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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be completely pissed off with dp.

132 replies

pastaparadise · 13/12/2020 09:30

Ds1 (6) is desperate for a certain present for xmas - keeps looking at the toy catalogue at it, top of his list to father xmas etc. I manage to find a big second hand bundle on ebay and win it, pay for it. Dp collected it yesterday. So we bring it in from the car last night after dc in bed to look at it. I went up to bed at about midnight aftee triple checking that dp would hide it and wouldnt fall asleep on the sofa, which he has form for "yes of course, i wont fall asleep, I'll be up in a few minutes". I didnt hide it myself (having done for all other presents) as it's quite bulky and easier for him to stash up high somewhere.

Of course he falls asleep, ds went downstairs at 5.30 to check his advent calendar, and found it all. He told ds that 'daddy had bought it just in case father c chose something else off his list '. Dp then woke me up to ask what to do. So i was then awake until 8 as i was so pissed off i couldn't sleep, and had to console ds who was understandably upset as it had all been whisked away from him and he now has to wait til xmas. Dp had let him keep a bit of it though, so ds2 also upset on waking that ds1 has a present and he doesn't. Dp says its half my fault as i didnt check he was still awake before i went to sleep!

I know this is a first world problem and people do far worse things/ it was an accident etc, but i am so fucked off. I always sort the whole of xmas out, really try hard with presents, decorations etc. I love it, have lovely memories of xmas as a child, and want to do the same for my children. I give him one bloody job to do and he messes it up, then wakes me up to tell me. Now both dc are upset and big surprise is ruined. We've not bought a lot else for dc1 apart from stocking fillers etc.

AIBU to now be knackered and sulky?

OP posts:
Qpobb · 13/12/2020 09:33

Ooooooh YANBU OP. I would be seething! As if it's half your fault for not checking whether he falls asleep. Hmm

TheProvincialLady · 13/12/2020 09:37

Your partner sounds utterly useless.

However I guess you knew that before last night so it would have been more sensible and realistic to have made sure he put the present in the loft before you went to bed.

Longer term, do you really enjoy being with such a useless man child?

Bookworming · 13/12/2020 09:40

YANBU!

But @TheProvincialLady bit OTT!

bonjonbovi · 13/12/2020 09:44

The mistake - we all make them, it’s annoying but forgivable.

The blaming you for it part however, that would have me furious.

BlackCatShadow · 13/12/2020 09:45

It's not just that he was crap, it's the way he refuses to take any responsibility for what happened, the fact that he blamed the OP and the fact that he expects her to sort it out. He's an utter arse! I'd be fuming too!!

Plussizejumpsuit · 13/12/2020 09:47

Jesus he's fucking useless. I'd be really angry. The waking you up bit then being awake because you're so angry just makes it so much worse. How is he normally?
If he's generally competent then I'd get him to make it up to me and move on. But if he's this useless in all areas of life I'd be questioning things.

winterbabythistime · 13/12/2020 09:48

I'd be furious. It was a simple thing for him to do. The fact he's turned it round on you is telling

Ohtherewearethen · 13/12/2020 09:49

Oh this is absolutely infuriating. Blaming you and then waking you to sort out his mess is utterly pathetic. I'd be really annoyed too. Trouble is, the damage is done. I guess you could hope that this will be a turning point for him to realise what a useless bellend he is but unfortunately I can't see it happening as his reaction was to immediately blame you and expect you to fix it.

Ohalrightthen · 13/12/2020 09:50

"If you want something done properly, do it yourself" is rarely a healthy way to live, and never in a marriage. If you find yourself thinking the above, you need a serious re-evaluation.

Also, your husband is a dick, as well as it seems deliberately useless.

pinkyredrose · 13/12/2020 09:50

Dp then woke me up to ask what to do

Dp says its half my fault as i didnt check he was still awake before i went to sleep!

Man children are so unappealing. Does he ever think for himself?

greenspacesoverthere · 13/12/2020 09:51

The OP knows what her bloke is like. I expect she's been enabling him for years (sorting Christmas, birthdays etc because he's inadequate)

So it's no great surprise that not only is he STILL an arse but he's a finger pointing (blaming others) arse too.

I'm not being unpleasant OP - i had one of these and I also enabled him. So I do understand

I divorced mine - lovely man, salt of the earth, useless husband and father Grin

Candyfloss99 · 13/12/2020 09:52

Does he usually sleep on the sofa. I'd be mad he fell asleep on the sofa and didn't come to bed!

