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AIBU?

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Original poster

To expect my friend to contribute towards my rent?

138 replies

trixiez · 13/12/2020 11:16

NC for this

My good friend moved in with my son and I for lockdown (just before the start of the most recent one), we're currently in tier 3 and she's still here. It's been about 6 weeks I think, maybe longer.

Before she moved in, she said in passing that she can send me a little money if I wanted her to and I said that it was ok not to.

Since then, my circumstances have changed and I have got into some financial difficulty. I am behind on my rent and have been contacted by my landlord about this as a matter of urgency. I simply do not have the money to pay my rent, and she knows this. My bills have also gone up as there's obviously an extra adult in the house using the gas and electricity.

She doesn't drive, so I drive us everywhere and also take her to/from work most of the time. She also owes me money for our last two food shops, as I paid for it all and for a few other things too. She owes me about £100. Yesterday, she came home with new (non essential) hair products and a bottle of alcohol for herself. She also frequently gets takeaway food when she's at work from places like Costa.

She does help round the house and with my son/dog, but nothing major.

AIBU to expect her to offer to contribute some money? I'm really annoyed at her, but I'm not sure if I have the right to as I originally said she didn't have to pay me.

I don't know how to bring it up.

OP posts:
VettiyaIruken · 13/12/2020 11:19

You already said you didn't want her to pay you. Since that has changed you need to sit down with her and tell her that. Yes, ideally she'd offer but it's clear she's not going to so you need to tell her you can't financially support her any longer and need her to pay her way.

TeenPlusTwenties · 13/12/2020 11:20

YABU not to ask her.

Friend, I know i originally said not to, but as my circumstances have changed I do now need to take you up on your offer for you to give me something more towards your staying here. How about £x per week ongoing to help towards my extra bills, plus don't forget you owe me £100 for the shopping etc.

GoldfishParade · 13/12/2020 11:20

I think shes being a bit unaware but you're also being a bit unfair. Originally you offered to help her out and declined her offer of money. Is she meant to be a mind reader?

Where is she sleeping? Your couch or do you have a spare room?

You would be struggling with your rent regardless - that ones on you.

Your options now are
A) Ask her nicely to leave (give her 2 or 3 weeks notice to make a plan) or
B) Calculate how much your Bill's and food are and ask her to pay you 50% monthly

YesMeLady · 13/12/2020 11:20

Paying you rent might alter her rights as a lodger so be careful and look into that carefully. Stop buying her share of the food, its time to ask her to leave. She is taking advantage of you.

Scarby9 · 13/12/2020 11:21

Ask!

Original poster
trixiez · 13/12/2020 11:22

GoldFishParade

I would be struggling with my rent regardless, but my bills have also gone up and she owes me money, so I have less in the bank.

She has somewhere to go, she usually lives with her parents who live about 10 mins away but they said if she were to stay there during lockdown then they wouldn't want her leaving the house what so ever. So she asked to stay with me.

OP posts:
Original poster
trixiez · 13/12/2020 11:23

I also don't think she's unaware, I've mentioned several times that I'm struggling financially and to pay the rent/bills. She's very much aware.

OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 13/12/2020 11:23

For who's benefit did she move in? Is she still paying rent/bills elsewhere?

Original poster
trixiez · 13/12/2020 11:24

She moved in for her benefit, the only bill she pays is her phone bill. She doesn't have any others.

OP posts:
GoldfishParade · 13/12/2020 11:24

Yeah okay but you turned down her offer of money only 6 weeks ago.

As I said I think you can ask for 50% of food shops and bills, but not money towards the rent

Boulshired · 13/12/2020 11:25

You need to ask, some people would ignore your offer of free board and insist other would take you for your word. Stop trying to be polite and be honest now or resentment will build.

Cocomarine · 13/12/2020 11:28

You need to stop being such a mug!
If you don’t want to change rent for a short term stay, fine - fine to charge, fine not to charge - your choice. But to be paying extra utilities and food is just stupid!

