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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be completely pissed off with dp.

132 replies

pastaparadise · 13/12/2020 09:30

Ds1 (6) is desperate for a certain present for xmas - keeps looking at the toy catalogue at it, top of his list to father xmas etc. I manage to find a big second hand bundle on ebay and win it, pay for it. Dp collected it yesterday. So we bring it in from the car last night after dc in bed to look at it. I went up to bed at about midnight aftee triple checking that dp would hide it and wouldnt fall asleep on the sofa, which he has form for "yes of course, i wont fall asleep, I'll be up in a few minutes". I didnt hide it myself (having done for all other presents) as it's quite bulky and easier for him to stash up high somewhere.

Of course he falls asleep, ds went downstairs at 5.30 to check his advent calendar, and found it all. He told ds that 'daddy had bought it just in case father c chose something else off his list '. Dp then woke me up to ask what to do. So i was then awake until 8 as i was so pissed off i couldn't sleep, and had to console ds who was understandably upset as it had all been whisked away from him and he now has to wait til xmas. Dp had let him keep a bit of it though, so ds2 also upset on waking that ds1 has a present and he doesn't. Dp says its half my fault as i didnt check he was still awake before i went to sleep!

I know this is a first world problem and people do far worse things/ it was an accident etc, but i am so fucked off. I always sort the whole of xmas out, really try hard with presents, decorations etc. I love it, have lovely memories of xmas as a child, and want to do the same for my children. I give him one bloody job to do and he messes it up, then wakes me up to tell me. Now both dc are upset and big surprise is ruined. We've not bought a lot else for dc1 apart from stocking fillers etc.

AIBU to now be knackered and sulky?

OP posts:
HappydaysArehere · 13/12/2020 10:18

Oh! Dear. I would have been mad as well. Only consolation I can offer is that when they are older you can tell this story to them and have a laugh. Well maybe !!!

ivfbeenbusy · 13/12/2020 10:20

Sigh. You said he has form for falling sleep on the sofa but you still left him to sort it. If it was that important I would have put it somewhere temporarily until DH could put it somewhere up high in the morning

It's annoying but not the end of the world. Lesson learned here I think.

Iusedtobeslimmerthanthis · 13/12/2020 10:27

How much was it, OP?

I’d be inclined to let him have it now, write it off, put it down to one of those things and get him something else for Christmas Day.

That’s if it’s under maybe £30.

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 13/12/2020 10:29

Shit happens...but I'd be annoyed by his reaction afterwards. He made a mistake but then blamed you, tried to get you to sort it out, hasn't apologised, and has also taken credit for something you did. None of that is acceptable to me

frazzledasarock · 13/12/2020 10:31

OP tell your H you will ‘snap out of it’ once he’s taken full responsibility for being useless and the one who made the mistake.

Tell him you’ll snap out of it once he ensures DS knows that the gift is from mummy only and she is sorting it. Because that’s the truth.

I’d do as PP said that you got this one from a friend to double check with DS that’s what he likes and make a show of having to give everything back to friend who’d lent it and his one which mummy organised with Santa will be here on Christmas for him.

Your husbands an idiot and I would not accept responsibility for this he’d need to apologise to you properly. No doubt if you’d stayed up asking him to hide the gift you’d have been ‘nagging’.

Santaisironingwrappingpaper · 13/12/2020 10:31

Congratulations on your third dc...

CuriousaboutSamphire · 13/12/2020 10:34

He's now asking when I'm going to snap out of it, but hasnt done anything to make amends. ask him the same question. When h=is he going to snap out of being an unapologetic twonk who just ruined Christmas?

As you and others have said, the mistake is forgiveable, the lack of taking responsibility, remorse just isn't! He is doomed to forever repeat this shit... just as you and your kids are doomed to put up with it and square it away because he gets the most upset!

That's emotional blackmail most commonly used by the inept adult!

Brefugee · 13/12/2020 10:37

tell him to fuck off with the blame game and ask him how he's going to make it up to DS2.

Peridot1 · 13/12/2020 10:40

I understand how pissed of you are. I would be too. But I wouldn’t have left someone who has form for falling asleep on the sofa to put it away. DH falls asleep on the sofa too and when he wakes to come to bed he is on auto pilot so although he would turn lights off etc he wouldn’t remember to do anything else.

I think you need to have a rethink about it all. DS now knows DP bought his present. You reword this that it’s from Mummy and Daddy. And you get a present from Mummy and Daddy for DS 2. And you get something else from FC for DS1.

