Deleted Thread

[whatatease]

AIBU to get so annoyed when I've invested weeks/months in a thread with genuine concern for the poster only to go back for an update and the thread has been deleted?

What happened with the kid who was given sugar at nursery?
The mum to be who wanted to go to uni when baby was 2-3 weeks old?
The husband who was spending lots of time with a female co worker, working away?

When I'm reading a thread and offering advice I need to know the outcome 😂
I want to know if you left your husband, if your husbands crazy ex got arrested or what happened when you confronted your cheating partner 🤦🏼‍♀️

Don't tease me like this!!

I usually come in 10 mins too late then drive myself crazy as to that the thread was about in the first place. Same with deleted comments. So annoying lol

*what not that

Not a deleted thread but I would have liked the owner of birdie friend to have started a blog with his daily wisdom

I found it really hard to get a thread deleted when I've think I've over shared info and could be identified.

Particular during some difficulties with my exH who was abusive.

MNHQ emailed back said no and even re worded things to make it allegedly less identifiable but wasn't imo. I've been refused at least 3 times and never successful

How do all these people get threads deleted ?

@SwankyPants

Rainypuddles. The one with the nutty neighbours blaming the OP for flooding their garden. Was that a troll then?

Yes.

Omg no way! Such detail !

LisaLee333

And PMSL at the 40-somethings who claim they are constantly asked for I.D. to buy booze!

@CharityDingle

Not to mention all the delivery drivers with such terrible eyesight asking the fifty year old woman who answers the door, 'is your mum home?'

I know right! They're 100% full-on deluded.

@TheSilentStars

Well, her husband sounded such a unique combination of drip and "everybody fancies me" that she might have been outed. Surely there can't be two such utter planks doing the school run?

LOL! Maybe she was outed, but I doubt it. She just didn't like the responses she got.

IMO threads should NOT be deleted on here. (Until they have been on here for at least 7 days!) As I said, letting everybody give advice, and help, (and spending their time doing it,) then deleting the thread few hours after the OP posts it, is a really shitty thing to do. Just because they didn't like the responses. (And that IS the reason they want it deleted in the vast majority of cases.)

@purringpaws

I found it really hard to get a thread deleted when I've think I've over shared info and could be identified.

Particular during some difficulties with my exH who was abusive.

MNHQ emailed back said no and even re worded things to make it allegedly less identifiable but wasn't imo. I've been refused at least 3 times and never successful

How do all these people get threads deleted ?

OK, maybe there can be a few exceptions, if the OP has definitely identified themselves, with a name, or a photo, or a location, but 95% of the time, there is no way anyone would know who the OP was. They just don't like the responses, and throw their toys out of their pram!

If people want their threads to be deleted they can post in the 30 days only topic.

@TheSilentStars

The one I'm remembering was just an everyday tale of neighbour having a Santa that irritated the OP because she couldn't reverse round it or something. So she booby trapped it, dressed it, kidnapped it, stuck a fake penis on its head, did that thing off Full Monty with the gnomes etc. Or, more truthfully probably just tutted every time Santa lit up.

OOH I've just remembered I have a genuine CF story of my own, with my NDN's giant inflatable snowman that suddenly appeared in his garden, looking directly into my bedroom window last year. I did absolutely nothing apart from say 'hey Marcus, that inflatable snowman's a bit big isn't it?' to which he replied 'it didn't say it was that tall on the box.' I quite like the snowman now, and I feel like we're old friends this year.

Love that

@Marshmallow91
omg no birdie friend is one thread that should bloody well have been deleted. Load of shite!

@ApolloandDaphne

What I have learned over my years on MN is that you should never get too invested in any thread. I respond to things but I don't get too involved and I never do that things where people are constantly asking the OP for updates. My mantra is 'it's not my life, I don't have to get involved'.

Surely if you don't get a bit involved then it's not interesting so why bother being on Mumsnet at all? I agree that you don't want to be overly invested in anyone's life on SM or in real life but it seems pointless to read if you don't care about the outcome at all. What do you get out of it?

I agree with the OP that's it's annoying and disappointing when you don't hear the outcome. I think that's pretty normal; it's the same feeling as if you read a good book and someone had ripped out the last few pages so you never got to hear the end! Frustrating!!

Exactly @RavingAnnie I just roll my eyes when I see a 'why do you get over-invested' type comment! It's such a stupid thing to ask, and usually comes from the most smug and sanctimonious of posters. And is usually followed by 'do you not have a life? Family? Job? Hobbies? I suggest you get off your computer and get a life...' Just bore off.

As you say, that's the whole POINT of a bloody forum like this! To get involved/get invested/give advice etc... So when people DO get invested, for 4 or 5 hours, over 200-odd posts, and the bloody thread gets deleted 'because 'the poster had privacy concerns,' it really boils my piss. As I said, it's nearly ALWAYS because they don't like the responses they're getting.