You don’t know how to bring it up? “I can’t even pay my rent and my landlord is chasing me - I need that food money you owe me, today.”

Honestly, I’d just tell her to move out. It’s not her “fault” if you said she could stay for free, it’s not her “fault” you run around after her driving her to work... but it is her fault she hasn’t paid for her food. She’d taken the piss. I wouldn’t have her in my house, and I wouldn’t have her in my life, for that. Why are you so desperate to be friends with her?

custardbear · 13/12/2020 11:29

You need to tell her today that you'll be needing rent from her and part payment for bills too whilst she's staying with you

StillCoughingandLaughing · 13/12/2020 11:29

I’ve been in a similar situation. A friend needed to stay for a week or two; he’d been kicked out by his ex, so I would have felt guilty taking rent off him. But then two weeks turned into six, I was sick of not having my own space and quietly seething that he’d walk in and announce ‘I’ve bought some more bog roll, we’d run out’ as if he’d split the atom (or made some significant contribution).

I wimped out because he then got a live-in job, so there was a clear timeline for him to leave. If there’s no timeline for your friend to go, you need at the very least for her to be contributing to household expenses. Otherwise you’ll be resenting every teabag and drop of milk she uses.

Cocomarine · 13/12/2020 11:31

Who was her private chauffeur to work when she was living with mummy and daddy? Hmm

Original poster
trixiez · 13/12/2020 11:32

Cocomarine

She walked to work before she moved here. It's walkable from my house too, about a 30 min walk

OP posts:
Cocomarine · 13/12/2020 11:33

I’d also be careful about having a lodger if you’re claiming benefits, which I guess as a single parent without savings is very likely. Don’t get yourself into hot water there.

Sparklfairy · 13/12/2020 11:34

You're both adults, so need to have an adult conversation about money. She must think she's hit the jackpot that all she's got to pay is her phone bill! If it were me and you'd refused to let me pay rent, at the very least I'd be buying all the food in the house and the odd takeaway to try and offset it. She's being cheeky now - you've been kind and given an inch and she's taken a mile.

And what PP said about if she pays rent she'll have rights - I know from bitter experience that lodgers have no right. Even the advisory "reasonable notice to leave" isn't set in stone so if she paid you rent you could still change the locks tomorrow with no comeback, so don't worry about that. She needs to contribute end of.

Bargebill19 · 13/12/2020 11:34

By the sounds of your original post, if you don’t have a plan to pay your rent, you will both be homeless soon. So yes, ask her and be firm that you need it, to keep a roof over both your heads. Then set out how you split costs so all bills are paid going forward.

Original poster
trixiez · 13/12/2020 11:34

I'm not receiving any benefits, my financial situation was more than comfortable until the last few weeks.

OP posts:
Cocomarine · 13/12/2020 11:34

@trixiez

Cocomarine

She walked to work before she moved here. It's walkable from my house too, about a 30 min walk

And you’ve got nothing better to spend your money on than petrol to drive her there? Like rent, perhaps?
Original poster
trixiez · 13/12/2020 11:36

Cocomarine

It's really cold out and she often has very early starts and late finishes, as her friend I take her. It's a five minute drive. I am paying my rent off but I can't pay it all in one go.

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 13/12/2020 11:36

Why are you struggling with your rent, OP? Has something affected your income?

Ask her to replay the money she owes ASAP, and tell her your bills have gone up a lot so you’ll need a bit towards them from now on. You’ll also need her to pay up front for food shopping or buy her own, and give you some petrol money.

She sounds young and oblivious to what stuff costs more than anything else. But you can’t keep subsidising her especially if you’re in trouble with the rent!

PuppyMonkey · 13/12/2020 11:37

Do you make a special trip just to drive her to women or is it just a case if you’re passing that way anyway at that time ?Confused

I think it’s time she moved back with her parents surely?

NoSquirrels · 13/12/2020 11:37

Does your landlord know she’s there? When I was a LL if a tenant was in trouble with the re t and had moved in another adult without my permission I’d be very concerned and possibly less sympathetic about the rent situation...

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