Things i've learned from MN (lighthearted)

[Wigisfashion83]

It's not supposed to offend anybody, feel free to add to them.

Single parents should only have secret dates for at least 2 years before introducing children to their new partners.

Teenagers should be kicked out at 18 with no financial support.

If you want friends who reply to messages on the same day and need more than annual meetups, you're needy and demanding.

Teachers are very overrated and don't work harder anybody else.

If your dog looks at your dh a bit funny then its probably aggressive and should never be let off the lead again. In fact it is probably 'badly bred'.

Someone will come on to say why have a dog if you can't be arsed to teach it not to give funny looks?

Someone else will then say why did you buy this dog when there's so many dogs in rescue centres who don't give funny looks. You evil witch you deserve a dog that gives funny looks.

Another poster will mention if you don't nip the funny looks in the bud then very soon you'll have to consider putting him to sleep.

Many posters will talk about behaviourists and their ways to resolve funny look giving before conceding that with the bad breeding there's nothing to be done.

Finally someone will say you actually have a dh problem, no wonder the dog's giving him funny looks. You should LTB and his penis beakers and revolting toilet brush.

To always make sure your ducks are in a row.

That you are basically living like a tramp if you don't change your bedding and towels at least twice a day.

If DH ever glances at you the wrong way or raises his voice, get those ducks in a row and LTB.

That your marriage is doomed if you don't had sex every single day.

That cats never shit on the grass and it must be foxes

That adults use words like yummy, mean, horrid and poorly when talking to other adults

There seem to be a lot of random knickers appearing in people's houses !
Always stuffed down the sofa that in most houses is the land of fluff, 5p pieces and the back of the remote last seen 74 days ago.

That there are people who think it's outrageous that someone has the audacity to ring their doorbell and never answer the door.

If after dark it's practically a hanging offence.

Everything confusing can be clarified with a diagram.

Or a link !

That your child must have a nickname and that you decide what it is.

@Baterang

If you drink more than a thimble of low alcohol wine once a year at Christmas your an alcoholic

Even tee-totallers are alcoholics!

DH breaths

“Run for the hills”
“Well why did you marry him?”
“LTB”
“Give your head a wobble”
“...and you had kids with him why?”

ECT is a variant spelling of ETC.

Teenagers should be kicked out at 18 with no financial support.

And if they stay at home past this and are working, they should pay no rent. Or if they do it all goes into savings to be given back to them when they do move out.

What does 'give your head a wobble even mean?'

That you should wash your towels at least every other use and they should be done on a minimum of 90•!!

Who actually does this?

The first time I saw a 'how often do you wash your towels?' thread absolutely floored me!!

@SquidInALid

What does 'give your head a wobble even mean?'

It means you should have more than a thimble of wine.

@hamsham

If DH tries his luck by smacking your arse as you're bent overnhooveebut you don't want any, then "I'm really sorry, OP but this is sexual assault. LTB"

If you smack his derriere or grab his lunch box playfully that's OK, if he reacts by expressing displeasure, ie he gives you a dirty look, then LTB because he is being mentally abusive.

If you are well enough to mums net then you clearly don't need to go to a and e....always said to the scared person waiting for an ambulance.

That class is a real issue ! Never seen it mentioned in real life as much.

If you can eat more then one slice of Dominos (with the essential HUGE salad), you’re a disgusting heathen.

That those early weeks with a baby really do get better and that you can overcome PND.

That you can log whatever takes your fancy with 101.

That there’s an awful lot of “calling people out” and “gaslighting” going on.

Oh and there are adults who walk among us, who use the phrase ‘picky bits’. shudders

If you don't shower and wash your hair at least once an hour you are minging.

That people at times seem to put in lots of extra meaning that they think the ops questions mean rather than just trying to be helpful with the ops question.

I think I'm the only person in the whole of the UK who didn't get my degree from Oxford or Cambridge.

Dh is a manchild because he likes to play video games occasionally.

Sugar and carbs are the foods of the devil.

That I'm smelly and disgusting because I don't get 3x daily showers and don't change our beds every other day.

Apparently I shouldn’t be allowed on here. It’s for mums only