervous wreck, her mum telling her about plane crashes, boats sink, lifts getting stuck for hours etc therefore she has lots of fears that children just shouldn't have, Dad and stepmum managed to get them minus my brother to Wales with me and DH too where I saw the impact their mum has had on them, my 13 year old sister needed me or stepmum to wash her hair as she's never been taught, she wears a big sanitary towel to be in case she wets herself (in her words she's never wet herself). They are terrified of restaurants or enclosed spaces and have to know all of the exits. We were eating dinner and my dad had to go and eat outside with one of them as they were panicking so much.

She cooks my brother chicken nuggets for breakfast cos it's all he will eat.

My Dad used to have them every other weekend and see them 2 nights a week, now she's moved them 100 miles away to be nearer her family.

My Dad has asked to have them on Boxing Day (as he always has done) and she said they didn't want to come.

Stepmum text middle sister and she replied "well dad never bothered coming to our school plays etc" which are definitely not her words.

My dad has always worked full time but is the most caring, loving, funny Dad, she would tell him about parents evenings and school plays the day before so she knew he wouldn't be able to book the hours off work. He is heartbroken and doesn't know where to go from here.

My concern is that they all have anxiety, she's pushed for an ADHD diagnosis for my brother so he is dosed up on relaxants at all times. My eldest sister is a social recluse and now the middle one has stopped going to school too.

I'm concerned about their welfare (playing video games for 12-14 hours a day). I'm concerned that they are getting no education. I'm concerned about the irrational fears they have pushed on them.

Would I be unfair to report this? I don't want them to end up ruined and not living normal lives.

Any opinions welcome, sorry it's so long! Thank you for reading x

then started getting them all diagnosed with disabilities, pocketing lots of money through benefits in the process

You really need to stop perpetuating this myth that its easy to get your child diagnosed with a disability, never mind actually claim disability benefits. Its very harmful.

If you're going to report to social services (and I think you probably should) then you report the child(ren) not the adult. It doesn't matter at that stage which parent is the bigger arsehole, social workers will assess the safety of the children by speaking to all relevant adults, including you if you want to be involved and you have a role in their lives, and appropriate agencies such as school, GP. They will then make a decision about the welfare and safety of the children and make a plan if needed. How much fault to apportion to each parent is irrelevant here. If what you say is true it is clear that the children are being failed and something needs to change. What can you do to support your siblings and improve their life chances? Can you engage with them directly on social media if visiting is difficult? Can you re-establish your relationship with their mother and offer support?

OP it’s your dad who needs to step in here, stop excusing him. I suffered massive lows with depression pre and post kids and even on the days I struggle to function, brush my teeth or eat, my kids needs are always met. Always. He needs to get on with it and it’s pathetic he needs his wife and daughter to try and talk him into fighting for his children’s health, safety and education.

@dreamadream1

Also *@Graphista* how do you know she's got a tough set of circumstances? She got the children she wanted, ended their marriage and broke my Dad's heart then started getting them all diagnosed with disabilities, pocketing lots of money through benefits in the process and even though the youngest is 11 she hasn't had to work because the amount of benefits she has covers her living whereas my Dad works his arse off to pay his way for them (as he should, as should any parent).

Oh totally. Parents of disabled children absolutely rake it in! £67.25 a week in carers allowance is living the dream...

@TheTrashBagIsOursCmonTrashBag well she seems to be able to afford designer bags and make up and put it all over social media when she hasn't worked for 13 nearly 14 years so you tell me.

[quote dreamadream1]@TheTrashBagIsOursCmonTrashBag well she seems to be able to afford designer bags and make up and put it all over social media when she hasn't worked for 13 nearly 14 years so you tell me.[/quote]
@dreamadream1 you're letting yourself down here. Don't play into their hands.

Play into who’s hands?

Either report your concerns to the relevant people or don’t, but don’t be surprised at getting peoples backs up if you spout shite about how having children with disabilities is lucrative somehow.

Bet she gets her hair and nails done weekly too

@Wheresmykimchi it's so frustrating being in the middle of it and hearing things like that!

I asked for opinions based on the facts I know about the children's welfare.