Suzi888 · 13/12/2020 09:53

I would eviscerate DH Angry YANBU

TheVanguardSix · 13/12/2020 09:53

Good grief. I'd be Amazon Priming a 'murder hole' for one, OP. I'm smoking pissed on your behalf.

EarringsandLipstick · 13/12/2020 09:54

YANBU.

This is awful. I don't accept 'mistakes happen' either, in this instance.

Your DC is little & this was his most-wanted Christmas present. Of course your shit DP should have done what he said he'd do, and what's important.

I agree there are longer-term questions to ask.

TheProvincialLady · 13/12/2020 09:59

I don’t think it’s harsh at all! @Bookworming Having made a stupid mistake he thought he needed to wake the OP at stupid o’clock to sort it all out. And can’t accept responsibility for what he has done. OP has done everything for Christmas and he fucked up the one job he had. I just could not live with that level of pathetic.

Nottherealslimshady · 13/12/2020 09:59

Oh that's so bad! Its 100% his fault. To even have to check before you go to bed "you're definitely putting our childs Christmas present away aren't you, you can't fall asleep on the sofa and leave it out." Is so ridiculous, he shouldn't need you to say that much never mind him saying you should have checked he was still awake before you went to sleep?

I'd be so mad. How utterly useless can a person be?

Chocolate4me · 13/12/2020 10:00

Can you tell dc that you borrowed it from a friend to see if it was going to be a good present to put on the list and you need to give it back, now he's seen it, does he still want it on his list?? Say that of course you don't know if Santa will get it off the list though so he will have to wait and see what he brings.

honeylulu · 13/12/2020 10:00

Yes that is shit of him and I'd be furious. I'm not saying it's your fault in any way but because he has been predictably crap again, you would have been better off not trusting him to hide it.

Sadly there's not much to be done about it.

My husband is fairly decent but from time to time over the years he has tried on the "oh I'm just a useless man, I just don't give it a thought, you're much better at this stuff" with various household, holiday, other mental load type stuff. We both work FT by the way and I'm the main breadwinner. He gets pretty short shrift and has bucked up to take on a fair share of most things. However if it's anything that might end up with the children being disappointed or missing out I do step in and sort it myself. It's not worth the risk though it annoys me that I have to!!!

LannieDuck · 13/12/2020 10:02

I'd be telling him that he made a mess, so what's he going to do about it?

BigFatLiar · 13/12/2020 10:04

There was a thread on (yesterday?) from someone who's child had found some presents she'd put in a wardrobe. Consensus was that these things happen, husband makes a mistake and he's a useless prat. He should have put them away as soon as he got back or left them in the car boot.

If knew he had form for falling asleep why didn't you both put them away before bed. At least then you could check he wasn't hiding them somewhere you suspect your son would find them. Sounds like you knew he was going mess up and were looking for him to fail. If you don't like him just be truthfull 'ha husband I knew you'd mess up again, you're an ass'

NewlyGranny · 13/12/2020 10:09

So sorry your DP was such a broken reed. The real question is not how blame should be apportioned - it's 100% his fault - but whether he deliberately sabotaged the lovely surprise you worked so hard to provide or is just an incompetent parent.

What would Christmas be like for the DC if left to him? That is what he needs to be considering.

lazyarse123 · 13/12/2020 10:10

Can you find an excuse and give your other child one of their stocking fillers and then you'll at least have one happy person. You're dh is a useless arse.

pastaparadise · 13/12/2020 10:12

To be fair, he's not a man child. I always sort dc stuff out, but he sorts lots of other things out. We play to our strengths. But he does have form for blaming others and never, ever, taking responsibility and apologising when things go wrong. He's now asking when I'm going to snap out of it, but hasnt done anything to make amends.

I just feel really sad that ds has missed out on his surprise. It's the first xmas he's absolutely had his heart set on something. Instead of being over the moon as he would have been on xmas day, he's now sad he's got to wait 2 weeks which feels forever when you're 6. And I feel sad i won't get to share in that excitement. And pissed off dp said he bought it, when i did the work of finding it and paying!! I absolutely shouldn't have left it to him, kicking myself, but also feel i should be able to trust him to do that.

OP posts:
Illy605 · 13/12/2020 10:13

So, you go to bed after being reassured he will hide the gift before he goes to bed. He falls asleep before doing so... but it’s your fault for, what, not getting back out of bed and coming to check he hasn’t fallen asleep 😂 What a ridiculous logic.

Mistakes happen- I’d be quite pissed off mind.
But his excuse and blaming you would send me over the edge. Especially when you’d gone to all that hard work to get the present for your son.