AliceMcK · 13/12/2020 10:42

Given the amount of times I whip out a stocking filler or gift as a bribe or treat, I’ve even left main presents out by accident, I wouldn’t be too upset, especially given he has form for falling asleep. Personally I’d have made him put it away before I went to bed knowing he had form. I have to do this with my DH at times. It would annoy me initially but I’d be over it in 5 mins.

As for other DC, just whip something small out and say we got you this too.

I always keep a bag of toys for such situations. 3yo DD trapped her fingers in a door, breaking one, she got a Xmas present to calm her and comfort her on the way to A&E. same DD rushed to A&E with severe allergic reaction, que another toy for being such a brave girl. DH worked away during the last lockdown, promised to bring treats back for the DCs after not seeing them for a month, but shops were closed so I had some stocking fillers ready for him to give them.

Bookworming · 13/12/2020 10:42

@TheProvincialLady did you miss the bit in the OP that stated she enjoyed doing it? Some people do you know.....

So the fact she does everything is because she likes doing it?

BackwardsGoing · 13/12/2020 10:47

YANBU. Tell your partner that when he works out how to make it up to DS then you'll "snap out of it".

YoniAndGuy · 13/12/2020 10:50

What a fucking useless sack of shit Angry

Letseatgrandma · 13/12/2020 10:58

Is this completely unexpected behaviour from your DH-are you totally surprised and would never have believed he would be capable of something like this?

Or...is it the case that he’s ‘fallen asleep again’ and forgotten to do something again (though nothing this important)!?

The fact that you went to bed and you write that you triple checking that dp would hide it and wouldnt fall asleep on the sofa, which he has form for suggests the latter is more likely and he has form for being a bit useless.

Osquito · 13/12/2020 11:00

I’d be raging, especially as he isn’t taking responsibility for this one thing.

LividLaughingLove · 13/12/2020 11:03

I used to think all men were like this.

The. I got divorced and waited until I was old enough and wise enough to know better before I chose Mr Livid the Second.

nanbread · 13/12/2020 11:03

I'd be really gutted by this too.

BUT

The most important thing you can give your DC is a fun harmonious Christmas with lots of your time, laughter and attention.

One of my main memories about Christmas as a child is the arguments my parents had and them getting stressed about cooking a meal no one really liked that much.

VettiyaIruken · 13/12/2020 11:07

God I hate folks who can't take responsibility for their actions.

What is so hard about holding up your hands and saying yes, my mistake ?

Pyewhacket · 13/12/2020 11:13

@TheProvincialLady

Your partner sounds utterly useless.

However I guess you knew that before last night so it would have been more sensible and realistic to have made sure he put the present in the loft before you went to bed.

Longer term, do you really enjoy being with such a useless man child?

What a piece of works you are !
SlippersForFlippers · 13/12/2020 11:13

I'd be so annoyed, but based on previous form I'd have got him to put it away before I went to bed.

Panicatthegarden · 13/12/2020 11:15

I think you need to have a rethink about it all. DS now knows DP bought his present. You reword this that it’s from Mummy and Daddy. And you get a present from Mummy and Daddy for DS 2. And you get something else from FC for DS1.

I think this is probably the best way forward unfortunately. So annoying for you though and such a shame for your DS

Heartlantern2 · 13/12/2020 11:19

You HAD ONE JOB! and he couldn’t even manage that- I’d be super mad, but most of all I’d be disappointed I’m with someone like that.

That’s not a dig at you, I’ve discovered today I’m with someone who is just so selfish and it’s painfully taken me 15 years to figure that out and I’m rather upset and disappointed in myself about it all- it’s not like me to make mistakes like this.

andawaywego · 13/12/2020 11:21

I sympathise OP. Our presents are stashed at the top of our wardrobes, which I can't reach, so when a gift arrived during the day for DS, I asked DH to stash it for me. DS gets back from school, goes upstairs and I hear a happy squeal. DH put the toy away on the top shelf, but in plain view, and left the sliding door open. DS walked past our bedroom and clocked it right away. So we had to tell DS that it was for a present we were looking after for another child. Luckily, he's at that age where he accepted our explanation but AGH! You shouldn't have to nag and double check on a grown man.

Dishwashersaurous · 13/12/2020 11:24

He is utterly useless.

Does he have form for being useless, in which case it was a risk leaving him to deal with something important. Couldn’t you have put it in your room or something.

Sarahandco · 13/12/2020 11:31

What was the toy?

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