My dad has never ever let them down, he contacts them every day to no replies or excuses to end the conversation/FaceTime quick, he's driven 100 miles 5 times in 8 weeks to see them but their mother doesn't make her son get off his PlayStation for an hour and spend time with my Dad yet my Dad is being bashed here.

Absolutely, he should have gone to court already but as I said, his health decline and mental health since the kids stopped coming have declined. My stepmum text me this morning saying could I call him because he's crying because he's lost Boxing Day with them, as his daughter, and seeing him with them and how much he loves them and me, that hurts.

I'm genuinely concerned they'll all end up as recluses because of lack of interaction with other children, education, excessive gaming etc.

@TheTrashBagIsOursCmonTrashBag

Play into who’s hands?

Either report your concerns to the relevant people or don’t, but don’t be surprised at getting peoples backs up if you spout shite about how having children with disabilities is lucrative somehow.

In another words , not to lower herself to making comments like that that obviously won't end well.

@TheTrashBagIsOursCmonTrashBag she gets high rate disability for the eldest and a mobility vehicle, she gets it for my brother too. She also has housing benefit and other benefits so I'm not making out like it's lucrative. She gets a lot of money from the welfare.

Do you know why that is? Because her job and career prospects will have taken such a kicking. Do you know how much it would cost to institutionalise all of the disabled people in this country and provide adequate care for them all? Carers save the government billions of pounds by being paid carers allowance and receiving the likes of housing benefit. Like it or not, unless she’s on the fiddle (no reason to think she is and that’s actually less common than many people think) she’s doing exactly as she should be in that respect at least.

@thepeopleversuswork

I would, yes. I’m astonished the local education authority hasn’t come after them to: is it worth putting in a call to them?

Unfortunately when a child is deregistered, the parent is taking on responsibility for the child's education so no authorities can interfere even if they were told the child wasn't being home educated. Home schooling is not monitored or overseen by anyone. It is quite literally left up to the parents

Sorry @Wheresmykimchi I thought you were implying that I or someone else was baiting the OP which I definitely am not doing. I just really fucking hate when people spout this sort of bullshit about claiming benefits and allowances for disabilities.

If your 13 year old stepdaughter has until very recently spent EOW and 2 night a week with your dad, how come he Bly reception to found out that she didn’t know how to wash her hair?

*only recently found out

@dreamadream1
Unfortunately the only way to resolve this is for your dad to go to court for regular access, or even full custody. If I were you, I would contact the nspcc for advice, it all sounds very worrying, someone should be investigating the education side and their mothers step dad. Good luck to you

Why on earth isn't your dad aggressively suing for custody if it's so bad? If they're so anxious it does sound like there are SEN involved. You don't get a huge amount of money because your DC has mild SEN and it isn't at all easy to just get a diagnosis because you feel like it. Welfare isn't lucrative.

A NT 13 year old would have worked out how to wash her hair by now without being taught so it sounds like there's definitely something going on.

Ok, so where is your Mum in all this? May have missed it.
Your Dad is on his third wife now at 51, with 4 hungry children and the crop in the field..
He left you when you were 9 and then the next 3 when the youngest was 4 months old. Oh sorry no - she kicked him out for not being there ever.
He seems well able to reproduce, but not able to parent.
What is he proposing to do about the situation?
What do you think Social Services will do? Put them into foster care?

The Mum was left with 3 babies 11 years ago. I'm not surprised she has gone a little doolally.

@MitziK

Stay out of it.

I'm sorry, what? These are OPs siblings not some randoms. Sometimes you have to make things your business if these kids can't speak for themselves. I would seek advice from SS OP, although I don't know what they would do but it can't hurt to ask. Hopefully someone with more experience can advise you.

And why are you calling his third wife your Stepmom?

I can’t reconcile how you think your dad / their dad is such a great father here. The children obviously needed a lot of support, and yet he let his weekends “gradually” reduce.

I do understand that his depression THIS YEAR would lead to him letting them down by not having the capacity to instigate and follow through the necessary court action.

But that’s this year - he was letting them down “gradually” before that. When they were too young to make the decision not to come and when two of them (oldest and youngest) very much needed his support.

@YikesMusthaveusername what do you mean where is my mum? I'm nearly 30 and they're not her children?? 🥴 maybe read the whole thread before commenting...

@YikesMusthaveusername she is my stepmother? My dad is married to her?