To be completely pissed off with dp.

[pastaparadise]

Ds1 (6) is desperate for a certain present for xmas - keeps looking at the toy catalogue at it, top of his list to father xmas etc. I manage to find a big second hand bundle on ebay and win it, pay for it. Dp collected it yesterday. So we bring it in from the car last night after dc in bed to look at it. I went up to bed at about midnight aftee triple checking that dp would hide it and wouldnt fall asleep on the sofa, which he has form for "yes of course, i wont fall asleep, I'll be up in a few minutes". I didnt hide it myself (having done for all other presents) as it's quite bulky and easier for him to stash up high somewhere.

Of course he falls asleep, ds went downstairs at 5.30 to check his advent calendar, and found it all. He told ds that 'daddy had bought it just in case father c chose something else off his list '. Dp then woke me up to ask what to do. So i was then awake until 8 as i was so pissed off i couldn't sleep, and had to console ds who was understandably upset as it had all been whisked away from him and he now has to wait til xmas. Dp had let him keep a bit of it though, so ds2 also upset on waking that ds1 has a present and he doesn't. Dp says its half my fault as i didnt check he was still awake before i went to sleep!

I know this is a first world problem and people do far worse things/ it was an accident etc, but i am so fucked off. I always sort the whole of xmas out, really try hard with presents, decorations etc. I love it, have lovely memories of xmas as a child, and want to do the same for my children. I give him one bloody job to do and he messes it up, then wakes me up to tell me. Now both dc are upset and big surprise is ruined. We've not bought a lot else for dc1 apart from stocking fillers etc.

AIBU to now be knackered and sulky?

YANBU I’d be pissed off too.

I think you’re both a bit to blame for not just hiding it there and then .... I say that because it’s the sort of shit me and my DP do, we’ll say we’re going to sort something after we’ve done XYZ and then we’ll get distracted and it won’t happen! For instance moving the car seat back to my car when we’ve had to take it out - DP has gone off to work several times with the car seat from my car leaving me with no transport with two kids! All because we’ve ‘delayed’ doing a task...

So basically in future just do the thing which needs doing straight away ie “DP can you go and put that on the wardrobe now before we both go to bed”....

However, his reaction and refusal to acknowledge that he is in fact in the wrong here would infuriate me and he’d be getting it both barrels. How fucking rude to say “have you snapped out of it” when he hasn’t even offered a sincere apology, and taking all the glory for finding the present when you’d done all the hard work. Nah, he’d be getting a mouthful and told to fuck right off until he can grow up and accept what he’s done.

@SlippersForFlippers

I'd be so annoyed, but based on previous form I'd have got him to put it away before I went to bed.

I agree.

Purely to avoid what happened & for the sake of the kid.

But normally I'd say own it & sort your own shit out.

Dp says its half my fault as i didnt check he was still awake before i went to sleep!

1. You shouldn't have to.
2. If you had, he'd have accused you of nagging.

I'd be telling him exactly what's what and leave him to it.

“Their not all useless 🙄” yawn

*They are 😀 appears I however am useless at spelling

@Levatrice that's a grammar error not spelling 😂!!

😂😂😂 ffs I give up I take back the whole comment and just apply to myself

"I always keep a bag of toys for such situations. 3yo DD trapped her fingers in a door, breaking one, she got a Xmas present to calm her and comfort her on the way to A&E. same DD rushed to A&E with severe allergic reaction, que another toy for being such a brave girl. DH worked away during the last lockdown, promised to bring treats back for the DCs after not seeing them for a month, but shops were closed so I had some stocking fillers ready for him to give them."

Very strange 'parenting' I suggest dealing with your child's real emotions rather than distracting them with something shiny. It will be more effective in the long run.

I don't think "Sorry, but it was your fault" really counts as an apology...

" Dp says its half my fault as i didnt check he was still awake before i went to sleep!"

So even though you had gone to bed, you were supposed to get out of bed before you fell asleep(?!), go back downstairs(?) & check that he hadn't fallen asleep!

I mean really if he was that tired he should obviously sorted the present with you & gone to bed when you did.

I often read when I go to bed & generally nip to the loo before sréttling down, so it wouldn't have been too much effort for me to nip & see if he had fallen asleep.

But if I went up at midnight I'd likely settle down straight away.

What's with the falling asleep on the sofa though?

Our house would get too cold I think a while after the heating a gone off!

Wow do feel like a shit dm. Dc playing hide and seek first night of our family holiday. Ds got a shower cubicle shut on his thumb. Sobbed all the way to hospital and all he got were cuddles...

