To expect my friend to contribute towards my rent?

[trixiez]

NC for this

My good friend moved in with my son and I for lockdown (just before the start of the most recent one), we're currently in tier 3 and she's still here. It's been about 6 weeks I think, maybe longer.

Before she moved in, she said in passing that she can send me a little money if I wanted her to and I said that it was ok not to.

Since then, my circumstances have changed and I have got into some financial difficulty. I am behind on my rent and have been contacted by my landlord about this as a matter of urgency. I simply do not have the money to pay my rent, and she knows this. My bills have also gone up as there's obviously an extra adult in the house using the gas and electricity.

She doesn't drive, so I drive us everywhere and also take her to/from work most of the time. She also owes me money for our last two food shops, as I paid for it all and for a few other things too. She owes me about £100. Yesterday, she came home with new (non essential) hair products and a bottle of alcohol for herself. She also frequently gets takeaway food when she's at work from places like Costa.

She does help round the house and with my son/dog, but nothing major.

AIBU to expect her to offer to contribute some money? I'm really annoyed at her, but I'm not sure if I have the right to as I originally said she didn't have to pay me.

I don't know how to bring it up.

Hopefully your area is released from lock down shortly op, as she’s only there for that period

However what will them happen? How will you pay your rent?

Hey Linda, I know when you moved in o said I didn't want any money except for the food shop but things have changed with work and with the £100 you owe me as well I'm really struggling
I'm loving having you here but o really do need you to pay me the money you owe me as I'm about to go overdrawn, and if you would like to keep staying here I think the best thing is of we agree a set amount to put towards the bills a bit too

A lot of people saying that you're being unfair to her as you'd initially refused any rent from her.

Thing is, any decent person would at least offer to pay a share of the utility bills, and would not be owing £100 to someone who's been doing her a favour.

I think you're going to have to tell her straight, OP that you can't afford to have a non-paying lodger any more. That your situation has changed, and unless se can pay you £X amount (maybe about a third of your overall rent) you'll have to ask her to go back to her parents' house so you can find a paying lodger.

She moved in with her son you told her not pay any rent .
She didn't pay anything for last 2 food shops , you drive her to work so no travel costs .
she knows about your financial situation but hasn't offered any money .
And you are asking if Aibu ? You have a little think about that for a minute.

Just ask her. Shes your friend, I'm sure she won't mind. Remember she did offer and you turned her down. She is not a mind reader. so just tell her your situations changed and you ll now need x per week from her. It's perfectly reasonable to pay rent.

It does make her awful in my opinion. What kind of person moves in with someone else for their own benefit, and not the other person's, then doesn't insist on giving them money for board and lodging? And wheedles their way into their friend's life so much that they are soon ferrying them to work and back at early and late times "because it's cold".

I'm sorry but that's not a friend, that's someone taking advantage of someone's weakness. Sorry, OP, but it is weakness. It's one thing offering the odd lift to work if it's absolutely pouring or there is snow on the ground but just "it has been cold" is not a reason. I think you're "friend" is one of life's users, one of life's takers. It doesn't sound like they have fallen on hard times and need some temporary help, it just sounds to me like they're a total leech.

I hope you can find it in you to deal with them as they deserve to be dealt with.

She sounds like a bit of a freeloader in the making. I bet she's loving living with you rent free, getting driven to work and back and food bought for her too!

I noticed you said she was going to give you some money towards food but that hasn't materialised, not surprising

Surely having her there will effect your tenancy agreement?

Be careful or in six months time she'll still be there

Ask her for shopping money the day you ask her.
Stop taking her to work - that costs time and petrol and use of car.

Agree how much more your bills are and ask for payment - has it affected your council tax rate too?

I think that the only way to deal with this situation, is to sit down and talk about the money matters. If she is a good friend, then it should not be a problem. She has been helped by you in many ways already, so she needs to come to terms with how things are for you financially now.

Just have a conversation with her. Suggest that your circumstances have changed and you need to look at every cost. This is food, rent, travel etc. So, if she wants to stay she'll need to pay xx per week for rent, half / third of food or her own and stop giving her a lift. Expect her to pay a taxi fare to you if you're doing it especially.

Or she moves home, it's her choice!

So you say:

Friend, we need to talk. I know we agreed you wouldn't need to pay anything as you were providing your own food, but I didn't realise the electricity bill would go up with you here or how much the petrol would cost. I have now found out I will be liable for council tax with you here, and I am now struggling financially. If you stay, we are going to need to make a proper financial arrangement, or you will need to move back home so I can get a paying lodger to help cover the rent. And while you're here, can I have the £100 you still owe me from that shopping trip?

(And I mentioned another lodger because if you can't pay your rent you do actually need to do that, or find somewhere cheaper, and finding somewhere new with a history of late/unpaid rent will not be easy.)

I actually think your friend is incredibly cheeky. She's taking advantage of your kindness, OP. I think giving her lifts to work and back, when she could walk, is sending her the message that you're fair game.

You are struggling and she's not offering money? That's unacceptable. It doesn't matter that initially you said she didn't have to pay (although I'm not very sure why you offered that?) - your circumstances have changed.

You need to ask for a fair contribution from her and you can don that in a non-confrontational way. Many of the posters here have good suggestions do as how to phrase it.

Please don't be complicit in this.

Just ask for rent..