To be completely pissed off with dp.

[pastaparadise]

Ds1 (6) is desperate for a certain present for xmas - keeps looking at the toy catalogue at it, top of his list to father xmas etc. I manage to find a big second hand bundle on ebay and win it, pay for it. Dp collected it yesterday. So we bring it in from the car last night after dc in bed to look at it. I went up to bed at about midnight aftee triple checking that dp would hide it and wouldnt fall asleep on the sofa, which he has form for "yes of course, i wont fall asleep, I'll be up in a few minutes". I didnt hide it myself (having done for all other presents) as it's quite bulky and easier for him to stash up high somewhere.

Of course he falls asleep, ds went downstairs at 5.30 to check his advent calendar, and found it all. He told ds that 'daddy had bought it just in case father c chose something else off his list '. Dp then woke me up to ask what to do. So i was then awake until 8 as i was so pissed off i couldn't sleep, and had to console ds who was understandably upset as it had all been whisked away from him and he now has to wait til xmas. Dp had let him keep a bit of it though, so ds2 also upset on waking that ds1 has a present and he doesn't. Dp says its half my fault as i didnt check he was still awake before i went to sleep!

I know this is a first world problem and people do far worse things/ it was an accident etc, but i am so fucked off. I always sort the whole of xmas out, really try hard with presents, decorations etc. I love it, have lovely memories of xmas as a child, and want to do the same for my children. I give him one bloody job to do and he messes it up, then wakes me up to tell me. Now both dc are upset and big surprise is ruined. We've not bought a lot else for dc1 apart from stocking fillers etc.

AIBU to now be knackered and sulky?

Who hasn't fallen asleep when they didn't mean to. Honestly some of the reactions here He should apologise obviously, but these things happen. If it were my child I would give them the gift now tbh, they'll be happy, it will give them something lovely to play with in the leas up to christmas and you can relax. I will be giving my children their main present (gaming console) when they vreak up from school this week so they can enjoy it before christmas, not spend all christmas day on it and because I think they will appreciate their other gifts more if they are not ocershadowed.

I’m wondering what you ever found so attractive about this obviously incompitant manbyby that you would breed with the knober?

@Iusedtobeslimmerthanthis

How much was it, OP?

I’d be inclined to let him have it now, write it off, put it down to one of those things and get him something else for Christmas Day.

That’s if it’s under maybe £30.

Yes me too.

@Panicatthegarden

I think you need to have a rethink about it all. DS now knows DP bought his present. You reword this that it’s from Mummy and Daddy. And you get a present from Mummy and Daddy for DS 2. And you get something else from FC for DS1.

I think this is probably the best way forward unfortunately. So annoying for you though and such a shame for your DS

Or this is even better

Who hasn't fallen asleep when they didn't mean to. Well, maybe not seconds after being asked if I needed help doing soemthing in case I fell aslep and spoiled someone elses Christmas!

Honestly some of the reactions here Yeah! Al these nasty women holding others accountable for their actions!

He should apologise obviously, but these things happen. Yes, he should... but these things will continue to happen because he doesn't care enough to change his behaviours! The fallout, which he will probably desctibe as OP nagging at him, being unfair, just gives him another opoortunity to train her and their kids to accept him as he is... a selfish twat who won't chnage because he doesn't care enough for anything to actually hurt him, or his sense of self!

Ffs why are they all so bloody useless. I would be fuming op what a shame you put in so much effort.

Ffs why are they all so bloody useless. I would be fuming op what a shame you put in so much effort.

They are not all bloody useless 🙄.

The concern is more that you're questioning whether it's ok to be upset by this.

He has let your child down regarding his Christmas present, and he has tried to blame you for it in order to avoid taking responsibility. This would not just be an 'Oh well, not to worry' in anybody's book.

Why do you doubt the validity of your pissed-offness?

Does he have form for shirking responsibility by blaming you?

Wrong of him to blame you but you do say that he has form for ducking the blame. Presumably he's always been like this so you knew he would if it was a problem for you you shouldn't have married.

You're not unfair to be knackered but a bit to be sulky. You both need to just sort out what you're doing now.

Do you know why he has a habit of going to sleep on the sofa? If he's tired why don't you go to bed at the same time. If he's not tired why does he fall asleep?

Rather than blaming each other you should both be supporting each other. The damage is done, upset children you (both) need to work on a strategy going forward. I think you also (both) need to think about how you interact with each other as neither of you seem very supportive. We all have faults and strengths, I'd hate to think my DH would allow me to fail if he knew it was a weakness, I certainly try to support him in things he's rubbish at (and I don't call him a manchild).

Not to blame but why didn't you put it away. Even if it wasn't in the loft somewhere would be better than no where. If your husband is known for sleeping on the sofa it has an inevitability to the outcome.

@Marchitectmummy

Not to blame but why didn't you put it away. Even if it wasn't in the loft somewhere would be better than no where. If your husband is known for sleeping on the sofa it has an inevitability to the outcome.

So when her husband promises he won't fall asleep on the sofa, she should just happily not believe him, and do something herself that he has promised to do?

