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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Deleted Thread

251 replies

whatatease · 11/12/2020 17:00

AIBU to get so annoyed when I've invested weeks/months in a thread with genuine concern for the poster only to go back for an update and the thread has been deleted?

What happened with the kid who was given sugar at nursery?
The mum to be who wanted to go to uni when baby was 2-3 weeks old?
The husband who was spending lots of time with a female co worker, working away?

When I'm reading a thread and offering advice I need to know the outcome 😂
I want to know if you left your husband, if your husbands crazy ex got arrested or what happened when you confronted your cheating partner 🤦🏼‍♀️

Don't tease me like this!!

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 11/12/2020 19:50

People get so caught up in stuff. Threads about women who suspect their husband is cheating, 18 minutes later she's hacked his email and there's a lot of convenient evidence, 34 minutes after that he's home and admitted it all and within the next hour she has already packed her bag and got to her mums. When people are desperate for updates many threads move very fast.

MaelyssQ · 11/12/2020 19:50

The pregnant poster who wasn't pregnant but insisted she was, was quite obviously very unwell. MNHQ were right to delete it. I hope the OP got the help they needed.

Sobeyondthehills · 11/12/2020 19:50

@EloiseTheFirst

How do you think they confirmed the poster wasn't a troll? They went round to their house and confirmed the story or just looked and said its a long term poster. So was the Frozen troll

Op just write the end of the story yourself,

Sootyandsweep2019 · 11/12/2020 19:51

@bigBadVoodooHat , nobody contacted him. One poster looked at his publicly available profile, she didn't make contact with him. It all just came across very pro bully and anti victim.

Ginger1982 · 11/12/2020 19:51

My favourite one recently was the woman who had found out her husband had been 'punting' and at the exact same time, amazingly, her husband was posting on Reddit that she had found out and had made a thread here about it. Folk on Reddit were posting 'hi Mumsnet.' 😂

Sparklingbrook · 11/12/2020 19:52

Someone actually went to a train station with a new skirt for a poo troll?! WHHHYYYYYY????

This was many many years ago before the poo troll became a thing. The thread read quite plausibly when it started . There wasn't ten dubious threads a day about poo back in those days.
It wasn't unheard of for Mumsnetters to have meet ups, or help each other out by going to their rescue. There was even a Secret Santa where presents were sent anonymously. Can't imagine it now.

burritofan · 11/12/2020 19:53

I was gutted a recent “fish finger sandwich, cat and CF texts” thread turned out to be a troll. It was so cosy

Belledan1 · 11/12/2020 19:53

Does anyone know what happened to the lady who had her door and windows banged late at night and she went to her moms. I cant seem to find it.

BanditoShipman · 11/12/2020 19:54

@burritofan

I was gutted a recent “fish finger sandwich, cat and CF texts” thread turned out to be a troll. It was so cosy
The one where she was child minding????
Sparklingbrook · 11/12/2020 20:00

Was the fish finger sandwich one a troll? Well it did have all the hallmarks. It got a brilliant reception.

OscarRIP · 11/12/2020 20:01

@mineofuselessinformation

I want to know what happened to the BIL / computer one!
Oh yes, that one was a doozy!
DolphinsAndNemesis · 11/12/2020 20:02

With the best will in the world, MNHQ can't possibly state definitively that someone is genuine. They can identify PBPs and they can see inconsistency in someone's posting history. But many people have trolled MN for years before finally being banned, and during those years they have been defended as "genuine." And some trolls who play the long game are still here, posting merrily away. I understand why MNHQ give people the benefit of the doubt, even though I sometimes think they take it too far.

BigBadVoodooHat · 11/12/2020 20:02

[quote Sootyandsweep2019]@bigBadVoodooHat , nobody contacted him. One poster looked at his publicly available profile, she didn't make contact with him. It all just came across very pro bully and anti victim.[/quote]
I honestly don’t know what you’re failing to understand about this. Confused

People were able to find him on social media in the basis of your thread. He was identifiable in real life.

No one knows if the bullying allegations are true or not because you, like every single other person posting on here, are just a screen name on an anonymous forum.

It’s not pro-bully/anti-victim, because there MNHQ have no verification that person A was guilty of past bullying behaviour and person B was their victim.

Unproven allegations that lead to people being identified in real life cannot be allowed to stand. MN would get the arse sued off them if they took no action in such cases.

Sootyandsweep2019 · 11/12/2020 20:05

In the unlikely event he tried to sue MN irl, he wouldn't get very far, as I have screenshots of the messages where called a disabled c*.

Weenurse · 11/12/2020 20:19

I also would like to know the outcome of the wood fenced in by the neighbors.
I hope raineypuddles has found some peace with her neighbors, and I miss alphabet street.
Thanks for the update on the BIL and the computer.

Skipsurvey · 11/12/2020 20:20

if it sounds implausible then it probably is.

ShirleyPhallus · 11/12/2020 20:21

@Sootyandsweep2019

In the unlikely event he tried to sue MN irl, he wouldn't get very far, as I have screenshots of the messages where called a disabled c*.
You realise what you’re accusing him of and what he’d try and sue MN for are completely different things right? So it’s irrelevant that you have screenshots?
Iusedtobeslimmerthanthis · 11/12/2020 20:21

It isn’t about suing sooty, it’s about being responsible. I don’t mean this horribly but I really think you need to take a step back.