@BluebellsGreenbells

I always keep a bag of toys for such situations. 3yo DD trapped her fingers in a door, breaking one, she got a Xmas present to calm her and comfort her on the way to A&E. same DD rushed to A&E with severe allergic reaction, que another toy for being such a brave girl. DH worked away during the last lockdown, promised to bring treats back for the DCs after not seeing them for a month, but shops were closed so I had some stocking fillers ready for him to give them

Why are you buying your children? Why do you think an emergency suddenly requires a gift? Odd way to parent.

I am not buying my children. My DD a 3 yo broke her finger durning lockdown, only one parent could go, I’m in the at risk category so DH did it. She was sat in the back on the car in her own in pain, no one to comfort her so I gave her a special toy I knew she would love to comfort her. Personally I call that good parenting. I’d hate to be your kids if your so cold towards them being in pain.

The same happened when she had a severe allergic reaction to food, her face, lips and eyes had swollen shut, all she wanted was me, but again I couldn’t go with her, I actually had a persistent cough at the time due to my health issues.p so wasn’t allowed.

She has endured lots of poking and prodding, took 14 needles in her arms during allergy testing in one hit without complaining, her skin is constantly bleeding. How is me treating her when she’s been brave any different to when hospitals reward children after treatments. I’d want a fucking reward after that.

Yes I keep a bag of gifts and sometimes I use them as incentives and rewards ( if you kids get 100% on your spellings every week this term I will get you a surprise), I don’t see that as buying my kids I see it as rewarding them when they deserve it.

A lot of people are struggling to afford to buy their kids presents this Christmas so it’s a bit crass to suggest that the OP should have a back up supply of toys for emergencies.

Personally I call that good parenting. I’d hate to be your kids if your so cold towards them being in pain

Nope not cold, just rather they coped with everyday setbacks without associating them with rewards.

Yes I keep a bag of gifts and sometimes I use them as incentives and rewards ( if you kids get 100% on your spellings every week this term I will get you a surprise), I don’t see that as buying my kids I see it as rewarding them when they deserve it

What happens when they’ve tried really hard but didn’t get them all right? What then? Hard work pays, not easy spellings.

I would be absolutely livid YANBU just reading your post has made me mad on your behalf

I’d be livid.
Not even so much the falling asleep as nobody is perfect, but the ‘how can you expect me to do that unsupervised?’ attitude and his making out that you are making a fuss over nothing.

You knew instinctively that he was going to screw up. You knew it ...
And yet you left it for him to take care of it...
Yes he is a twat
But you.... YOU should have handled it, sorry

Thank goodness Father Christmas brings only a stocking of random small gifts in my house.

All the best gifts are wrapped and put under the tree and are given by parents or family or friends. This means who ever gave the gift gets the Thankyou.

He’s not a child however and should be able to organise himself. I’d let him resolve the issue

Op you said he has form for falling asleep on the sofa....so why did you leave him on the sofa to look after gift? You are both being silly here.....but he is useless.

@Yeahnahmum

You knew instinctively that he was going to screw up. You knew it ... And yet you left it for him to take care of it... Yes he is a twat But you.... YOU should have handled it, sorry

Seriously?

What is wrong with some women that they see something a man fails to do as a woman's problem, for her to solve?

TBH......for the sake of my child, if I’d thought for a minute he wouldn’t have been capable of this simple job, and the OP knows he has form, she ‘triple checked’ he would hide it, I would’ve made sure it wouldn’t be found and have hidden it myself.

What is wrong with some women that they see something a man fails to do as a woman's problem, for her to solve?

Of course this man is an absolute twat and a waste of space

But this isn't the first time he's been a man child and an idiot

The OP generally covers for him and enables his behaviour

It's no wonder that he continues to be a bellend and doesn't step up

It's no wonder that the child has suffered because the dad is an arse and the mum is an enabler

As I said before on this thread, I had a husband like this. Lovely man, salt of the earth - useless husband. And I used to enable him.

How far does it go, this 'OP should have known it would happen and taken responsibility for herself'?

He promised her more than once that he would do it, and shortly, as he was about to go up to bed. But according to some PPs, OP should have known that he wouldn't be able to fulfill this promise. So, which of his promises should she believe? Some, but not all? 10%? 90%?

Shouldn't he have known that he was likely to fall asleep, and therefore have known not to promise? How many of you are in relationships where, if your partner promises you something, you know you can't be 100% sure you can trust them?

It's a bit worrying how 'I can't trust my partner to do as they say' is being normalised on this thread, especially when it comes to the happiness of the kids.