Lordy. Where the hell are the boundaries here?

It's shit but you can salvage it for your ds. You big up how great it is that he has a daddy who helps Father Christmas and that it is wonderful that he now knows that he is definitely getting the big present he wanted. etc etc.

Over the years I've come to realise not to rely on others, if something is this important you have to do it yourself, but i understand your pain

Absolute useless sack of shit.

I'd be raging.

Could just have told your ds the gift was for John down the road. No big deal. Annoying yes, but not worth being annoyed all day about.

LTB I can't believe he tried to blame you he's a massive arse, I bet he's often like this!

Yeah I'd be really pissed off too. Especially as you won't hear the end of it from your ds until he actually has it.

I always keep a bag of toys for such situations. 3yo DD trapped her fingers in a door, breaking one, she got a Xmas present to calm her and comfort her on the way to A&E. same DD rushed to A&E with severe allergic reaction, que another toy for being such a brave girl. DH worked away during the last lockdown, promised to bring treats back for the DCs after not seeing them for a month, but shops were closed so I had some stocking fillers ready for him to give them

Why are you buying your children? Why do you think an emergency suddenly requires a gift? Odd way to parent.

I would be angry with him for saying that you were partly to blame for not checking up on him. He's not a child, and it's not your job to babysit him. And he had definitely said he wouldn't fall asleep.

For the rest, I'd say meh. It was rather careless, but - and here's one of my Unpopular Christmas Opinions- I don't think that a present has to be a surprise to be enjoyable; and that children should not be encouraged to grow up with the attitude that everything has to be a surprise AND the exact thing they want. Your son got a present that he will like; and I think that if his parents don't treat the 'spoiling of the surprise' as a disaster, he won't. He's upset because his parents are upset. Your partner's FC explanation is fine -if you need further explanations, you might add for example that FC is bringing some presents a bit early this year, so as to avoid times and places where everything is terribly crowded and the reindeer can't social-distance!

@BlackCatShadow

It's not just that he was crap, it's the way he refuses to take any responsibility for what happened, the fact that he blamed the OP and the fact that he expects her to sort it out. He's an utter arse! I'd be fuming too!!

But he does have form for blaming others and never, ever, taking responsibility and apologising when things go wrong. He's now asking when I'm going to snap out of it, but hasnt done anything to make amends.

This is the issue. Id be giving him total responsibility now, so he got used to it. I certainl you wouldnt he giving him less.

Dp says its half my fault as i didnt check he was still awake before i went to sleep!

What a useless knobhead.

To be fair, he's not a man child. I always sort dc stuff out, but he sorts lots of other things out. We play to our strengths. But he does have form for blaming others and never, ever, taking responsibility and apologising when things go wrong. He's now asking when I'm going to snap out of it, but hasnt done anything to make amends.

So the definition of a man child then. What does he ‘sort out’? Doesn’t sound like it’s much.

@BluebellsGreenbells

I always keep a bag of toys for such situations. 3yo DD trapped her fingers in a door, breaking one, she got a Xmas present to calm her and comfort her on the way to A&E. same DD rushed to A&E with severe allergic reaction, que another toy for being such a brave girl. DH worked away during the last lockdown, promised to bring treats back for the DCs after not seeing them for a month, but shops were closed so I had some stocking fillers ready for him to give them

Why are you buying your children? Why do you think an emergency suddenly requires a gift? Odd way to parent.

It’s now standard practice in my house when someone ends up at a&e we go to smyths toys on the way home

@AliceMcK

Given the amount of times I whip out a stocking filler or gift as a bribe or treat, I’ve even left main presents out by accident, I wouldn’t be too upset, especially given he has form for falling asleep. Personally I’d have made him put it away before I went to bed knowing he had form. I have to do this with my DH at times. It would annoy me initially but I’d be over it in 5 mins.

As for other DC, just whip something small out and say we got you this too.

I always keep a bag of toys for such situations. 3yo DD trapped her fingers in a door, breaking one, she got a Xmas present to calm her and comfort her on the way to A&E. same DD rushed to A&E with severe allergic reaction, que another toy for being such a brave girl. DH worked away during the last lockdown, promised to bring treats back for the DCs after not seeing them for a month, but shops were closed so I had some stocking fillers ready for him to give them.

I agree this is really strange parenting. Your DH sounds like another man child. And setting the expectations with kids that they get presents for every setback is really bizarre.

"Not to blame but why didn't you put it away. Even if it wasn't in the loft somewhere would be better than no where. If your husband is known for sleeping on the sofa it has an inevitability to the outcome."

Funnily enough, you're blaming Op.

"I always keep a bag of toys for such situations. 3yo DD trapped her fingers in a door, breaking one, she got a Xmas present to calm her and comfort her on the way to A&E. same DD rushed to A&E with severe allergic reaction, que another toy for being such a brave girl. DH worked away during the last lockdown, promised to bring treats back for the DCs after not seeing them for a month, but shops were closed so I had some stocking fillers ready for him to give them."

Good grief!