You can comment on a thread with some words of wisdom if you think you can help, if you are lucky you might get an acknowledgment or thanks from the OP. You may have helped them out-great if you have. (or they are busy giving all the reasons why they can't possibly do anything suggested
People's lives aren't 'a good book' and the ending may not be instant anyway-no need to hover about expectantly for an 'outcome'.

There has to be a line though. You see people post that they haven't slept because they're worrying about a poster troll and that they're 'shaking with rage' because of something that probably isn't true. It's really not healthy.

I remember the awful thread with the boy who was diagnosed with leukaemia. It's was absolutely rubbish and obvious from the start. Anyone could do a very quick google to see the timeline was completely wrong, but no it was full of massively over invested posters which just egged on the troll even more.

@NerrSnerr

There has to be a line though. You see people post that they haven't slept because they're worrying about a poster troll and that they're 'shaking with rage' because of something that probably isn't true. It's really not healthy.

I remember the awful thread with the boy who was diagnosed with leukaemia. It's was absolutely rubbish and obvious from the start. Anyone could do a very quick google to see the timeline was completely wrong, but no it was full of massively over invested posters which just egged on the troll even more.

Yes, it's really not right to be crying/shaking/unable to sleep because of a thread on a Talk Forum.

@NerrSnerr

There has to be a line though. You see people post that they haven't slept because they're worrying about a poster troll and that they're 'shaking with rage' because of something that probably isn't true. It's really not healthy.

I remember the awful thread with the boy who was diagnosed with leukaemia. It's was absolutely rubbish and obvious from the start. Anyone could do a very quick google to see the timeline was completely wrong, but no it was full of massively over invested posters which just egged on the troll even more.

Agree. And also how weird it was that posters were changing their names to “XYZArmy” and putting it in as a hashtag. Pretty sure one of the army still has that as their username now

I think the MNer who still has the name is probably unaware of the despicable troll that had the gullible hoards pompomming.
What was foul about that particular one was that the people saying "hold on a minute" were given some real abuse for questioning probably one of the most obvious and repulsive trolls MN has ever had.

(And well said Sparks- anybody who thinks MN is a soap opera and likens it to a book needs not only a hobby but a head wobble)

MN are much better these days at taking troll threads down quickly.
Over the years I’ve seen some awful ones with critically ill children in hospital where people have become very emotionally invested. On some level people can be very naive, although I also recognise how kind and compassionate they are as people. Feel very sad that scummy trolls suck them in.
A few years back there was a poster with a very poorly child who was moved to a London hospital, many people were trying to warn people and getting abuse for not believing. It went on for about 3 different threads getting more and more ludicrous. At one stage they posted a picture of the child in Xmas PJs (in mid-summer) in what was obviously not a UK hospital.
People were very distressed and angry when MN eventually deleted. It was frustrating as many of us kept reporting the threads.

@cheesecrack

I posted on a thread yesterday which was rather sad. OP was tired and fed up looking after a baby whilst on mat leave. She made the mistake of asking in AIBU. (AIBU to tell you about my exhausting routine)

It was just hundreds of posts out-mumming each other. She was drowning and yet the pile on continued.

It was deleted for being derailed. It just struck me as so unnecessary for posters to come on and call her names (for essentially struggling!)

That thread was absolutely vile. I was just posting a reply when it went 'poof' That poor woman.

@GinandGingerBeer thankyou. I didn't lose sleep or anything but she was obviously genuine and people were just so damn vile.

I never really post anything controversial now as I wonder what the point is. I have also learnt that if I ask a question and get vile responses then it upsets me tremendously. So I never do.

So to that Mum - I just hope she's ok. And the people that piled on - I wonder if they're even aware of the hurt they caused? Like school bullies...

That poor woman was eye rolling & sniping at everyone, including those who tried to offer support whilst also challenging her 'exhausting schedule' narrative.

I didn't post on it myself, but had just finished an exceptionally well-written & balanced 😂 reply, just as it was taken down.

This has been a really interesting thread. I'm surprised it was let stand (tho glad it has!) as surely it's TAAT all over the shop!

I know it's logical to counsel not getting to invested but I agree with those that say that's hard to do, if you're to have any real interaction with the site.

I'm currently v suspicious about a lot of threads since Flowers in the Attic, which really threw me. But there are some lovely examples of help & solidarity with posters in difficulty that I still think make MN worth sticking with.

I am currently on the Strictly thread, we're all watching and commenting. It's lovely-no drama.

I'll also add, that I have found the advice given in Relationships, to those in abusive marriages, to have been eye-opening & so helpful to me.

I learned about gaslighting from MN & it was like a lightbulb going off in my life, explaining what my exH had put me threw.

I'm very grateful for that.