BigBadVoodooHat · 11/12/2020 20:21

@Sootyandsweep2019

In the unlikely event he tried to sue MN irl, he wouldn't get very far, as I have screenshots of the messages where called a disabled c*.
Ok, I guess you’re just being deliberately obtuse for the attention. Hmm

MNHQ haven’t sided with ‘the bully’ as an intentional action against you.

They can’t leave up any thread that makes unproven allegations about an identifiable person.

If you genuinely cannot understand the reasons for that beyond viewing it as a personalised ‘pro-bully’ slight against you, then god help you.

But I suspect that you do in fact understand it perfectly and are playing a little game here.

AlternativePerspective · 11/12/2020 20:32

I don't care if many of the most interesting threads are utter fabrications or made up by "trolls". They're good fun to read and I don't see them doing any harm, they're just fiction. the problem is that people become emotionally invested in these threads, often because they are about things which are close to home for them.

So e.g. a poster posts that she is pregnant and she has gone into premature labour, she immediately has women who have been there supporting her and reading her every word. Some years back there was a woman who was pregnant with twins (it’s always twins) who initially found out she was pregnant, then didn’t want to keep the babies, then her husband left her, then she was having twins and befriended another mn’er who had been through something very similar. Then she texted said other mn’er saying she was on her way into hospital and could she update the boards... So she did, then this woman had lost the babies, and whereas she was previously quite eloquent she came back posting incoherent rubbish but had hundreds and hundreds of responses wanting to support her. Someone even suggested starting a fund.

Eventually someone posted a separate thread saying that people should be careful about how invested they become, without naming names, and she was eventually banned.

She continued to harass this one poster though for months. And she joined baby loss groups etc, and then one day she messed up by posting a picture of her dead babies on a baby loss forum, someone reverse searched the images and it transpired she’d lifted them from the internet.

Thing is mn used to be a lot smaller back then, and people got to know other posters purely because the boards weren’t so busy. But mn grew partly because it gained a reputation as a site where posters went out of their way to help others and of course people caught on to that.

Also, back in the day, all the major trolls who had become known on the boards were outed publicly. I know mn HQ discourages troll hunting so I am not advocating that, but the big trolls such as CVQ and judge flounce and the troll who was fleeing an abusive relationship in Japan and mn’ers started a fund for her were outed publicly not just through deletion.

And it’s also worth remembering that there have been genuine posters in the past such as Misdee whose DH had a heart transplant and posters followed her journey throughout.

And another poster whose DH had a brain tumour and again, posters were very supportive.

But now that so many others make up fictional tales that support would never exist here now.

JimandPam · 11/12/2020 20:35

@Weenurse

I also would like to know the outcome of the wood fenced in by the neighbors. I hope raineypuddles has found some peace with her neighbors, and I miss alphabet street. Thanks for the update on the BIL and the computer.
I believe the lovely poster who has the wood found out soon after her post that she was pregnant.

Sadly her little boy was born early and died a few days after being born. I think there was a gathering of MN knitters and the woolly hugs brigade have made a beautiful blanket in his honour.

So to those who mention that life carries on and sometimes OPs have better things to do than come back and update a thread-this is a very sad example of that.

thosetalesofunexpected · 11/12/2020 20:43

Hi Op.
I am the same too
Only natural to be curious intrigued what next happened..

Sootyandsweep2019 · 11/12/2020 20:44

@bigbadvoodoohat. I'm not obtuse thanks. And actually, to sue for libel, the onus is on the subject to probe what was written about them was false. As there are hundreds of witnesses to him assaulting the disabled child, school records of his suspension etc. then he won't be getting berry far by sueing. Anyway, I want to move on from this now , as this kinda proves bullies will always have the upper hand over their victims.

cheesecrack · 11/12/2020 20:44

@Sparklingbrook

Someone actually went to a train station with a new skirt for a poo troll?! WHHHYYYYYY????

This was many many years ago before the poo troll became a thing. The thread read quite plausibly when it started . There wasn't ten dubious threads a day about poo back in those days.
It wasn't unheard of for Mumsnetters to have meet ups, or help each other out by going to their rescue. There was even a Secret Santa where presents were sent anonymously. Can't imagine it now.

Yes it was a very different time back then!

I remember people going to Trinity's home to help her declutter... secret Santa. MN meet ups. Sounds implausible now but yeah honestly it happened.

I think it was actually the sister of an mner who was at the station?

I can think of so many occasions where it makes no sense in 2020 to have done that!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 11/12/2020 20:49

@ApolloandDaphne

What I have learned over my years on MN is that you should never get too invested in any thread. I respond to things but I don't get too involved and I never do that things where people are constantly asking the OP for updates. My mantra is 'it's not my life, I don't have to get involved'.
Agree with this - though there have been a couple of threads where I've been really worried about the OP, and I once asked someone to just let us know if she was ok - not to share details - that's none of my business, but just to know she was alright.

Happily she was.

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